Catherine O 'Brien Julia Samuel 1. We are faced with a generation of "immature adults" leaving home and becoming "full adults", which used to be a very simple thing, but for young people, it is quite complicated. Laura's situation worries her, but what worries her and her husband Jonathan more is their little daughter Amy. Amy, 19 years old, just dropped out of college. Not only does she feel that she can't adapt to biochemistry courses, but she can't even adapt to student life. After dropping out of school, she worked in a coffee shop during the day and lived at home at night. I don't know what to do next Sarah said, "Of all the children, Amy was the best in childhood. When she first went to college, I thought I didn't have to bear the burden for her anymore. Now I realize that I was naive. In fact, children worry us more when they grow up than when they were teenagers or children. " There are many articles about our children growing up too fast. They socialize through Facebook and sing lyrics with strong characteristics with Rihanna. They already know too many facts without opinions. Their bodies also developed earlier than before. According to recent research on some young girls, it is found that they entered puberty one year earlier than 20 years ago. However, according to Dr Terry apter, a social psychologist, their psychology can't keep up with the development of physiology. Many young people aged 18-24 feel at a loss. It used to seem that people had a smooth road as soon as they graduated. They can go to college, be apprentices, find a stable job, and then get married and have children. However, the road for young people is not so smooth now. At present, there are 1 10,000 16-24-year-old young people unemployed in Britain. College tuition is expensive and housing prices are high. To sum up, these factors make it much more difficult for young people to live independently from home. Now, a quarter of young men in their twenties and a sixth of young women in their twenties live with their parents. Many of them are very confused and disappointed. Dr. apter said: "At home, they are still treated as children by their parents; Outside, people expect them to act like adults. This is what their parents are worried about. " Sarah said, "You want to support them, but you also want them to stand on their own feet as soon as possible, instead of relying on their parents as soon as possible." Susanna Franks, one of the authors of My Life … but first, she took Alex and me to town. She has two daughters, one is 24 years old and the other is 20 years old, and she also has a son, the age is 16. She said: "We are the first generation of parents who have to face adult children who can't leave home. /kloc-When I left home at the age of 0/8, I never thought about going home to live with my parents. By contrast, my eldest daughter is different. She moved out and moved back, which has been repeated many times in the past six years. Although she has rented a suite now, she still keeps it in our bedroom and can come back to live at any time if she can't afford the rent. I have some sympathy for their generation because they face much more difficulties than we used to, but I am also a little angry. They should not expect their parents to provide a permanent safety net. " How can it happen that adult children regard their parents as a safety net? The recession can only explain part of the reason. Most children who have grown up or are about to grow up have proud parents. They give them anything they want, buy them smart phones and laptops, hire tutors for them and even pay for their friends. Now, parents find that their children lack independence. They think it's time for them to give up, but they can't. Apter, the author of Mature Myth: What Teenagers Need from Their Parents to Become Adults, calls this phenomenon "the myth of spoiled children". She said: "People think that young people can only prove themselves by showing that they no longer need material help from their parents. If we continue to give them support and care after they become adults, it will do them harm. In fact, at this time, parents' attention and children's listening are the most important. Catherine Hill is the director of the policy research and development department of the charity Family Care. She has two children in their twenties and two children in their sixties. She said, "Some parents find themselves in a difficult situation, mainly because they have failed to make important changes. Parents are used to controlling their children's lives, but once their children reach the age of 18, parents should change from controllers to consultants in time. This new way can let parents know about their children's life without having too high or too low expectations for their children. Parents are often disappointed with their children's choices, such as not going to college or not having a good job, but this is their views and does not represent their children's views. " When a child has a boyfriend or girlfriend whose parents are dissatisfied, there will be more unhappiness between parents and children. A mother said, "I advise my parents not to interfere in making boyfriend (girlfriend)." Susanna Franks said, "You have to trust the children's feelings. If you interfere, it will only make them fall in love with each other more deeply. " Dr. apter said that although the legal age of majority is 18, psychologically speaking, experts believe that puberty is extended to 28 years old. She believes that growth has always been a bumpy process. Although today's parents' parenting style has made great progress than before, there are still many immature practices. Contact with the Internet has enabled our children to have a wider understanding of the world. In the past, parents used too strict supervision methods, which was time-consuming and laborious, and could not achieve good results. At the same time, the prevailing celebrity culture makes children have a deep self-doubt and gives them the illusion of being ordinary and worthless. For all of us, especially for young people, the huge gap between what we think we should be and what we think we are will weaken our self-confidence. For some people (quite a few people), lack of self-esteem will lead to more serious problems. Teenagers will lead to eating disorders, alcoholism and drug abuse. Statistics show that the people at greatest risk are those between the ages of 16 and 24. Similarly, people in this age group are at the peak of depression, self-harm and suicide. Coping with vulnerable and psychologically unhealthy adult children is the most difficult thing for parents. Caroline's daughter Becky suffered from disharmony and severe depression at the age of 20. She said, "I know I should help her, but I feel powerless. Worried that she would kill herself. The more upset I acted, the more angry she was with me. She forbade her doctor to tell me about her illness. She didn't tell us anything about the treatment, so we had to worry. Now that she is 25 years old, I feel that she has entered adulthood, because she is more stable and quiet than before. At that time, her illness had a great impact on our family and made me feel like a failed mother. Until now, I still don't know how to deal with that situation. " The transition period from teenagers to adults is a test period for parents who raise their children, but the tests faced by parents after their children become adults are not small. Some research data show that it takes five to ten years for adult children to live alone without their parents. Now parents don't suddenly have empty nests like before. In fact, research shows that young people who describe their parents as "reliable" are more competitive than those who describe themselves as "self-reliant". Apter said: "Dependability doesn't mean being on call, agreeing to all their demands or solving all their problems. This means getting to know them, and when their consultants don't do well, they are ready to give them a second chance-if they want. " Listen to the children and don't limit their thoughts. They change quickly, so you should keep an open mind to their new ideas and ideas. Tolerance. Mistakes in early adulthood are not indelible marks on their personalities. They are in a period of transition, and because society has become more complicated than before, their transition period will be longer than their parents'. Recognizing that the support of love is different from limiting them in the name of love. They can make up for their shortcomings by accumulating experience, saying that humiliating them will only threaten the connection between parents and children. Like "I tell you that won't work" or "Why can't you just grow up?" It will make children feel chilling. Parents' encouragement is never wasted. "You won't let us down. I know this is a difficult time, but you will get through it. " This will inspire the child who stumbled along the road of life. Whether he understands it or not when you say it, he will understand it sooner or later. Separate money from adult children and always do so. Dr apter suggested: "Give gifts with trust and love, and don't buy irresponsible debts. Help your child make a repayment plan instead of repaying his loan. " Put up with the children coming home. Young people have failed in their start and need to go home to rest before they can make a comeback. Let them go and they won't come back-this is a paradox. (Overseas Abstracts 20 12 1 1)