The surveillance video shows that the boy was taught by his mother in the corridor of the teaching building, during which he was slapped twice.
After his mother left, the boy stood silent for two minutes, then turned and climbed the railing and jumped off the fifth floor. Passing students tried to stop him.
At 9 o'clock that night, Zhang Mourui, who was seriously injured, was declared dead, and local education and judicial departments have intervened to deal with the aftermath.
This incident triggered a hot discussion on the Internet.
Many netizens think that parents' education methods are too rude. Children also have self-esteem, and parents should not beat their children in public.
Parents' humiliating behavior of "teaching children before teaching others" means that parents humiliate their children in public and make them lose face and dignity. In fact, criticizing children in front of outsiders will not only make them reflect, but also hurt their self-esteem. In order to save face, some children ran away from home, and some children.
Some parents, "teach their children before others", on the one hand, show their parents' authority and "strict discipline", on the other hand, vent their bad feelings, on the other hand, vent their dissatisfaction and anger with children and other things, which is what we call mulberry heart-to-heart.
Physical violence by parents is basically useless to children over 0/kloc-0. The more they beat the children, the more rebellious they become. Some children are honest on the surface, but their hearts are full of unconvinced.
Parents' verbal violence, its lethality is very powerful, even surpassing corporal punishment violence, and it is the knife of the mind. As the saying goes, trees are afraid of hurting their roots and people are afraid of being sad.
You know, sadness is more important than the death of the heart. Education is the seed of the soul. Think about it, how can people thrive when their hearts are dead?
Some parents always compare their children with others, which weakens their self-confidence.
Whenever a child is disobedient, some parents often like to reprimand loudly, regardless of whether there are people around; Sometimes I even find a "negative" example and sarcastically say, "Look at your neighbor and give you one about the same size, more obedient and better at learning. -unlike you, you just play around all day, don't know how to study, only know how to eat, drink and be merry. I feel sick when I see you. I don't know if you had a bad conscience in your last life and how you gave birth to such a rebellious son. "
Ok, let's take a look at the question of "On September 17, Zhang Mourui, a male student aged 9 14, was playing poker with two other students in the classroom, and the head teacher invited three parents to cooperate with the school". How should parents solve this problem?
What a mother should do is smile-
Son, mom was invited by the school teacher today. Is it because you play cards with a rest?
You know what, son? Playing cards is not a place, but a school is a place to study, which will have a bad influence on other students. If you are in school, you must abide by the rules and regulations of the school. What do you think?
Son, in a,? If you were a teacher and your students were playing poker in the classroom today, what would you do?
Son, today? My mother can understand what she has done. I think your parents made some mistakes when they were your age. Sometimes, they are more serious than you. After the teacher's criticism and education, we corrected it in time.
Son, but,? I think you students have realized your mistakes. In fact, just apologize to the teachers and classmates and promise not to make similar low-level mistakes again. I'm sure the teachers and mothers at school will forgive you. I believe you are still good children of teachers, students and mothers?
What are the bad habits of children with such education?
But think about it, the classmates are playing poker, and the class teacher invited three parents to the school to cooperate with the discipline. I feel that the teacher's education method is a bit inappropriate. It is even more incorrect for mothers to beat their children in public at school, and they are angry with their children's lives.
There is a saying in our country: a man teaches his son before his wife teaches him.
This sentence is actually a sentence in Zhu Zi's family instruction: "Teach your child before class and your wife at the bedside".
It means that if you want to point out your child's mistakes in person, no matter how many people make your child feel ashamed in front of others, you won't make similar mistakes. Tell your wife's fault behind her back and save her face.
So, is this old China's educational motto completely correct?
In fact, there are many excellent things in China traditional culture, but the dross is the dross. Just because we inherited it doesn't mean it is the essence. Just like "a dutiful son is born under a stick", even if it is a wrong educational concept, some parents are often reluctant to let go.
Philosopher John Locke has a famous saying, "The less parents publicize their children's shortcomings, the more children value their own reputation, so they will be more careful to safeguard others' praise for themselves." If you publicly announce their mistakes and make them feel ashamed, they will be disappointed and the tools to sanction them will be gone. "
According to reports, the most prominent manifestation of Swedish respect for children is "don't teach children in front of others." In this regard, they explained that children also have self-esteem, and parents should respect their self-esteem and protect their face under any circumstances, which is very helpful to cultivate their self-confidence.
In fact, although children are young, their dignity cannot be ignored.
Parents who "teach their children before others" will make their children feel humiliated and sad. Some are depressed because of inferiority, some are rebellious because of anger, some run away from home because of rebellion, and some die because of one-track mind.
