Friends who click on this article must have a very high value. We have a really good relationship. I will bring you different parenting information every day. If you have any comments on my article or other contents, please comment positively below. I will read every article carefully. Then the content of this issue is: there are no disobedient children, only parents who can't educate. Parents should pay attention to the following points! Then let's take a look!
Many times, we judge whether the child is obedient, and there is only one standard-is the child obedient? When children indulge in watching TV during meal time, we will say that children are disobedient. Children wake up in the morning and say they don't want to go to kindergarten. We will say that children are disobedient and irrational! When meeting relatives, children are unwilling to say hello to relatives, saying that children are disobedient and impolite. ...
But are there really so many misbehaving children? In fact, there are no disobedient children, only our inner neglect of children. Only when we calm down, listen carefully to the children's voices and find out the real reason for being with them can we make them behave better! Only in this way can children grow up more freely and happily! Our relationship with children can be more intimate and harmonious!
At the Zhihu, a mother published her parenting experience. After reading it, I was very moved. The general contents are as follows:
Mother said a few words at the beginning: she found that the hardest road she had traveled for many years was not the week when her elders died. This is not the month when her mother was ill in hospital; This is not the time for her to struggle with her lover ... but! Spent the last few years with the children!
This mother has a high level of knowledge and education. She thinks she can get along well with children. She can use her knowledge and thoughts to cultivate children's behavior, wisdom and obedience.
However, the reality gave her a ruthless slap in the face, and her road to parenting was not as simple as she imagined!
When the child was one and a half years old, the mother resigned and took care of the child full-time, but I don't know if the child is stubborn to his father. One day, the mother took her children for a walk in the nearby square. To get to the square, we must cross a long bridge with several cement ladders on it. This is all normal, but who knows! Children don't like anything, but they like to play up and down this ladder. They have to go back and forth several times every time!
This time is no exception! After playing with the children once, the mother wanted to take them to the square, but the children didn't want to! If I have to hit a few more times, my mother won't allow the child to cry! The mother felt that she didn't like the child too much, so this time she decided not to talk according to the child's personality, but who knows, the child began to cry, made a noise, and sat directly on the ground and didn't want to leave.
Seeing the child like this, my mother has nothing to worry about, so she plans to take the child to play again, but the child doesn't want to play this time. He sat on the ground and kicked his mother! When the mother holds the child, the child leans back hard and does not cooperate at all!
Mom can't help it Anxious people are about to cry! More and more people are watching, some are helping, some are watching jokes, pointing out that my mother is really angry.
Not only that, when her son was in the first grade of primary school, the mother once asked her child to recite ancient poems, but the child always pretended not to listen. When watching cartoons, my mother said it several times, but the children just wouldn't listen! Keep watching cartoons.
Mother was not angry at first. She just took the book and put it in front of the child, and then said, "Let mom check your recitation. As soon as you finish reciting, we will watch TV! Now that we have made a plan, we must finish it. Do you know that?/You know what?
Who knows, in the face of the mother's good voice, the child ran to find her grandmother, like a child, seeking shelter for the elderly, but unwilling to endorse! In this way, both the mother and the elderly and children at home have learning problems.
After reading this article, I believe many parents are standing beside this mother. Indeed, it is difficult for us to find out what is wrong through the way this mother does things, but! This is a reasonable mother. Why are there such disobedient children?
We often say that it takes two hands to make a sound! Children can't be born obedient, it must be formed by various acquired factors! And this acquired reason usually comes from parents!
1. spoil children too much and make them arrogant.
For disobedient children, we can also call them arrogant children! Many times, we regard our children as family: the treasure in the palm of our hand. And now there are more only children. Many times, our parents will inadvertently lower our children! Do everything with children, follow everything with children.
The result is the same as the example given above. The child's temper will get bigger and bigger. Whenever something goes wrong, children will cry and threaten their parents to achieve their goals by crying. Therefore, our parents must take it seriously!
2. Family discord
I wonder if readers have noticed the above situation. Faced with the mother's request, the child's first reaction is not to resist or obey, but to seek refuge from his grandmother, which is also a common phenomenon in China. Family type!
Old people love children too much, no matter how serious they are! This is why we always say that children are close to grandparents. Because children know that their parents are afraid of grandparents, they will go to grandparents to spoil and seek protection when they encounter problems. Many times, when an old man loves a child, he will follow the child's temper.
Parents must remember this: when dealing with children's education, they can't retreat step by step. Indulge your child to do this today, and the child will follow suit tomorrow. Gradually, children will become more obedient and fearless. Parents, because they know that there are grandparents, parents dare not attack.
On the one hand, parents must learn to communicate with the elderly while communicating with their children. Education is never a personal matter, and children's education is a family matter!
Children are too self-centered.
This reason is actually the twin brother of the above two reasons. When a child is used to obedience, he will gradually think of "the old man, the second child, my third child" and feel everything in the world, all of which depends on his temperament and thoughts.
1. Epidemic situation
Confucius once said, "Don't give what you want to others."
In the process of educating children, we can bring ourselves into the children and think and think from their perspective. Just like when a child cries on the bridge above, play! This is the nature of children. Going up and down stairs is not a bad thing. You can also exercise your child's leg strength. What should I do if I let my children play more times?
Maybe you can tell others that you can't give everything to your children. The second half of this sentence, according to parents, is powerless. If the mother plays with her children again, she won't do anything. Will it happen?
2. treat children as friends
When educating children, we can imagine them as our friends and communicate with them as friends, so that they can feel equality and respect!
We often say that there is a generation gap between us and our children. Children and good friends say nothing, but when they talk to us, they cringe and dare not express their opinions. In fact, this is because parents sometimes do not give up their identity as parents, and always unconsciously appear in front of their children in a higher position, which leads to the halo of parents blocking their children's mouths.
The correct way is to establish friendship with children, not to distinguish between superiors and subordinates, so that parents and children can communicate more conveniently!
Listen carefully to the children's opinions and don't deny them in a hurry.
Many times, our conversations with children are often accompanied by negation! For example, you are wrong to do so! You should do this! No, no, how can you be so stupid! Is it finished? Get up, I'll do what you see. ...
Many times, in our opinion, this kind of negation is to point out children's mistakes and help them correct them, but parents often do this, and children become very easy to become confident, rebellious and rebellious. If there are more children, this resistance will become more and more serious! This is what we often call rebellion.
Listen to your child's thoughts and solve your child's mistakes through communication! Praise the children's good places first, and then talk about the shortcomings! Point out the reasonable and unreasonable parts of the child's point of view in the order of praise first and then praise. Then subtract it.
Sometimes we are too harsh, sometimes we are too impatient, sometimes we are too emotional ... children are not born with mistakes, but the way we behave as parents. There are no disobedient children, only parents who can't educate.
I am a family education teacher, a senior obstetrician and a multi-platform parenting author. Follow me to bring you practical knowledge of motherhood and parenting. If you have any confusion or questions, please feel free to send me a private message, and I will reply in time. I hope some of my suggestions will make you as a parent suddenly enlightened and stop taking the road of parenting alone.