Different choices will lead to completely different lives.
Tell two true stories first.
The first is the story of A.
Mr. Wang is a friend of one of my teachers. His hometown is in a small county in Hunan, and he is the only child in the family. From birth to high school, he almost never left his small county, and never thought that he would leave there forever one day. After all, A's parents are stable and prestigious government officials in a small county in Hunan. The life path they planned for A is: go back to their hometown after finishing college, then enter the government as a civil servant through contacts, then marry a colleague's daughter on a blind date, and then have another child, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, forever.
But since A went to Shanghai to go to college, his three views have completely changed. He never thought that China would have such a prosperous, free, inclusive and diverse city. His knowledge structure, lifestyle and his plans for the future began to change. He doesn't want to go back to his hometown and live a life without waves. He decided to stay in Shanghai and work hard.
In the first few years after graduating from college, he worked hard in Shanghai. He got a promotion and a raise, then started a business and fell in love with a Shanghai girl. Until the age of 29, he received a phone call from home. His grandparents died, but he never saw them last.
He went back to his hometown to pay his respects and talked with his parents all night. His mother knelt down and begged him to give up everything in Shanghai, all his career and love, return to his hometown and live a stable life. His father smoked heavily without saying a word. That night, A was so tangled and guilty that he even started to write his resignation letter to the board of directors in his notebook. But the next morning, his father sent him a short message: Son, choose according to your idea! ?
A cried at that time, and he secretly made up his mind that within three years, he must bring his parents to Shanghai.
After returning to Shanghai, A worked harder to make money. Finally, the day before his 32nd birthday, he bought a 400-square-meter villa in the suburbs of Shanghai. He deliberately left two large rooms on the first floor to his parents.
Now, he can stay with his parents every night, and his parents have begun to integrate into the prosperity of Shanghai and enjoy the happiness that they did not have in a small county. Besides, he married the Shanghai girl. He didn't lose his career, his love, his freedom and his parents.
Then there is the story of S.
His name is S, and he comes from Henan. He is a friend of my friend.
His parents are ordinary workers in a small county in Henan. They just lost their jobs a few years ago, and now they live by a small shop. He went to college in Beijing and then worked in Beijing. Every day, he gets on a sardine-like bus before dawn, from Yanjiao to Guo Mao, from shabby and leaky rental houses to gorgeous office buildings, and works hard in a two-square-meter workstation to exchange his youth for the success he wants.
But the truth is, S has no idea what kind of success he wants.
He is just escaping, he just doesn't want to go back to his hometown, and he doesn't want to face his parents' chanting and forced marriage every day; He just wants to make money, but he doesn't know how. He has no special hobbies, and he doesn't have his own circle. He goes back and forth between the rental house and the company every day. He diligently completes the work assigned to him by the leader every day, but never asks the meaning of all this. He feels very tired and busy, but every night is endless loneliness and emptiness. In this big city, he doesn't have a friend to talk to, a career he can't love, and a love he dares to hate and love. It's been five years since I graduated from college and I've changed three jobs, but I'm still a little white in the workplace. He is floating in Beijing, just floating, just not going home.
The year before last, one week after S's birthday, grandpa died, and he saw him for the last time.
He went home to pay his respects, and his parents said to him, Come back! ?
He said:? No, I want to pursue my ideal! ?
But last month, s went back. After living in Beijing for nearly ten years, all he got was smog, and he really couldn't stay any longer. There is nothing wrong with him. He works hard and makes money in the company. He doesn't smoke, drink, go clubbing or spend money recklessly. He thought that hard work would pay off, but he was wrong.
S returned to Henan, and now he helps his parents to run a small Dali store, and the business is not bad. At the same time, I am still preparing for the examination of public institutions. It seems to him that his life now is better than when he was in Beijing.
The above is the story of A and S. Their family backgrounds and school experiences are so similar, but after ten years, they have embarked on a completely different life. Of course, there is no difference between these two life choices, but relatively speaking, S left his youth in Beijing, but failed to leave his future, which makes people feel a little sorry.
