No two people have absolutely the same view on the same thing, so it is not surprising that children have different views from you or others. Everyone's differences make this world wonderful and precious. Children will definitely have some advantages over you, but children will not have all your advantages.

Everyone has different beliefs, values and codes of conduct, so you can't ask your children to have exactly the same personality as you. Everyone is the product of his beliefs, values and codes of conduct established over the years. The years you have gone through will not be the same as your child. What suits you may not necessarily suit him. Respect the differences of others, and others will respect your uniqueness.

Only if you can accept your child's differences will he accept your opinion of him. What happens to one person cannot be assumed to have the same result to another person.

Therefore, your experience is a reference for your child, but it is not necessarily guaranteed to be the correct or feasible rule in his life.

#2. One person can't control another.

One person cannot push another. Every parent or child can only push himself.

One person cannot "teach" another. So there is no "teaching", only "",so it is not important to "teach" children, what is important is to let them "learn". It is very difficult to ask others to give up one set of beliefs, values and codes of conduct and accept another.

Children also have their own ways. The way parents understand children. Seeing the problem from his point of view has the best chance to make him accept your point of view.

#3. The meaning of communication depends on the other party's reaction.

It doesn't matter what you say, what matters is what the other person hears. It's no use always stressing how right you are. There are many ways to explain what the information a child receives means to him. The best way is to let the listener fully understand the speaker's intention. It will be better to talk to children in a language, tone and mode that children can understand and accept.

No two people have the same reaction to the same information. Just because one child reacts to what you say doesn't mean that another child will have the same reaction. The effect of speaking is controlled by the speaker and decided by the listener. The child's reaction will show whether what you say has any effect, and you can control the effect by changing the content and way of speaking.

Only by changing the way of speaking can we change the effect of listening. If it doesn't work, the more children refuse to accept it, the worse the effect will be.

#4. Children's learning comes from their parents' behaviors and emotions, not their parents' orders.

When a child sees his parents' behavior pattern in dealing with one thing, he will follow suit next time. When he sees his parents' emotional response to a situation, he will think it is correct, and he will make the same emotional response to the same situation himself. Language or writing itself cannot produce learning behavior patterns or emotional reactions in children's bodies and brains, so dogmatic teaching is ineffective.

Parents' instructions, if issued in a language mode that children can't understand, will make it difficult for children to follow. Don't just say what they want to say Think about it first, so that the child will not understand it and correct it before opening his mouth.

#5. All actions must have positive motives.

All children's behaviors have meanings that they don't realize, that is, meanings, but he doesn't understand and can't say them, because these meanings are deep psychological activities. Everyone's behavior is in the best interest of his time. There are many programs in the child's subconscious, so you must choose the way that suits him best in every situation. Although the subconscious sometimes lacks thoroughness.

Parents need to separate their children's behavior from their motivation. We can not accept a person's behavior, but we have to accept the motivation behind it, otherwise it will make the children run counter to their parents and make their parents' guidance ineffective. By accepting a person's motivation, you can accept this person and guide him to change his behavior.

Find out the positive motivation behind children's behavior, affirm it, and then guide children to find another more effective way. This is the easiest way for children to accept you. There is nothing wrong with emotion and motivation, but the chosen method can't achieve the ideal effect. Emotion gives children strength or direction, and motivation is the responsibility of parents, maintaining their desire for improvement and helping them find effective methods.

#6. If there is a better way, let's do it.

Everyone chooses the behavior that can give him the best benefit, even the child, but he doesn't know how to explain it.

People refuse to change because they have not found a better way. The child must understand that this is a more effective method before he can accept it and change it accordingly. Let a person realize that another method can make him get more and pay less, and this person will naturally adopt that method. Children, like everyone else, keep working hard at this point.

A better way is to provide help, that is, to give each other more choices, and to stipulate that they must use some method is an attempt to manipulate each other. Everyone welcomes help and resists pushing. Your children welcome your help, but they will resist your manipulation.

#7. There are always at least three solutions.

So far, it has not been successful, but the methods used so far have not received the expected results. For children, we must stick to the effect, not the method. There is no way but to say that the known method doesn't work. New things appear every day, and the methods of giving them to children can be different.

There are still many methods in the world that we haven't thought of or realized in the past. It takes years or even decades to teach children. In such a long time, there will always be new methods, and I am afraid that you will stop and refuse to think about it. Only by believing that there is an unknown and effective method can you find it and change things. I believe that there is no way that is bad for you and will only leave you in a helpless situation; Believe that there is a way to make things possible, and you will be willing to start thinking.

No matter what happens, we have at least three choices. If we have only one or two choices, we will get into trouble. If we have a third choice, we will have a fourth, fifth and better choice.

# 8. Growth is a learning process.

Everything a child does and meets will have an impact on his future.

Children try different methods to find the best one.

● Children should constantly try new methods, know which method is the best, and make breakthroughs.

● Children are curious about all kinds of things in life, just to learn how to master more and do better.

● The child learns from what happened and focuses on what helps him improve, so that he will know how to deal with the same things he will encounter in the future; Focusing on "failure", being denied and scolded, and unwilling to face or try in the future, so you can't grow effectively.

# 9. Children should be helped to grow, not replaced.

● Doing what children should do on behalf of children is an attempt to replace children's growth. Any attempt to replace children's growth will eventually have a negative impact on children. If children can't learn, they will rely on it and lack self-confidence.

● Children can't learn what they should learn when they grow up, and they have to pay a great price when they grow up. Parents do what they should do for their children, and they can't get their children's respect. Dependent children only complain and criticize their parents.

● Encouraging and guiding children to take care of themselves is the most effective way to help children grow up. In this way, the child can grow into a capable person who can take care of himself.

● Children's spontaneity, positive attitude, self-discipline, self-confidence and self-esteem are all related to this, because these need to be cultivated from "doing your own thing".

# 10. "Love" cannot be used as a bargaining chip.

● Parents love their children more than anything else, and it should be something that children will never lose in this world. So parents should not use it as a bargaining chip.

● This kind of love is the biggest source of confidence and vitality in children's growth. Therefore, children must not doubt this love.

● If this kind of love is conditional in parents' language, children will doubt the sublimity of parent-child relationship, because this kind of love is the foundation and pillar of parent-child relationship.

● If you lose this love because of something the child does, the child will gradually become indifferent to it, that is, you don't care about this parent-child relationship. So, don't use it as a condition to discuss things.