Before I started writing, there was a sentence in my mind: God gave you a gift to do what you should do. I don't know what heaven or God is doing. Being or not is just a choice of believing or not. If not, so can Spinoza's "God", which is a force that human beings can't understand and may dominate people invisibly. God does make everyone different, which may be the basis of colorful life and the world. And everyone's attributes contain different inspirations, such as me: I am a person without stories, but there are actually many stories; The uncomplicated but profound experience made me fight against my other self like a scourge, but when I was on the verge of collapse, I was really reborn and became a person who was no longer weak and began to be strong. Looking back at the road I have traveled, I find that if I don't help others get out of mental obstacles, I may really ignore the "sign of God". The sudden sense of mission made me have to pay for it. I must elevate myself to the height of life at any time, finish this little book and help those who need my help.
The elements contained in this little book should be like this: 1, mind. * * *' s spiritual experience is the most valuable part, which may be the biggest difference between me and others, and will also be the uniqueness of this book. Bottom line: my story allows me to tolerate and understand many people's stories, but I don't intend to tell stories, I just want to have a spiritual dialogue; 2. knowledge Knowledge is the basis of distinguishing human beings from animals, and it is also the basis of human self-salvation. Knowledge based on psychological perspective should be a powerful part of short books, but it will not be displayed in a blunt way and in an incomprehensible way. In short, it should be a feast of readable knowledge. 3. experience. This should be an empirical book, not a description of possibilities. This kind of experience comes from my own experience and the experience of helping others, and there will be something that has been proved to be effective, which will make people feel that it has nothing to do with me; 4. American language. This is a rational book written by Americans. If the words in this book are obscure, unable to dance and as difficult to swallow as a textbook, it will be my greatest failure-when I write such words with my life, when I want to explain the eccentricity of American behavior from the beginning, will my sense of mission be limited by words? 5. strong. Psychological things may solve some problems, but unfortunately, it is others who cure diseases instead of becoming strong, soothe their sadness instead of growing up, satisfy their psychological addiction instead of focusing on self-development without fear of external invasion. This is not a book on psychology, but a little book on psychology, with personal growth as the only goal and no connivance in cultivating the weak; 6. Art, if the mind wanders around, the unbearable spiritual energy will not be guided correctly, or it will be destroyed, depressed or become an artist. An artist is either a human artist or his own artist. It is a pleasure to express his mood through artistic abstraction. However, I just hope that the art form will become a thrilling and quiet form in life, so that everyone can have a moment's rest and sublimation in music and art and complete a reconciliation and handshake with the soul. Yes, I just want to write such a small book to help some people face their secret lives in a different way.
Readers who read these words, when you open it, I'm not sure whether you see the magical world like Hogwarts or the white desert without wind and frost. It's just that I think when you open it, this move is meaningful to you and me.
The maze of the mind is not something that others have but I don't have, but actually exists in the deepest part of each of us. Get out of the maze, find yourself and regain your courage. To this end, let's work together!
PS:
You may not believe that this book can get away with it, but I will tell you with a smile that ta can. The author of this book has also experienced a period of spiritual bondage, which is a young Werther's trouble, and then spent a long time thinking about these problems. These words, which are about to be displayed, are nonsense from my college days, and truly record the inner doubts and growth of a college student-this is almost everyone's growth troubles. I named it "Collection of Mind and Apes" to see if there is your shadow in it.
Heart ape series
order
I wrote the name "A Collection of Mind and Apes", but even I don't know what it means. It's just a hunch. I just want to record my mental journey bit by bit and record a real inner world.
But every time I write a little, I feel a little strange. It may be mental, because I always feel that my heart is turning around, struggling and not listening to myself.
But after I finished writing, my heart became more and more calm. Where are the apes? Is he dead?
I suddenly feel that I have figured something out.
one
No one has ever told me that only hard work can lead to a future, so I try to find the future. No one has ever told me that only by pursuing hard can I have a good future, so I pursue hard and want to find a good future; But no one has ever told me what a bright future looks like, so I think I will know when the time comes.
