1. Physically speaking, parents are older than their children, so they are more mature than their children both physically and psychologically. Parents are more experienced and experienced than us, and they are more cautious and thorough, so they have the ability to take appropriate measures to communicate with their children. If parents
If you don't do this, there will be a generation gap between yourself and your children, and the main responsibility lies with your parents.
Second, ideologically, parents don't understand their children, and they don't know what their children think and want. Parents just use their unique parental status to force their children to do things they don't want to do, thus suppressing all kinds of ideas in their children's minds. They think what they say or do is reasonable and correct, which will create a "generation gap" between parents and children.
Third, as far as family status is concerned, parents are the head of the family and hold the economic power. As an example for children to learn, they can't let go of their airs and faces and can't communicate with children on an equal footing. In order to maintain their prestige and dignity, they are unwilling to accept their children's suggestions and always like their obedience. This "supreme" status of parents will create a "generation gap" between parents and children.
Fourth, from the perspective of modern education: children need to receive a lot of education, and family education is one of the most important educational contents for children. When it comes to family education, it is necessary to talk about the relationship between parents and children. We know that a good family environment will inevitably form a harmonious and warm family. If there is a gap between family members, it will inevitably have a certain impact on the growth of children. Parents' words and deeds and morality will have an impact on their children. From the birth of a child, parents become the first teacher of the child, and from then on, they assume the responsibility and obligation of cultivating and educating the child, as well as social responsibility. The parents' dereliction of duty may cast a shadow over the family, resulting in family indifference and disharmony, as well as children's pessimistic and negative thoughts.
As far as the development of the times is concerned, most of parents' life experiences are in the 1980s. The past experience made them taste the hardships of life. They didn't want their children to make the same mistakes, so they repeatedly asked their children to accept their ideas. With the development of the times and the progress of society, children in the new century have formed different ways of thinking and principles of doing things from their parents, which will inevitably lead to a "generation gap" between parents and children, while parents are not active in their children.
How to improve the relationship between parents and children;
(1) Close parent-child relationship. To achieve good communication, we must close the parent-child relationship. The new prescription of parent-child relationship written by Chen Yicheng in China Women's Daily on September 1999 is worth learning by parents. The new prescription is:
Consider the problem from the child's point of view, and let the child know that their parents have been caring and accepting them.
In addition to academic performance, every child can develop his potential and broaden his various fields of development.
Because there are many solutions to a problem, don't stick to one answer and conflict with your child.
Parents should constantly improve their emotional intelligence and IQ, develop their potential, put down their face and listen to all aspects of educational experience.
⑤ Use games, music and activities to cultivate parent-child relationship.
In addition, to close the parent-child relationship, parents and children should trust each other. Therefore, parents should cultivate their children's self-confidence; We should treat children's shortcomings correctly and help them correct their mistakes; Provide opportunities for children to display their talents; Don't hurt children's self-esteem, self-confidence and so on.
(2) create a listening atmosphere. Parents should try their best to make their children feel that it is a matter of course. The trick is to let the family always have a "listening atmosphere". In this way, children will come to discuss with their parents once they encounter something important. One of the best ways to achieve this goal is to spend time with his children. For example, take advantage of the opportunity to eat together, listen to children's voices, and let children feel that they are valued.
(3) Learn to talk in parallel. Parents talk to adolescent children in a "parallel conversation" way, which can often arouse enthusiastic response. The "parallel conversation" proposed by Ron Tafel, the author of "Educating Children with Heart" in the United States, means that parents and children do some ordinary activities together and talk at the same time, focusing on activities rather than the content of the conversation. Neither side has to look at each other. This kind of non-face-to-face conversation will make parents and children feel at ease. In the conversation between parents and children, it is best to talk more about how to learn to seek knowledge, learn to do things, learn to live together, learn to be a man and so on. In conversation, we should also pay attention to the principles from things to relationships, from things to feelings, from general to special, so that children and parents can talk about everything.
(4) only be a child's consultant. Because parents put forward opinions, even good opinions, most teenagers don't like to listen. Therefore, parents should be children's advisers and allies, not managers. Counselors just listen carefully, assist in the choice of atmosphere, and do not intervene. They only suggested changing the route. Psychologist Elizabeth Ellis said: "Parents should help their children review the whole thing carefully. Teenagers often think of making people angry. "
(5) Have your own space. "Teenagers need to feel that their lives are not completely controlled by their parents", so parents should let their children have their own space, "especially parents should not break into their children's rooms without authorization." Adele Fiba, author of "The Skills of Talking with Children", said; "What many parents don't understand is that although children want to avoid their parents, they don't want their parents to treat them like that."
(6) Write down what you said. Some experts suggest that parents write down what they don't want to say directly to their children or what they don't like. Michael popkin, a family relationship consultant, said, "Most people think that writing in black and white is more credible and can be read again." "If you decide what you want to say, the weight of your words will increase."
(7) Don't ask everything. Parents ask so many questions that it is difficult for children to express their thoughts. Michael Liera said: "Teenagers usually don't tell their parents much about themselves. If your child does the same, you should treat everything your child tells you as a gift and cherish it. "
(8) Show ambivalence. At the same time, children may love and hate their parents. For parents, teachers and all those who have authority over children, children's feelings are often twofold. But the duality of parents' feelings for their children is usually difficult to accept. In fact, in human real life, there are dialectical concepts everywhere. Where there is love, there will be hate; Where there is envy, there is jealousy; Where there is enthusiasm, there will be hostility; Where there is success, there is trouble. All these feelings are reasonable: positive, negative and contradictory. Therefore, parents should learn to accept the double feelings existing in their children. Parents don't have to worry or feel guilty about their double feelings for their children. Human beings have feelings, and feelings are part of nature. American psychologist Guinnot said: "Emotional education can help children understand what they feel. It is more important for a child to know how he feels. "
Parents can provide their children with an emotional mirror to help them.
