Obesity accompanied the little girl throughout her youth. Obesity seems to be an original sin, which not only makes her patients mistakenly think that she is a pregnant woman who has just given birth, but also makes her suffer from jealousy prematurely.
After the youthful student days, when other children celebrated the "war-torn" high school life, the little girl missed out on China Renmin University by 25 points and had to start preparing for the IELTS test. But fate played a joke on her again-I was confident that I could get an IELTS score of 7.5, but only got a report card of 4.5.
In a foreign country, the little girl's study abroad life is also full of twists and turns. Threatened by violence from the hostess of an unstable host family, she almost took to the streets ... life seems to be like this. Before she was ready for independence, the dominoes of life fell one by one, and all the choices fell into the little girl's little palm, pushing her forward.
The little girl kept running, and the test of life continued: she experienced a sister-in-law relationship that was not optimistic, and finally became a sweet positive result; When she entered the workplace, her childhood "jealousy" came at her with a more fierce attitude; She suffered from illness, her lower limbs were paralyzed, she couldn't take care of herself, and she lost all her elegance and dignity. ...
This little girl is Zhao Han. In her new book Understanding: The Fearless Truth, she recorded the most authentic experience of her first half of her life. There are no flowery words or ups and downs in the book, only sincere words and Zhao Han's light groping in the dark.
When I opened the book, there was a 9-question and 9-answer about Zhao Han at the beginning. One of the questions is: How do you describe yourself in the past 10 years?
Seeing Zhao Han's answer, I can imagine her smiling tenderly. The rising lip angle brings out two beautiful pear vortices and slowly replies: "A formula: waiting+accepting+changing+letting go = growing".
Let's see how this formula made Zhao Han today!
Zhao lodged in a neighbor's house and waited for his parents to come back. He developed a sensitive personality.
When it comes to the word "sensitivity", people always say that "sensitivity means thinking too much" and "getting along with sensitive people is too tired", which constantly compresses the foothold of highly sensitive people. Zhao Han said: "High sensitivity is also a gift."
Highly sensitive people often have strong emotional ability in interpersonal communication, so the ability to predict and deal with crises is beyond the reach of ordinary people. Just be careful: first, don't over-interpret others and ruminate on yourself; Second, have the courage to be hated; Third, express your thoughts at the first time, while retaining the keenness brought by high sensitivity, and appropriately improve the blunt perception to make the perception just right.
After being rejected by the United States and Canada, studying in Australia has become a "must-have" for Zhao Han's "candidates". But a report card with only 4.5 points shattered all her confidence.
In the process of consultation with the school, she learned that she could reconfirm the IELTS score. Even though everyone told her not to waste time, she didn't allow herself to compromise and wrote an expensive transnational letter to the British Council.
After a long and painful wait, when she received a belated letter of success in reconsideration, the feeling of being released but wronged finally turned into tears and dripped down.
The age difference between Zhao Han and her husband is nearly five years. From their brief childhood together to taking a taxi in the heavy rain, fate did not let them miss each other.
However, this relationship between brother and sister is full of twists and turns, not only because of work and study, but also because of parents' opposition. After waiting and insisting on love, the two went abroad to secretly get a certificate and joined hands in the marriage hall. However, it is too late to feel the sweetness of the wedding. The "test" from the family stripped the glamorous face of life, exposed the "lining" of reality, and made the couple realize that life is not just love.
Did the embarrassing reality and hard living conditions make them bow their heads? No, on the contrary, this unforgettable experience made them grow up together, cherish each other more, and finally get through thick and thin.
There is a law called "Duck Law".
Many times, in the face of those who live a wonderful life, there are always people who think that "their success looks simple", but few people see how hard they work behind their success.
Is there an enviable shortcut to life? Perhaps, it was Zhao Han who was tenacious in waiting, precipitated in his efforts, chose this clumsy "shortcut", and finally walked out of a glorious life.
Since birth, the disease seems to be Zhao Han's "invisible friend". She suffers from familial hyperlipidemia and congenital odontoma, and needs careful diet to prevent Meniere's syndrome, and the car accident leads to atlantoaxial subluxation. ...
Even though she worked hard at exercise and rehabilitation training, the disease still crushed her body again and again. If you are in poor health, your spirit will not be much better. For a long time, Zhao Han didn't want to open the curtains to see the outside world, and even envied the dog's life. She broke down and cried to the doctor with pain and long-term grievances and anxiety.
The doctor said flatly, "You should learn to live with the disease, learn to wait patiently, and learn to make it a part of your life."
