For a long time, I was a negative and pessimistic person. Once, I thought pessimism was innate and I couldn't change it. So I lived in the same old age all my life, turning the future into a stagnant pool.

Look, how pessimistic am I? See pessimism itself as fate.

However, the birth of a child broke all this and gave me a chance to rebuild my life.

In the second month, I had mild postpartum depression, and the relationship between husband and wife and mother-in-law was in a mess. I don't think I can hold on any longer. Life used to be like a stagnant pool, but it was very comfortable.

At that time, every day was like a runaway train. I can't hold on, I don't know what to do, and I will collapse at any time.

But the soft little life around me needs me, sticks to me and gets tired of me at any time. His weakness gave me strong armor. I must come out first and grow up by myself. Read books on parenting and psychology, communicate with friends and listen to micro-classes.

02

Slowly, the runaway train began to stabilize and I became calm. The most important thing is that the intrusion of children has enabled me to passively open my life and see clearly the defects of my own thinking and the rigidity of my past life.

I used to feel that my talent was mediocre, and no matter how hard I tried, it was just so.

The original efforts can really change. I have nothing, nothing.

03

Today, after listening to Peng Xiaoliu's "Diligence" micro-class, I realized that my past pessimism was a rigid mentality.

The picture below shows the contrast between the rigid mind and the growing mind in the book Progress.

Rigid and growing minds are certainly not born, but can be transformed into each other.

In that case, where did my once rigid mind come from?

From my narrow vision, outlook on life and life experience.

Born in a poor little place, the only way to change your destiny is to study. Therefore, no matter from home or school, I got the idea that I should study hard and change my destiny. Yes, reading to change one's destiny is narrowly interpreted as learning to change one's destiny.

Therefore, before I was twenty years old, a very important mode of thinking for me was this:

04

This narrow thinking and outlook on life changed my fate to some extent. I am good at studying and taking exams. Under the examination system, I entered the ideal university like a duck to water.

This makes me different from my peers in my hometown and at least has a good starting point.

Otherwise, I can't sit somewhere in Beijing's Fourth Ring Road today and write this article quietly. Probably, living in a village, playing mahjong and quarreling with children, being an ordinary village woman.

In fact, I was optimistic until I graduated from college. Because all my past efforts have been fulfilled and changed my life.

After graduation, I am introverted and study hard. First, I met Waterloo when I was looking for a job. It turns out that I have been studying hard for many years, and I am still plain. Society doesn't like such people.

Constantly submitting resumes, constantly frustrated. I decided that I had nothing but reading.

After work, I work hard silently, but I still can't see the future. The leaders are waiting to see those who are lively and long-sleeved, cheat at work and make a splash at the annual meeting.

I'm beginning to think this is my life. No matter how hard I try, I can't change my personality and talent.

06

I equate reading test with success. This narrow outlook on life is doomed to fail again and again, and then I will fall into learned helplessness.

What is learned helplessness?

Learned helplessness was put forward by American psychologist seligman when he studied animals in 1967. He did a classic experiment with dogs. At first, the dog was locked in a cage. As soon as the buzzer rang, it would get an uncomfortable electric shock, but the dog could not escape. After many experiments, even if the cage door was opened, the dog not only did not escape, but fell to the ground and began to groan and tremble before the electric shock appeared. He could have fled voluntarily, but he waited for pain in despair. This is learned helplessness.

So do humans. Just like the desperate dog in the experiment, if a person always fails in a job, he will give up his efforts in this job and begin to doubt himself, feeling that "this is not good, that is not good" is hopeless.

It is a mistake to think that studying well in exams equals success. I believe that failure is inevitable.

On the one hand, there is no necessary connection between success and good reading test.

On the other hand, reading and studying are not all efforts.

Therefore, studying hard is unsuccessful, and launching efforts are useless and also a big mistake.

Fortunately, a rigid mind can still be transformed into a growing mind. "Diligence" gives a good suggestion:

"Change your language habits, turn the closed and absolute summative evaluation into an open question, for example, don't say' I'm not good at this', but ask' What else do I need to improve in order to do this' ...

Life is so long, and people are so much better than animals. How can you draw a conclusion about your life so early? How can I be as dreamless as salted fish?

It's never too late to change.