I have no future yet, and I have done one thing after another. However, the happiness after I did these things still didn't accompany me. -I think, before my ambition has arrived, how can these small stations on the road make me feel happy and happy? So, I embarked on a journey with anxiety, but the farther I went, the less I could see my front-I want to ask, is this the road to the future, the journey of life?
two
No more sadness, no more pain, no more sadness. Breaking through the boundaries of illusory forms, isn't death the greatest relief? Is the front of a person's life death? And facing the tranquility and peace on the eve of death is the goal that people pursue?
However, Buddha should wake up. The so-called death is just one of countless states. A so-called ultimate state is immortal nirvana. However, what is nirvana The Buddha is silent, and even the Buddha can't understand the truth. How can we mortals be detached?
three
In the vast sea of people, why did we meet her? But when we met, there were so many obstacles. I like someone clearly, but I always choose to give up. When one day there is nothing to give up, do you regret your original choice?
But at the beginning, was there really a choice?
four
Why is there me in this world? Why am I me? The world may not be unpredictable for you and me, but when you meditate in the world, do you become the protagonist of another story? When thinking is no longer available, when I am just a container of the soul, what is the most important and precious thing in this world?
five
The thought of her makes my heart ache again. Experienced too many things and too many injuries; Looking back, it seems like yesterday, but I can't bear to mention the ending. Let my heart experience washing, let the pain flow through my memory, and the bitter river flows all over my body. I feel my heart is shaking, and one day it may turn into a monstrous flood, drowning all my memories, and the bank of feelings will be destroyed. Maybe I will be released that day.
six
There should be something I am looking for in this world, but what is it? I look for me, I want me to chase, but I have worked so hard that I feel even more confused. I always feel that I'm going to a place, but why can't I see it?
Can someone show me the way? Can someone show me the way?
seven
When people walk to the shore, the vibration of footsteps can't even cause ripples of water waves, but the fish deeply feel the danger approaching and swim quickly. Don't think your words and deeds are insignificant. A small mistake may bring great harm to others.
eight
The heart is so big. When they have one person, how can there be room for another person?
nine
Is man's fate predestined? Can anyone jump out of fate?
We don't want to admit the existence of fate, but we can't explain all this. No one wants their destiny to be doomed, but they can't control the occurrence of this world. We watched the reality erode our dreams little by little, but there was nothing we could do. So we shouted loudly to fight against fate, in fact, we were playing a game arranged by fate to fight against fate. Is it necessary for people to be humiliated by fate?
I worship the greatness of destiny takes a hand, and I can't jump out of my life. However, fate can never beat me. Maybe it can torture my body, but it can never defeat my spirit-it can never deprive me of the right to laugh at fate!
ten
Sometimes people seem to face despair, but when it's all over, what's the point? Why were you so nervous? I could have spent it easily. Why couldn't I figure it out?
eleven
Can deaf Beethoven feel music?
twelve
There are thousands of words in my heart but no one tells me, so I have to taste all the pain alone. I don't understand why people can't hug each other warmly, but there must be so much indifference and estrangement.
thirteen
The most touching and shocking thing about people is piety. When a person does something devoutly, nothing can compare with it. For example, when we watched a basketball game, the basketball player tried his best to save a ball, but fell off the court heavily. Whether the ball is saved or not, the audience will definitely give him the warmest applause. Because of his persistence, his piety will touch everyone, and the shock from the heart will make every audience give him the most sincere applause without utilitarian color. For another example, in real life, some people are always firmly and devoutly moving towards a certain destination. Even if that destination can never be reached, even if he sweats profusely, at the expense of blood and tears, he still walks firmly. At this time, their piety has become a belief; At this time, we have no other words to express except moving and shocking.
fourteen
I like the feeling of flying, the floating body, the empty mind, the rapidly retreating earth, the boundless sky and the colorful clouds and sunset clouds around me.
Ever since I learned to fly, I have been flying, flying. If there is no realistic constraint, I would like to fly like this every day. They call me a stupid bird, but I really don't feel stupid. I can fly and fly every day, and I get happiness by flying. But what about them? They laughed at me for being stupid, but they were not happy. They don't know why they have so many troubles every day and are tired of thinking about meaningless things every day. Like me, they don't think about anything, don't worry about anything, just fly, and they will be very happy.
