But many parents are still confused after reading it. Just like the classic line in the movie "See you later": "I've heard a lot of truth, but I still can't live this life."
Xie Hong, the founder of successful parenting theory and an internationally renowned parent-child parenting expert, has also heard many parents' similar puzzles. For this problem, he thinks that it is not simple to stipulate whether a sentence can be said, but to choose the appropriate language according to the child's own acceptance. And good parent-child relationship is the premise of parent-child communication.
Let children learn to be considerate, sensible, sensible, persuasive and beneficial.
"To get effective listening and parent-child communication, I give parents a suggestion: the most important thing is to cultivate children's emotional intelligence." Xie Hong said that at present, what children in China lack relatively is emotional intelligence.
How important is EQ? It is not only a basic communication with people, but also an important part of early personality development, which will eventually be implemented as "inclusive personality".
How to cultivate emotional intelligence? It is mainly through parent-child communication that children can gain a kind of understanding. These two things complement each other. If parent-child communication is not good, parent-child relationship will be difficult to be harmonious. On this basis, parents also need to guide their children to respect others, parents and themselves.
On the basis of children's understanding, the next step is the principles and skills of parent-child communication. To put it simply: be sensible, be emotional, and seduce when necessary.
Many children follow the example of their parents' behavior in their early years, so it is reasonable for parents to pay attention to their words and deeds in the process of communicating with their children. The "benefit" here is not necessarily a utilitarian concept, but as the result of a behavior, so that children can have a clear understanding of the consequences of the behavior.
In the process of communication, parents should attach importance to the core education of "values", because values will affect a person's behavior orientation throughout his life and will also be an important driving force for a successful life in the future. Parents should become learning parents, take the initiative to understand what their children attach importance to at what stage, and let him pay attention to it in time.
The child did something wrong.
Parents should be clear about their responsibilities.
Not long ago, some media interviewed several novice parents' views on parent-child communication at random in public welfare alliance units for scientific parenting-Hangzhou Pingyao Xiong Maternal and Child Home, Hangzhou Gouzhuang Maternal and Child Life Museum and Hangzhou Ding Qiao Maternal and Child Life Museum.
Most parents said that they attach great importance to the interaction in parent-child communication, such as playing parent-child games and chatting with children.
However, a young mother is deeply involved in the solution of her child's doing something wrong. Her solution is to "shout first and then call". "I know this has no effect, but I am also very contradictory. I can't help being angry when I see my child's persistent education. I also want to adjust this state. "
When children do something wrong, what parents do is also a science.
In life, we often see news that some children disagree with their parents and make extreme reactions.
"Parents in China have a question to reflect on, that is, what is the starting point of what we say to our children and what kind of purpose and effect we want to achieve?" Xie Hong said that effective communication can only be achieved after the concept changes.
According to the different ways of parent-child interaction and children's personality, there must be different ways to deal with them. We can't dogmatically stipulate what we must say and what we can't say in this situation, but we should choose the appropriate language according to the child's own acceptance. Parents should not be too mechanical and dogmatic in dealing with these things. For example, a three-year-old child and a six-year-old child knock over a glass of juice at the same time, and parents' coping styles are definitely different. If the child has completely established self-confidence, it may not be a problem for you to say something excessive; If children have not fully established full self-confidence and sound personality, then the situation is another matter.
In the final analysis, good parent-child relationship is the premise of effective parent-child communication. If the interaction mode between parents and children is good, then you can grasp it according to the children's acceptance and understanding, otherwise it will be very troublesome. Therefore, in the process of daily parent-child interaction, parents should be responsive to their children's questions, and this "response" is a response.
However, no matter what way, parents should let their children understand the consequences, learn lessons and know their responsibilities in a way that they can accept after doing something wrong. Parents can also use this opportunity to "dig up topics" and set a rule for their children in the future for them to understand and accept.