It was last year that I really realized depression, a subtle but terrible mental illness. Last year, my roommate came back from home and said that her sister fainted for no reason and was hospitalized. She was diagnosed with depression. According to my roommate, she is usually a careless girl. I never thought that such a cheerful girl would get this mental illness.
After these two weeks, my roommate inexplicably showed symptoms similar to anxiety. Every night after one o'clock in the morning, she will suddenly wake up and cry for no reason. At first, she just hid under the covers and cried secretly. Then for several days in a row, she couldn't control herself. She said that deep loneliness is like a black hole with no end in sight, and she is extremely afraid. When she wakes up in the morning, she will climb into my bed, just hoping to feel me beside her. I was lying next to her, and I could clearly feel her whole body shaking.
She said that she didn't know why she wanted to cry, but suddenly she felt very uncomfortable, desperate and helpless, agitated and deeply powerless.
Usually, she is a girl who is no different from others. She likes Yun-peng Yue, and she likes watching George W. Pinkley's cross talk. Funny stories will make her laugh. She loves cold rice noodles, and we like to eat watermelons and watch variety shows together. Sometimes, we will go to campus together and talk about childhood together. During the day, she is an interesting girl, and she can completely see her inner despair.
A few days ago, a junior high school girl told me in a private letter late at night that she was suffering from depression and was still taking medication. One of her best friends, like her, is only more serious and withdrawn. The two of them always love each other and kill each other. No one else can understand their loneliness better, but they can't give each other enough guidance and warmth.
I looked at the long messages she sent me one after another, and across the screen, I only felt cold in my back. Depression seems to be just a psychological problem, but it is a very terrible disease. It can devour people's spirit and soul. What is even more frightening is that most people don't pay enough attention to it, even despise it and despise it. Those cheerful people always accuse those who suffer from depression of being melodramatic and think that they are just inferior, cowardly, timid and ignorant. They can't believe how many people have been deprived of their lives by this invisible emotional disease.
Before I heard the word "depression", my relatives committed suicide because of depression. My dearest aunt, she is a very ordinary rural woman. She is diligent and doesn't like to talk. Whenever she is busy at home, she will come back early to help. When grandma (great-grandmother) was still alive, grandma always liked to cling to old milk and grope for something to do, always idle. Later, when the old wet nurse was gone, she pestered her grandmother and talked about the length of her family whenever she was free.
That day, grandma's distant relatives came, and my aunt came back. She looked at home busy and went back without telling her family. Who knows, she ended her life by drinking pesticides that night. Specifically, because nothing is clear, rural people do not know what depression is. I still feel sorry at the thought of loving menstruation's milk. If we had known about depression at that time and given her enough companionship and treatment, would she still be alive?
More than five years ago, a senior girl nicknamed @ Zou Fan in Weibo committed suicide in her dormitory.
Her last Weibo was sent by a timing tool:
"I have depression, so I will die. There is no important reason. You don't have to care about my leaving. Bye. "
This Weibo reminds us of a girl suffering from depression. Many people in Weibo bless and pray for her. Before that, she was an ordinary girl. No one cares too much about her. Maybe she just thinks this girl is introverted. Before, she posted more than 1000 Weibo, and only Liao Liao interacted with several people. Besides, who would care too much about the mumbling of an ordinary-looking and somewhat introverted girl?
I looked at her Weibo carefully, and some of her words were actually quite interesting, without too much gloom and negative energy.
For example:
Looking through her Weibo, I think of the great comedians Chaplin, Mr. Bean and Stephen Chow, who were all confused by depression. I thought of Leslie Cheung, Kimi and Chen Lin, who brought us happiness on the screen, and Sanmao and Haizi, who I like, all lost their lives because of depression. As for scholars troubled by depression, there are even more.
Perhaps this is a law that God followed when he created life: the more delicate a person's emotions are, the stronger his creativity is, the richer his expressive force is, the weaker his spirit is and the longer his pain is.
Zou Fan's last Weibo was published on March 12 and 18. Today, this Weibo has more than 700,000 comments. Most of the comments are "tree holes" for friends with depression. They are telling unspeakable loneliness and anxiety under Weibo, telling their own frustration and despair.
Weibo's comments are mostly like this:
All the friends who commented on this article in Weibo have mild or severe depression. They regard this place as a tree hole for their emotions and rice walk as intimate friends. This place is called the "spiritual home" of this group of people, and they are convinced of the sentence "I have been lost all the way" left before I left for dinner. Their scattered words are like dandelions that have nowhere to be placed, starting from all over the world, passing through thick laughter and falling lightly in this tree hole.
Look, is depression far away from us?
Actually, it's not far at all. Maybe a friend around us is fighting depression alone. Depression is not an ordinary psychological problem, it is terrible, but what is even more terrible is the ignorance and contempt of people around. Don't think depression is everyone's bad mood. Don't say to them, "I have experienced more setbacks than you, but you still can't stand the pressure." Don't say to them, "You are not afraid of death, but you are afraid of living?"
People with depression regard death as a very easy thing, and death is more like liberation than living in pain. However, a little warmth around him, such as a little understanding from a friend or a lovely kitten, may make him feel nostalgic.
It's like reading Osamu Dazai's words, "I wanted to die this winter, but I recently got a rat-gray pinstriped hemp kimono, which is suitable for summer, so I'd better live until summer."
The world is big and the aurora is beautiful. If you feel uncomfortable and want to get rid of it at some point, then go and see this wonderful world.
Stay at least until summer and eat sweet watermelon.