Educate yourself first, then educate your children, and educate your children, starting with changing yourself. Parents always reflect on themselves, change themselves and improve themselves, which is the premise of family education. As a consultant to parents and a family education instructor, I have an experience that it is not difficult to educate children, but it is difficult to change parents themselves. Many parents simply regard family education as "correcting children", and don't admit that problem children originated from problem parents, but point the finger at children and compete with them. If the child is disobedient, parents will take authoritarian measures such as "beating, scolding" or even corporal punishment, but the result still can't solve the problem, because that is the method of "treating the symptoms rather than curing the root cause". Therefore, to learn parent education, we must have a self-transcendence mentality and be ready to reflect, change and improve ourselves at any time, which is the premise of family education.
Let me give you an example here. Now that the children are in kindergarten, parents have a headache. The children dawdled while crying. The parents coaxed them into sending their children to the teacher at last. However, at this time, parents are not at ease, urging them, and it feels like where you are going. Some children have entered the classroom, but they are still watching on the windowsill, which makes them cry again. Some parents said, "Look after the children." Let's take a look. Are children inseparable from their parents, or are parents inseparable from their children? Therefore, before children enter the park, the most important thing for parents is not material preparation, but psychological preparation. They should not only make all psychological preparations before their children enter the park in advance, but also improve their psychological level. It is normal for a child to cry because of a change of environment. This is a process of a child's growth, just like a child crying for the first time when he leaves his mother's body. The key is whether parents are ready for their children before entering the park, including getting rid of dependence on their children. Therefore, parents should have the consciousness of "educating their children and changing themselves".
Second, we should nip in the bud, and don't mend it before it is too late.
It is better to know the knowledge of family education late than early, and the earlier the better. Parents who come to the group will have different regrets: I wish I had known about this colorful sunny family education group, I wish I had known your tutor, and I wish I had read your blog a few years earlier ... All kinds of sighs are expressing our regrets about the lack of family education knowledge, so we should study family education knowledge harder, improve our education level and try to reduce the regrets brought to future generations because of the lack of family education literacy, rather than "Monday morning quarterback" This is especially true for family education.
Now many parents come to Colorful Sunshine Family Education Group for consultation, and some are very lucky, because children are still young, which is the best time to cultivate habits. However, some parents regret it very much, because their children have gone to primary school, junior high school and senior high school, and missed the best sensitive period for children to cultivate good habits, which will lead to the idea of regret or even giving up. They mistakenly believe that it will not be reversed if they miss the sensitive period, and it is also in vain to study hard. But have you ever thought that we should devote more love and patience to help children slowly correct bad habits? Because it is your own lack of family education knowledge, besides, children don't stay in primary school all the time, but also go through the adolescence of junior high school and senior high school. If you can't read the minds of adolescent children, help them set up their ideals, plan their lives together with them, and teach them how to behave, then their lives will be missed unconsciously, which is the real regret in life. Therefore, our parents should be far-sighted and don't always make up for it.
Third, don't apply it mechanically, but use it flexibly.
Many parents know that there is something wrong with their education, they are very eager to learn and are determined to change themselves. They have read many books on family education and heard many experts' reports. Knowing that good children are full of talk, they feel that they are unique and are determined to implement them. When I got home, I saw my child eating. Suddenly I smiled and said to the child, "You are great." The child immediately looked at his mother and said, "Mom, what's wrong with you? Are you talking nonsense? " Some parents, through consultation, found that what the tutor said was easy to understand, but they couldn't say it themselves, so they recited it silently and moved it to their children. That's not the smell when they hear it. You see how useful such mechanical reproduction is.
The method of educating girls is not necessarily useful for boys, the method of educating extroverted children is not necessarily useful for introverted children, and the method of educating parents and families is not necessarily useful for single-parent children ... There are no two identical leaves in the world, which tells us that every child is different. Our parents can only learn from the successful family education experience, use their own wisdom and combine their own actual situation to sum up their own educational methods.
Learn to change yourself, and don't try to find the golden finger.
I have come into contact with such a business owner. Her family has good economic conditions. She complained to me about her children's bad habits and how many shortcomings they had. She kept losing her temper with the children because they were disobedient. When I communicated with her to correct her wrong concept of family education, I told her that to change herself, we must first educate our children. At first, the parent was afraid of difficulties and hoped that I would only contact with her children. To correct children's bad habits, parents regard the instructor as a golden finger with their inferiority and dependence, hoping to get rid of the disease and rejuvenate their hands, but we must understand that the problem of family education can only be solved by the parties themselves. Family education tutors give you guidance in concept, correct direction and methods, and everything depends on changing yourself and setting the best example for children to drive them. Therefore, our parents should be good at learning, be brave in taking responsibility and be willing to take responsibility.
Learning can't wait and see, you must learn and think.
Children's growth is not smooth sailing, and so is our parents' study. When we grow up with our children's confidence, you will encounter many difficulties, because we didn't reserve enough knowledge before giving birth, because we are still using the education methods of the previous generation, because we are still exploring ourselves ... confusion, fear, disappointment, trouble and insomnia accompany us and affect our mood. Think about our efforts. I think that we have paid enough energy and that everything we have paid is for the children, but why can't we get the desired effect, but there is a sentence that will remind you that "the concept is wrong and the efforts are in vain". To get rid of the predicament of family education, we must be learning parents.
Today, we all come to this group, join the civilian family education, cherish this learning opportunity together, cherish the weekly learning opportunity, life can't wait: health can't wait, filial piety can't wait, and educating children can't wait. Study can wait. If you miss this learning opportunity, you can wait for the next time, but only the growth of your child can't wait. You can say to your child, "Wait for me slowly, son, and let me learn how to be a qualified parent before you grow up." . You say, is this ok? Therefore, our parents can't wait and see, they must learn to think and do.
Sixth, we should strengthen the goal of long-term learning so that learning will always accompany children's growth.
Family education is a systematic discipline, which can also be said to be a systematic project. From the moment a child is born to society, it must span at least 18 years, or even longer. Every child's growing footprint is full of our parents' hard work and sweat. At each stage, children show different psychological and physiological characteristics, which requires our parents to keep learning in order to keep up with the pace of children's growth. Only in this way, as parents, can we really understand our children, become good friends with them and communicate with each other spiritually to ensure their healthy growth.
Combined with the present situation and reality of family education, under the organization of Mr. Han, a number of senior instructors from Colorful Sunshine Family Education Guidance Center jointly arranged and designed six series of lectures for parents, with a total of 87 sections. They are: Modern Court Education Concept Course 1 Lecture; Family education learning methods 1 class; Lecture 20 of parent-child communication series; Lecture 20 of habit training series; Lecture series on adolescence15; 10 lecture on intergenerational education series; 20 lectures on children's ability training. I believe that through the series of classes, parents will lay a solid foundation for family education, create a good family education atmosphere, and ensure the healthy and smooth growth of our children.
Sincere unity, sincere mutual trust, mutual encouragement and looking forward to the future.
Family education needs parents' "patience, carefulness, concentration, calmness and perseverance". When we join the big family of colorful sunshine, we are no longer lost birds on the road of family education, nor are we lost ships sailing on the sea. You are not alone. We have our own team, our own teachers and classmates who have studied and grown up together. We share happiness and face difficulties together. We are pioneers on the road of family education. Let's study together and make progress together. Let's join hands and work hard for our children's bright future.