Analyze from three angles to see where you are really suitable to go.
About what? Big city? And then what? Small city? The debate has been going on for several years, but there has never been a universal answer to the truth. Millions of young people are still working for it every year. Stay? Or? Go home? And tangled.
Some people say: parents are not far away; Some people say: life is not just a life, but also poetry and distance; Some people say: parents are still there, what poetry and distance to talk about; Some people say: men are ambitious in all directions; Some people say: fallen leaves should return to their roots; Some people say: if you don't struggle to stay at home, your parents will suffer more; Some people say: the most regrettable thing in life is that children have to be raised and relatives are not there; Some people say: how can you support your parents without wealth and status? Some people say: parents don't want you to be rich and powerful, they just want you to go home often.
? Parents are still alive and need company? Are those statements? Going home? The main reason for people.
It is true that China's family concept formed by Confucianism for thousands of years is different from that of the West. Independent? 、? Freedom? Family values are completely different. In the west, where welfare is perfect and knowledge level is relatively high, parents will no longer bear the obligation to raise their children after reaching the age of 18, and children can choose their own lives freely and independently, and parents do not need their children to take care of them in their later years; But in? Is filial piety the greatest? China, where social welfare is incomplete, and China, where the elderly are generally empty and lonely? Family? It is always young people who pursue the fetters of their own lives. This is a traditional culture, a national condition and a reality. We can't fundamentally change these, but we can still try to find a balance between ourselves and our families and an optimal solution.
First of all, let's analyze whether you are suitable to stay in a big city from the perspective of personality.
A big city is a paradise for adventurers, but a small city doesn't mean you can enjoy life.
Different personalities are suitable for development in different places.
If you are rebellious, if you are different, if you are always open-minded about all new things, if you are unsociable, if you like tossing and turning, if you often think about the ultimate problems of life and the universe, if you can't stand the rules and regulations in the system, if you are not the top three students with excellent academic performance since childhood, but have superhuman talent in some way, do you believe it? Yourself? More than believe? Where are the others? Then, you are suitable for big cities. Tolerance, change, freedom and competition in big cities, as well as smart people in big cities, will make you very happy.
If you are calm and mature, if you are sophisticated, if you like tradition and nostalgia, if you can make friends with people of various personalities, if you don't like tossing, if you live in the present and only value the road under your feet, if you can feel at home under any system, if you have been in the top three with excellent academic performance since childhood, if you have a wide range of hobbies, so are you. Others? Instead of believing? Yourself? Then, you are more suitable for developing in a small city. Step by step, human relations, traditional culture, etc. Being in a small city will make your life comfortable and satisfying.
Secondly, we analyze whether you are suitable to struggle in a big city from your career or career.
If you like a job full of change and competition, if you take creativity, creation and entrepreneurship as the source of your passion in life, if you are a media practitioner, an Internet person, a creative marketer, a researcher of various technologies, a lawyer, a musician and an entrepreneur, then a big company will be your destiny takes a hand's choice.
If you are pursuing a stable life, if you are more accustomed to the work within the system, and are more inclined to career preparation and large-scale group work, then returning to your hometown is more suitable for you. After all, both institutions in big cities and institutions in small cities are similar. Besides, you have an advantage when you go home.
If you are confused, you don't know what kind of job you like, and you don't know that you are good at ideals. Then, please give yourself three to five years to wander in big cities for three to five years. Of course, when you are drifting, you must take the initiative to collide with different circles and different people. You need to constantly try many opportunities in big cities, and you need to constantly reflect on yourself. After five years, you can decide whether to go or stay.
Finally, let's analyze it from the perspective of your parents or family.
1) If your parents are not old (under 55), healthy and have their own jobs, then I don't suggest you give up everything in the big city for your parents and go home forever. Because your parents don't need you to be with them urgently, what you need to do now is to earn enough wealth in the years before your parents get old. Only in this way can you have enough time and wealth to accompany them when they are really old.
