On April 1 2020, at the gate of No.62 Middle School in Zhengzhou City, Henan Province, a couple held their son's portrait at the school gate to discuss. They said that 15-year-old son Gu was ordered to write many reviews for failing to report to the teacher, and the child was under great pressure to jump off a building and commit suicide.

Online video shows a couple standing at the entrance of Zhengzhou No.62 middle school with a portrait of their child and an A4 paper with the child's death written on it. In the video, a middle-aged man with unshaven beard and gaunt face tells people the cause of his son's death with red eyes.

Jiang, a student in Class 29, Grade One, Nanchong No.1 Middle School, Sichuan Province, was criticized twice by his mother for playing with his mobile phone and robbed it. He jumped from the fifth floor of the teaching building and died on the spot.

Girls in Grade One and Grade Two of Maotan Factory Middle School in Anhui Province were found by the class teacher to be reading extracurricular books that were not suitable for senior high school students. The class teacher contacted the parents to take them home. The next morning, the student jumped to his death.

Peng, a junior 3 student at Yifeng Middle School in Jiangxi Province, found Peng's mobile phone hidden under the test paper during the exam and confiscated it on the spot. The invigilator handed it over to the examination office next door and returned to the examination room immediately. During this period, the candidate left the examination room, and the teacher immediately looked for it and found that the candidate fell from the building.

Parents always quarrel. 14-year-old boy jumped from his home on the 29th floor and killed himself on the spot.

Shenzhen/KLOC-Xiaojin, a 0/3-year-old boy, left a suicide note for his family and fell to his death. The reason is to make up for winter vacation homework.

14-year-old boy slept late and was picked up by his mother. He jumped off the building because he got up.

10-year-old boy was forbidden to watch TV by his father, and jumped from the 20th floor in a rage and died.

/kloc-A 0/3-year-old boy quarreled with his grandfather, locked his house and committed suicide by swallowing rat poison.

……

02

"Middle school students commit suicide" has 4.35 million search results in Baidu.

The report on the investigation and analysis of middle school students' suicide issued by Peking University Institute of Children and Adolescent Health shows that:

Among the five middle school students, 1 had considered suicide, accounting for 20.4% of the total sample, while 6.5% had attempted suicide.

In China, about 654.38 million teenagers die of suicide every year, 2 people die of suicide every minute and 8 people try to commit suicide.

A survey conducted in Shanghai shows that:

In Shanghai, 24.39% of primary and middle school students once had the fleeting idea of ending their lives, 15.23% seriously considered this idea, 5.85% of children had attempted suicide, and 1.7 1% of primary and middle school students attempted suicide.

A set of data officially reported by China:

In the age arrangement of suicides, 12 is the first (40.3%), followed by 14 (22.7%),1and 13 (13.6). In the gender comparison of suicides, girls are much higher than boys: girls account for 72.7%, while boys only account for 23.7%.

The prevalence of mental disorders among primary and middle school students in China is 2.6-32.0%.

About 20% of college students have psychological problems, of which 15% belong to general psychological problems and need counseling from schools and relatives; 3.5% have symptoms such as psychological disorder, insomnia and emaciation; 1.5% have mental illness, lose self-control, and can't distinguish reality from hallucination.

It can be seen that middle school students' suicide has become an unavoidable problem.

03

What are the specific reasons why so many children choose to end their lives or want to end their lives?

According to a report, the specific reasons for primary and secondary school students' suicide are:

First, academic pressure.

The study pressure is too heavy (45.5%), the most typical is the instant collapse caused by long-term study pressure, and the inducement of suicide is only the last straw. Children in China are overloaded with learning tasks, which leads to short circuit, impulsiveness and fragility.

Second, the conflict between teachers and students.

Among the suicide cases of primary and middle school students, 14 cases were caused by teachers humiliating students. This kind of suicide is the most controversial. Under the baton of scores, teachers are oppressed by "performance indicators", which leads to teachers' stress anxiety, which is finally transmitted to students, making students the ultimate victims.

Third, family conflicts.

In the suicide cases of primary and secondary school students caused by family conflicts, the primary factor is excessive concern about children's academic performance or family disharmony.

Under the baton of scores, parents are also oppressed, but they are also oppressing their children. In a competitive learning environment, children themselves are already full of pressure, and the pressure from family will crush them carelessly.

There are also some children who have to choose desperate ways to avoid family conflicts because their parents are noisy all day and their children are caught in the middle.

Fourth, puppy love

Nowadays, there are more and more puppy love among young people. If it is not handled properly, it will easily lead to the extreme behavior of children and cause irreparable consequences.

V. Encountering suicide

Ignorance of death and blurring the boundary between life and death are another type of suicide among middle school students.

Sixth, mental illness.

According to the data report of the World Health Organization, the incidence of mental health diseases among adolescents in the world is around 20%, and 1 child in every five children has mental health problems, and it is on the rise year by year. It is estimated that by 2020, children's mental disorders will increase by 50% worldwide, which will become one of the main causes of illness, disability and death.

According to the survey data of the Disease Prevention and Control Bureau of the Ministry of Health of China, there are about 30 million children and adolescents under the age of 0/7 per kloc who suffer from emotional disorders and behavioral problems. These data are shocking.

Cultivating children is the most important task of parents, and the growth of children is closely related to the education of parents.

If you don't give enough love, a child's mind lacks affection and nourishment, just like a sapling planted in poor soil. Without enough sunshine and rain, it will be weak. When attacked by wind and rain, it wobbles and has no strong power to resist. If you give too much love and blindly obey and protect your child, the child will only love himself, regardless of the feelings of others. When their protective shell is shattered by setbacks, they have no rational way to deal with it, but will only resist helplessly or instinctively and vent their emotions.