Maybe it's a bird, so it should fly foolishly.
fifteen
I held my head high to keep my tears from falling.
sixteen
Are you waiting for me?
seventeen
Loneliness, that terrible feeling of loneliness, I don't want to, I want to escape!
eighteen
I know this is an escape, but I still think of the flash of my head on QQ and the ringing of the phone, but I don't want to have face-to-face communication with real people. Can virtual worlds really fill new wounds? No, it's a kind of anesthesia, the relief at that time and more pain in the future. Although the reality is cold, it must be faced that people can't live in the virtual. Since there is such a day, there must be such a day. Why should I deceive myself?
nineteen
I always thought it would change anything because I didn't believe it.
twenty
I have never got true love, and the meaning of love is becoming more and more blurred. All the beautiful dreams have become a harsh reality, and a once-hot heart has been frozen. Even my definition of love has lost its original meaning. And I have been very serious, and I have become a cynical prodigal son in the world of mortals, as if nothing is important. But in the deepest part of my heart, there is a kind of bitterness, mixed with the most astringent tears and the most helpless pain in the world, and who can understand that feeling?
twenty-one
Man is really a strange animal. Among many choices, he always chooses the worst one, and he will foolishly stick to it. And moths became their idols, thinking that death can interpret beauty, but they didn't know how terrible it was before being burned to ashes.
But myself, I am a moth.
Twenty Two
Only in the silent night, facing the darkness, lost in fantasy, forgetting who I am, forgetting the pain and sadness, do I feel that I really have myself at that moment.
twenty-three
People are always so selfish, choose between loving and being loved, and always choose to hurt others. And when I get hurt in other people's choices, I will blame others for their indifference, but I don't know that I am also such a role.
Looking back at love has become a classic before the Monkey King put on the golden hoop. But once did not cherish the love, is it really possible to come again?
twenty-four
That's weird. What the hell am I doing? There are so many beautiful things in the world, how can I always appreciate ugliness? And the world is so big, how can I always trap myself in a dark corner of the world?
twenty-five
How can others understand you if you don't open your heart to others? Beneath the warm appearance, there is a cautious heart, afraid to open the door, and can only look forward to the mythical door opener. What if there is no one, or wait until eternity passes?
twenty-six
Afraid of getting hurt, are you afraid to go in? If so, how can I find my true love?
twenty-seven
The beauty and ugliness of the face are just the illusion of everything. If you can't break the beauty and ugliness floating on the surface, it's hard for people to find what they want. But in this world, such people are everywhere, and all beings are obsessed with fantasy, ridiculously insisting, and don't know what they are doing. It's really pathetic. Dude, when can I watch with my heart? !
28
He thought it would be happy to pass this last hurdle. What if it doesn't pass He looked back, it was a bottomless abyss, where confusion, disillusionment and fear were born; What about the front? He thought, there must be happiness ahead, because they all say so.
In front of him was a vast expanse of white land, which he couldn't believe. He has clearly seen the mark and even touched it. Why did it suddenly disappear? He closed his eyes and then suddenly opened them, but they were still white. He began to wonder if he thought he had crossed that threshold. He thinks so, because before that, his road was always muddy, and from here, it was a white land, so the gate of bliss should be here.
After thinking about it for one hundred and twenty days, he still didn't understand. However, it is time to leave. He stood up and looked around. Road, where is the road? Why is there no road suddenly? He has been walking a road, and they pointed it out. Although he didn't find bliss, it was a way after all. And now, why is there no road?
He suddenly giggled and laughed at his stupidity. He has been reluctant to go that way, but he has no choice; Now, there is no road, is inconvenience an option?
Choice, he thought, so I have a choice. He remembered the bag he was carrying, which contained many things he didn't like, but he had to carry it. Now, he takes off his schoolbag, picks out things he doesn't like one by one, and then crushes them one by one in the way he feels happiest, throwing them far away and out of sight.
After throwing 120 days, he was tired of throwing. However, he thought that although he was very tired, he threw away so many things that it should be easier to start again. He decided to have a good sleep, recharge his batteries and set off.
He slept for fifty days, but when he woke up, he felt more tired than before. What's going on here? It's always strange recently-forget it. He went to lift the half-empty bag, only to find that it was heavier than when it was full. He picked up his bag with great difficulty and was about to leave.
