Formerly known as Ye, he was born in Hong Kong from 65438 to 0969. She graduated from the English Department of the Chinese University of Hong Kong with a master's degree in cultural studies. She used to run the cultural magazine Transition and actively participated in the planning of performing arts. He is also a famous psychotherapist, writer, master of cultural studies, registered clinical hypnotherapist, well-known consulting expert and columnist in Hong Kong. The catalogue is plain black-personal experience is plain black, confession and consultation-plain black column is plain black-women who love themselves send out love to read and let go of love. Some ideas for editing this paragraph are pure black-personal experience is pure black. She left Hong Kong on 1997, lived in Brighton, England, and returned to Hong Kong on 1999. He has been writing a column since 19 1. At present, he is an expert and columnist of psychological consultation in Hongkong and China, and he has also held seminars on body, mind and meditation. There are more than ten kinds of works in Hong Kong, such as Running for Love, Love I can't let go of the most, Love like this is very good, Two People and Two Worlds, and Unconscious Novel Running Away. There are several works in China, such as Don't be afraid of being alone, let go. Love, practice in love, loneliness of two people and so on. As a psychotherapist, she has treated clients from all over the world, including You Are Not Lonely, Don't Be Afraid of Loneliness and The Age of Subconscious Love Novels. Her dark legend has been hidden from newspapers, magazines and TV interviews for many years. He has been interviewed by many domestic magazines, including Hope, Rainbow, Pretty Woman and Boutique Shopping Guide. She doesn't like talking very much, and she doesn't like the camera. People from all directions like to get close to her, hoping to know everything about her and listen to her spiritual guidance. The guests who sought her treatment for emotional trauma came from Hongkong, China, Taiwan Province Province, China, Malaysia, as well as the lost men and women in the United States, Canada, Europe and Australia. She has been to many places. 1997, she left everything behind and lived in Brighton, a small town in southern England. Running away is an important food for her to learn self-love and spiritual purification, and feel life and love while writing travel notes. She has done a lot of work, such as art administration, cultural editing, senior website management, network TV host and emotional education consultant. She has served as a guest lecturer and guest speaker in many universities in Hong Kong. An excessive woman who can never be located. She has a special preference for writing, art and psychotherapy. Over the years in Hong Kong Ming Pao, Sing Tao, Hong Kong Herald, Newspapers, Film Biweekly, Magpaper, Jiaren, Transboundary, Transition, Opening, Performing Arts Review (Taiwan Province Province), Contemporary (Taiwan Province Province), Book City, etc. Now she is an expert in the love emergency room of Sina.com's women's channel for Hope, Miss Fashion, Meimei, Girlfriend and urban housewives. She also writes columns for Sing Tao Daily, Metropolitan Daily and sister magazines in Hong Kong. Works published in China include You Are Not Alone and Black and White Love Letters (to be published), while works published in Hong Kong include Don't be afraid of being alone, Loneliness of Two People, Private Files of Women, Files of Women's Sexual History, etc. Editing this pure black confession I have taught, students from kindergarten to university are very curious, and often ask me if I have no other clothes except black, is it all black in the closet, and will I wear a black wedding dress when I get married? When interviewed by the media, the first sentence must be asked: You like black and are vegetarian, so you call it plain black? Frankly speaking, I don't know Su Hei's explanation. I only know that black is black. I may be inseparable from her. I think I need her more than my lover. I have no secrets. I don't know much, but I may know more. I don't believe that knowledge is power, although knowledge and expressive ability are the most convenient tools of power. I'm not superstitious about knowledge. I would rather spend my whole life learning to look at myself and understand the energy of love. Life is deeper, more humble, more refined and gentler than our minds can imagine. The meaning of living, for me, may be to be a yogi, an enlightener, silent and listening under the nourishment of love. Edit this emotional injury consultation-My love, is it tolerance or shelter? Somehow, I fell in love with him who already has a girlfriend. I know he won't leave that girl to be with me, but I just can't let myself give up this relationship. I try to face his half-hearted attitude with a positive attitude, telling myself that since I love someone, I must give selflessly and tolerate everything, but the other one I often jump out and ask: If I don't feel love, I will continue to miss him, take care of him, give him everything and achieve everything for him. Can this kind of giving be called love? Dear Su Hei, I often read your writing. You mentioned that love is giving, not just desire, but on the other hand, you also mentioned that we should love ourselves, don't give others a "free lunch", and don't shield others. Is there a contradiction between the two? Frankly speaking, I like the feeling of taking care of him, and