Author Du Qilong said: Parents give their children too much love, which is not conducive to their growth. Parents give their children less love, and children will find it difficult to resist external pressure. Parents give their children more love, and it is difficult for them to resist the cold outside.

04

When children encounter setbacks, they impulsively choose to end their lives because they can't get through. In addition to the reason of home and school, there is actually one of the most important reasons: children's adversity quotient is too low.

Paul Stoltz, the proponent of adversity quotient theory, the developer and researcher of Adversity Quotient Assessment and Adversity Quotient Development Projects and Tools, said: High IQ is not a necessary condition for success. Emotional intelligence is often more important than IQ. But these two fast horses, EQ and IQ, are important, but they can't keep up with this unpredictable era. Faced with increasing changes and challenges, children need adversity quotient's training more.

Throughout the ages, people who can go down in history and be praised by people are all people with high adversity quotient.

Beethoven, the great composer, failed to go to college because of poverty. At the age of seventeen, he suffered from typhoid fever and smallpox. At the age of 26, he unfortunately lost his hearing. In the struggle against fate, it became a magnetic field for him to gain great vitality.

Su Dongpo was demoted because of Wutai poetry case, and his crime was second only to plagiarism. In the face of such a heavy blow, Su Dongpo did not passively sink. Famous works such as Fu on the Red Cliff and Niannujiao's Nostalgia on the Red Cliff were born at this stage, which established his historical position as a literate person.

Beethoven and Su Dongpo are extremely talented, but if they don't have enough resistance, they can't resist the crush of fate, let alone go down in history.

The growth of children is composed of many factors. If children don't have any ability to resist pressure, they can't bear a little blow, let alone keep their enthusiasm for life after the blow.

Let children learn to live in peace with difficulties, and know patience and perseverance to get long-term benefits.

In life, if parents sincerely believe in their children, they will convey the belief that children will win.

If children are found to have the idea of "I can't do it", or when children are always afraid of failure and can't afford to lose, parents should reflect on whether they are too strict and picky with their children at ordinary times, which leads to their wrong self-cognition and lack of self-confidence in doing things.

Growing up with children, frustration is not necessarily a bad thing. The key is to guide children's attitude towards setbacks.

05

Death is an unavoidable topic in everyone's life. Although it is painful, it will be faced eventually.

Parents should communicate their understanding and feelings about death with their children at an appropriate time, and let them know that death means complete disappearance, unlike fairy tales or fairy tales: death is just a place to continue to live, or a better place after death. Because of this, we should cherish life, live well in the limited life process, and cherish everything we have now!

As parents, let children understand that the pain is only temporary and will eventually pass.

Life is the most precious thing for everyone. Carry out necessary life education for children, so that children can realize the finiteness and uniqueness of life, thus thinking about the existence value of individual life and realizing its significance in life practice. Only by cherishing and fearing life can we realize the value of individual life and benefit the society.

Nietzsche believes that if a person knows what he is living for, he can endure all the hardships imposed on him by life.

Nowadays, children are facing more and more competitive pressure. If parents only pay attention to their children's grades and don't pay attention to their mental health, children will not take the initiative to communicate with their parents when they are under great psychological pressure.

The mental health standard in the Encyclopedia of Psychology is:

Learning: it can improve the development of body and brain, get satisfaction from learning, keep in touch with the real environment from learning, and eliminate unnecessary fears from learning.

Interpersonal relationship: can understand each other's rights and responsibilities, can objectively understand others.

Care about the needs of others: praise and criticize in good faith, communicate with others more, and maintain the integrity of your personality.

Self: By comparing with others, we can understand ourselves from others' attitudes, from our academic or work achievements, expand our life experience, honestly and calmly review our gains and losses, and establish our own ambition level.

Therefore, parents should not only pay attention to children's physical health and material needs, but also meet their psychological needs.

According to psychologist Eriksson's personality development theory, children's sense of security is very important at the age of 0~2, while children at the age of 2~4 should establish their own consciousness, children at the age of 4~7 should acquire their initiative consciousness, and children at the age of 7~ 12 should acquire their diligence consciousness.

Parents should trust their children, teach them to channel their negative emotions correctly, and often give themselves positive psychological hints.

Reasonable ways to vent: exercise, painting, keeping a diary, talking, etc. They are all good ways to vent their emotions and are good for mental health.

Parents should set a good example for their children, and let them have a good personality and the ability to deal with problems reasonably.

Psychologist Madeleine Levin once said in her speech: "Children only see that we are successful people, but they don't understand the twists and turns, bumps and setbacks we have encountered along the way, and will continue to experience all this."

One of the best ways to cultivate children's resilience is to let children know about their parents' current and past setbacks, such as failures and disappointments at work, the turn of good friends, and the impact of these things on us.

Let children know that their parents, like him, are not happy with everything; More importantly, let him see that his parents are still smiling and moving forward in the face of setbacks.

Psychologist Mr. Zeng Qifeng wrote in the article "Only warmth can keep out the cold":

Only when the mind is nourished by a lot of satisfaction, warmth and happiness can it withstand setbacks, cold and injuries. The ability to resist setbacks is related to how much love you get.

As parents, we should not only let our children learn to absorb sunshine and get happiness, but also face and bear the hardships and setbacks in life calmly, and don't stop moving forward because they can't bear the attack of wind and rain.

How strong a child's happiness is, how strong his frustration is.

Give children proper love, so that children can not only withstand the wind and rain, but also enjoy the sunshine and rainbow and live a happy life.

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