Please forgive me for using strong language in the title, but it is not aimed at anyone, but at myself.

Two days ago, the circle of friends was blocked by an article "Accompanying children to do homework, adults were hospitalized for heart disease and made two stents". In the article, Ma Ma also exposed her "history of blood and tears". Well, it's earth-shattering

When a friend forwarded this article, I left a message saying that fortunately, this situation does not exist in my family. She said, you seem to have a good temper. Oh, no, my friend, please forgive me for changing my concept. In fact, what I want to express is that this situation does not exist in my family now. Now my daughter is 7 years old and in grade two. Before the first grade, I dropped her notebook. Her father wiped a paper full of forks for her. When I was teaching her homework, I even cut my wrist with a blunt knife to resist the impulse to throw her downstairs ... Yes, I made no secret of it. I am a simple and rude mother. The more I want to be different from my parents, the more I can't do it without beating and scolding my children.

Is it because my children are in the second grade and their grades are better than those in the first grade, so I am not in a hurry? Unfortunately, no. Yesterday, she came back with two papers with poor grades. When she was a freshman, she often got an A or even an A+ in English. Yesterday, she only got a C-the worst score in history, haha.

So, anxious dear friends, from me, you really can't get any tips for raising a successful child. All I can say is a process of how I adjust my psychology.

First of all, thanks to my study of psychology, I came into contact with the concept of "freedom and love" when I was pregnant, and I agreed with it-although I can't do it yet, so I think anxiety, fear and other emotions have causes, and I am willing to look inward and find out what my "cause" is.

When my daughter attended a parent-teacher conference in the next semester of Senior One, I met her psychology teacher, Mr. Wang Lin. After the meeting, I brazenly took up her time and chatted for a while. After her introduction, I started a new round of psychological counseling-yes, I have received psychological counseling before, but the road to personal growth is really long.

In the process of psychological counseling for several months, with the help of psychological counselors, I have been doing a homework-to realize the separation from my family. Specifically, I want to know what my emotions come from the routine of Origin and Fate, what my expectations for my children come from my parents' expectations for me, etc., so that I can constantly accept the child who was injured in childhood in my heart and have the strength to accept the child in front of me.

During this period, I listened to Teacher Chen Mo's How to Be an Anxious Parent in Himalayan FM, and joined a group of parents who learned to be anxious parents. I found that many parents are more anxious than me, and there are also many people who tear books when their children write slowly and irregularly. Haha, I'm psychologically balanced-you know, when I dropped my child's homework (actually only once), I felt extremely depressed and felt that I was really the best in the world. And after listening to Chen Mo, I also feel very useful. The old lady is a special consultant of the Mental Health Education and Counseling Center of East China Normal University, and a famous psychological counseling expert for children and adolescents. In fact, I have always been skeptical about all kinds of "famous people". I used to be a reporter, and my professional habit was to ask questions. But this old lady's lecture, alas, spoke quickly and hit the nail on the head, and I was immediately criticized by her.

What benefited me most was that she talked about "establishing a correct concept of family education" from the beginning, and compared the points that she thought were most important for raising children: being healthy, knowing what she wants, expressing her needs, knowing interpersonal skills, learning ability, having her own hobbies and so on. I think the direction of raising children is extremely correct. After listening to this lecture, I really put down my anxiety.

The above is the process, and the following is a summary of how I adjust my psychology when I feel anxious.

1, find your heart.

When I thought about giving birth to her seven years ago, I just wanted her to be born with complete hands and feet and good health, that's all.

But as she grows up, she has higher and higher expectations, because she was always compared with others by her parents when she was a child. She was determined not to compare her with other children, and she gradually forgot her original oath. Seeing that other children are fluent in English, I also gave her English lessons; Although she chose to teach herself the piano, she always stumbles when she sees other children playing so well, and I often nag when she plays the piano ... Oh, it's really hard to look back.

Later, I said to myself, learn by yourself, don't force the child, she loves to learn or not. Therefore, in order to speak standard American English, I relearn Lai Shixiong's standard American phonetic symbols, and I will steal piano lessons with her so that I can practice when I get home.

Step back and think about it. If the child suddenly falls ill now, I will secretly pray to God. I will do anything as long as my children are healthy. My daughter and mother will definitely not give you pressure in the future. Then why not take advantage of children's health now? Yes, when I found my initial heart, I also put down my anxiety.

2. Accept children.

School education, after all, requires children to have a unified standard, but as Ma Ma, I should understand that each child has different stages of development, different personality characteristics, and different preferences and strengths.

