When speaking at Ningxia University, Yu told the story of "six apples".

When I was studying at Peking University, I had a local classmate in my dormitory who brought home six apples every weekend.

The students in the dormitory thought happily that he would give six apples to six of them. As a result, this classmate didn't, but ate 1 apple every day for a week.

Many years later, I recalled this incident, but I still couldn't help but comment: "If he gave apples to everyone and everyone shared his bananas, peaches and grapes with him, he would also get six fruits, which would be more delicious. But he has no sense of sharing and exchanging.

After graduation, this classmate also wants to do something. He wants to get resources from his classmates, and no one wants to help him, including me. It is because the story of "six apples" makes us unforgettable: he doesn't know how to communicate and share, and even if he makes achievements, he won't repay those who helped him. "

The essence of interpersonal relationship is exchange. I exchange what I have for what you have, so that both sides can win and the relationship can be established through exchange. Of course, the establishment of all relationships is not the result of all equivalent exchanges, but must be established in the exchange between you and me.

People who don't know how to exchange can only stick to what they have, can't flow, can't add value, and can't get more friends and opportunities.

2,

In Li Xiaolai's book Take Time as a Friend, I read a story like this:

A little boy in kindergarten has many toys, but he refuses to give them to other children and only shares them with a little girl.

The teacher asked him, "Why not share it with other children and give it to the little girl?" ?

The little boy replied, "Because I like her."

The teacher asked again, "Why do you like her?"

The little boy said, "Because other children will only grab my toys, only she will exchange them with me."

It is human nature to favor equality and reciprocity. Only by equal exchange can one party not suffer, and both parties can become partners.

3,

What happens if the relationship between people violates equal exchange?

First of all, the party who pays more will feel wronged and stop paying, and the relationship will be over.

Do you remember Fan Meisheng in Ode to Joy? This girl represents the real situation of thousands of girls in rural Qian Qian, China. She lives in a shared house and wears fake brand-name clothes. She was looked down upon by rich girls, scrimped and saved, and gave the money saved to her mother to support this disappointing brother family.

Have the brothers and sisters-in-law who treat her as an ATM and blatantly spend their sister's money ever thought about her future? number

She paid blindly and suffered for herself. Finally, my brother got into trouble again and needed a lot of money to pay off his debts. With the help of my friend Andy, I hid the real estate license in my hometown and kept a little property that should belong to me.

In the cold wind, Fan wept bitterly. What a pity! So many years of silent efforts have not paid off. This is actually forced to be in an unequal relationship.

Peer-to-peer communication is the essence of interpersonal communication. If one party pays and gets nothing in return, it becomes a loss for him.

There is a psychological loss aversion effect. For example, when we lose 100 yuan, our sense of regret is 2.5 times that of happiness when we find 100 yuan! It means that people's estimation of "the value of lost things" is higher than "the value of getting the same things".

Therefore, giving without return will make those who give feel particularly lost and wronged. Of course, the payment will stop and the relationship between the two parties will end.

Secondly, the lack of equal exchange will be looked down upon by the other party, even if we insist on sincere efforts.

I have a college classmate who has been in love with her boyfriend since freshman year. As a considerate girlfriend, she always thinks of her boyfriend. She will buy snacks, coats, clothes, underwear and socks for her boyfriend. Female students are very dedicated and put themselves low in love, not only like a virtuous daughter-in-law who has been married for many years, but also like a mother who takes care of her boyfriend.

The boy enjoyed it at first, then slowly, the boy got used to his girlfriend's contribution, and later, he got used to it and ignored it.

The little sisters in our dormitory say that she is a little too much. The more girls want nothing, the less boys cherish it. We advised her to buy less things for her boyfriend. Female students are all smiling and have a happy expression of "I do".

I remember one winter afternoon, my female classmate sat at the desk in the dormitory as usual, her body was as quiet as a mountain, but the tears on her face became a line, and big drops of tears rolled down her pants without crying. I was shocked, crying silently, there will be a big injury. I quickly asked her what was wrong. She hugged me and said, "He cheated on me."

Later, after several tossing, apologizing and forgiving, finally, I broke up when I graduated. Love for seven years, died of illness.

If you can't get a return, stop loss in time and take back your heart. You said you were willing to give, you didn't ask for anything in return, and you really loved him. However, if you pay too much, it will become a pressure for him and a loss of dignity for you. Reward late, harm first. Even if you are a virgin, you can't stand being ignored and stabbed. What can save you is to end the unequal relationship and turn your life around.

4,

How can equal communication create a benign interpersonal relationship?

First of all, keep proper limits in interpersonal communication.

When exchanging goods, we must exchange them at equal value, that is to say, my sheep is worth 50 yuan, and your beef is worth 50 yuan, and the difference cannot be too much. After all, few goods are discounted. If the discount is too much, it will go out of business.

In interpersonal communication, we should also remember the principle of basic reciprocity. You give me six points, and I give you almost six points. Keep up the good proper limit. Otherwise, no matter how much you give others, they can't stand it, and being forced to owe you a favor will only increase the pressure; You give less, which means that you have no pattern and are looked down upon.

Li Ka-shing has a famous concept of "only getting 6 points". When Li Ka-shing is doing business with his business partner, if he can get 8 points of profit, he only takes 6 points and gives them to his business partner.

With such wisdom, Li Ka-shing won't lose too much, but the partners will gain two more points of profits and trust Li Ka-shing more, which will open the door to future cooperation.

The wisdom of mastering appropriate limits and satisfying each other is worth learning.

Second: don't treat others badly for those who pay for themselves.

The most rare thing in the world is sincerity, whether it is friends or lovers, relatives or passers-by. The most difficult debt to repay in the world is gratitude.

When interacting with people, if the other person is nice to you and you can afford it, you can interact; If you can't afford this feeling, don't accept the kindness of the other party and don't let others waste their efforts.

Speaking of living up to expectations, I thought of Hugh. In Hengdian car accident in 2006, Zhang Mian, an assistant, was seriously injured in the brain in order to protect Hugh, and died because of ineffective treatment. After that, Hugh also narrowly escaped death, with more than 65,438+000 stitches in his neck and almost blindness in his right eye.

Later, after Hugh came back, he recalled this lovely and kind girl in the book Happy Scavengers. He gave all the proceeds to Zhang Mian's parents. He also donated more than 30 schools in the name of Zhang Mian, including Miaopu Hope Primary School donated by Yunnan Weixin.

Such people are trustworthy people.

I appreciate your kindness. Don't be unkind to those who pay precious feelings for themselves.

The relationship between people is so complicated that you don't have to bear too much and ask too much. Can communicate on an equal footing, know how to measure, and don't treat others badly. At least you can live a chic life.