Such naysayers sometimes do it on purpose. He may not agree with his wife's practice, but he does not communicate with her directly, but through a "slow-moving" way; Sometimes it's not intentional. Dad just loves children and gives in. This is what we usually say, mom "plays the bad COP" and dad "plays the bad COP". "Singing a good face" is a constraint and criticism to children; "Good COP" means praising and conniving at children.

one

There is a couple, Xiao Huang and his wife. They have always loved each other since they got married, but since they had a child, their harmonious atmosphere has always been in crisis.

One Monday morning, Xiao Huang's son cried and refused to go to kindergarten, saying that he had a stomachache. The mother immediately relented and was anxious to call the teacher for leave, but Xiao Huang suspected that her son was "pretending to be sick" and educated him to be a man.

Xiao Huang and his wife often play the devil's advocate. No one can convince anyone, there are additives in the drink, and children can't drink it. Xiao Huang said that it doesn't matter if you drink once or twice once in a while, just take the children to know new things. The wife said she couldn't give the children snacks, or she wouldn't be able to eat dinner. Xiao Huang said, you can eat less. What if the child is hungry? . . . . .

Xiao Huang and his wife are like tug-of-war players who are deadlocked at both ends of the rope. They are evenly matched and uncompromising. Every little thing about their son, they all hold their own opinions and play with their pros and cons, sometimes right and sometimes biased.

For a long time, my son has been brought up as a "villain";

He knows what his mother will be soft-hearted, and what his father will be informal. There are some things you can ask your mother, and there are some things you need your father to protect.

Under the cover of my father, if I eat too many snacks, I will eat less dinner, and my growth will be slow. The doctor said that your child's nutrition is not balanced.

In her mother's soft heart, she avoided going to kindergarten for three days because of her physical discomfort, lacking communication with her children, and the influence of kindergarten painting, music and handicraft classes. The teacher said that her son lags far behind other children in all aspects.

two

A child wrote a diary like this:

"Every time my father lets me rest, I dare not, because my mother always jumps out to object, and then they will quarrel. . . . . .

I don't know who to listen to. I can only try my best to do everything well. I don't want my parents to quarrel all the time because of me, but I am so tired. . . .

Mom and dad have always been like this, and I will never be happy. "

For a child, he loves both his father and his mother. When his parents have two different opinions on one thing, who should they listen to?

Perhaps, in children's minds, it is betrayal to listen to anyone.

Parents disagree, the most uncomfortable thing is the child, and the most disadvantaged thing is the child.

three

What harm will mom and dad's opposing education bring?

1, the educational effect is destroyed or even counterproductive.

The inconsistency of parents' educational behavior will not only lead to children's confusion, but also easily lead to children's resistance to their parents' strict education. Educational thoughts cannot effectively enter children's brains and will not bring positive behavior to children. They may be submissive in front of strict parents, and may change their appearance as soon as they turn around. Because there are opposite or less strict educational concepts at home to "raise" such children.

2. People whose children refuse to educate their children.

Otherwise, when a family's educational concept is different, for example, parents' educational concept is different, children will easily have a good impression and trust on the one who "plays the good COP" and indulges himself; On the other hand, they express their sense of exclusion and distance to those who are "bad COP" and self-disciplined. It's good for the children, but they think it's good for the children.

Not kissing is the saddest thing for parents.

3. Children will feel confused and confused.

There is a boy who once held a parent-child activity in kindergarten. The teacher asked a question on the platform: "Will eating sugar lead to tooth decay?" Almost all the children said "yes", but only the boy said "I don't know". The boy's mother usually strictly controls his children to eat sugar, but the boy's father doesn't agree. He said: "When I was young, all the children loved to eat sugar, and they stuttered when eating sugar cubes and rock candy. Nothing happened."

In family education, the education of father and mother is inconsistent or even contradictory, which often brings confusion and confusion to children.

four

What is a good educational model for parents?

1, unify views, do not quarrel in front of children, and do not undermine each other in front of children.

Parents' excited emotions and actions make children feel scared;

The imbalance and conflict between husband and wife make children feel insecure and afraid of family breakdown;

Disputes between husband and wife may affect children's self-identity and self-evaluation.

Some surveys show that children are most afraid of quarreling with their parents:

At the same time, it is easy for children to blame themselves for their inability to dissuade their parents.

In short, they will feel guilty and even have a sense of disapproval of themselves, that is, they feel that they are bad children and unworthy of love. This sense of self-identity will especially affect children's self-esteem and self-confidence. A father's best love for his children is to love his mother. And a mother's best love for her children is to appreciate and admire her father!

2. Establish rules and implement them uniformly.

If you want to establish a good life routine, the agreement reached between adults and children must be carefully implemented.

For example, tell children that they can't get off the table until after dinner, and then they can play with toys.

When the child leaves the table in the middle of eating, you should tell him the rules calmly and carry them out. Then wait until the next meal to remind the children that this is a law that the whole family must abide by.

Don't beat and scold children. Beating and cursing will only enhance their resistance energy and frequency. At the same time, don't forget to praise the child: "Look, you can sit down and finish a meal!" " "

3. Learn more about parenting.

Couples can read more of the same educational books, listen to expert lectures together, go to school and talk to teachers about children when they are free, and catch up slowly. Are you afraid of the differences in educating children?

If you really love children, please take off your armor and spikes and communicate with your partner.

Because we have the same initial intention and purpose-we all love this child, all for the good of the child. So nothing is irreconcilable.

The healthy growth of children needs the care of parents, but this care and upbringing should not be directed at the East and the West.