Actually, that's not what I meant. I am writing this article because Mimi's biological best friend Rebecca went back to China to visit relatives last weekend. How time flies! In a blink of an eye, she has lived in new york for 12 years. From a young female college student to a baby mother, a son and a daughter, the owners of several convenience stores in new york. She leads a very interesting life.
When we were chatting in the cafe, her son and daughter (3-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter) were quietly playing by themselves, reading books and drawing pictures by themselves. When watching cartoons with iPad, there is no need to remind them, so both of them are wearing headphones, which will not affect the people around them. As soon as the inventory was finished, the two children said thank you to the waiter, and then naturally handed it to their mother to eat first before starting.
Oh, my God! What the hell! Are these two children angels?
If he takes Mimi (Mimi's father takes him to ice hockey lessons on weekends), he may jump up and down, chase and run around, and clamor to go home in less than half an hour. Because my best friend has been living in the United States with her children, she is naturally influenced by the American concept of parenting. I just asked her what's the difference between American parenting concept and China's.
Rebecca said that she thought the biggest difference was Separate child care.
In the United States, no matter whether it is a white family or a Chinese family, there is basically no old man to help with the baby, and the mother must go into battle in person. American old people are very chic. After retirement, many of them moved to Florida to retire. They travel around the world by cruise every day, but they don't see their grandchildren once every few months. Parents educate their children, and there is no old man as a "shield".
In China, if my mother didn't take care of it herself, I wouldn't trust the nanny, only the old people would help. It is a great contribution for the elderly to take care of their children, but after all, they are more spoiled than their parents.
My best friend said that as soon as her two children saw their grandparents, they immediately had more "bears" and their eyes changed greatly. As soon as the child was educated, grandma stopped her and said, "You were not as good as him when you were a child!" " "When this killer came out, her various educational methods failed instantly.
Rebecca said that another important thing is the influence of peers.
She has just returned to China. She is a very good college classmate and took her son to her home as a guest. She is chatting with her classmates in the living room, and her classmates' sons are playing with their children in the cabin.
Halfway through the conversation, only one child was knocked down with a bang. Rebecca held her breath and didn't hear the crying. Probably not serious, so she wants to go on. Her classmate ran in, and her son (who has been knocking for half a minute now) saw his mother coming, so he quickly put down his toy and prepared to cry.
Rebecca said, nothing. I began to cry when I saw my mother. The classmate's son was "exposed" and bitterly shouted to Rebecca: "Get out!"
After a while, Rebecca's youngest son, who was over three years old, also learned, and said to his mother, "Go away!" " Rebecca took it to the corner and patted it. She said that this peer is really influential, learning slowly upward and learning quickly downward. . .
Rebecca also said, in fact, it is all taught well by the school! American schools and kindergartens teach etiquette every day.
American kindergartens place great emphasis on letting children say "thank you", "please", "sorry" and "sorry", so do teachers and parents. Over time, children have formed a habit.
American families usually have two or three children, and parents also teach the concepts of sharing, taking turns and helping others from an early age (otherwise it is really chaotic! )
Rebecca's circle of friends, American school etiquette poster:
Last week, Rebecca took her daughter and grandpa across the street. Grandpa saw the red light and there was no car, so he wanted to cross the road directly. Rebecca stopped her father and said, "Dad, why did you run a red light?" What if a car comes! "
The funniest thing is that her daughter said to her seriously, "How can you talk to your father like that?" ! How rude! "People around us were amused. This is the power of school education.
In fact, Mimi Ma concluded that there were several important reasons besides what Rebecca mentioned, such as "different treatment".
Just like our family with children, children have some privileges to some extent. For example, high-grade fruits and organic vegetables bought are only for children; For example, eat bananas that are going to deteriorate and give children the best; For example, if food falls on the ground, it's a pity to throw it away and eat it yourself. Over time, as long as the child drops something, he will point to the food on the ground and shout "Mom eats".
When we first returned to China, Grandma Mi often did the same. Organic blueberries, which are very expensive in the supermarket, are only bought for Mimi. Later, I was afraid that such special treatment would make Mi Li feel more important than other family members, so I made a "three-chapter agreement" with Grandma Mi Li: if I can't bear to buy, I won't buy. Otherwise, everyone will eat together. You can't do anything special for Mi Li.
I want to let Mi Li know from an early age that he is not the emperor of his family, let alone the core of the universe. Like us, he is an equal member of the family.
Another point, Mimi Ma believes that American children have been "socialized" for a long time.