2) If your parents are businessmen by profession, or your parents are people who like change and have independent personalities, then you should not go back to your hometown early to be with your parents. Embracing change, entrepreneurship and innovation should be the excellent inheritance of your family, including your parents. I certainly hope that you can create your own career on your own, instead of going home and being a screw with no future in a comfortable and step-by-step environment.
3) If your parents are working-class people who are about to retire, or are sick all the year round, you may want to consider going home. Or, don't let yourself be too far away from home. Old age, salary, low education and illness, when these characteristics are concentrated on a middle-aged person who is about to get old, they need far more than material and money. They have a very strong sense of insecurity and need the company of their loved ones. So, if your parents also have strong insecurity, please spend more time with them. Maybe your personality and career prevent you from going home, but at least, don't go too far from home, at least go home often.
4) If your family is particularly rich, if you are a rich second generation, it is entirely up to you. You can choose to go home to inherit your parents' career and enjoy the beautiful youth brought by wealth; You can also go to big cities and compete with ordinary young people. You are a lucky man, all you have to do is keep your luck going.
5) If your family is extremely poor, if you were born in an extremely remote and isolated mountain village, then leave regardless of your personality, occupation and hobbies, whether your parents are tolerant or traditional! Come to a bigger city and see a bigger world. The way you want to change poverty in your family and hometown is definitely not to go home with your parents when you are young, and to learn and accumulate capital that can change your destiny in big cities.
Parents are not excuses, no matter where they are, they can be filial.
There are thousands of roads in Qian Qian, and no road is unique. Many times, a big city or a small city is just a besieged city. What you really should choose should be what you can accept and what suits you best. In the final analysis, no matter where you live, there are always joys and sorrows, regrets and complaints. However, please don't use your parents as an excuse, because no matter where you are, you can be filial.
Finally, share the experience of Zhihu author Li, hoping to inspire everyone:
It wasn't long before my father died suddenly, leaving only my mother who was over 60 years old to live in her hometown in the mountains. Every time I call back, my mother tells me that she is fine and asks me to work hard. But every time I think that my mother will cook, eat, do farm work and chat with herself in a deserted home, I feel very sad.
After coming out for so many years, I had the idea of going back to my hometown for the first time. Taking advantage of my mother, I applied for civil servants in my hometown; At the same time, I have successively invested in many units in my hometown on the Internet, one of which is a small production factory in a town only a few kilometers away from my hometown. Their leader called me several times and basically decided to take me.
Although the salary is not high, when I go back to work, I can live at home every day, have breakfast and dinner with my mother, and even ride a battery car home for lunch at noon. You can do farm work with your mother on weekends and catch up early.
Before I made up my mind to go back, I hesitated for a long time and made an assumption: what would happen if I really went back? Then I can live with my mother in the old house at home and live a relaxed and simple life. I may also find a wife with similar family circumstances near my hometown and have a baby. The children go to primary school in the town. If I do well in ta, I can go to middle school in the county, then take the college entrance examination, then go to college outside the province, and then get familiar with the scene, just like in the past.
Yes, that's how I got out myself, from mountainous areas to county towns, from county towns to big cities. If I choose to go back to my hometown, my descendants will continue to copy the path I have taken.
More importantly, because my hometown's income is not high, I will not be able to take her to Beijing for medical treatment as easily as I did when I was working in Beijing once my mother became ill after I returned to my hometown.
Therefore, I finally chose to stay in Beijing and work harder.
After several years, I finally settled in Beijing and got married. Then I brought my mother here. Every night, I have dinner with my wife and my mother. On weekends, I go to the park with my mother.
My mother, who has hardly left her hometown in the countryside, got on a plane for the first time, went out to Beijing for the first time, ate roast duck for the first time, entered the cinema for the first time, and listened to a symphony at the National Grand Theatre for the first time.
For my mother, everything in the big city is so novel and everything is so beautiful. One night, my mother and I were sitting at home watching TV. It's cold outside, and the room is warm as spring. My mother suddenly said with emotion, I really didn't expect this in my life. How happy I would be if your father were still here. My eyes filled with tears in an instant.
At that moment, I felt that all my efforts and efforts in this city were worthwhile.