I feel very happy to see him satisfied. Maybe I am the woman who is full of motherhood in your works, and I feel that I can love only by being wronged. I don't deny that I may be relying on my man to prove that I still have the ability to love and create the illusion of intense love. Am I bad? This shady relationship has lasted for three years. When my girlfriend was not around, he came to me, and I never refused. I can't tell whether he is weak or I am weak. Can you tell me how to put it down? The 27-year-old reader either grew up in love or fell in love with Su Hei by mistake. Don't be superstitious about the idea that unconditional giving and self-love are equal to selfishness. Love needs giving, but all giving must be rational, conditional and limited. The reason is simple, because we are not saints and omnipotent. We can only do what we can, pay reasonably and just right. The energy needed by both parties will not be wasted or given up. As for self-love, the nature is the same. The starting point of loving oneself is gentleness, preciseness and rationality, and it is not to indulge or conceal one's desires casually, nor to find an excuse to indulge oneself. Self-love is the first stop of love. All love begins with self-love. People who don't know how to love themselves can't know how to love others. In the end, they will only be persistent, demanding and choke everyone. Giving and self-love go hand in hand and are not contradictory. Loving someone is a process of understanding, measuring, giving and enjoying. Desire and love can go hand in hand, but desire alone cannot promote love. If love only stays at the level of desire, it will soon get bored, and then blame each other, find fault and make much ado about nothing. Seeking love from desire and promoting love, only in this way can we grow and grasp love. The women in this article did not grow up in the process of falling in love. She only knows how to satisfy her sense of accomplishment and comfort of looking for someone to take care of her through his existence, and find her own value from the experience of taking care of him. Is this love? This question is not easy to answer, because there is love, but is that enough? Can you make her happy and satisfied? Can she learn more about herself from happiness and satisfaction, improve herself, renew herself and make herself more mature and free? This is a model of false love. The so-called wrong love is that you love too much and lose the chaotic state, and you can't tell right from wrong, true or false, good or bad. Your feelings are numb, but you keep copying the so-called love action, and you keep paying, and you can't get psychological satisfaction. I have lost myself in love, and it has been unclear who is loving who and who is dragging down who. So what's left of love? His lust for her is clear, but her desire is a collection, which makes her mistakenly think it is "love that should be paid." His continuing to look for her should not be an excuse for her not to let go. She should be responsible for her current relationship and feelings. The meaning of love is to let yourself reflect your true face from the process, see clearly your inside and outside, let go of yourself, enjoy the happiness of living in harmony with another person, improve the quality of life and make life more interesting. If love can make you feel these things, this relationship is love, otherwise, it is just love in the test. You don't have enough ability to love yourself, so you have no ability to love others. Do we get happiness and satisfaction from being kind to others and paying for others? Or do you feel empty and questioning after paying, denying each other and yourself everything, and feeling too tired to pay too much? These questions are very important. They teach you to check whether your energy is too much to make ends meet, so that you can check whether you are in love by mistake. See if your so-called giving is just to satisfy each other's desires, expand each other's weaknesses, condone each other's exploitation and greed, and cultivate the inertia that each other only takes and forgets to give! These are relationships that have not been promoted and have not yet reached love. Don't make excuses and refuse to put it down! Only by reorganizing this relationship from self-love, seeing your blind spot from persistence and growing up can we find the door to love. Editor-in-Chief of Girlfriend Website: Ma edited this passage: A woman who loves herself exudes love in plain black, a famous psychotherapist, writer and spiritual enlightener in Hong Kong. Her columns written in mainland magazines such as City Pictorial, Fashion and Health, and Jiaren are well received by readers. Su Hei's main works are: Let go. Love, don't be afraid of a person, so love is good, desperate female file, the loneliness of two people, and the novel "The Age of Runaway" and so on. As a psychotherapist, Su Hei has to deal with a large number of emails from readers and patients every day. For her, communicating with them in this way is a way of her personal practice, not a job. This time she came to Beijing and put down the two books she brought. Love "and" Don't be afraid of loneliness ". Su Hei believes that modern psychology research lacks the study of individual mind, and the complexity of each case can not be fully explained by modern psychology which emphasizes social universality. Because of this, she compiled 52 real emotional cases into Let Go. Love. Among them, plain