Non-violent communication can lead us to change the way we communicate with others. When communicating, the opinions or feedback we give to others should no longer be indirect conditioned reflex, but should be based on objective observation.
Observation without comment is the highest form of human wisdom. When communicating, we should accurately grasp the unique communication situation and pay attention to what happened-the results we observed. Whether we like it or not, we just need to tell the objective results of our observation.
In the process of observation, it is especially necessary to distinguish between observation and comment, because if observation and comment are confused, people will hear more criticism, thus hating others and rejecting communication. It should be emphasized that nonviolent communication does not require us to be absolutely objective, nor can we use any comments, but it is important to distinguish between observation and comment.
Respect human nature and listen to your inner voice.
Feeling is a natural emotional experience, and concept is a humanistic identity influenced by the subject's unique humanistic background. In respecting others and our own needs, we should learn to try our best to understand others' feelings and express our own. Other people's behavior may stimulate us, but the root of our feelings is still in ourselves. It is our needs and views on others that lead to feelings.
Need is the key to the healthy growth of life.
Whether an element is regarded as a need depends on whether it can promote the healthy growth of life, and accurately expressing and understanding needs can effectively improve the quality of communication and the taste of life. Clear the results of observation, understand the feelings, then we must find ways to find out the needs of others, clear their own needs.
Their own needs generate requests.
When making a request, what others hear is not necessarily what we want to express. In order to avoid misunderstanding and trouble, the requirements should be clear and specific, and ask the other party for feedback to determine whether the other party understands us accurately. Avoid requests becoming commands.
Let go of your own thoughts and judgments, listen to the inner voice of others, experience feelings, find needs, accurately understand and guide, and realize effective communication with yourself and others. Let the language of love bring the power of love, destroy violent communication, make up for language, a unique but innate tool of human beings, and care for human nature.
The key to a nonviolent life is to be grateful for the gift of life, but not greedy.
Love and gratitude dominate non-violent life, full of respect, understanding, appreciation, sympathy, etc., and completely expel greed, hatred and hostility. We must be responsible for our actions. There are not so many things that have to be done in the world. More often, "have to" is just a seemingly perfect but clumsy excuse.
I firmly believe that choosing life out of pure love for life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, responsibility or obligation is an important manifestation of loving yourself. Live with gratitude. Life should be supported by happiness, not enslaved by greed. Imagine if the 154 compatriots on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 can land safely at the Beijing International Airport at this moment, will they be restless for the ups and downs of their careers and feelings when they set foot on their homeland? Maybe not. People's sorrow is that only at the moment of loss do they find that they have so much, but they have never cherished it. On the way to climb the peak, we didn't have time to enjoy the scenery along the way and forgot the original intention of climbing!
The purpose of nonviolent communication is "to help us connect with others on the basis of honesty and listening." When using nonviolent communication, we hope that people's changes and actions are out of love for life. "Love and gratitude are the soul of nonviolent communication, running through it, its source and destination, its motivation and purpose." If we just want to change others and make their behavior conform to our interests, then non-violent communication is not an appropriate tool, because the motivation is wrong and the purpose is wrong.
Non-violent communication is not so much a professional book about communication skills as I prefer to believe that it is a philosophical book that teaches active life. Because communication skills are nothing more than serving social and career, and social and career are only specific goals subordinate to the ideal of life. Life ideal! What is this? Happiness, happiness, that's all. Narrow? "If you are poor, you will be immune to it, and if you are rich, you will help the world." There was a great harmony society in ancient times, but today there is materialism. Isn't its pursuit the happiness of one person, everyone and the world? So what is the basis of Datong society and capitalism? Is material information extremely rich? Perhaps more importantly, a heart full of love and gratitude! If there is only greed, how can the limited resources be greatly enriched relative to the infinite needs of human beings?
Non-violent communication reading experience II. After reading this book at noon today, I hid the book and sighed.
This book is very good, but it will take a long time to be widely accepted.
The communication habits mentioned in it, even in the highly civilized west, are actually very difficult. The communication habits in the east are very different from those in the west, especially between families, which are more orders than communication. Language violence is very common on the internet, because many people don't think their words and deeds are too radical, let alone they do it on purpose.
It is necessary to communicate in good faith and try to achieve mutual understanding, because this is the basic needs of people. People are eager to be understood, but they are easy to make mistakes when accusing others. Non-violent communication is the art of language and the habit of thinking. I have only seen a small part of it and have already recommended it to others. The root of many problems actually comes from communication. Reading more such books is good for improving one's communicative art.
