First of all, parents should cultivate five good living habits developed by their children.
1. Children should be trained to form a good habit of respecting the old and loving the young.
The core of being a man is to have love, and "filial piety comes first" and "love begins with one's parents", that is to say, filial piety is the first of all virtues, and the cultivation of children's love should begin with filial piety to their elders. A person who doesn't know how to be filial to his parents can hardly imagine that he will respect and care for others. In connection with modern family education, under the influence of the traditional thought of "learning to be excellent is to be an official" and under the guidance of the extreme competition mechanism of exam-oriented education, many family education has fallen into the misunderstanding of attaching importance to material satisfaction and skill training, ignoring humanistic care and ideological education, loving but not being strict, and doting, so that many of our children lack respect, care and gratitude for others, and become more and more selfish, self-centered and don't talk about length. The formation of this habit will make children bear the lifelong debt of "bad habits" and make children suffer for life. Therefore, in family education, we should not only cultivate children to be filial to their parents, but also educate children to think for themselves and others on this basis, so as to cultivate the concept of "a sense of security and a sense of worthiness"; Young people are young, and people are young. ""see the old man and respect the old man; See young people and love them. " The habit of being a man.
Children should be trained to form the good habit of helping others.
Helping others is the traditional virtue of the Chinese nation. Caring for and helping others can make society more harmonious and life better. In the process of growing up, everyone needs and must have been helped and cared for by many people. It is everyone's mutual help and care that has created a harmonious society and a better life. If you think about it from another angle, helping others is actually helping yourself, because only when you help others will others repay you when you need help. It can be seen that helping others is the premise for us to get help from others. Therefore, in family education, parents should tell their children that helping others is not just a unilateral effort, because "giving someone a rose is more fragrant", real happiness comes from tolerance and help, and helping others means helping yourself; Parents should set an example, educate and encourage their children to start from small things, care for and help others with their heart and initiative, and let their children develop a good habit of being helpful.
Children should be trained to develop the good habit of honesty and trustworthiness.
Confucius said, "People without faith don't know what they can do." Honesty and trustworthiness is the foundation of dealing with people and settling down, the most basic moral norm in interpersonal communication, the basic premise of cooperation between people, the basic condition of winning the trust and respect of others, and the basic quality that everyone must have. Therefore, in family education, parents must let their children understand that there is no virtue without sincerity and nothing without faith; Parents should cultivate their children's honesty and trustworthiness from an early age, let them develop good habits of honesty and trustworthiness, and win an honest life pass, so as to gain respect, trust, help and support from others.
Children should be trained to form the good habit of being polite.
Politeness is a fine tradition of the Chinese nation. It is not only a realistic reflection of a country's social atmosphere, but also an important symbol of national progress, and it is also a reflection of a person's inner ideological and moral level and cultural accomplishment. It is well said in the Three-Character Classic: "If the son doesn't teach, the father has made a mistake." It can be seen that it is the basic content of family education and the responsibility of every parent to cultivate children's good habits of civility and politeness, and to shape their elegant gentlemanly demeanor and polite ladylike temperament. In family education, parents should strengthen self-education, learn to be parents, and use rational, caring, democratic and scientific family education methods to shape every small aspect of children's words and deeds, so that children can gradually develop good habits of civility and courtesy through bit by bit accumulation.
Children should be trained to form the good habit of unity and cooperation.
Regarding the importance of unity and cooperation, Schopenhauer, a famous German philosopher, famously said, "A single person is weak, just like Robinson. Only when he is with others can he accomplish many things. " In real life, not only scientific research needs the sincere unity and cooperation of the team, but also life itself needs the spirit of unity and harmony and mutual assistance and cooperation. Cooperation consciousness and ability are important qualities of children. In modern society, if you can't understand and cooperate with others, no amount of knowledge is useless. Therefore, in family education, parents should create more opportunities to cooperate with their children in daily life, let them learn some rules and skills of cooperation, consciously exercise their cooperation ability, and let them gradually develop the character of helping others and cooperating with others.
Second, ten suggestions for parents to cultivate their children's good habits.
1. Change the concept of family education, improve ideological understanding and get out of the misunderstanding of family education.
Family is the cradle of children's growth, and parents are their first teachers and lifelong teachers. Parents' ideas, words and deeds not only affect children's personality development, but also play a subtle role in the formation and establishment of children's world outlook, outlook on life and values, and affect their future life and what kind of person they will become. The root of educating people lies in moral education, and the core of moral education is to teach children to learn to be human. It can be seen that giving full play to the educational function of the family plays a vital role in cultivating children's good living habits. On this issue, there are three misunderstandings in many family education: First, they don't have a high understanding of the importance of family education, don't know their responsibilities, and even pass on all the children's educational obligations to teachers; Second, it emphasizes intellectual education, moral education, material satisfaction and spiritual care, and family education deviates from the center of gravity and puts the cart before the horse; Third, stick to the principle of "letting nature take its course", don't understand the truth that "a levee of a thousand miles is destroyed by an ant nest", and don't correct children's bad habits in time. As a result, "habit becomes nature", which makes children bear debts that are not finished for a lifetime and suffer for a lifetime. Therefore, in order to train their children into adults, parents must change the concept of family education, improve their understanding of the importance of family education, strive to get out of the misunderstanding of family education, and earnestly and consciously assume the responsibility of educating their children.
