Problems in the process of educating children
Problem 1, exerting great pressure.
Some parents put too much pressure on their children, making them nervous and at a loss, which is counterproductive.
Professor Li has a child downstairs, in the same class as her eldest son. They are very close, and their grades are equal. However, after the college entrance examination is over and the results have not yet been announced, the child will be determined not to pass the exam.
Today, I was surprised and asked, "Why? Your grades have always been good! "
The child sighed and said, "I'm so nervous." My father told me that I must pass the exam, or I will take care of myself. These days are very chaotic, and I have been thinking about how to take care of myself. Where do I live? "
Yu Jin said: "My father is not like this. He said that if he failed in the exam, he would review for another year. There should be no pressure. "
After the results came out, the scores of the two did differ greatly, and Jinyu Jinbang High School. Professor Li said: "Our parents can't engage in too many metaphysical things." She is very frank. To be fair, although she is eager for success and consciously teaches them, it never occurred to her that they must all be doctoral students, and they must travel across the ocean and be absolutely beautiful.
Boss was a famous naughty boy when he was a child. He is called "Little Trouble" and is the king of a group of children. When he was admitted to the university, his wife and I were also worried about him. On the one hand, they encouraged him, on the other hand, they faced up to reality and made plans for accidents. Once you fail, review for another year. If you fail, you will be admitted to a technical school. If you have a skill in the future, you can make contributions to society. They often teach children to teach; "Cleaners can also be made into national model workers, depending on whether you are a conscientious person."
Question 2: Reduce the burden of polarization
It is now advocated to reduce the burden on students. Professor Li believes that reducing the burden is right, but it cannot be polarized.
Some parents are eager to teach their children to become talents, thinking that the more they learn, the closer they will be to "quality education". So Saturday and Sunday, piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, English, martial arts and so on. They are all instilled into children's minds non-stop, making them physically and mentally exhausted and unable to adjust after a week of intense study, resulting in a vicious circle and deteriorating grades. On the other hand, as soon as parents heard that they were going to reduce their burdens, they hacked: all of them were reduced until their children stopped studying and even their parents played mahjong.
A teacher in Hainan said: In response to the call to reduce the burden, the school kept homework to a minimum, but there were still some students who didn't do their homework well. Not only did I not finish it at school, but I still didn't concentrate on it when I took it home, so I couldn't finish it at eleven or twelve in the evening, as if my homework was piled up. When uncertain, parents looked anxious and complained to the school that the school would not reduce the burden.
In fact, a lot of basic knowledge is necessary for a child to become a talent, and it also lays a solid foundation for him to master other knowledge in the future. It is the essence of wisdom accumulated by human beings for thousands of years. It is meaningful for children to learn this knowledge. How can they just throw it away?
Question 3. Grab your eyebrows and beard.
Many people are surprised: "Professor Li has four children, all of whom are excellent. Why is there only one child in my family, and my parents are heartbroken, but it is useless? " In response to this phenomenon, Professor Li said with a smile: "I spent my energy, but I didn't grasp the key point of educating children."
She said that the education of children should be focused and not be a "broken-mouthed old woman". She kept nagging about big issues and small issues. She gave more than 60 lectures all over the country and found many such parents. After listening to Li's lecture, they asked several questions. Some asked with trepidation, "One day after school, I found my son walking with a female classmate. What can I do? " I asked nervously, "My son in high school is going to climb the mountain with his classmates on Sunday. Should he go? " What's more, sit next to the child and monitor the child. As long as the child's eyes leave the book a little, he will be severely scolded. A child said to Li, "Grandma, my mother is sitting next to me. I'm too nervous to read. Later, * * * froze, I didn't know what was written in the book, and my mind was blank, so I didn't dare to leave. My grades are getting worse every day. "
In this way, children are easy to rebel and their parents' dignity is also decreasing. Li never interferes excessively with children's freedom, nor nags their mothers. So as long as she talks to the children, the children will understand: "The problem is serious and must be taken seriously."
Question 4. Parental conflict exposure
As the saying goes, "parents are not at peace, and children suffer." Parents are lifelong teachers of children, and the so-called "teaching by example is better than teaching by words" plays a key role in children's growth. If parents are at daggers drawn in front of their children all day and blame each other, not only can they not provide their children with a "stable rear and a happy harbor", but they will also create an indelible shadow on their young psychology. Such a child has a relatively small chance of success.
The decades-long "mutual love, mutual respect, mutual help, mutual understanding and mutual trust" of the Li couple is of great benefit to the growth of their four children. Professor Li said: "Nowadays, many middle-aged people blame each other. Mutual distrust, lack of self-discipline in front of children, and trouble all day, laying the groundwork for future marriage. Being a child is painful. They worry about whether their parents will divorce all day, and some of them quietly follow their parents to see if there is a third party involved. How can the child concentrate on his studies? How can I learn well enough? How can we cultivate a happy and healthy personality? "
Therefore, parents must be responsible for creating a warm, harmonious and happy family life environment for their children. In addition, parents must maintain a high degree of consistency in educating their children, and never expose their differences in front of their children.
