Funny routine jokes (hot articles)
1. I go home by bus today. I just sat down. Soon, an old woman came over and took a four-or five-year-old shota. I got up and sat him down. His grandmother said, thank you, auntie. ? Shota gave me a look and said? Thank you, sister? . I just want to say, son, you have a good eye and you will succeed in the future!
A MM in the company had a sore throat, so I gave her a bottle of medicine for her throat. When her voice recovered, she asked me: The medicine you gave me last time was very effective, so I took it immediately. ? I said:? Of course it worked. Very precious. ? She:? Is it that expensive? how much is it? I teased her and said, of course, I'm afraid you'll get married. ? She screamed:? No way! Hundreds of times.
My high school classmate is studying in Japan. I asked him why he didn't find someone in Japan. He said he always felt bad. I said what happened. He said what to do once he got it back. Everyone knows him. . .
It suddenly occurred to me that my mp class full of H pornographic books was taken away by the teacher in high school. The teacher is still a woman. I wanted to come after class. Finally, after struggling for a week, the teacher took the initiative to call me to the office and returned it to me. She also stressed that she hadn't seen it in the drawer for so many years since it was confiscated. I still remember her promise expression.
5. There was a power outage in the afternoon, and the company had a half-day holiday. When I got home, my wife was lying on the sofa watching TV, and my son and I played hide and seek. I hid behind the curtain, and then I saw my son lying in front of the sofa and said to the bottom of the dark sofa, Uncle, come out quickly. I saw you. I smiled behind the curtain, silly boy!
6. Today, the inspection team of the Commission for Discipline Inspection went to the company to check the financial problems, including the general manager respectfully listening to a very arrogant civil servant leader. At this time, the company driver came over and listened for a while, asking: Are you a Saiya skirt? The team leader paused, then respectfully handed a cigarette and said how it was you. The driver didn't even lift his eyelids, saying that you should check and go. Then the inspection team checked the clock and left? It is said that the driver is the head of their WOW guild? (@ 丠丠丠)
7. I bought coffee at Starbucks in the morning, and I heard an aunt behind me say: Do it, the salary is not too high, and the average family is not very good since childhood, so I chose it?
8. In a math class, a very complicated math problem appeared on the test paper. The math teacher wrote the problem-solving process all over the blackboard. At that moment, the math teacher turned around with relief, tore up the test paper beautifully and cursed at the same time. I'll go. The questioner is idle and has a stomachache. What a disgusting question. ? Suddenly the domineering side was exposed. . .
9. High school girls' "no courtship" became popular: if you want to catch up with me, you should be admitted to Tsinghua first! Recently, a postcard caught fire. After being confessed by the senior, a high school girl wrote a postcard and replied, "If you really want to chase me, just give me a confession letter from Tsinghua University." At that time, it was far from the college entrance examination. This kind of literary reply makes netizens feel very inspirational: "If a sister tells me this, I will definitely be admitted to Tsinghua!"
10. The class teacher told the boys and girls that if they were afraid to have their period in those days of the college entrance examination, they could have an injection to adjust their menstruation. After understanding the situation, a male classmate said earnestly to a lovely girl: Don't listen to the teacher, what needle are you taking? Call me and I can keep you from coming for ten months. . .
Funny routine (classic)
1. I broke a five-dollar test tube in the experiment today, and the teacher asked me for compensation, but I only have money on me, and the teacher has no money to pay me back. We looked at each other, not knowing what to do. Zhou Jiajian saw my doubts, grabbed my other test tube and fell to the ground. His wit touched everyone present. The applause lasted for a long time and spread throughout the main building.
I invited a buddy to dinner today. He probably ate too much and couldn't help burping three times in a row on the bus. Uh ~ uh ~ uh ~? On the seat next to me, a small basin friend sat on his mother's lap, and answered with milk. Xiang Tiange ~? The whole car was laughing crazy.
3. After the snail's mother failed to date the slug, the snail said to everyone, "That boy is poor, he can't even afford a house, and he dares to go out and pick up girls. Cut! " This word reached the slug's ear, and the slug scolded angrily, "Bah, I won't show off on my back every day like when she bought a house." Virtue! " .
4. A charming new female colleague was called to the office by the leader for several days to guide her work. The enthusiasm of the leader made her feel annoyed. Until one day, she threw caution to the wind ... took off her cosmetics and went to work ... and never went there again. ....
Occasionally, I met my friend's daughter-in-law cuddling with another man, but my friend loves his daughter-in-law so I don't know how to say it, so every time I talk to him about QQ, I will add a helmet expression, hoping that one day he will understand. . .
