After reading 1' s Positive Discipline, after reading the book Positive Discipline, I will always think of the above passage in my mind.
For a long time, many people used positive discipline as a guide to action, and when they encountered specific problems, they would look for solutions from books, and they did solve many problems. Yes, just looking at a page is a scene that we often encounter as class teachers or parents. But think about it carefully, this book is so good, why do so many people only use three strokes and two styles after reading it, but they can't use it flexibly in their work and life? I think it's because we think this book is a guide to action and a ready-made emergency manual. Actually, it is not.
While reading several chapters, I nodded and agreed with the author's point of view, only to find that I may not be able to do it at all in my work and life. Because what you want to change is not what you say in your mouth, but what you want to change in your mind. For example, Chapter 7 talks about "encouragement and praise". We all know that encouragement has a far-reaching and lasting role in promoting children, but in actual situations, years of thinking habits determine what we will say in the situation at that time, rather than what a recent book teaches us. The author gives a table of "the difference between encouragement and praise" in the book, but in practice, we don't talk about the table. Years of thinking determine our words and deeds on specific occasions, thus shaping our relationship with others.
When reading, I am full of enthusiasm and eager to try. When it comes to reality, I'm back to my old ways. This is a problem that I often encounter in my study now. Therefore, no matter which book it is, it has its own value. The key is to see if the person is a person who "admits death" and "goes into darkness". Therefore, behind the thick book Regular Dharma, it is actually that our readers want to change their mentality, and then change our language habits and form a new language system. If we can have such determination, the book Positive Discipline can solve most problems in the work of our class teacher or children's education.
Practice makes perfect. English proverbs correspond to China's proverb "Practice makes perfect". Mastering any skill requires a lot of time to practice and practice. So is this book. The book Positive Discipline is very valuable. If you want it to help you, all you have to do is keep reading, constantly reflect on your thoughts, language and behavior, and make adjustments and changes in your work and life, one at a time and one every day. I believe it will definitely bring great benefits to our work and life in the end.
When we get along with children, we often punish them for disobedience or irregular behavior. The effect of punishment can be described as immediate and effective in the short term, but when the punishment on weekdays accumulates, we find that our punishment is slowly losing its effect, or only by increasing the intensity of punishment can we achieve the effect. After accumulating punishment, I found that the child's temper is getting bigger and bigger with the punishment. What should we do when children do something wrong? In positive discipline, we need to treat children with a firm and kind attitude. "Active Pause" is a small tool that we can use when children make mistakes.
We have all heard that "impulse is the devil", because when people are furious, the lid of rational brain is opened, and people are under the control of "animal brain" at this moment. What they say at this time is angry words, and what they do is extremely destructive and useless to solve the problem. Therefore, whether children or adults, when they realize that they have a temper, the lid of the rational brain will be lifted, and they should consciously detect it and adopt the method of "active suspension".
A proper stop sounds unreasonable. All the problems have happened. Why not solve them at once, but ask them to stop? But this is exactly in line with people's psychological demands. Only when we calm down can we solve the problem rationally. When my child violates some original rules, I will point out or stop the child, but the child's reaction is likely to be disapproval and uncooperative. And if he doesn't cooperate, it will cause my anger and start scolding the children. This is not right, and it is not right. The more I talk, the angrier I get. At this moment, I am simply a firecracker. If he makes any more mistakes, I will definitely punish him.
After many efforts, I tried a positive pause. When I realized that I was nagging, I decided to leave the crime scene for a while and stay where there were no children. This is good, without children in front of me, your rational brain seems to be recovering, and the animal brain begins to slowly retreat. When I thought I could face the child again, I found the child again and told him that my mother was too anxious and had a bad attitude just now. I found that when my attitude was calm, the children were less excited and unwilling to cooperate. I think this is probably the effect of "active pause".
"Active suspension" is not only to make children feel better, but more importantly, to make children feel better, discuss plans together and find solutions to problems together. The book also suggests how to make a "positive pause", create a pause with children, and let them decide what the pause area is like and what to put. You can also ask your child to give the pause zone a special name. When they are depressed, ask, "Is it helpful to go to your so-and-so district?" Make children aware of the role of the pause zone. There is another example of using active pause. When we are depressed or angry, we will enter our own pause zone.
Perhaps parents will ask that children be allowed to do something pleasant during the "pause", and that children are allowed to play with toys, read books, rest or listen to music as a reward for their bad behavior. People think that children will be punished (feel worse) to do better, and when they feel better, they will do better. What if you ask the child to take the initiative to pause and the child runs out? Should it continue to be sent back to the "suspension zone"? In fact, as long as the child's bad behavior changes, there is no need to send the child back to the "pause zone".
What we have to do is to remember that the purpose of active suspension is to help children change their behavior, not to make them suffer with power. If the child chooses to go to his "special place"-a place he helped decorate-until he is in a good mood, the effect will be better.
Finally, I wish everyone can find effective discipline tools for their children.
Positive Discipline after Reading 3 Reading the book Positive Discipline is the second time, and every time you read it, you will get different results! But after reading it, I will forget a lot, and sometimes I will return to the original point when I apply it to real life. However, I still have to forget my usual study to encourage myself.
Most of the principles mentioned in the book "Positive Discipline" are aimed at the understanding and application of several basic concepts and the correct attitude of adults. The tools mentioned in the book are:
Take some time to calm yourself down, because when you feel good, you can do better.
Decide what you want to do, not let your children do it.
3. Let the children know what you will do in advance.
4. Act kindly and firmly, not just talk.
5, if you have to say, the tone should be cordial and firm, and the less you say, the better.
6. Let yourself avoid power struggle through emotional withdrawal, and then pay attention to and solve the problem after both sides calm down.
7. Use the daily management table to avoid power struggle.
8. In order to avoid the struggle before going to bed, you can cover your child with a quilt and share the happiest and saddest things of the day with your child.
9. Avoid power struggle by involving children in solving problems.
10, stay out of disputes between children, or "put children in the same situation".
1 1, comfort the adult's child first, and then let this child go with you to comfort the beaten child.
12, expressing understanding of children's feelings.
13, give the child a hug.
Use your sense of humor.
15, let children participate in the planning, cooking and cleaning of dinner.
16, design some secret codes to remind children what to do.
17, giving children choices, not requirements.
18, using "Once you ..., we will ...".
19, use pocket money to teach children to learn how to manage money, not as rewards and punishments.
20. Arrange special time.
2 1, family meeting.
There are still many things not listed. What I use most are "family meetings, daily lists, lists, lists of negative emotions and daily self-evaluation". However, there are still so many unsatisfactory places that I can't help yelling at my children and blaming myself. With the growth of age, my memory is getting worse and worse, and my mind is full of endless things. If you can't remember when you can't finish writing, use the daily list to solve it, so that you can free up your brain space and complete daily events in an orderly way. Family meetings will fully mobilize the enthusiasm of every member of the family and give everyone a sense of autonomy and mission (of course, my family is not very persistent). The daily management table is very helpful for children, so that children can make their own daily routine and should not be changed in time. After a long time, children get used to it and parents are liberated. Most love and I benefit from daily self-evaluation and negative emotion table. After self-evaluation and in-depth analysis of your negative emotions, everything will disappear. When we lose our temper, we will think of the problems that have been analyzed, and everyone can accept them in another way. There are still many things that we need to improve and practice as parents. It is really true that parents can keep up with their children.
Believe in the power of example, if you want your child to be the ideal appearance in your heart, you must first turn yourself into that ideal appearance! We did it, and so did the children. Let's move forward together! Cheer yourself up!