Which direction should I go? Later, it was the direction of coming, and naturally I couldn't leave; The front, left and right are exactly the same. Which direction should I go? He began to keep asking, asking for heaven, asking for land, and even asking vanity. He asked for thirty days, but no one answered.
Nobody told me? Then, I will go my own way.
He walked on for thirty days, still white; After walking to the left for 30 days, it is still white; After walking to the right for 30 days, it was still white. He thought that with the road, people would get lost; If there is no road, will you get lost?
But now, he is obviously lost. Standing in the center of the earth, I don't know where to start. His dry food is getting less and less, his pace is getting heavier, and he feels more and more tired.
Since you're here, why don't you show me the way? He asked drily. The white earth is so clean. Nobody knows I exist? No one will show me the way? Is it necessary to be miserable in pursuit of bliss?
After asking and asking, I don't know when he fell asleep. When I woke up, I felt that nothing had happened. He felt as if something had happened. Forget it, forget it. So I picked up my bag and walked in a random direction.
Twenty-nine
He doesn't know how he got in, but after he came in, he seems unable to get out.
It's dark here. He can't see anything in the dark. He can only touch it with his hands.
So he touched it with his hand. He found himself surrounded by walls. He pushed hard, but he couldn't push.
He touched it. It was also a wall. He felt trapped.
He sat down, thinking about how to get out. But the more he thought about it, the more empty he felt.
This feeling is so bad that he wants to know why he can't remember anything in his mind.
He wants to sit in another position, so maybe he can figure something out. He tried to move his body, only to find that a strange force was oppressing him. He tried to lift his hand, but found it was too heavy to lift at all.
He felt unable to move, and now, he suddenly felt difficult to breathe. He exhaled and inhaled deeply, but even so, he still felt suffocated.
An unprecedented fear appeared. He wanted to shout, but found the voice stuck in his throat and could not spit it out.
He looked helplessly, but could see nothing. He tried hard, but nothing came to mind. He can't talk or move. It seems that he is not himself.
It suddenly occurred to him that a friend took him to see a witch yesterday. The witch prayed devoutly to the crystal ball, and then the witch told him something. He never believed in superstition, only regarded it as a joke, so he didn't pay attention to what the witch said.
Now that he remembered, the witch said, "Your heart is tightly closed. You are never open to others. Sooner or later, I will be trapped in my heart. "
It seems that he suddenly understood something, but then he forgot nothing.
His mind is empty.
He wants to shout, but he can't.
He tried to move, but he could not.
He felt suffocated.
thirty
Friend, do you still remember the dream of youth? We are going to find the ideal together.
However, now I am the only one who refuses to give up his ideal; We once said to live for our ideals, and you just gave up?
Friend, why, why are you in a corner? Is that how you grew up? Do you want to spend your life like this?
Please don't answer me in words, the language is pale.
Don't use your eyes either, they will betray you.
Heart, heart, okay?
I don't want to see you depressed, I don't want to see you scared, I just want to see you in your heart.
Friends, no matter when, refuse to give up their ideals. This is our real dream.
Thirty-one
Pride without capital is actually a silent resistance. In the face of ridicule and sarcasm, they know that weakness is pain, and cover up their inner fragility with their arrogant appearance. They are not born this way, but unwilling to be abandoned by themselves. The superficial indifference and levity can never bear the inner loneliness. The experience of being laughed at will always be an unchangeable injury in my heart. Even if you look down on the light now, ridicule and satire again and again are the glory and honor you show off to others today, your contempt for those who once despised you, or a pleasure of revenge.
Thirty two
I maintain a pure nature, continue my pure thoughts, yearn for love like a little girl, refuse to bow to reality, face everyone with a happy attitude, face everything, refuse to let troubles keep me company and give happiness to everyone. Although it is difficult, she has been working hard.
Naive? No, this is real life maturity.
thirty-three
I always feel that it is a distant story, but it has always been in my heart. How many regrets and bitterness, although far away, refused to forget. Looking up, the past has passed, but now the situation is different. Any drop of candle tears burns into smoke, but it has not dissipated, but it has been integrated into the vicissitudes of generations. This is called maturity.
