Parents are children's first teachers, and families are children's first schools.
Studies have shown that children's behavior in their later years is often influenced by their early parents' ideas.
Idea is the basis of behavior. Different family education concepts often affect parents' expectations of their children, as well as their educational methods and future development direction.
The concept of family education is closely related to children's cognitive style, behavior style and mental health during their growth. For example, a family full of books will cultivate children's curiosity, and a family full of love will educate children to learn to care about others.
As the saying goes, "what kind of parents raise what kind of children". Parents should not only provide their children with a material and satisfying family environment, but also provide them with a spiritual family atmosphere.
Many problems in problem children are not caused by children, but by parents. Therefore, when a child has problems, parents should ask themselves whether there is any shadow of you in the child, whether you have too many problems yourself, and whether you should solve your own problems first.
In the documentary "Kindergarten" directed by Zhang Yiqing, there are several conversations between reporters and children.
Dialogue 1:
Reporter: "You are really tall. Why is it so tall? "
Child: "Because I grew so tall with the help of my parents, grandparents and teachers."
Dialogue 2:
Reporter: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Child: I want to be a policeman.
Reporter: What do police do?
Young children: Traffic police can also charge a lot of money.
Reporter: Traffic police? Have you ever seen a traffic policeman collect money?
Child: Yes.
Reporter: How did he collect it?
Child: I'm michel platini. He is a traffic policeman. He took money from that car.
Reporter: If you receive the money, will you give it to the leader or take it home yourself?
Child: Give it to the leader to share, and share it all.
Reporter: If you don't know, can you take it home by yourself?
Child: I don't care, that won't do. What if my leader has no money?
Dialogue 3:
Reporter: What does love mean?
Child: I am the one who holds you.
Reporter: Do you have any ideas for anyone?
Child: No.
Reporter: Who will you tell me I love you?
Child: I think it's hard to say.
Child: Because, because it's disgusting.
It is not difficult to see some problems in the concept of children:
There is no correct value:
Children's ideas often lie in the influence of early-rising parents. Parents are decent, and children will not have much problems when they grow up.
Everyone may have left their bags in a taxi. Some taxi drivers will try their best to find you, while others will submit to humiliation and not find him. This is not an acquired educational method, but an early concept.
In the family, we should establish correct values for our children. Tell him to be upright and not to take ill-gotten gains. If everything is needed at home, children will not stick to their beliefs when they grow up.
Early childhood:
When it comes to children, cute and innocent children often appear in our minds.
However, today, we find that more and more children are very different from our children. Most of them are no longer so humble and pure, but more and more mature in dress, language thinking, consumption pattern and even psychology. They are small children, with amazing words, and have become "little adults" with sophisticated manners and rigorous behavior.
Statistics show that the average age of "smokers" in China is decreasing, and the youngest smoker is only 7 years old. Kindergarten children learn to invite people to dinner, observe their words, flatter them, and even know how to do things according to the wishes of adults.
Now many parents will say, "What's wrong with making children sensible and learning the rules of the adult world as soon as possible because the social competition is so fierce? We just want her to be sensible as soon as possible, and then we can consciously teach her to learn these behavioral norms in the adult world. In this way, when she grows up, she can better adapt to society. In short, it is also good for her, for her future development. "
However, parents never thought about how much pressure this would put on their children's psychology. Since birth, they have carried too much hope and trust.
Urging them to complete such and such learning tasks every day, they spent a happy year that should have belonged to them, never to return.
The child's heart is bound to bear great pressure. His struggle, arrogance and fragility in the future are all the consequences of this pressure.
spoil
Too much doting on children is not conducive to their independent growth. Some parents will say that children are not sensible, lazy and don't listen to him.
We often say that children from poor families take charge early, because children from poor families should not only take care of themselves but also their mothers and brothers and sisters. But now we are mostly only children, without brothers and sisters to take care of us. But in daily life, parents always feel that their children are still young or too tired to study, so don't let them worry about things at home. In the long run, children will become selfish.
On the contrary, if you can consciously ask your children to help their parents and elders do some things in life, cultivate their empathy and let them understand your difficulties, don't take self-sacrificing parenting.
Emphasize absolute authority over children.
Emphasize your central position in the family. Children will never grow up in your eyes, and everything depends on you. Emphasis is placed on inducing and suppressing children to behave and obey. So far, many parents are obedient and steady when evaluating their children.
Expect too much from children and hope to succeed.
Today's parents of young children are deeply influenced by the development of the times, and have the changing characteristics of the new era, such as ideological independence, individuality and innovation. However, with the rapid development of economy and the guidance of market talents, this generation of parents tend to attach importance to intelligence and ignore quality in their educational concepts.
It is unrealistic to expect too much from children. Within a certain limit, the higher the expectations of parents, the greater the incentive effect on children. However, if it is beyond the child's tolerance, it will make the child feel frustrated, lose the courage to make progress and produce impatience.
At this time, many parents will only be rational and patient, and take the form of beating or coercion. For example, when teaching children to do homework, their emotions are out of control.
Establish an equal view of parents and children
Children are not miniature adults, nor are they completely ignorant and incompetent, nor are they blank boards with nothing. Under the influence of traditional ideas, some parents don't regard their children as an independent individual, invade their privacy at will and peek at their diaries.
Children are also independent individuals, and they also need your respect. Parents may wish to change their roles and understand and respect each other with their children.
Going to college is not the only way out.
Many parents still have the view that "highly educated" means "high income". Tell your children that if you don't study hard, you will do the same in the future. But is this the case?
At present, the number of college students is increasing year by year, but the talent ability is declining. Being admitted to a university is no longer the only criterion for judging success. In the family, parents may wish to combine their own characteristics, respect their choices and encourage their children to develop various interests.
Pay attention not only to academic qualifications, but also to cultivate children's ability to learn to use their hands and brains, learn to survive and live, and learn to be a man and do things. Only in this way can children be comfortable in the face of various competitive pressures in society.