In short, it is wrong for parents to "teach their children first and then teach others"!
Next, let's see why Hu Shi's mother is. Change "teaching children face to face" to "teaching children behind their backs"?
As we know, Hu Shi is an advocate of vernacular Chinese in China and a pioneer of the New Culture Movement. He was president of the National Peking University, ambassador to the United States, and president of Academia Sinica. He was one of the most famous scholars in modern history of China. In-depth research in "philosophy, literature, history, textual research, education, ethics, redology" and other fields, and won 35 doctoral titles.
Is it accidental that Hu Shi became such a great achievement?
It's not accidental!
Why?
Hu Shi was born a good boy and never made trouble?
No, it's a child. How can anyone not be naughty? Hu Shi is a clever and naughty boy!
As Hu Shi said, once it was cold, his mother said, "Put it on, it's cold." Hu Shi casually replied: "Niang (cool) what! Laozi is not Laozi. "
What does Hu Shi's mother think of such a problem?
There are no naughty children in the world, and there are no children who don't make mistakes. Generally speaking, the "mistakes" made by growing children mainly include unconscious mistakes, mistakes caused by curiosity and mistakes caused by imitation. The key to the problem is how to face the children's mistakes.
Some people say that China's trick to educate children and wives is to "teach children face to face and teach their wives behind their backs."
Teach the child to be in public, make him feel ashamed and stop doing it. If the wife makes a mistake, the husband and wife should discuss it behind their backs, not their self-esteem in front of others. "
So, is the phrase "teaching children face to face" correct?
See how Hu Shi's mother faces, treats and handles her children's mistakes.
Feng Shundi is both a loving mother and a strict father to Hu Shi, a "teacher" and a "strict teacher". She never dotes on her only son.
Hu Shi said: "My mother is the most strict with me. She is a loving mother and a strict father. But she never scolds me or hits me in front of others. I did something wrong and she just looked at me. I was frightened when I saw her stern eyes. She didn't teach me a lesson until I woke up the next morning. The crime is serious. She waited until the dead of night, closed the door, scolded me first, and then punished me, or knelt down or ground my flesh. No matter how heavy the punishment is, I won't cry. She didn't teach her son to vent his anger and let others listen. "
One early autumn evening, I had dinner and played at the door, wearing only a vest. At that time, my mother's sister, Aunt Yu Ying, lived in my house. Afraid that I was cold, she took out a small shirt for me to put on. I refused to wear it, and she said,' put it on, it's cold.' I casually replied:' Niang (cool) what! I'm not even an old man. As soon as I said this, I looked up and saw my mother coming out of the house. I put on my shirt quickly. But she heard this frivolous remark.
"In the dead of night, she made me kneel down and gave me a heavy punishment. She said,' How proud you are of losing your father! "What a talker!" Hu Shi's autobiography: Jiangsu Literature and Art Publishing House 1 September 1995, p. 34.
It can be seen that Hu Shi's mother will grasp the opportunity and discretion of education and protect the child's self-esteem; In fact, for the small mistakes made by children, generally speaking, there is no need to preach endlessly before going to bed, so as not to affect the rest, and at the same time give the children a space for reflection and reflection at night; But when I wake up after sleeping the next day, my parents still have to ask my child about yesterday's mistake, tell him what happened, remind him of what to pay attention to, let my parents remind me correctly before going to school, and let my child meet the new day's study.
Is it a good way to teach children face to face? The answer is no! Is it an appropriate way of education? It is necessary to change "teaching children face to face" to "teaching children behind their backs".
Because our theory of "teaching children face to face" should be said to be the dross of feudal cultural thought and should not be inherited and carried forward in modern society.
In fact, in feudal society, parents regarded their children as their private property and did whatever they wanted, which was a typical patriarchal system.
In life, we often see parents who "teach their children face to face", beating and scolding their children, and some parents even criticize their children.
Parents should know that although children are born by themselves, children have their own independent personality and need the respect of others and parents.
Parents should know that children, big or small, are people like themselves and have "face", that is, self-esteem.
If parents reprimand and educate their children in front of others, the children's first reaction is to lose self-esteem, feel that they have no "face", thus rejecting their parents' education and even planting "seeds" of hating their parents in their hearts.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons why many parents can't communicate well with their children now.
Of course, not advocating "teaching children face to face" does not mean that there is no need to educate children. It is normal for children to make such mistakes when they are growing up. It will be abnormal if they neglect education.
Today's education, as parents, should study and master the favorable opportunity and correct method of educating children, and never use temporary anger to beat and scold and hurt growing children.
In fact, in a word, parents should learn from Hu Shi's mother in educating their children, especially in dealing with their mistakes.