Thirty four
tranquil night
Speak to loneliness
Think of the past
Laughter in the face of sadness and anger
And the ideal of not giving up.
My heart is not cold.
But the peace of memory.
The aftertaste of catching up in the wind and rain
The noblest is always the ideal.
Contemporary times
No more melancholy paranoia
But still insist
Impossible to change
No longer lonely
Suddenly discover the true meaning of loneliness
The feeling of the past has passed.
There is a song.
But it reminds me.
Will still be moved
Persistent youth.
And courage
Thirty-five
Suddenly I found myself growing up, and some fun was lost forever, and I could never come back. And what we're looking for is another one. The ideal is as great as it is, and it is only a trivial matter to think too much. The pursuit of emotion is no longer with fantasy and emptiness, but more practical. Chatting with friends again, the topic is no longer whether it is possible, but the ultimate destination. Sometimes I am proud of my growth, and finally I can face these things calmly. However, this growth is more like a play, but when it's my turn to play, I can't get into the role and even feel ridiculous. I know that I have to face what I should face and experience what I should experience. This is the way everyone should go, and no one can escape. If there is no way out, take this road well. Let's leave now.
Thirty-six years old
Can you listen to a person's story quietly?
Do you take the time to understand someone?
Can you understand?
May I?
Thirty seven
Time, time will smooth all the memories and sorrows. Let the past go with the wind, no longer miss the past, no longer let the night cover you. Everything is dull, and everything is tomorrow. Seeing the truth is like a dream, and taking the road of decapitation again. When you stand up again, you get a new life. When my eyes open again, nothing in the world matters, and I am fearless. Thank you for time to cheer me up and for fate to give me another chance. This feeling is really good and full of energy.
I smiled and started a new life!
Thirty eight
People have been looking for such a place all their lives, a place where they can think quietly. There is a storm in that place, but it can make you think quietly. That place will get lost, but it will help you find yourself.
If found, it is the final destination.
39 years old
It's been a long time since I talked about my ideal with my friends so cheerfully. It's really an honor.
There are always such people in this world. No matter how cruel the reality is, they will never give up their dreams. They are struggling in their own way. I met two at the same time.
A feeling of bosom friend, a feeling of bosom friend. That's the feeling of a long-lost confidant. Great! This is what I'm after. I want to fight it all my life!
At that moment, I felt a little moved.
Well, let the days when young people worry about themselves pass. Then, it should be a high-spirited youth.
Farewell to asking for trouble, I found myself and won't lose it again!
Be ambitious and whip on horseback!
forty
My understanding seems to be just a sudden, but I feel that I really opened a door.
In that door, which used to be the place where my dream began, it will continue now and will not be closed.
After experiencing too much sadness, when I put myself back together, I actually have an uncontrollable passion.
At this moment, I want to thank those sorrows.
Forty-one
Although I found myself, I still have to face the cruel reality. People are sometimes contradictory.
However, looking back on my mental journey, I am no longer afraid, really, not at all.
Suffering makes people strong.
Forty two.
Re-examine your love, what happened is a bit ridiculous. Myself, I used to be so stupid, so stupid, so irresponsible. As love to fill the emotional gap, it is not love at all, but emptiness.
Suddenly I feel that I can't say love and love more and more. I never wanted to believe that I would become like this, but now I have to believe it because I have really changed.
But I think this is not a loss, but a gain. What I get is precious in this world.
Forty three
It is good that people can think.
44,
Doubt, confusion, struggle, thinking, searching, awakening and inspiring. After a long period of resistance, the ape broke free from the cage and was free.
knot
Writer Yu Jie said: "The most intolerable rubbish in the world-writing rubbish. So every time I mention a pen, I can't help but feel scared. "
I am surprised to agree with this sentence.
Is my own words rubbish, too
Yes
But I love these words, because they are written for myself; Although the instinct of a word is to want others to read and understand it, the meaning of its existence does not lie in other people's comments.
It witnessed a mental journey of mine.
By the way, what I figured out is very simple, that is, peace of mind is actually the freedom of apes. Next time you are upset, let the ape go through another ordeal.
I'm waiting.
I won't.
Next article: 1. We, who has or does not have a problem?
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