Isn't there no old man with children in America? What if the mother is a working mother? Babies can be sent to day care centers soon after birth, much like the "nursery" we went to when we were young. Generally, it can be sent to day care in a few months or 1 year, and it can be sent to a baby of 2 weeks at the earliest (the regulations of each day care are different).
In China, today, compound nurseries are generally abolished, and kindergartens are only sent at the age of three. In fact, the degree of "socialization" was relatively low before. With fewer brothers and sisters, it is easier to be self-centered.
American children, 1 year-old, are sent to day care even in two weeks, and they have brothers and sisters at home, so they learn order and rules earlier. In addition, day care and kindergarten are also teaching etiquette, so children are more likely to be polite.
To sum up, objectively speaking, in China, few families take care of their babies by themselves without the help of the elderly; There are few day care facilities like America; However, China is a country of etiquette. We must not lose to crooked nuts when taking care of children, right?
Perhaps you have read such an article in a circle of friends: being poor and rich is better than being educated; No one tells you that your children are uneducated; Son, I allow you to be worthless, but I don't allow you to be uneducated; Yes, children's education reflects the model of parents. As parents, it is best to teach children the rules based on social upbringing.
Ma Twitter
Last night, Mother Mi wrote the manuscript until 2: 30. At 6 o'clock this morning, she was awakened by Mimi pinching her nose, pulling her ears and skipping on the bed. I'm not anymore! Chang! Don't! Cool! I'm making a plan to deal with panda eyes, and I'm determined to turn my jumping monkey into a polite little gentleman, hum!
Any thoughts or experiences? Share it in the comments section! I'm going to sleep for a while. . . :P
Etiquette books recommended by Ma
These picture books can help you cultivate a polite child:
1, EQ picture books learn to get along.
Although picture books are not medicine, they can improve children's "physique" bit by bit. Learning to Get Along, adopted by our group, is a set of books necessary for American kindergartens and many families, and also a "treasure book" necessary for many schools and institutions.
This book covers 15 children's common problems: sharing, listening, honesty, perseverance, understanding others, overcoming fear, emotion and anger management, and safety awareness ... Let these forces be buried in children's hearts like seeds, waiting for them to take root and become the strength when they face challenges alone.
For example, when ordering food in a restaurant while traveling abroad, instead of saying "I want a spaghetti" (which sounds rude), say "May I have a spaghetti, please?" (humble and polite). In life, if we want to ask mom and dad or other people for help, we will ask Mimi to say "please" politely. You must sincerely thank others for their kindness.
No, David! David can't.
Every child who has seen David, No likes him very much. This naive little boy who made a mess at home made them feel happy and gratified. No child in the world is eager to scribble on the wall at will, turn the bathroom into a swamp and rattle with an iron pot on his head. ...
On the last page, David was tightly held in his arms by his mother and closed his eyes happily. His mother said, "David is fine, I love you", which immediately solved all David's tears and grievances. This gentle stroke makes the story turn sharply, and a childhood prank story ends in such a loving action. How many such "David" are there around us? ...
3, Karen Katz series: "I'm sorry" "No biting! (Don't bite) "Don't hit people! (Don't hit people) "I can share".
Katz's books are all suitable for babies. The baby broke her sister's toy. What should I say? Yes, it's time to say "sorry". It's easy for children to remember good habits!
For example, when you visit someone's house, will the child's mother ask you what to drink? Would you like something to drink? If you like, you can say yes, and then please say what you want to drink according to the situation; If you don't want to, you can answer no, thank you. Don't simply say no, it sounds stiff and a little rude.
4. "How did dinosaurs eat food? How did dinosaurs eat? )
Do you know how dinosaurs ate? Do they wolf down, mess up, spoil food, or burp loudly? They must have been swallowed in the wildest and most primitive way. Carnivorous dinosaurs must be picky eaters, problem children!
However, the dinosaurs in this book are not like this! Not only will they chew slowly, they are willing to try all kinds of food, sit up straight, and best of all, they will thank their parents for their hard cooking after dinner!
Children learn the general table and dining etiquette through all kinds of dinosaurs that they are most interested in, and form a good habit of not being picky about food!
5. Alpaca Alpaca Time Sharing (Alpaca, come and share)
The new neighbors came to visit Rama's house. Neighbors have a baby and a little girl about the age of Rama-Nelly. But Rama didn't want to share her alpaca doll with Nelly, so she tore it up during the fight, but she also taught Rama to share it.
6. My mouth is a volcano (my mouth is a volcano)
This is Amazon's first etiquette picture book.
Louis is a little boy. He always has something very important to say, so he often interrupts others. This book tells children how to join others' conversation politely, rather than like a volcanic eruption.
May we all cultivate polite children and be polite people in China together.