Experiencing certain setbacks is conducive to the formation of children's strong will. Starting from children's psychological characteristics, children's casual sexual activities occupy the main position. Therefore, under the new educational concept, children should be provided with more frustration education to get up after falling. This is a very important tempering process for children, which not only strengthens the will but also exercises the ability to overcome difficulties.
So what is the real frustration education? We analyze and learn from several cases.
A parent's words: "I don't usually follow my children at home. I said to the child,' You are always so disobedient. Who will coax you to follow you when you go to work in the future? "I am afraid that I have been following him, and it will be difficult for him to adapt to society without any setbacks in the future."
This parent's idea is quite representative: he thinks that adding difficulties and obstacles to children, doing things against their wishes and not praising them is frustration education.
If we try our best to understand children's intentions, satisfy their reasonable wishes and affirm their progress according to this standard, it will violate the principle of "frustration education".
According to the psychology book, frustration is a negative emotional experience, which will occur when people can't achieve their expected goals. In layman's terms, it is the feeling brought about by our failures and unsatisfactory progress.
In fact, children "can't reach the expected goal", and they have such experiences every day, such as unsuccessful exams, being criticized and ridiculed, having conflicts with classmates, accidentally losing things and so on. These are setbacks. From this definition, we can see that setbacks are everywhere. The so-called frustration education is to let children learn from the setbacks they naturally encounter, rather than accumulate setbacks.
Therefore, frustration education is not to artificially increase the weight of setbacks, but to teach children to actively face setbacks and resolve them.
Once, Wheat borrowed a forklift while playing with sand in the park, but Pumbaa refused. Xiao Er was embarrassed and asked his mother for help. Mother asked Maier gently, you want that forklift, don't you? She nodded. Mom continued to test: Will you talk to Brother Peng? Wheat grain son shook his head. Mom knows wheat very well, and she won't go until she is forced. So, my mother said to her, shall I take you? She nodded. Mother took her little hand to Pumbaa, squatted down and said to Maier, Tell Pumbaa! The tone of wheat grain is still a little weak, but it is much braver. Finally, she repeated, Pumbaa, can you lend me the forklift? Pumbaa gave it to her this time. Mom replied: Well, look, tell Brother Peng again and he will give it to you.
If the mother answers this way, the child will only become more timid and may lead to autism. I won't ask anyone else for help again. Parents who accuse their children will make them feel frustrated and dare not try to give up.
Maybe everyone will still have questions: What if Mai Mai bravely said it for the second time and still failed?
Mother's guidance is very important If it still fails, children can achieve their goals by exchanging toys. If you don't get the forklift in the end, the mother should divert the child's attention and make other tools to play with sand. Not everything can be achieved.
In this case, we can find that mom didn't directly help Maier solve the problem, but listened carefully to her difficulties, and then took her to Pumbaa to encourage her to speak. In the final analysis, mom just provided Maier with a new way to face setbacks-once again, the result will be different. Of course, if Maier refuses to talk, mother should also intervene and demonstrate to a limited extent. Encouraging children to face problems and solve problems is also an attitude when facing setbacks!
Different people face setbacks in different ways. Positive ways include continuing to stick to or looking for other strategies; The negative way is to attack or retreat. Although Maier showed a shrinking state, she didn't give up asking for help. Her mother guided her, but she continued to insist.
After knowing what real frustration education is, what should parents do when giving frustration education to their children? We still look for answers through cases.
Xiaoming got 50 points in the exam, but his parents didn't blame him. Instead, help him seriously analyze the wrong questions, patiently encourage him, and say that he is the smartest. Xiao Ming was very happy and promised his parents to get 90 points in the exam next month. As a result, Xiao Ming went home glumly after his exam results came down. It turned out that he got 75 points instead of 90 points. What's wrong with this case? Why is the child still unhappy?
We can all see that it is because children set too high a goal. Parents should teach their children to recognize their own strength and set appropriate goals in the process. Goals that are too high or too low are not suitable for children.
For some time before the next exam, parents also need constant encouragement and guidance. If this happens, what guidance should parents take to reduce their children's frustration?
A child with 50 points sets a goal of 90 points and expects to finish it in a short time. Once you set this goal and work hard for a few days, you will be crushed by the cruel reality. Such a goal has become a source of frustration, not only because the goal is too high, but also because if you only set a point, even if you get 85 points, you will feel frustrated.
Parents can set a record for their children. Breaking your own record bit by bit, children will have a sense of accomplishment. What is certain is that as long as you persist, you will definitely achieve better results every time. This method can be used in all aspects, such as climbing mountains, climbing higher mountains every time.
Therefore, we suggest that children set gradient goals, and the minimum goal must be close to the current level. The so-called "jumping up and picking peaches" is very important to achieve the first success. In this way, children will make progress little by little in joy.
When the graduation ceremony of three classes was held in the afternoon, Xiaoyu of Class 6 not only told English stories fluently, but also showed her dancing and singing. A song "Song of Seven Sons" shocked the audience.
The excellent performance of Xiaoyu invisibly brought pressure to other children and parents.
Followed by class 3, An An prepared a children's song. The first three sentences were normal. I don't know if it's too much pressure or forgetting the words. When I sang the fourth sentence, she cried with a wow.
Ann's mother was very calm and walked onto the stage to carry her daughter out. Dad followed with a livid face. When I walked to the lounge, I saw my father pointing to Ann and reprimanding: "If you cry again, I will send you to boarding kindergarten and never pick you up again." An An's face turned white with tears in her eyes.
From this case, we can see that it is not that the child can't stand setbacks, but that the parents can't stand the fact that the child made a little mistake, because the daughter's mistake brought the father a face problem. At this time, the father was very depressed, so he imposed this emotion on his children!
Or lose in the game, the child is not so good, very happy, but the parents can't stand it anymore and start to scold the child.
Many times, the reason why children can't bear setbacks comes from their parents' behavior orientation in daily life. Frustrated parents will feel very broken because of some trivial things, feel that their children are hopeless, and finally give up because of fatigue.
The so-called "frustration" is not that children don't have it, but that parents don't. Parents' emotions will inevitably affect children.
Today's toddlers are destined to face numerous challenges and frustrations in their future lives. Whether studying or living, the workplace and society are full of competition and pressure all the time. No matter how much parents love them, it is impossible to stay with them all the time, creating a carefree vacuum for them.
Therefore, we should strengthen the necessary frustration education for children in early childhood to improve their ability to resist setbacks.
For example, parents can play some board games with their children, such as flying chess, animal chess, checkers and so on. These are static desktop games with certain rules, which can cultivate children's concentration and sense of rules, and these games are highly antagonistic.