I have lived in Wuhan for nearly three years. From the beginning of college to the end of college. In a trance, I feel that my tangled and deadly personality is very congenial to this city and keeps tearing myself apart.
In fact, the city hasn't changed much in the past three years. It's just that I've changed a lot. It is not clear whether this change is good or bad. I have been in this city for nearly three years, but I have never been able to master the weather and living habits around this city. Many people say that the weather in Wuhan is the strangest. Because you don't know when it's a storm, and you don't know when it's a clear sky in Wan Li. Like my emotional but moody personality, it's hard to ponder.
For nearly three years, I have lost the impulse that newborn calves are not afraid of tigers. Many people say this is a good thing, at least they know how to think twice before you act. I know it's a good thing to think twice before you act. But it's not good to be afraid when you start to think twice before you act. I am only in my early twenties, but I feel old. I often have the illusion of early menopause, and I am as moody as a 40-year-old aunt. Anxiety. Always look like there is no love. I said it in the circle the other day, but it's actually nothing. I just feel hopeless.
Yes, I think life is hopeless. I wonder if it will last forever. I'm getting less and less courageous and more and more nervous. Always thinking. If I were young, I would be two or three years old. I couldn't help laughing when I realized that I was caught in such a whirlpool. I'm only in my early twenties. I haven't started my life well yet, but I feel hopeless. Then in his thirties, he wanted to commit suicide every day.
Whenever I fall into anxiety and panic, I begin to enlighten myself. Although only junior college is not as advantageous as undergraduate course, I am 23 years old because I have been suspended from school for two years, and I am still lingering on my graduation from junior college, wondering whether I should continue to be promoted to undergraduate course. I always feel that I am too old, even if I get a bachelor's degree, I will not have much advantage. Thinking about making money, but also thinking about further study. Some time ago, I went to Lilanda Science and Technology Co., Ltd. to apply for the position of Foreign Trade Commissioner. I was nervous before I went. The day before the application, I spent the whole morning inquiring about the company profile, the duties of the foreign trade Commissioner, and preparing to introduce myself in English. But I finally passed the interview, but I declined again. I'm wondering whether to apply or not. If I apply, I'm afraid I can't apply. If I apply, I think I may continue to be an undergraduate. I know. It's not that I don't know what I want But I don't have the courage. I'm not who I was three years ago. The big deal is that you can't pass the exam. The important thing is. There is no impulse that newborn calves are not afraid of tigers, and there is no self-confidence that they were fearless at the beginning. Before applying, I was afraid that I could not apply, that the foreign trade work was too complicated, and that I was anxious and incompetent. Want to continue to take the college entrance examination. Finally, I was scared. What if I can't pass the exam? I don't know when it started, but I began to ask myself what to do if I failed. Forget that even if you fail, it is actually a life experience, and there will be another different harvest. There is really no need to worry about yourself. It is good to have no regrets in life. It's like realizing that you lack the courage to move forward. I began to hint that I would definitely get into the college entrance examination. It doesn't matter if you are two years older, as long as you can get the corresponding diploma. Give up in life and you will get it. You really shouldn't give up.
I am like a fighter in a lonely world, constantly fighting against that moody self. Constantly tearing yourself apart in positive energy and negative energy. A city can be moody and changeable. But I can't be as moody as this city. Otherwise, there is no difference between the next road and the end.