It's a long way, but you don't have to stop.
Non-violent communication reading experience 3 I read today that the way to express gratitude through non-violent communication consists of three parts:
1. What did the other party do to improve our lives?
2. What needs have been met?
3. How do we feel?
This reminds me of the three skills of appreciating children mentioned in the first book we read:
1, describe what you see;
2. Describe your feelings;
3. Summarize the child's praiseworthy behavior in one word.
Non-violent communication to express gratitude is like an upgrading method, which is suitable for family and interpersonal communication. Non-violent communication encourages us to fully express our gratitude in the right way. When others express their gratitude to us in the same way, we can neither be arrogant nor modest. Don't let our praise become a tool to achieve a certain goal. I need to spend more time to understand the contents of the book carefully and make myself better.
Non-violent communication reading experience 4 This period of time is a little tired, and the lazy self in my heart is often at work; The children's study at the end of the term also makes me anxious. I don't mind reading.
Some time ago, the child was ill and missed a lot of classes. I've been busy catching up recently, and my family is completely different. It's windy outside, and it's raining in Mao Mao. At home, I feel terrible when I see my son's expression of no hurry or rashness. Although he is not a lion roar, his forced smile is extremely ugly. My son said I had no patience, so I specially wrote "patience" on his desk. Seeing that I wrote "patience", I also wrote "earnest" and said, "I hope I can concentrate on my homework and don't make my mother angry." I was filled with regret when I heard my son's words.
In fact, the biggest obstacle in life is yourself. If I can't break my insistence on my children (what I expect), it will be difficult to get real happiness. I feel pain because I am afraid of failure (things didn't develop and run as I imagined, and things didn't get the expected results in the end), so I will suffer.
"Non-violent communication" lets us learn how to integrate love into life. The biggest misunderstanding in the world is not not not to love, but to love in our own way (observation, moral judgment, comparison, which others can't reach). The biggest loss in the world, more luxurious than love, is to "know" and give what the other person wants, not what we want to give.
To put it bluntly, it is the construction of mentality, and it is a process of constantly letting go of yourself.
The power of words can bury the living alive and crush the Big Mac completely. Heine
For a while, I felt that life was a mess. Why are there so many troubles? Why is everything I say wrong? Why are my feelings always ignored? Why does nobody understand me? Countless reasons make me sad and uneasy every day.
By chance, I saw an article introducing Dr. Luxembourg's nonviolent communication. He told me: in life, there are many common languages, and the words that are blurted out inadvertently are deeply hurting us, and we always hurt others with conditional dissatisfaction, so the love and warmth between people are destroyed.
I suddenly realized that a person's language and expression have a great influence on life. All my questions can be answered in nonviolent communication. So, I joined the reading camp with my books, hoping to get help.
"What are you looking at?"
"Look at you?"
"It's up to you. How come? "
"Do you believe it or not, I will cut you?"
This is a story about the Northeast people circulating on the Internet, saying that 50% of the conflicts started with these words. This is a very typical example of violent communication, and such a dialogue is likely to lead to violent incidents.
The root of most verbal violence is that people ignore each other's feelings and needs and blame each other for conflicts. People who use violence actually seek inner peace through violent means because their inner peace has been destroyed. This may be the butterfly effect of violence.
Non-violent communication is also called giraffe language. It is called "giraffe language" because giraffes have a big heart and a long neck, which gives them a good view. Giraffes can turn thorns into their own nutrition when they eat, which shows that communication is smooth and an agreement is finally reached.
Giraffe language is the best way to solve disputes and make the communication between life and work smoother and more effective. It reminds us to pay attention to the four elements of communication: observation, feeling, need and request.
Through a series of examples of life conversations, the book guides us to change the way we speak and listen, rather than a conditioned response, so that we can express ourselves honestly and clearly and respect and listen to others. Especially when there are contradictions and conflicts, using non-violent communication methods can promote listening, understanding and heartfelt mutual assistance, so that love and respect can be reintegrated into life.
People often say that love can heal the wounds of the soul. If you want to be surrounded by love, learn giraffe language together.
Reading experience of nonviolent communication 6 Before reading the book Nonviolent Communication, I never had a correct understanding of nonviolent communication. After reading it, I realized that non-violence is to integrate love into life. Let respect, understanding, appreciation, gratitude, sympathy and friendship dominate life, not selfishness, greed, hatred, prejudice, doubt and hostility.