black psychotherapy runs through-helping patients find inner balance again in body, mind and spirit. In her view: "The biggest trauma of the victim is not being hurt, but refusing to let go of the role of the victim, preferring to be immersed in the psychological inertia of pain and self-pity and being invaded by negative thoughts. Learning to leave the negative desires attached to it is the real maturity. Let go, love will really live. "Under the support of cases," Don't be afraid alone "is a theoretical deepening of these cases, which not only incorporates her many years of professional treatment experience, but also describes the process of Su Hei uncovering the fundamental difficulties in life. Su Hei pointed out the different meanings of selfishness, narcissism and self-love. The so-called "selfishness" refers to exploiting others, demanding others, hoping or using others to fulfill and accommodate themselves, while shielding themselves. In her opinion, selfish people don't know how to love, are self-centered and don't sympathize with others. And "narcissism" is self-indulgence, covering up and maintaining your own shortcomings and forgiving yourself for everything. Narcissists care about themselves and often ignore the feelings of others. Only "self-love" is the ultimate state of self-abandonment. Su Hei wrote: "Selfish people need love, narcissists close love, and self-loving people give love. "As a psychotherapist, Su Hei has a lot to say about the gender issues that often plague women. Youth Daily (hereinafter referred to as Q): Women are always entangled in vows, and their trust in vows even exceeds their actions. Is this our nature? Pure black (short answer below): Women or feminized people have this problem. They hope to find the truth from language, not from the present existence to confirm this truth. They are very eager to hear some affirmation of love. Only from these languages can they prove the existence of love. They want to hear from you! Women are superstitious about language and what they hear. Q: How can women let go of this fantasy of clinging to language? I don't think we should pay too much attention to language. Language is only a tool for communication, but it is not the whole truth. The promise itself is sincere, but it is said that in the days to come, each other will change. Do you still stick to what you said at that time? Women always keep those words in mind and indulge in the context at that time. But the context will change, and so will the same words. The point is to look at yourself and others now, don't live in the past, look at what you have done, and don't cling to what you have said. Q: What kind of woman do you think is cute? A: A simple woman, who does things silently, doesn't talk much, loves herself and others, is contented and takes care of herself and others. It's a pity that there are too few such women now. Q: Are women's values masculine now, and most of them are masculine women? A: Yes. Women project themselves on men, so they will work hard towards the values that men agree with. But there are still differences between men and women. Women are more introverted, while men are more extroverted, and each has its own values and strengths, which are worth learning from each other. If a woman wants to cry, then cry. This is not a sign of weakness. Live high's gender respects itself, but it is not indulgent and willful, so that it is good to achieve balance. The editor read "Let go of love" in this paragraph. I feel that when I read the newspaper on National Day, I found that the first place in the bestseller list in September was the black book "Let Go". Love. Let me have the impulse to read it at that time, and go to the book shopping center to find it immediately. Because I have been busy these months, I have no time to watch it. I've been a little idle recently, so I read it carefully. The book mainly contains many cases and analyzes them. I don't read those cases very much, and I don't like those plots very much. After all, they are too troublesome and unpleasant. But I really appreciate the classic words in the book, so I want to write them in this diary for encouragement from time to time. Excerpts are as follows: Dedicated to those who refuse despair and believe in love, there is never doomed misfortune, only persistence that never lets go. The biggest trauma of the victim is not being hurt, but refusing to let go of the role of the victim, preferring to be immersed in the psychological inertia of pain and self-pity and being attacked by negative thoughts. The so-called feeling of great love will be forgotten immediately when you meet another substitute. It turns out that our feelings are very fragile, but we can deceive ourselves to love deeply and sacrifice for love. Look at your's feelings, how much is open-minded, pure, carefree love without seeking gain or loss. How many are narcissistic and unwilling to let go of their doomed love? Let go, love will really live. The truly desirable and positive love should be the cultivation of life, which is not easy to repair. On the other hand, it is easy to cross the stream of lust, and it is easy to blind your eyes. You only think it is love when you see the surface. At present, my career is the focus of my life. I won't affect my career because of emotional setbacks. Missing is beautiful and sad, but perhaps it is because of the rich experience that life is more colorful, and so is love.

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