First of all, children will lose trust in their parents.
In the first issue of Super Parenting, we talked about the contradiction between the second child. 10-year-old brother always looks unhappy. Since he had a younger brother, he has become a little smaller. He has to sleep with his younger brother at night to seize the opportunity to be next to his parents.
In this family, in fact, both parents are of high quality, and the educated brother is also very responsible, but the parents have long neglected to express their love for his brother. Parents admit that they are not mature enough to have their first child, so they are very serious about their younger brother, so his younger brother is very cautious, self-controlled and responsible. But after giving birth to a second child, I began to know how to love and praise children. My brother obviously made a dangerous move, but my mother didn't blame him; My brother eats fast and gets praise right away. My brother was filled with disappointment when he saw that he had enjoyed the treatment he had never enjoyed before.
"Why did my brother do something illegal, but my parents didn't mention it, but they could ignore it?" When the parenting expert helped to find the root of the problem and help my brother express his doubts, my brother's eyes overflowed with tears, but he was still holding back. This picture is distressing.
Obviously, a family with relatively high quality will also ignore a child's feelings, often forget to express their love to them, and think that parents do not attach importance to and love them, which undermines their trust in their parents.
Secondly, it leads to the escalation of adolescent contradictions.
Adolescent children are often labeled as "rebellious". In the impression of many people, adolescent children will become disobedient and even do many deviant things, thus further worsening the parent-child relationship.
Bi in Rongcheng, Shandong Province has a prominent personality and is an adolescent "maverick" child. In his room, books and homework are piled everywhere, and communication with people often seems disdainful. If a word doesn't agree, he will take out a long stick of will in the room and threaten the other party, which is even more disrespectful to his mother. Without a word or two, he will kick her out of the room.
But the child is very smart and has excellent grades, so the problem only appears in the communication with his parents.
Many times, parents only care about the academic achievements of adolescent children, and often compare them with others' excellent achievements, ignoring the pursuit of children's spiritual world, and are unwilling to express the same good feelings for such a fledgling child as when they were young. As a result, the generation gap between children and parents is torn into a huge gap by lack of expression, communication and understanding.
In addition, parents are anxious and stressed.
Children can't accept their parents' love, which will not only affect their children, but also make their parents suffer.
A pair of parents who work in Nanjing usually have to work hard to make money. In the room full of sundries, all the furniture except a table is worn out. This only new furniture is used to write homework for Wang Yu, the son of Grade Two. However, this "special concern" has not been understood by children. The children dragged their feet on their homework and asked their parents to give them advice. They often run to the yard to hide, so that no one can find them.
Busy and hard-working mothers desperately want their children to study hard and change their destiny, but when they see that their children are so "worthless", they are more anxious and feel that life is a mess and the pressure is too great to vent. This family is a portrayal of all working families. The magnified economic pressure makes parents have no time and energy to express their love for their children. Children are more willing to shut themselves up, but this in turn makes parents more anxious.
I hope I can help you. Good luck.