If the world today is heartless, it is our way of life that makes it heartless. Our transformation is closely related to the state of the world, and changing the way of communication is an important beginning of self-transformation. The book Non-violent Communication explains to us how to improve the quality of our communication with others from twelve aspects.
First of all, we should have love in our hearts and let it blend into our lives. On this basis, we should explore what blinds our love. Find the results through daily observation and describe them clearly. In order to successfully carry out nonviolent communication, we should also establish a vocabulary to express our feelings, so as to make communication smoother. Feeling comes from your own needs, and you can't sacrifice others to meet your own needs.
Effective violent communication requires us to make requests with specific descriptions. Sometimes listening is more powerful than words. Listening can make people recover physically and mentally, so it is particularly important to learn to listen. Integrating love into life means not only loving others, but also loving yourself. Fully express anger and avoid harm by coercive means. We do this to avoid harm, not to punish others. When we are depressed, we should understand our own needs with our heart, so that our hearts will gradually calm down and we will regain our enthusiasm for life. Non-violent communication also requires us to learn to express gratitude.
After reading this book, I realized the importance of nonviolent communication. Learning nonviolent communication will benefit us a lot in our future life and work. Maybe he reads faster and has a shallow understanding of some contents. But I believe that with the increase of reading times, I will have a deeper feeling.
Non-violent communication reading experience 7 Listen to the most beautiful "spring" in the cold winter. This is the coldest Thursday and the warmest Thursday. The heavy snow came as scheduled. Get up in the morning, it's all white. The school announced the suspension of classes yesterday. My son is still sleeping. Looking at the little man sleeping quietly beside me, I couldn't help bending down and kissing his red face. Maybe it disturbed his dream. He twitched his mouth, swept his cheeks from the bed with his little hand, quietly fell into a sweet dream, tucked in the quilt gently, and couldn't help thinking of last night.
"Mom, I don't want to grow up!" My son sat under the quilt and leaned against me.
"How nice it is to grow up, you can learn a lot of skills and do what you want!" I thought my son missed the carefree kindergarten and began to worry about the final review.
"Mom, are you old when I grow up?" My son sat up, turned to look at my face and asked expectantly.
"Of course!" I touched his head and answered.
"Although I want to do many things, I still don't want to grow up." My son was a little frustrated with my answer and pouted at first. I don't know what he is angry about.
"Are you worried about your mother getting old?" I asked him tentatively.
"Mom, where's your mother?" My son asked me a little sadly. I am married far away and go back to my mother's house once a year or so. My son took care of his grandparents since he was a child, and he didn't have much idea about them.
After I answered, my son said, "Mom, I think you are so pitiful. You can't even be with your mother! " "
I realized that my son didn't want to grow up because he was afraid of being separated from me when he grew up. I comforted him and said, "It's okay. When I grow up, I don't need my mother to take care of me. You can take care of yourself. "
The son waved his hand and said anxiously, "No, no! Mom, I was thinking that you are poor without your mother to take care of you. I am afraid that when I grow up and leave you, you will be even more pitiful. " My son's words, like a warm airflow, deeply touched my heart.
I'm glad I didn't interrupt my son at the beginning of the discussion. In fact, I really intend to stop the topic halfway, because my son often says to me, "Mom, I don't want to be old!" " ""mom, I don't want to die of old age! "Something like this. I feel that I am young and have a small brain, and everything I pretend is incredible. Every time his grandmother heard him say that "old age and death are not related", it was also taboo, so every time we stopped the topic from continuing, we ended it by reprimanding or changing the subject.
In the seventh chapter of nonviolent communication, we are told to listen wholeheartedly. In nonviolent communication, listening to others means letting go of existing thoughts and judgments and experiencing others wholeheartedly. Perhaps because I let go of my son's subjective judgment, this question is too meaningless, so I can hear the most beautiful "spring" in the cold winter.
Non-violent communication reading experience 8 Non-violent communication-observe, listen and feel with your heart; Less speculation and evaluation, less denial and preaching, less orders and accusations; More observation and feelings, more listening and feedback, more encouragement and gratitude; Express what you see, hear and think objectively and truly; Communicate frankly and lead learning and growth with love; Meet each other's needs and requirements and make each other more comfortable and happy; Improve the mood, nourish the pattern and practice life.
