College students with college diplomas run around after graduation, cursing social injustice and school incompetence. With more than ten years of work experience, the veteran in the workplace was kicked out of the original company, but he couldn't find a suitable new job. He couldn't help feeling resentful and scolded the headhunters for being as blind as a bat and not knowing their qualifications. Those who are looking for investment with good ideas met with rebuff at the exchange meeting and returned home, instead of reflecting on themselves, resenting others' short-sightedness.
In short, when people are "short of talents", most people will blindly accuse others of not knowing talents, and few people will calm down and take a good look at themselves.
Williams is a senior engineer who develops game software, but he changed three jobs in one year, but he was not satisfied. Once, he happened to meet a software developer on the plane. He was about to change his fourth job, so he chatted with his boss.
Williams spoke eloquently about his ideal. Since I want to develop the most popular game software in the world, I have always said that I have not found anyone who really appreciates my ability because I have no talent. After listening to Williams' big talk, the boss was very interested in him and immediately invited him to join his team.
However, Williams' new job ended three months later. His boasting can't cover up his shortcomings and shortcomings of not paying attention to practical operation. When the boss realized this fact, he resolutely dismissed him. However, he still doesn't understand why he was abandoned again.
When you feel "unqualified" and miserable, have you ever thought about it carefully, is your talent really as high as you think? Are you really qualified for those imaginary jobs? If you meet the first person who doesn't appreciate you, and the other person is as blind as a bat, you are unfortunate to meet the second person who can't see your talent clearly. Then, when you meet the third, fourth or even fifth person who still doesn't value you, whose fault is it?
In fact, more often than not, it's not that others don't give you a chance, but that you don't see your own strength clearly. Therefore, only by observing and evaluating yourself objectively and fairly from the perspective of a bystander can we form a correct understanding of ourselves.
Some people are really aware of passion or troubled emotions when observing themselves, and they are one step away from their own experience, as if there is another one watching calmly in mid-air. An "outsider" observes himself as an outsider and judges his emotions. At this time, he has a certain distance from himself, looking at himself in a bird's eye way and looking at himself from an outsider's eyes. This way of keeping a certain distance from "I am in it" can better understand the potential me and my true emotions. Knowing and grasping one's emotions can guide oneself and thus dominate one's life.
Of course, not everyone has the ability and courage to be a bystander, which is also the reason why EQ is high or low. People with really high emotional intelligence can be their own bystanders, but they won't really stand by. They can identify, observe, monitor and master their emotional state. They know their emotions, have self-awareness, and their attention is not lost, exaggerated or overreacted by the interference of the outside world or their own emotions, and they can remain neutral in the midst of emotional disturbances. This allows them not only to recognize their own problems, but also to quickly choose the best solution to the problem with another calm self.
For example, when they are angered by others, they will soon realize that their emotions have changed and will not deliberately restrain their bad emotions. They will choose two channels to express themselves: venting and giving each other a good beating; Throw it away, let the other person go, and don't let it disturb your good mood. For people with high emotional intelligence, the latter is naturally a wise choice, because it will not only cause harm to the other party, avoid more troubles, but also adjust their emotions in time and throw bad emotions out of their heads so that they can't be disturbed.
So, you know now, to learn to be a bystander, you should not only discover your emotional changes in time, but also give yourself correct guidance as a bystander. What you have to do is not to be a bystander, but to be an enthusiastic bystander. Because you are saving yourself, what do you have to save yourself?