This is really incredible, because there must be parents' efforts behind his success. Why did they finally let their parent-child relationship come to an end? Wang Meng said that although they know that their parents care about themselves, all their efforts are actually to control themselves. They plan their children's lives according to their own wishes, ignoring their real needs.
After reading this article, we all think that Wang Meng's behavior may be a little extreme, and there are few such examples. However, we must admit that parental control is very common in education in China. Many parents in China are typical "neglected" parents with a strong desire for control. They educate their children under the banner of "love", but they don't know that this is disguised control in the eyes of children. Parents ignore the real needs of children's growth and fail to respect their independent personality. In other words, children become parents' accessories and lose the opportunity to speak for themselves.
For Wang Meng and his parents, we can't say whether they are absolutely right or absolutely wrong. We can only say that in the process of education, the roles and positioning of parents and children may bring different educational effects. We in China have been paying attention to family ties since ancient times, and children are naturally the focus of parents' life. However, if we are not careful, we may lose our boundaries. Parents think that children and themselves are a community and their lives are interrelated, so they ignore their free space.
Parents in China have always been in a strong position in education, and there is a widespread problem of excessive control, which is selfish in children's eyes, because parents ignore their children's real needs and do not give them some respect, and such education will only destroy the parent-child relationship in the end.
Parents should know that there is nothing wrong with loving children, but they should also keep boundaries and grasp the degree. Excessive control will have a negative impact on children's growth. If children want to grow up healthily and happily, parents should know how to change their ideas, respect their children and give them freedom.
China's parents' common fault: too controlling.
There are many traditional factors in education in China. Compared with foreign education, China's education of children is still too kind. In foreign countries, many children begin to live independently as adults, and the weakening of the relationship with their parents does not necessarily affect the parent-child relationship. This kind of situation is rare in China. Our children basically live with their parents, even after they get married as adults. This is the present situation of education in China.
It is not difficult to find that China's parents have a common fault, that is, they are too controlling. Many parents manage their children under the guise of "all for your own good", but actually restrict their children's various behaviors, and don't want their children to have too many personal wishes. They are typical controlling and neglecting parents.
Why do China's parents have such problems? In fact, parents in China have a weak sense of boundaries and do not regard their children as independent individuals. Children are the center of the family for parents, so many parents will forget an important point: children are independent individuals, and they also have their own thoughts and living space. Therefore, many parents always can't let their children go to independence, and always want to tie their children to their side.
Under such an educational concept, it is easy for parents to have a strong desire for control, and then ignore the real needs of children, such as their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Parents don't really pay attention to them, but force them to force their wishes and ideas on their children and ask them to do according to their own requirements. Although children will eventually become useful people, it will do great harm to their growth.
Parents are too controlling, and children will be unhappy.
Parents should not strengthen their control over their children's behavior and thoughts, so that their children can take fewer detours and grow up. In fact, it is the opposite result. Under the strong control of parents, children's lives become unhappy, because a strong desire for control will do harm to their growth.
1, the child will have a lack of happiness.
If children grow up under the control of their parents, it means that their independent consciousness and ideas are ruthlessly suppressed by their parents, and they can't really express their inner thoughts, and they have no self-esteem and right to speak. Some research data show that children under strict control for a long time will generally feel "unhappy", prone to mental problems, and even suicidal thoughts, which will have a negative impact on children's study, work and life.
2. Long-term accumulated bad emotions will lead to revenge.
Parents always control their children's behavior for a long time. When children are young, there may be no major problems, but children are always dissatisfied with their parents' behavior, and these bad emotions will accumulate in their hearts, and slowly they may erupt from time to time. Just stupid, when he was young, he was unable to resist. When I grew up, I cut off contact with my parents directly. These are all possible acts of revenge.
3. Control stifles children's self-awareness.
Parental control will not only change children's behavior, but also affect children's thinking. In the face of parents with strong desire for control and neglect of discipline, children have no ability to refute and can only compromise and give in blindly. Over time, children's self-awareness, innovation ability and independence will be worn away, and children will gradually lose their self-awareness and become indecisive. They can only be worn down by the crowd in the competition and become mediocre.
Parents should change their ideas, love their children and give them freedom.
Yes, parents love their children and want them to have a happy life, but we must first understand that children are not all ours. Although they are our children, they are the first people and independent individuals. Except for age and inexperience, they are equal individuals. Therefore, parents should change their ideas, love their children and give them freedom.
1, parents should know how to pull away in time.
The growth of children is a process of separation and connection. In the process of educating children, the first thing parents should do is to know how to pull away in time. When a child has the ability to live independently, parents should let the child take responsibility, such as cleaning the room, studying independently and taking care of himself. And gradually withdraw from children's lives, give children more free space, and do not infringe on children's personal space.
2. Respect the child's personal wishes.
Don't think that children are young, they also have their own ideas and thoughts, so parents should know how to respect their children. We can communicate with them, but we don't force them to do what we think, but we respect them and give them appropriate advice and share experiences. But in the end, we still have to respect them, let them choose and take responsibility for themselves.
3, not laissez-faire, but reasonable separation.
Pulling away is not completely ignoring, not ignoring, but grasping the degree. After all, there are too many temptations in real life. In the case of children's lack of ability, parents should know appropriate intervention and guidance to prevent children from going astray. We can do it in time when children are faced with right and wrong and key choices, so that children can understand the possible consequences of choices and make choices carefully. This is also the responsibility of parents.
Parents' love is selfless, but if they are not careful, it may become a shackle that binds their children. Parents should know how to educate their children equally and try to be friends with them. Only in this way can they educate independent children and let them have an independent personality and a happy life. Parents' love is not to restrict their children, but to let them know how to get rid of them and take their own life path better.