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Fate-Everyone has his own destiny. Fate is to listen to your heart, feel life with your heart, follow your heart, let your heart return to the soul of the world, raise the soul of the world with AIDS, your heart will point out the hidden place of the treasure for you, and the universe will help you realize your wishes together. Desire comes to the soul of the universe, which is our mission in the world. Our mission is to experience, not only to see the treasures in the world, but also to never forget the happiness of two drops of oil in the spoon. This requires us to create, wait, seize and let go. This is life, Mark Tubb. It is a classic fable novel!
Non-violent communication reading experience 9 Liu Qing. I am particularly uncomfortable with the word "should" or "shouldn't". Used on yourself is a blow to yourself, and used on others is a provocation.
I remember that once my husband's brother had a medical accident. It is said that it may need to be solved by the judicial department and may need personal compensation. My younger brother is weak and my husband is impatient. He has been urging him to ask him what self-help methods he has taken. My brother said to wait until the department director came back for the meeting before making a decision. My husband began to sit still, and a person was anxious, anxious and irritable and kept telling me about my brother's inaction in this matter. Suddenly came a sentence: "This matter is estimated to be compensated by ourselves, and we have to help." If so, I will certainly try my best to help, but as soon as I hear my husband's strong words, the fire in my heart leaps out and goes straight back: "What do you mean should?" I thought to myself: Do I owe him? Why should I?
In fact, considering the "should" here and my husband's tough tone, I feel that he did not discuss with me at all, or even informed me, but gave me a strong order. After a little calmness, I wanted to express that I didn't like the way he talked to me, but I was angrily accused. I hope I can make progress slowly after I realize the wrong way.
Non-violent communication reading experience article 10 This week's study made me know that I should not only be aware of my own needs, but also express them correctly. The example of a housewife in the book is like the real me. First vent your emotions, then do things by yourself, and then feel wronged.
After studying, I may still be unable to control my emotions, but I will immediately realize that I will ask myself what my needs are, what I hope the other person will do or what kind of feedback I will give. Many times, I am too hard on myself, and my feelings are not tolerant and true, so I have a lot of emotions, and then I blame others. I should be responsible for my wishes, feelings and actions.
Knowing this, we should make as specific demands as possible on others. On the one hand, it can make us more aware of our own needs, on the other hand, it can also make the other party understand our purpose and help communication. Through learning, I know the difference between request and command, which also helps me to understand the book "Pets", which makes a mutually acceptable solution with children in a third way. If my proposal is rejected by the child, I will try my best to understand his needs and feelings, and what makes him unable to say it well. I won't try to persuade him unless I fully understand what is blocking his consent.
1 1 I vaguely remember that I was very naughty in middle school. My mother always admonished me: "Han Rui, I am not happy to see two pairs of dirty clothes under the coffee table and three pairs next to the TV because I value cleanliness." Then, she asked me calmly, "Do you want to put them in the room or in the washing machine?" My mother's expectant eyes made me clean up at once. This non-violent communication has impressed me so far, but now I don't have much chance to feel her "nagging".
Everyone has his own way of communication, but Nonviolent Communication is definitely not just a book to improve language cultivation. After reading for more than a month, I seem to have discovered a "new continent". Maybe you are upset at work. Why don't people always understand me? Why can't our work efficiency be improved? At this time, I suggest you learn to listen to your inner voice and their needs, including whether our words hurt others. This book can effectively promote our inner harmony, self-understanding and improve our relationship.
The book Non-violent Communication by Dr. Marshall Luxembourg, a famous American writer, contains the depth of language between people and the conciseness of words, outlines my keen interest in reading and builds a beautiful landscape in my mind. Non-violent communication always reminds me to pay attention to each other's observations, feelings, needs and requirements. Although my mother doesn't read many books, she can cultivate respect and love between mother and child with the four elements of non-violent communication by chance. Bearing in mind this unforgettable experience, from the perspective of unmarried men, some parents sometimes criticize their children's language far more than their physical injuries.
When I fully understood the contents of this book, I felt a sense of happiness: I shared this book with my girlfriend Yang Xiaowen on a date. At that time, my subconscious just wanted her to use more language with her clients. After all, she is engaged in clothing sales. After a while, what I never expected was that she also made progress in handling our intimate relationship. I didn't try to analyze what went wrong with each other, but I wholeheartedly understood our inner needs.