Understand his feelings. If children want to know their inner feelings, they must listen to their parents' reflections on their feelings. Through the mirror of feelings, he can provide a chance for children to repair and change spontaneously.
Raising teenagers is a process of constant consultation, which requires redefining the relationship with children from time to time and frank communication. Only by comprehensively doing the above points can parents truly communicate frankly with their children.
How to improve the relationship between children and parents;
Speaking of the generation gap, have we ever thought about our preconceived ideas about our parents? Many times, we just take our own life experience as the criterion.
Criticizing parents, especially their hobbies, we think they are "old-fashioned". In fact, what we are not interested in or don't accept doesn't mean that they are outdated and worthless.
When we are dissatisfied with our parents, we might as well calmly analyze why they do this, so that we may feel less bored. For example, after many hardships, our parents will value money more than we do.
Young people always say that their parents are too stubborn, but have we listened to their parents objectively? Are we also stubbornly sticking to our own opinions? When encountering differences of opinion, we should understand each other and accommodate each other; Disagreement will only make the relationship worse. Young people always want their parents to know themselves, but they don't express their inner feelings frankly and tactfully to their parents. In fact, in order to realize the communication between parents and children, we must first tell them sincerely.
My own mind.
You should know that parents are adults, all thoughts and habits are deeply rooted, and it is not easy to change their minds. The younger generation should respect their father, understand his words and deeds and absorb his experience, because their parents have more life experience than we do, and they can provide some suggestions for reference to some extent.
It is human nature that parents sometimes show off their past achievements. Parents' excessive control over us is caused by worrying about us. How can a person who doesn't care about us be so nervous about our behavior?
Try to ask yourself, have you ever tried going to the theatre and shopping with friends temporarily, but you didn't know to call home in advance to inform your family that you don't have to stay for dinner:
Or go out without an umbrella under a dark cloud. Only when they are self-disciplined and responsible will their parents have confidence in them. In addition, parents often think that telling relatives and friends that their children have not made progress is a sign of modesty, but unexpectedly it hurts their self-esteem. We can all confess our inner feelings to our parents.
As long as our younger generation is willing to improve communication with their parents and express their inner feelings, the relationship between the two generations will certainly improve.
Choose the moment when you and your parents are happy and the most suitable occasion.
(2) Avoid quarreling with parents, because resistance is the poison of communication.
(3) Socrates' secret:
Socrates, a great philosopher, taught people to argue, not with the other side, but to let the other side say "yes", from saying "yes" to "no objection" and finally "agree", and to obtain the other side's consent through uncontroversial dialogue.
(d) From the perspective of what parents need to realize their wishes.
(5) Relative efforts and behavior coordination.
(6) Communication may not be achieved once. If you fail once, find another chance. Repeated communication can change parents' ideas and eventually achieve success.
(7) "Bypass" is a shortcut between two points. "circuitous" means "indirect" communication. In some cases, you can tell your parents about your problems through a third party, perhaps an aunt or uncle. In short, he is a person who has a good relationship with your parents and can talk to them. His relay can be combined with "persuasion" and often breaks the deadlock of communication.
(8) With the help of the magic of words, sometimes it is not clear in person, or parents don't have time to listen. You can write an affectionate letter to "impress your parents". When parents see your letter or small card, they will have room to think about whether it is "reasonable". You can also take advantage of different festivals, such as Mother's Day, Father's Day and Parents' Day.
9. "Win" first, and then "fight".
Sun Tzu, a soldier in our country, said that "the victorious soldier wins first and then struggles", which means that the victorious soldier is well trained in advance and knows himself and himself. He had won before fighting the enemy. Communication also requires "first" efforts. First, we should get on well with our parents, do something beneficial to what he wants to communicate, understand their preferences, and then "naturally" everything will be OK.
(10) Make tea with boiling water. Everyone who likes tea knows that in order to make a good cup of tea, besides good tea leaves, you have to use boiled water. If the water is not boiled, the tea leaves will not drop and the taste will not be made. So use "boiled water" when making tea. If there are several pots of water, don't "lift which pot doesn't open." In this way, you can't make good tea and "communication", that is, "do what he likes", "express in his favorite way" and "say what he likes to hear", and communication will be easy to realize.
Although there are many successful cases, experts still remind us not to expect to completely bridge the generation gap. Intergenerational conflict also has its positive side, which is the product of social progress. Of course, this requires parents to take appropriate ways to get along with their children or parents and keep their families healthy. The generation gap has always existed in our lives, and children should try their best to bridge this gap, instead of letting their parents' blood and sweat flow into the gap in vain and not seeing its effect.
Why is there a "generation gap" between parents and children, and mutual respect is like "ice"? This is because parents and children don't have the same values. Computers can interoperate because they have the same operating system and computer language. Schools mainly spread skills and knowledge, and classics embody noble values of life. If parents and children study the Four Books together and share a common value orientation, it will be difficult to trace the "generation gap".
Therefore, the parent-child generation gap is a problem left over from social development, and we should face up to its influence.
Please adopt it.