A mother sighed to me: it's really annoying to be a mother as tired as me ... I asked her a question: how to say not tired?
However, most parents lack a lasting and in-depth understanding of their children and education. I suddenly realized that I had to deal with it quickly. Seeing the children's disappointments, I began to worry about their college entrance examination ten years later, their marriage fifteen years later and their career twenty years later. ...
And this kind of worry itself will ruin the child's future. Parents are worried because they have been paying attention to their children intermittently. If children have problems, they will pay more attention. If there are no obvious problems, they will pay less attention. There is a lack of macro control over children's education. I have no idea what to do and what not to do. Therefore, there is a lack of certainty about the future development of children. If you're not sure, panic.
So, why are many mothers not sure and sure?
Many mothers, after finishing their study career, have jobs, families and children, have achieved superficial "perfection" and given up self-exploration. Life follows the "most comfortable principle" and looks carefree, relaxed, free, stable and enviable.
In fact, many life problems have not been completed, but have just been put aside. For example, this is like a "growth cliff". Many mothers think that they have chosen a comfortable path, but the result is passively in trouble. In the end, it was not less, but more.
I have many friends who are about ten years older than me. We often chat together and talk about the status of our peers. It is found that people of this age group are particularly easy to go in two directions, or they are getting richer and more attractive; Either the horizon is getting narrower and narrower, and it is very alienated from the outside world. A sharp female writer even described this state as "dying at forty and being buried at eighty", which made people sad to read.
Of course, it is not a mistake to choose the most comfortable living condition. However, the topic of life will not stay away because of our avoidance. Parker wrote in his Road Few People Walk: "Our concept of reality is like a map. With this map, we constantly compromise and negotiate with the topography of life. If the map is accurate, we can determine our position and know where to go and how to get there. The map is full of holes, and we will get lost. Some people give up drawing maps after puberty. After middle age, most people think that the map is perfect and the world view is flawless. Even though they think they are sacred, they are not interested in new information and seem exhausted. Only a few lucky people can continue to work hard. They constantly explore, expand and update their understanding of the world until the end of their lives. "
Our life map should be located through at least three groups of relationships, namely, our relationship with ourselves, others and the world. If we don't want to draw a "life map", there are many ways to escape. The easiest way is to retreat and keep the status quo.
Many people don't accept themselves, often deny themselves and attack themselves, but give up internal exploration and choose patience and escape. In the face of obstacles in interpersonal relationships, we don't solve them, but simplify interpersonal relationships, and some of them simply have family ties. In front of your family, even if you are willful, you will be tolerant. But the view of the world remains unchanged, and I am no longer curious about the world.
Many mothers are immersed in the life of daily necessities and avoid these three groups of relationships to the maximum extent. Parker's other words are concise: the tendency to avoid problems and pain is the root of human mental illness.
If we say that in most cases, we can escape, then the arrival of children will make mothers have nowhere to escape. Relatives and friends will tolerate us, but children only live by nature and intuition, and parent-child relationship is not a completely equal interpersonal relationship. Our emotions and maturity, our understanding and attitude towards life, and our ability to deal with intimate relationships are all reflected in this small life.
In a sense, children are parents' teachers. He came to this world to urge his parents to make up the courses they had neglected before and constantly improve their life map. If we can't handle the relationship with ourselves and others, how can we handle the relationship with our children? If we are no longer curious about the world, how can we keep our children curious?
A mother said with emotion: I understand the sentence "children are angels" now. If I hadn't encountered difficulties in raising him, I wouldn't have explored and deeply reflected on my growth process and thinking mode. Now, my life is open, which is the change brought by children.
If we resist growth, we will pass on the task of growth to our children. If we can't accept ourselves and are not satisfied with ourselves, we need a satisfied child even more. If we can't handle the parent-child relationship well, we will have an image of an "ideal child" in our hearts, hoping that the child will actively meet our expectations.
As a result, I was almost tied up with my children, advancing and retreating together, sharing joys and sorrows. The child was praised by the teacher and had a good day. When the child failed in the exam, his mood suddenly became low. In this way, children will become the biggest "band-aid" in life. It is difficult for a child to undertake the task of two people growing up. This state is bound to go wrong.
Choosing to grow up with children means re-examining the three most basic relationships, facing life problems, seeking answers and improving yourself. We are either 18 years old or adults in the true sense. At some point, we are just super children. We have accumulated a lot of hidden injuries in our growth, and many growth tasks have not been completed. Getting along with children once again surfaced, which is also a good clue. When we feel sleepy and at a loss, we might as well stop and see what is holding us back.
When we stop escaping and face the problem bravely, it means leaving the psychological comfort zone and entering an uncertain state. The most beautiful flowers in the world bloom on the hardest branches, and growth is the process of breaking cocoons into butterflies. Growth means adventure and pain, which is the main reason why we avoid growth.
In this process, there will be pain, confusion and anxiety, but as long as you keep thinking, you will eventually find a solution. In the face of confusion, reading will open a window, so it is necessary for us to know some psychological knowledge. Fortunately, the quality of popular psychology works is getting higher and higher now. We will find that after each problem is solved, our life will become more transparent and smoother, and we will not trip over the same stone again. Behind every dilemma, there is a hidden gift of life.
I always feel that the methods and skills of education are just the tip of the iceberg for children to become successful. Sometimes, children's education is about basic skills, as well as parents' attitude towards life and feelings about life. In other words, parents will participate in education for life.
Judging from the current situation, mothers have a heavier educational responsibility. So I always advised my mother that when people reach middle age, the road should be wider and wider. It is a very happy thing to wash your hands and cook soup until it falls into the dust. However, just knowing the daily necessities will get farther and farther away from the children's spiritual world.
The king of educating children is to cultivate themselves persistently. The most ideal state-what children know, we understand; What children don't understand, we do. At least, we have to have an intersection with children. This long search process is not only for yourself, but also for children. Children's starting point is their parents' shoulders. Therefore, children will never have the same starting line.
Therefore, I respect those parents who are studious and never give up their self-growth.
Therefore, children's education focuses on parents' attitude and understanding of life, and parents will participate in education for life.