One is the busy type. Parents have no time or will to take care of their children because of their livelihood or other reasons. They think that money is everything and all problems can be solved with money. If a child doesn't study well, he can spend money to send him to the best school. If he can't find a job, he can also give him money to do business. They don't have too many rules on children's daily behavior, and they also ignore or acquiesce in many behaviors that obviously violate social rules. The case of "My dad is Li Gang" that appeared on the Internet in the past is the best interpretation of this parenting style.
There is a child named Jessica Hester Hsuan in our class whose parents sell mahjong machine. Family conditions are good, but there is almost no time and energy to ask about children. Xuanxuan used to be a very clever boy, but he often didn't finish his homework or forgot to bring his exercise book. He is not attentive in class. Sometimes he dozes off while playing. He often brings toys and snacks to school to play. Jessica Hester Hsuan belongs to the skinny type among children of the same age. I remember very clearly that when I first asked Jessica Hester Hsuan to answer questions, I called his name repeatedly. Strangely, I didn't see the child stand up. The other children pointed out to me, "Where is Jessica Hester Hsuan?" It turns out that he is too young to stand up, just like a child sitting up. When I first called Jessica Hester Hsuan's mother to find out about the situation, his mother said, "We sent our children to make up lessons, and we will teach them a good lesson when they get back." Then I didn't say anything else. Last semester, I called Xuanxuan's mother several times and told her to go to her home, but Xuanxuan's mother said she was very busy. During this time, because novel coronavirus needs to count the specific situation of children every day, in the first few days, she asked me to contact Jessica Hester Hsuan's mother. She only reported the situation of children, but every time she reported, she only sent a few words "Healthy, don't go out". I reminded her, but she still didn't change.
Xuanxuan's parents' parenting style is a typical laissez-faire. They think that sending their children to school and cram school is up to them to find a way, and it will be easier to eat nutritious meals at school every noon. As long as children are satisfied with what they need, they will feel a clear conscience. As a result, children already have many problems, and parents still choose to escape.
One is a hobby. This indifferent family concept of parents often has its own unique hobbies, paying more attention to the satisfaction of children's psychological and emotional needs, and caring for children may be limited to eating and wearing warm clothes. Their family life is aimless and unplanned, and they are not very concerned about their children's growth and education. Pay little attention to children's academic performance, living conditions, making friends and habit formation. Children who grow up in this family environment are often irresponsible and indulgent, and some bad personalities and attitudes will affect their studies.
There is a mother who is a mahjong fan and plays mahjong almost every day. Father is busy with business and seldom asks about his daughter's study. My daughter associates with problem boys outside the school and becomes a big sister. Not only is her speech vulgar, but her clothes are different, and she often stays out at night. She smokes online and beats other girls many times because of jealousy and bullying. For such a serious problem, parents are still in no hurry. The class teacher reminded her mother to strengthen management, and her mother said, go back and scold her. However, the problem has not improved at all.
There is also a doting type. They give everything to their children. This type of parents will indulge their children, make fewer demands, allow them to express their feelings and impulses freely, do not closely monitor their behavior, and rarely make tough control over their behavior.
There is a little boy over 2 years old in the neighbor's house. His name is An An. Every time his daughter Xiaomi plays in the yard, he will rush out from home to grab Xiaomi's toys, or ride his little bike to bump into people. Even if I was there, he would do whatever he wanted. Xiaomi has no choice but to hide at home. Ann followed him into the room, and then began to hold as many toys as possible and take the food away. I moved a small chair from my house to his house today. Every time his parents and grandparents saw this situation, they just shouted at the door: "Come back safely." There is no control over children's behavior, and there is no after-the-fact education for children. Sometimes Xiaomi and his sister are playing at the dean's place, and Ann makes Xiaomi cry, and his parents don't come out to stop it! Although Ann is young now, she is very aggressive. Such a child is not welcome among her peers. If his parents continue to let him go like this, we can speculate what he will look like when he grows up. In fact, a person is not born to distinguish right from wrong. The concept of right and wrong is taught to him by his parents in the process of raising their children. When he got what he wanted in this way for the first time, his parents didn't give him the correct guidance. He will get it in this way in the future. When he forms a habit, it is difficult to change him.
The other is the opposite type. One of the parents thinks that the other is too strict with the child and puts too much pressure on the child. He thinks that children don't have enough space, and wants to refute some privileges for children and deliberately let them go.
I once heard a father talk about his way of education: the mother of the child likes to nag all day and doesn't allow the child to do this and that. I am not like her. Let children play games if they like me, and let them watch TV if they like me. I won't restrict him as long as it's not illegal. When he has played enough and watched enough, he no longer wants to play games and watch TV. There is a kind of therapy in psychology called aversion therapy, which is similar to aversion therapy, but only used to change some bad behavior habits of people. If this kind of laissez-faire education is adopted for a normal child, it will eventually make the child addicted to TV and games. Because the game is very attractive, and children's self-control ability is very poor, once they are addicted, it is difficult to extricate themselves. Such children accept two extreme parenting methods, and children can't judge which one is right and who to listen to. This will make the child form an unstable personality.
According to survey statistics, laissez-faire family education accounts for more than 50% of the family education of problem students. With the fierce competition in social life and the electronization of family life, parents will indulge their children more and more, which runs counter to the scientific education for children.