6. I can't stand China's court plays. When the emperor was hungry, he said, bring me a bowl of red dates and lotus seed porridge. The imperial concubine also served the emperor. The emperor was hungry, and the male and female servants stewed white fungus lotus seed soup for you. What happened to the emperor? He's dying, isn't he? When he is hungry, he eats liquid food except porridge. What is the emperor's plan? Just when he was hungry, he said with dignity, I am hungry now, bring me a braised chicken. (@ Shepard)
7. One night, I studied by myself, and it rained and thundered. After a thunder, the whole building was blacked out. Everyone cheered, and I shouted, girls, pay attention, I'm going to do it. Protect yourself. Everyone laughed. . . . There was a loud noise in the dark. . . My face burned at that time, and I only heard my deskmate shout, you are sick and shameless. . . . The classroom was quiet at once. . . . I just want to say that I swear to God, I didn't do anything that day, and some buddy had a good time and let me take the blame. . .
8. I watched her sleep. I remembered the bad idea circulating on the Internet and patted her palm. She opened her eyes in horror. I quickly hugged her and said, honey, did you have a nightmare? Don't be afraid of me. She endured for a while and said, I just closed my eyes and thought about things, but I didn't fall asleep. . .
9. Master asked: What do you see when you look up? Sky. The sky is big, but I can cover the whole sky with one hand. ? So master covered his eyes with his palm: the trouble of life is this palm. If you can't put it down, you can't see the sun and blue sky of life. Master, I saw it. ..... Master, I really saw it. Yang Jian, shut the fuck up! ?
Waiting in line for hot water at school, there is a weak sister paper in front, and finally it's her turn. Her thermos lid couldn't be unscrewed, so I turned to the boy behind me and smiled gently. I can't unscrew the lid? Just listen to this man indifferently: Then why don't you stand aside and twist it and let us fight first? Said, and pulled the thin man behind him. Come on, I'll help you carry it up later. ?
Funny routine jokes (selected articles)
1.？ How much is the monthly salary? A little over twenty thousand. ? I'm looking at $2,000 on the payroll?
2. A pupil called his mother and said:? Mom, is your cold better? . Then his mother said:? Much better? . I think he's cute, and suddenly he said, Ok, our teacher asked you to come to school? .
When I was in college, I slept in class and dreamed that I suddenly woke up like a fart. Looking around, there is no response. I listened quietly. Thought it was a dream. Go back to sleep. After class, the buddy next to me said that the classroom was noisy, so you farted and it was quiet. So TM is not a dream.
A drunk walks into a church and sits in a confessional. The priest sitting on the other side of the confessional partition thought that someone was coming to confess, cheer up and wait to hear. After a long time, I found that there was no response, so I knocked on the partition. Still nothing happened, so the priest knocked on the door impatiently again. ? Stop knocking. The drunk on the other side of the partition said, dude, you forgot your newspaper, too.
My brother brought his girlfriend home for the first time yesterday. Her girlfriend is both beautiful and diligent. Dad is going to smoke. She picked up a lighter and was busy lighting his cigarette. She also poured wine for her father. Dad took out the money and said he would give him a present when we met for the first time. My brother's girlfriend took the money and said thank you, boss. . .
6. I am carrying a backpack in the car, and people are crowded in the car. I always feel that someone is squeezing me, and the bag feels sinking. Because there were no valuables in the bag, I continued to ignore the location. As a result, thieves even pushed their luck. I turned to him with a fire. "You can't stop digging! Come on, come on, I'll get you a book on English politics. "
7. Two fools are sitting together. One fool suddenly gave another a heavy slap in the face. The fool who was beaten asked, Are you serious or joking? The fool who hit people was angry: of course it was a real fight! ? The fool who was beaten was relieved and said, fortunately, it was a real fight, otherwise. I don't joke.
8. Today, I received many anonymous short messages about freshmen's consultation. As a senior, I answered very seriously. I didn't expect that after a few problems. Senior, I don't have a boyfriend yet? I thought for a long time and I couldn't figure it out, so I answered? I have a boyfriend? . The world is quiet again, and I can judge birds again?
9. When I was in elementary school, I said together: Write a suicide note when flying, and sign a death certificate! Other students echoed and said, yes, I also wrote something while flying. . . I feel inferior and think that I am the only one who has never been on a plane. . . . . . You grandchildren, I still remember the expression on my face when I asked the stewardess when she wrote her suicide note. ! !
10. Two-goods friends were cheated while playing games, and were told that there was not enough way to file a case after calling the police. So the powerful idiot sent it to that account again.