I have seen Key Dialogue, but Nonviolent Communication analyzes the root of violence from a deep perspective. Why do we tend to be violent when talking to others? And it provides many solutions. If this book is an upgraded version of Key Dialogue, it is no exaggeration. In fact, this book can also be used as a lubricant to improve the political friction of the country. Sometimes, both sides might as well calm down, express their feelings at the beginning of the war, and try to think from the other side's point of view, looking for needs instead of just trying to resolve disputes. I believe that the communication mode we adopt will definitely change the present and future situation.
Non-violent communication is not a fixed formula, it can adapt to different situations and make adjustments according to its own personal style and cultural environment. Its essence lies in the awareness of its four elements, not in the words used for communication. The work summarizes the quiet night, and one enters the world of non-violent communication, as if seeing the adolescent mother and the current lover. They grew up with me, but they can get love, harmony and happiness for each other, although they can't change the whole world. This is a lifelong book, just like a magic brush, which helps us to better fade away the hidden mental violence and reveal our true feelings.
Non-violent communication reading experience article 12 "Non-violent communication" is my favorite book in the past 20 17, and it really influenced and changed me personally after I read it for the first time. This is the first book I read in a large group after I joined the "Listen to Mom" National Reading Club. Reading and punching in with other mothers every day, you can feel a lot of gains every time you read. Reading every day, I will also pay special attention to observing my daily life with others, and reflect on whether there is a problem with my mode of getting along with people around me.
Gradually understand that communication with others is not real communication, because the final result is not to solve the problem, but to make the contradiction between us more intense. In the past, we always ended up losing or winning, or both.
After reading this book for the first time, I learned that observation, feeling, need and request are the four basic elements to make nonviolent communication go smoothly. I also apply it to my daily life, and I am more patient with children who are sometimes unreasonable.
Sometimes, I used to be reluctant to refute what an old man said immediately, but now I won't, because what they said is not necessarily all, or what they said is not necessarily what they really want to express. They are dissatisfied or angry only because their observations have brought them comments. I liked it at first and couldn't wait for more people to share it, so after reading it for the first time, I exchanged books with others at the same city reading club. I haven't exchanged it yet.
I am glad that I can read this book with you after joining the intensive group, but I don't want to delay the progress and want to keep up with the same reading process as everyone else, so I bought a new one online. Because I think this book is worth reading again, reading more and understanding more.
Reading experience of nonviolent communication 13 this week, I continued to read the book nonviolent communication. To tell you the truth, I like this book very much, and I often think of some things that happened in my life involuntarily when I read it.
In today's society, people may be accustomed to taking actions around personal interests and often ignore the feelings of others. Conditional language violence not only hurts others, but also hurts yourself. Maybe we are used to our own way of speaking and don't think our words are very violent, but our words will cause pain to others and ourselves. In real life, I am outspoken. Often speak without thinking. An unintentional remark made others angry and I don't know what happened. In hindsight, there must be something wrong with my way of speaking, or my tone of voice is very heavy, which makes people feel ironic or critical.
Think about my family again. When my father was alive, he was a stubborn man and spoke too fast. He often chokes people with a word, which makes you want to talk to him nonstop, so my mother often tears with anger. As long as dad is at home, we dare not speak loudly, let alone laugh and laugh, and only talk to mom when something happens.
Now that our sisters have their own families, there are naturally some trivial things in life, and there is naturally a quarrel. When we are emotional, we will say something ugly without thinking and get angry, but the fact is that the other party has not changed because of your anger, or is indifferent, and finally we are angry with ourselves.
A few days ago, my sister and brother-in-law had a conflict because they went home to see the old man. My sister said, "I have to rest on the night shift. I don't want to go. It's not a weekend. "
Brother-in-law said, "Do you have to choose the time to go home to see your parents?" You are just unfilial. "
"Why don't I filial piety? Did I buy less for my parents? Why do you say that about me? "
In this way, they quarreled, and my brother-in-law called me. I looked at them with a wry smile. They are all teenagers and their children are adults. I told them about the book Non-violent Communication. We should learn to speak well, communicate, listen and respect each other, and put ourselves in other's shoes. Tell your brother-in-law: "You can't label your sister as unfilial, which will ruin her mood and will definitely fight back with you." Calm down. Violent language can't solve the problem, it will only hurt each other. Have something to say. " Afterwards, my sister joked with me and said, "Is it hereditary to speak in our family?" Why are they all in a hurry like dad? No wonder your brother-in-law is angry. I must have spoken too strongly. Just like firecrackers, that person will like it! "
A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June. Therefore, we must learn to control our emotions, make good use of language, love ourselves, love our families, and dissolve love in our lives.