Recently, I saw a news that a boy stole a lot of money from his family, and his family environment was not very good. After this incident was discovered by the boy's parents, the parents gave the boy a good education.

The father beat the child with a stick while holding the child, and the mother photographed the whole process of beating the child with her mobile phone. While filming, my mother said, "Hum, I'll post this video online later!"

The child was in a panic when he heard what his mother said. He cried and begged, "please, mom, I know I was wrong." I promise I won't do such a thing again Can you stop posting it online? " The child was badly beaten by his father and did not resist. After listening to his mother's words, the child was a little excited.

Mother stood by and said, "No, if you make a mistake, you will be punished!"

Afterwards, parents were interviewed. Someone asked her why she posted the video online. Mother said: "This will make the child feel ashamed, and the child will not dare to do that in the future."

Children's "shame" has always been the focus of parents' regular education. Parents use their children's "shame" to make them reflect on their mistakes. Many parents think this kind of education is good.

In fact, not only parents like to use "shame education", but many teachers also like to use "shame education" for students, such as corporal punishment and verbal attacks on students. Parents believe that "shame education" can warn children, and teachers believe that "shame education" can motivate children.

Therefore, children grow up in an environment full of shame. There are many ways of education, among which "shame education" is the least choice. Parents' "shame education" is destroying their children step by step.

Most parents are keen on "shame education". Generally speaking, parents are keen on "shame education" for three reasons:

Parents prefer the education of beating and cursing. The educational model of beating and cursing has existed in almost every family since ancient times. Although some parents will not use violence against their children, they will verbally insult them. Although verbal attacks will not cause physical harm to children, they will also cause psychological harm to children.

Parents will take care of children when they are babies. With the growth of children's age, children grow from babies to children. Unlike babies, children begin to have their own consciousness and learn to resist their parents' opinions and ideas.

At this time, children's resistance brought a little difficulty to parents' education. Beating and scolding education can make children obedient. At the same time, regular beating and scolding education will bring shame to children. Because children are not respected by their parents, if they resist, they will face more serious education of beating and cursing.

Cultivate children's sense of shame Many parents think that "shame education" can cultivate children's sense of shame.

Sometimes, parents and children say it many times, and children still make mistakes. At this time, beating and scolding education is the most direct means of education. This kind of education method does not need parents to think, to find the most suitable education model for children.

Means of venting emotions When children make mistakes, parents' emotions will fluctuate. Beating and scolding education is actually a means for parents to vent their emotions. When parents educate their children about shame, they have the upper hand because of the limitations of their children's identity and physique.

In fact, when parents "shame education" their children, parents will also feel uneasy and confused. Therefore, parents will always find some examples of "shame education" to better educate their children and tell themselves that the "shame education" currently implemented is the most effective educational model to cover up their conscience anxiety.

Shame education is destroying children step by step. In recent years, there have been more and more tragedies in which parents' "shame education" ruined their children. "Shame education" is mainly used in children's study and education. When children's academic performance fails to meet their parents' expectations, parents will severely criticize their children and even insult them.

Many parents believe that children will be more depressed and brave when they are humiliated. However, contrary to expectations, children's performance is usually very low.

Generally speaking, "shame education" will bring harm to children in the following three aspects.

Beating the child's psychological defense line is a common humiliation mode for parents. The process of parents beating and cursing will gradually defeat the child's psychological defense. Children are naturally fragile and sensitive.

Sometimes, parents just say angry words and just vent their emotions. However, children will magnify their parents' abuse and take it to heart. Once the child's psychological defense is defeated, the child's psychological problems will increase.

Hurt children's self-esteem "shame education" will also hurt children's self-esteem. Every child is born with self-esteem.

With the growth of discipline, children's self-esteem will also increase. Sometimes, children will resist the humiliation of their parents, which is also a manifestation of self-esteem.

If parents' education makes children feel ashamed and children's self-esteem can accept this shame, then children will have the motivation to change their mistakes and make themselves better. It is difficult for a child to make a change if the humiliation suffered by the child exceeds the range that the child's self-esteem can bear.

At this time, the child's self-esteem has been destroyed, and the child is in a state of "broken cans and broken falls". Parents' "shame education" will not have much influence on children, and children will not respect themselves.

Learned helplessness 1967 Psychologist Martin seligman put forward learned helplessness Theory through a classic experiment.

This experiment is cruel. He electrified half of the cage, and when the dog was shocked, it would run away and escape to the other side of the cage. However, if the other side of the cage is electrified, the dog learns to stop running after repeatedly running away and finding that it is futile to run away anyway. When the dog is electrocuted again in the future, the dog will not run away. Even if the other half of the cage is not electrified and the obstacle is removed, the dog would rather passively receive electric shock than run away.

This behavior of falling into helplessness and stopping escaping is acquired, so it is called learned helplessness.

In reality, children are like "dogs" in experiments, parents are like "experimenters" in experiments, and parents' "shame education" is like "electrifying behavior" in experiments. Parents' "shame education" does not allow children to appear a little defensive psychology. Slowly, children will get used to the sense of shame in their hearts.

"learned helplessness" has a lot of adverse effects on children, who are unable to resist and finally have to give up. In the future, children are afraid to face risks and challenges. The act of standing still will make children lose their creativity and they will not be qualified for some high-end positions.