The daughter has no young connection, and the whole first grade is almost in obscurity. It took a lot of effort to recognize pinyin clearly, and sometimes the addition and subtraction are still unclear. My attitude is that I will tell her every time I make a mistake, but I don't ask her to master it right away-haha, after all, I can't ask for it. Just like she doesn't know her right hand, she often writes Q as P and J as L. When checking her eyesight, she can only point left and right, but can't say left and right. I can only accept it. That's what she is doing now, and she can't force it. And I have no doubt that she is mentally ill, because her problem-solving ability is excellent, so that's enough.

Let me tell the true stories of several students about their children's development.

Story one.

When I was in grade one, my deskmate was a good-looking boy named Wen. At that time, I had a crush on him-haha, I grew up watching Hong Kong dramas, and I was precocious. In the first Chinese exam, I got more than 90 pinyin, and he got 5 points. I remember making fun of him. In short, in the first two years of primary school, his study was very poor. In the third grade, we were assigned to different classes. In the fifth grade, he went to another school, so I don't know his situation.

When I was a top physics student in junior high school, I met by chance. I don't know if he remembers getting 5 points in the exam. I looked at him in surprise and said, Wow, you are studying so well now. Later, when I was in the senior high school entrance examination, I met him again in the examination room and encouraged each other to be admitted to key high schools. As a result, everyone was happy, and we were all admitted to the only key high school in the city.

Story 2.

My deskmate is Joey, a girl who speaks English fluently, plays the violin well and loves to laugh at the sunshine. But she was really a math idiot at that time, because I studied very well and often told her questions, but I found that she didn't understand it very well.

We haven't contacted each other since we graduated from college. Last year, we met again on WeChat and found that she actually married to the United States. What surprises me even more is that she now teaches high school mathematics in the United States and is one of the most popular teachers in the school.

The first thing I asked her after I met her was how did you become a math teacher? She said that I couldn't find a job studying English in America because the language didn't pass. The teacher thought I should study mathematics, so I studied it from scratch for several years and found that the mathematical principles that I couldn't understand in my teens were understood in my twenties.

Okay, listen, a former math idiot can also be a math teacher. It seems that people's potential really don't know when it will be aroused, right? This is the true story of my friends, so I won't talk about such a genius as Einstein Edison.

Is there a situation where there is no potential in one aspect? Yes, there is. When I was in junior high school, one day when I was in math class, a classmate began to hit his head with his brain and shouted that he just didn't understand. He has a headache. She didn't go to high school, but went to health school. Now she is a nurse who loves her job very much, and I, a former top student in their eyes, have gone through a stage of confusion and even depression.

Perhaps, life is fair to everyone, depending on whether you accept it or not. Even mentally retarded children don't have their own specialties. I have an old friend named Tong Tong. When she was born, her amniotic fluid suffocated and her brain lacked oxygen, so she couldn't keep up with her studies. She also has problems in emotional control, but she is very good at coordinating her movements. She rode a unicycle, danced ballroom dancing and had a good time.

Many chicken soup articles blindly emphasize that people should work hard and succeed, but in my opinion, the only thing worth working hard is acceptance.

3. Give children freedom.

At the end of last semester, my daughter provoked us, which moved me very much. She said: "You see, in the previous paragraph, you and dad strictly asked me to do homework or something, but I didn't want to do it, and my study didn't make any progress. You left me alone in this paragraph, but my study has improved. "

There is a question to consider: is learning a child's business or a parent's business? If parents set a timetable for their children's study and don't give them free time, children will think that learning is their parents' business, and I can do it according to your requirements, but in fact I can't stimulate their inner drive. It is better to return the freedom of learning and the responsibility for learning to the children.

That's what I did this semester. When the child comes back from school, I will remind her what she needs to do today: homework, piano practice, etc. You can arrange your own time. You can ask your mother for help if you don't understand your homework, but don't expect her to supervise the whole process, because your mother has her own things to do.

Then I went to do my own thing, just helping her when she needed it. I find that she sometimes watches TV for a while first, and I don't force her to finish her homework first. I found that she has strong self-control and is really much better than me. I'm going to drag it to Origin and Fate, because I grew up in a depressed environment, so I have procrastination and indulgence until now, and I'm constantly fighting these problems until I accept them as a part of my body and slowly sprout my self-control.

Let's start with the two papers with poor grades that she brought back yesterday. I found that some of her knowledge points were really not well mastered and some were not well understood, so I told her again. Moreover, I have seen her progress-in the first two semesters, the classroom assignments were rarely all right, and the dictation has been all right many times this semester. Then, why should eyes only stare at her gap and not be sure of her progress?

Finally, I want to say that every child is an angel. Don't cut his wings short, blame him for not flying! ! !