2. Follow the "two laws" and adhere to the "one principle"
Ideological and moral education has its special laws. Parents must follow "two laws" if they want to achieve results and achieve the expected goals: the law of ideological and moral formation and development, the law of ideological and moral education process; Adhere to "one principle": the principle of combining unified requirements with teaching students in accordance with their aptitude. This requires parents to put forward progressive education requirements according to children's age characteristics, personality characteristics, hobbies, acceptance ability, etc., and adopt the most scientific education methods that are most in line with children's psychological and cognitive development characteristics and are most easily accepted by children, so as to gradually cultivate children's moral awareness, moral feelings, moral beliefs and moral will, fully mobilize children's conscious enthusiasm, and make them consciously improve their moral realm. On this basis, help and guide children to turn their formed moral consciousness into their own moral behavior, and then through repeated education, infection and edification, good behavior will form good behavior habits over time, and the persistence of behavior habits will form children's good moral quality.
3. Strengthen self-education and improve the quality of self-cultivation and family education.
To change children, change yourself first. To educate children, educate yourself first. As Tolstoy said: "The essence of educating children lies in educating themselves, and self-education is the most powerful way for parents to influence their children." It can be seen that parents' self-education can promote the formation of children's good habits and moral quality. But in real life, some parents think that educating their children is the job of school teachers, so they push all their children's education to schools, so they take an indifferent attitude towards their family education; More parents don't know how to educate their children scientifically and effectively, but only know how to blame their children blindly. Therefore, parents should establish the concept of lifelong education, strengthen learning, constantly update their knowledge and concepts, learn to influence and educate their children with correct and appropriate methods, reduce deviations and mistakes in family education, and enhance the effectiveness of family education.
4. Create a democratic, harmonious, healthy, scientific, happy and warm family education environment.
Family is the cradle of children's healthy growth, and parents are the promoters of this cradle, the enlighteners of children's life path, and the shapers of children's thoughts and souls. The quality of family subjective environment, which is composed of family moral concepts, parenting attitudes and educational methods, family atmosphere and parents' expectation level, not only has a general subtle influence on whether children can develop good living habits and what kind of people they will become when they grow up, but also has basic, direct, lasting and profound characteristics. This shows that what kind of family education environment there is, what kind of family education there is; What kind of family education, what kind of children. Therefore, in order to cultivate good children who can be human, do things, learn and live, parents should strive to create a good family education environment for their children.
5. Set an example, take the lead in setting an example, and be a model of children's good behavior and morality.
Parents are imitators of children's behavior and morality, and they are role models for children. The power of example, as Tolstoy said: "All education, or 99.9% education, is attributed to example, and to the correctness and perfection of parents' own lives. "Parents' ideological concepts, moral qualities, behavioral norms, emotional attitudes, hobbies, manners, and even how to dress, laugh, and talk may become the objects of children's imitation and learning. Wang Fuzhi put it well: "If you want to know people, you are a prophet." . Therefore, in order to cultivate children's good moral quality and behavior habits, parents should pay attention to improving their own moral cultivation, and set an example for their children with polite manners, optimistic spirit, elegant and civilized aesthetic taste and positive and healthy attitude towards life, edifying and infecting them.
6. Absorb the essence of traditional moral education resources in China and work out scientific and reasonable family rules with children.
During the development of thousands of years, the Chinese nation has formed many excellent traditions of moral education. As far as family moral education is concerned, there are many forms of expression, among which family training and family rules are important means and forms of family moral education. In ancient China, Zengguang Xianwen, Zhuzi Family Instructions, Ponzi Family Instructions, Twenty-four Filial Pieties, Family Instructions, Disciples' Rules and Celebrity Collection were all enlightening books for family education. This kind of reading teaches children the essence of being a man and the rules of dealing with the world. For example, "Disciple Rules" says: "Parents should be called but not slow, parents should not be lazy, parents should teach and listen, and parents should be responsible and obedient." People often say that "family rules govern the country", but now there are very few families with family rules. Because there are no family rules, education has no rules to follow, and it must be arbitrary. The education of children is affected by emotions. Therefore, parents should critically inherit the excellent tradition of ideological and moral education in China, combine traditional education with modern education, and discuss with their children to formulate family rules that meet the needs of family reality and the times, so that children can be strict with themselves according to the standards of family rules and conduct and consciously develop good living habits.