After struggling with the disease for decades, Zhao Han finally learned to be grateful and accept. She stopped complaining about the injustice of life, but thanked life for its kindness when she was not sick. She said, "Thank you for making me sick." As long as we accept the reality and learn to ridicule our diseases, all harsh advice from the outside world will become natural and tragedies will be happy.
After returning to China on 20 18, Zhao Han, with the encouragement of his mother, began to work as a self-media. She made a rule for herself: without filters, there is no beauty.
Truth is her "secret" to people's hearts, and it is also one of the most mentioned words in her book.
These two words look very light, but they are very difficult to do in practice, and most people can't accept this truth with confidence.
"I can't accept my mediocrity", "I am anxious because of the wrinkles around my eyes and the missing jaw line", "At the age of twenty, I felt that I was still far from thirty, but I didn't expect to stand on the wave of watching forty in an instant". Do you feel familiar with such a topic?
We have too many reasons to attack ourselves, but forget that what we really should love most is ourselves. Because we can't accept who we really are, we also pick up our swords and lash our hearts with outsiders. Negative feedback repeatedly brings us low self-awareness until the "heart" is black and blue.
Some people will retort: "If I want to accept my true self, I have to admit that I am useless!"
Accepting yourself doesn't mean you have to lie flat. When we accept and know who we really are, we can recognize ourselves, put our position in order, and change our attitude in life, in the workplace and in intimate relationships. Only by seeing clearly how strong your own strength is, can you know where your own strength is and do what you can control within your ability.
So, how can we accept ourselves?
Zhao Han's answer is: less comparison, less self-abuse, less listening to "cockroaches" and less thinking about "a hundred years later". Being a person like avocado has a solid core.
Brian Thomas Littrell, a psychologist at Harvard University, mentioned in Breaking Nature that according to the degree of self-monitoring, people can be divided into "onion personality (high self-monitoring)" and "avocado personality (low self-monitoring)".
People with avocado personality will not ask too much of themselves because of outside views, nor will they compromise to please others. This unshakable core stems from self-acceptance, self-identity because of self-acceptance, and inner firmness because of self-identity.
After being threatened with violence by the hostess of the host family, young Zhao Han had to find the next place as soon as possible. She visited five families in one day, and finally fate made her meet Mrs. T. This is a very kind family. The couple have three daughters, and they like their fourth daughter, Zhao Han.
As an only child, her parents can't always accompany her when she is young, which may make Zhao Han's parents always leave her the best things. In Mrs. T's home, an experience of sharing watermelons made Zhao Han realize for the first time that he didn't know how to share and took many things for granted.
This cognition broke Zhao Han's original idea. In the book, she admits that she used to be like a crab tied with hemp rope. Although the living environment has changed, the old environment and cognition have always "bound" her. Mrs. T's outspokenness became an opportunity for Zhao Han to break the inherent thinking and rebuild herself. Later, she also brought this altruistic spirit to her life and workplace, and spread it to more people through the media.
It is not difficult to untie the hemp rope that binds him. In addition to good advice from outside, Zhao Han also pays attention to inner cultivation. Her method is: choose to live like a sponge.
Sponge has strong absorbability, elasticity without sticking to its original shape, and resilience. When we are like "sponges", we constantly absorb the wisdom we have learned, improve our abilities, and raise our horizons and patterns. In this process, we will gain, we will encounter setbacks, we will have negative energy, and we may expand. But we still have the ability to recover, internalize and drain, and "expel" unnecessary knowledge and emotions.
Always believe that we have unlimited extensibility and plasticity. Not bound by the inherent mode, not imprisoned by their own weaknesses. As the famous painter Ou Jifu said, "I have been timid all my life, but I have never stopped doing what I want to do because I am timid." Only by not limiting yourself and suppressing your potential can you truly change yourself and become a complete, imperfect and beautiful person.
In fact, from waiting to accepting to changing, there is "letting go" everywhere in this process.
Let go of the pain while waiting, learn to focus on what you can, don't feel sorry for yourself, but try your best;
Let go of criticism and judgment in acceptance, learn to warm yourself with truth and sincerity and impress others;
In the process of change, let go of the self who is stubborn in the past and thinks that he is absolutely right, and learn to grow up with an unrestricted "empty cup mentality";
Let go of unrealistic expectations in feelings and learn to experience love with tolerance.
Letting go of everything will bring severe pain to the body or mind, but it is precisely because we tear ourselves again and again and reshape the texture that we can re-recognize ourselves and finally "break the cocoon into a butterfly" and achieve our own life.
At the end of the 9 questions and 9 answers, Zhao Han talked about what kind of person he wanted to be.
"I still want to be myself-pursue life enthusiastically, love myself deeply and heal life warmly." She wrote this.
May we all be ourselves, fearless and true, and go forward bravely.