what is love ? Love is the eternal theme of mankind. Since the emergence of human beings, there has been love, and the history of love constitutes a part of human history.
Love is the most beautiful and deepest feeling of human beings. Goethe once said:? Which young student is not good at love, and which young girl is not good at love? This is the purest emotion in human nature. But in real life, everyone's love experience is different, and their feelings about love are different. It can not only bring happiness and happiness, but also unbearable pain and trouble. As Tolstoy, a great Russian literary master, said: A thousand people have a thousand kinds of love. ? . Because of this, love and sex have been hot topics in philosophy, religion, psychology, aesthetics, sociology and other fields for thousands of years.
So, what is love? The exposition of Marxist classic writers points out the direction for us. Engels in Ludwig? Feuerbach and the end of German classical philosophy "What does love come down to? A relationship between people based on mutual admiration? In the Origin of Family, Private Ownership and State, it is further pointed out that: Modern sex (that is, love) is essentially different from pure sexual desire and ancient love. First of all, it is based on mutual love between loved ones. In this respect, women and men are equal? Secondly, sex often reaches the level of intensity and persistence, that is, if it cannot be combined, it is a great misfortune for both sides. In order to combine, both sides dare to take great risks, even risking their lives. ? He also pointed out:? Regarding the moral evaluation standard of the relationship between men and women, we should not only ask whether we are married or having an affair, but also ask whether it happened because of love and mutual love. ?
According to the above basic views on love, we can summarize love as follows: the so-called love is the strongest, most sincere and lasting attraction and admiration between men and women based on physical and psychological needs under certain social relations.
Psychological characteristics of college students' love Love is undoubtedly one of the most concerned topics for college students. Love with college students is no longer? Still hiding half her face behind her guitar? Well, it's fascinating. It touches the heartstrings of the students and makes people look forward to it. However, the problem of love is one of the most puzzling problems for students, which seriously affects their study, life and even the healthy development of their personality.
Characteristics of current college students' love;
1, with strong autonomy
On the issue of love, college students have outstanding personality, attach importance to feelings, are impulsive and are not limited by traditional customs. Before or even after the relationship is determined, parents' opinions are generally not sought.
2. The motivation of love is simplified.
Many college students don't think about their future marriage in love, and they don't consciously realize that they should choose a lifelong partner. They fall in love only because they need to love and be loved.
3. Self-control and frustration resistance are weak.
Once in love, college students are not always good at controlling their emotions, letting them indulge at will, lacking rational control ability, relying too much on the object of love, and suffering from a little twists and turns. Once love is frustrated, it will be out of control and unable to extricate itself, which will have a serious impact on learning.
4. Immature and unstable
At present, college students' love is younger and the number is on the rise. People begin to fall in love in the first grade, which is not an isolated phenomenon. Some students even fall in love as soon as they enter school. These junior students, because of their shallow social experience and simple thoughts, many students don't have a clear concept of their life goals and needs, which leads to their simplicity, naivety and immaturity in treating love. In terms of mate selection criteria, appearance is often emphasized, while internal factors are ignored. In the way of love, the form is often emphasized, while the content is ignored. In love behavior, the process is often emphasized and the result is ignored; Value pleasure over responsibility. This kind of immaturity in love, coupled with their economic independence during school, changeable feelings and ideas in the process of love, and lack of ability to properly handle emotional entanglements in love, can easily lead to periodic interruption of love, or uncertain choice of love objects, and the success rate of love is very low.
Problems in college students' love: 1, unrequited love and love illusion
Secret love means that one party in a heterosexual relationship falls in love with the other party, but can't get the other party's return? Love? .
Love illusion means that in the contact relationship of the opposite sex, one party mistakenly thinks that the other party is right? On purpose? Or mistake the normal communication and friendship between the two sides for the coming of love.
Love illusion is another form of unrequited love, which often makes daydreaming, the party concerned, romantic.
Secret love and illusion of love are both cognitive and emotional errors in love psychology. Unrequited love makes some students fall into a painful situation, in emptiness, trouble and even despair. Improper handling will have a negative impact on future love and marriage life. Therefore, college students who fall into unrequited love should stop as soon as possible and choose again. In order to overcome the secret love and illusion of love, it is important to correctly understand the profound meaning of love, and at the same time control emotions with reason, respect each other's choices, and not be emotional.
2. The love motive is incorrect
The motivation of some college students is not love itself, but to make up for their inner emptiness, loneliness or conformity. This kind of students seldom combine love behavior with marriage when choosing a spouse, and lack a sense of responsibility. There are also a few students who, in order to show their charm, associate with several opposite-sex students at the same time, engage in multi-angle love, and are not even sure about their relationship.
Immoral polyandry can easily lead to disputes, misfortunes and disasters, as well as contradictions and tragedies, which will eventually have adverse consequences for all parties.
3. Emotional entanglements in love
Love triangle, parents' opposition, or criticism from people around, contradictions, misunderstandings and suspicions between lovers.
4. The standard of mate selection is unrealistic, the object of choice is idealized and vanity is strong.
5, lovelorn
Lovelorn refers to the interruption of the love process.
The sadness, pain, despair, melancholy, anxiety, nothingness and other emotions brought by lovelorn make the parties very hurt. It is one of the most serious psychological setbacks in life. If the negative emotions caused by lovelorn love are not resolved in time, it will lead to physical and mental diseases.
Many college students feel that there are many incomprehensible mental dilemmas or psychological puzzles in love. There are three reasons:
First, in the minds of college students, the gap between the ideal and reality of love gives people an unspeakable sense of loss. In other words, I have always believed that there is perfect love, but the reality is that there is no perfect man or woman and no perfect self.
Secondly, there are many factors that can make a love successful, such as age, appearance, conduct, personality, culture, occupation, interests, hobbies, economic status, nationality, religious beliefs, political attitudes and so on. Maybe just one aspect of mutual appreciation and recognition came together, or maybe just broke up because I didn't like it a little. As we all know, it takes time to reach a tacit understanding in many aspects, and it takes mutual understanding and joint efforts to establish a permanent love and happy family.
Thirdly, it is caused by the psychological characteristics of college students' love, which is caused by the younger age, openness, rapid progress and diversification of love. Specifically, because their level is still low, they are too shallow and lack a deep understanding and correct judgment of a person's experience; Because they are too emotional and extroverted, they blindly sweep away the traditional way of love with implicit and deep beauty; Because they are young and impulsive, the development of love is easily controlled by the development of sexual physiology and psychology; Because they are facing a realistic society with diversified life values? Therefore, the psychological dilemma of love is natural.