People's temperament is related to genetic factors, but the heritability of temperament is only in the middle level, which shows that the environment is also an important factor affecting temperament, including family factors and cultural factors. The education that has the deepest influence on children is 3-6 years old. At this stage, children mainly receive family education.
Diana Baumrind, an American clinical psychologist, believes that parental rearing patterns can be summarized into two dimensions, namely, parental acceptance or response, request or control. At the receiving end of emotional dimension, parents treat their children with a positive, positive and patient attitude and try their best to meet their requirements; In emotional dimension, parents tend to reject and neglect their children. On the control side of requirements and control dimensions, parents set higher standards for their children and ask them to strive to meet these requirements. At the allowable end of the dimension of demand and control, parents are tolerant, unrestrained and lack discipline for their children. According to the different combinations of these two dimensions, four parenting styles can be formed: authoritative (acceptance+control), authoritarian (rejection+control), laissez-faire (acceptance+permission) and inaction (rejection+permission). Different parenting styles will undoubtedly have a great influence on the formation of peer communication ability of junior primary school students. Among these four educational methods, authoritative parenting is the one that can make children develop well.
Authoritative education mode is a controllable but flexible education mode. Here, parents will make many reasonable demands on their children, and pay attention to the reasons for asking them to obey the rules. Make sure the children follow these rules. Authoritative parents will accept their children's views more and respond, and will ask their children about family affairs. Such parents can recognize and respect their children's views, and they will also control their children in a democratic way.
In childhood, children raised by authority are often cheerful, socially responsible, self-reliant, achievement-oriented and able to cooperate with their peers. In adolescence, children will have high self-esteem, excellent social skills, strong moral and social care, and high academic performance.
Parents with authoritative upbringing have the following characteristics:
? Authoritative parents are sensitive. In the education of children, we can fully consider the temperament characteristics of children, formulate requirements that meet the actual situation, pay close attention to children's emotional changes and behavioral reactions, and make timely responses and adjustments. Research shows that 3-year-old children who have more communication with their parents in emotional experience can better understand other people's emotions and better solve problems with friends in the primary school three years later, which is of great benefit to identifying and understanding other people's emotions and will also produce empathy, thus prompting children to help and comfort those depressed partners. Parents with authoritative education, especially mothers, are easy to talk about emotions with their children.
Parents with authoritative education are warm and accepting. They care about their children, which can prompt them to follow their parents' guidance. So how did you do it? For example, when a child fails, his mood will be very low. Parents should understand their children, fully accept them, discover their advantages, encourage them and let them regain their confidence. When children succeed, parents can share the joy of success with their children, guide them correctly, and avoid breeding arrogance.
Parents and children with authoritative parenting style are equal. This equality is mainly reflected in mutual respect. For example, if we ask our children to watch less TV and play less mobile phones, then we have to set an example. When a child is addicted to TV and doesn't study, we can accompany him to watch his favorite TV series, discuss the story with him, gain the trust of the child, find out the real reason why he doesn't study and overcome it with him. If it is not learning difficulties, you can divert your child's attention and attract him to do something meaningful according to his specialties.
Children need not only care, but also restrictions. But the demands of authoritative parents are reasonable. They will set the standards that children can actually achieve, give them some autonomy, and let them decide how to do it well to meet their parents' expectations. This way of treating children sends a very important message, telling children that you are a capable person, and I believe that you can stand on your own feet and achieve important goals. If children make friends with children with bad personalities, parents should discuss with them patiently. The reason for making friends with that child may be that the child has always been kind to him. Then we can praise the good quality that children know how to be grateful. When the child is recognized, we can work with him to analyze the bad qualities of our peers and the impact this quality will bring. At this time, the child will have a ruler in his heart, and he will use this ruler to measure how to get along with that companion. We can also guide children to help that child as much as possible. Of course, parents should also know their own situation in time and put forward good suggestions or opinions when necessary. This not only protects children's self-esteem and friendship, but also helps children who may lack family education. In addition, puppy love is inevitable, but it does not necessarily affect learning. Parents don't have to make a mountain out of a molehill or take arbitrary measures. Accepting children's feelings, parents can use this as a driving force to encourage their children to develop actively.
Psychologist Li Meijin also put forward eight simple and practical ways to educate children. 1. Change the tone of demands and orders to the tone of discussion. 2. treat your children as your colleagues and friends and respect them. 3. Let children participate in major events at home. 4. Be good at discovering your academic problems from your child's attitude. 5. Pay attention to your child's best friend and related family background. 6. Pay attention to the child's interest and appreciate and guide his interest as much as possible. 7. Give children a sense of trust.
8. Be proud of his kindness, success and responsible performance.
It is not easy to be an authoritative parent, because parents' educational methods are likely to be learned from their parents. Only by continuous learning can we change our inherent views and become a good parent.