7. Be strict with yourself, love without being vertical, and be strict with blind date.
In the process of children's growth, parents' care is indispensable, because there is no real education without love, and affection and care are the driving force for children's growth. As Suhomlinski said, "Love is a great spiritual force, which can set up all the beautiful things in people". But in real life, many parents go to two extremes because they don't know how to love their children: one is to love but not be strict, and to spoil and spoil. Spoiling will cultivate children's dependence psychology, inhibit children's sense of independence, and easily make children develop lazy, hedonistic, selfish and "self-centered" habits. The second is strict and excessive, simple and rude. Some parents, driven by the eagerness of "looking forward to their children's success, looking forward to their women's success", expect too much from their children, hate iron to produce steel, and lack scientific educational methods. Therefore, when children's performance can't meet their expectations, the attitude towards children's education is rude, the language is vulgar and the method is simple. This simple and rude way of education, which is driven by "love" and "hate iron not to produce steel", can easily make children become indifferent, rude, rude and aggressive, and even embark on the illegal road. Therefore, in family education, parents should nourish their children's hearts and cultivate their love with moderate and rational love; Never lead children to the opposite of education with blind pampering love.
8. Equal respect with children, harmonious communication and common growth.
The core of love is care and respect. Children learn to respect their parents and others from their parents' care and respect for themselves. So in family education, parents should first learn to respect their children. Respect children's personality, safeguard children's dignity, respect children's hobbies and reasonable choices, and respect children's friends and personal privacy. Secondly, parents should be good at listening and communicating. According to the survey, what children at home hate most is "parents' nagging" It can be seen that nagging is one of the most failed educational methods in family education, and it is difficult to educate children well through endless nagging. Therefore, parents should have more heart-to-heart communication and emotional exchange with their children, understand their emotions and thoughts, patiently listen to their voices and views on people and things, evaluate, analyze and discuss with them in an equal manner, correctly affirm and praise them, and wrongly educate and guide them.
9. Teach when things happen, teach when there is an opportunity, and integrate education into daily dialogue.
In family education, many parents are not good at grasping the appropriate educational opportunity and will not choose scientific and effective educational methods. They only rely on a good motivation and desire, regardless of time, place and occasion. As long as they are with their children, they will preach endlessly and abstractly. Indeed, parents spent a lot of time on kung fu and writing, but the results were minimal or even counterproductive. For this kind of parents, you might as well listen to the story of Emperor Taizong's adopted son, which may arouse your deep thought and inspire you.
Emperor Taizong told his courtiers that in order to achieve good results in educating children, it is necessary to "teach in the right time." When the prince was eating, I took the opportunity to say, "It's not easy to grow crops. If you understand this truth, you will always have food. " When the prince was riding a horse, I took the opportunity to say, "This horse, like people, should rest and work, and should not be overworked. Understand this truth, there is always a horse to ride. " When the prince was enjoying the cool under the big tree, I took the opportunity to point to the trunk and said, "Carpenters can only cut wood into straight boards according to rope ink. If you want to be a wise monarch in the future, you must listen carefully to the advice of ministers. " When the prince was traveling by boat, I took the opportunity to say, "Look, water can carry a boat and also overturn it. People are like water, and gentlemen are like boats. Ordinary people can maintain your rule or overthrow your rule. "
10. Do not hesitate to praise, actively encourage, prevent delay and guide in time.
Children are eager for praise, encouragement and appreciation from their parents, just as American psychologist William? James said: "The deepest principle of human nature is to hope others appreciate you." British educator Spencer also thinks: "Children need motivation, just like plants need watering." Therefore, in family education, parents should master praise as an effective educational method, affirm every progress and every good thing of their children in time (even if it is a trivial matter in the eyes of adults), and give them appropriate praise and encouragement, so that children can get happy emotional experience in their parents' praise, thus enhancing moral understanding and standardizing moral behavior. Of course, education without criticism is incomplete. As soon as parents find that their children have bad moral behavior, they should correct and guide them in time and never let themselves go. It is necessary to prevent procrastination and "cut off" the child's bad behavior in time when it is in its infancy. Otherwise, it is easy to lead children into misunderstanding, as the British educator Locke said: "Educational mistakes are like mismatching drugs. If you make a mistake for the first time, you must never make a second mistake and remedy it for the third time. Their influence will be indelible for life. "
Li Xiannian once emphasized: "Education is directly related to the growth of the next generation of new people in China, the success or failure of the' four modernizations', the rise and fall of the nation and the future of the motherland", and the root of education lies in educating people, the foundation of education lies in moral education, the core of moral education lies in cultivating "real people", and the key of moral education lies in parents. Therefore, every parent should start from himself, from bit by bit, strengthen self-study, follow the laws of education, understand children's psychology, master the methods of family education, tap the resources of family education, give full play to the advantages of family education, and cultivate good children with good living habits and brand-new humanistic quality.