Solutions to problems in education
1. Show your true self to your children.
Parents often "deliberately" tell their children about learning problems, "I used to study badly, but now I am very unsuccessful, and my work is not good, etc." In fact, children will naturally look at the state of their parents. If you are unhappy now and you attribute it to your past, then children can naturally attribute their poor learning to "kindergarten" or earlier stages, and think that they are naturally unwilling to study and are naturally sloppy, so there is an excuse and it is not easy to deal with.
In addition, some parents will also mention to their children how outstanding their achievements were. As the saying goes, "A brave man doesn't mention his bravery in those days", times have changed, and the "past" has passed anyway.
Parents' best education for their children is to let them know themselves. Parents should show their present life naturally and truly in front of their children, instead of beautifying or uglifying it. In this way, there is only one real way to live in front of children: if you have a high cultural literacy and a solid knowledge base, then borrow a traditional saying, "be wise and eat wisdom"; If you don't have enough knowledge, then "no wisdom, no effort". Parents don't have to talk about all this, but the child will look at it and see if he is willing to follow the path of his parents.
2. Know your child and guide him according to the situation.
Understanding children includes understanding children's needs and interests, and understanding children's motives for behavior, so as to better guide children. This article is simple to say and complicated to do, and needs specific analysis. For children who love reading fairy tales, we can start with the analysis of fairy tales to improve their understanding of social life and interpersonal relationships; Starting with the comparison of different versions of the same fairy tale, children's writing ability can be improved and children can be encouraged to create their own fairy tales. When a child looks at fairy tales from a new perspective, he will soon mature and naturally get rid of the obsession with fairy tales.
For children who like airplanes, they can be guided into the gates of mathematics and physics by understanding the efficiency of various airplanes. Through the understanding of the history of aircraft development, guide children into the door of the history of science. Because children have the most basic interests as the driving force, relevant books and materials will become the source of children's knowledge.
3. Don't get involved too much
Parents should control themselves and don't get too involved in their children's study. Because learning is, after all, the child's own business, and the key to learning well is himself. Just like a child is short and his bones are stunted, what parents can do is to provide his children with food with high protein and calcium, but they can't give them food or grow taller. The excessive involvement of parents is not only useless, but will reduce children's interest in learning and make them think that learning is their parents' business.
4. Create learning conditions
Good study conditions include: 1 quiet environment, which may require parents to watch less TV and play less cards; 2 reading atmosphere, that is, parents read more books and newspapers and discuss their own reading experience and related issues; Support for exploring "strange" questions, such as appreciating the uniqueness of some questions raised by children, helping children to use the library or the Internet to query relevant materials, and providing materials for some exploratory experiments that children will conduct.
Parents' skills in educating their children
One: Respect for children's "sophistry"-feedback effect
Whenever parents point out their children's mistakes, children always find many reasons to prove their innocence. At this time, parents generally call their children's behavior "sophistry" angrily. In fact, this is not sophistry, but a kind of feedback from children to their parents' education.
Education is a two-way street. Parents should not only teach, but also accept children's feedback, so that education can achieve the most perfect effect. However, many parents are not aware of this. They just "teach" themselves and don't care about their children's information feedback. Such education often fails to achieve the purpose that parents want.
Second, analyze and respect children's feedback.
When children give feedback on our education, we must first analyze this feedback. Of course, this analysis is not only aimed at children's language, but also includes children's movements and expressions.
However, it is worth parents' attention that children's feedback should be respected regardless of whether it is "sophistry". In the above-mentioned educational cases, when the children tell the reason why "the children in our class say so", the mother yells at the children without analyzing their feedback. Is this a sign of disrespect for children's feedback? Therefore, the mother doesn't know the truth of the child's feedback-she doesn't think "you are so stupid" is a dirty word.
It is conceivable that parents misunderstand and suppress their children's feedback. In the long run, children will never give positive feedback to their mothers' education. Without children's cooperation, parents can't educate their children.
Third, educate children's feedback purposefully.
When analyzing the problems of children's feedback, parents can carry out purposeful education on children's feedback. For example, if children don't know the importance of politeness when giving feedback, parents will never do it again. They can tell their children the importance of being polite through examples and reasons, and guide them to be polite children. If the child's feedback is that he doesn't want to know the responsibility caused by his recent wrong words and deeds, parents should isolate the child and let him become a person who knows his mistakes and corrects them, and dare to do something. ...
In short, no matter what feedback children have on their parents' education, respecting and analyzing children's feedback is the primary prerequisite for achieving educational goals.
Fourth, family education should not be inconsistent-Watch Theorem
Psychologists have done an experiment: give a person a watch, and when someone asks him the time, he can tell it quickly and confidently; However, when the man got two different watches, the watchmaker could not know the time quickly. Because two watches can't tell a person a more accurate time, on the contrary, it will make people who look at the watch lose confidence in the accurate time. Psychologists call this phenomenon "watch phenomenon", and draw a conclusion that there can only be one guiding principle or value orientation in doing things. Later, people called this conclusion "Watch Theorem".
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2. What puzzles do parents have in educating their children?
3. Common problems in children's education and their solutions
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5. Ten Ways to Educate Children Correctly