Afterwards, I made a deep reflection. I found that the core problem is that there are differences between my subjects and Yang Lan's. I am strict in discipline, while Yang Lan is relatively loose in discipline. The standards of our two people are often not uniform, which leads Xinyi to be a little at a loss when facing the two of us. She doesn't know who to listen to and what to do.
Therefore, I raised this issue with Yang Lan and formulated some basic principles that we should abide by together in the future.
Principle 1: the principle of "united front".
Both parents must maintain a high degree of consistency in the education of their children. Parents should always stand on a "United front" in front of their children and never quarrel in front of them. Parents need to maintain each other's authority in front of their children, not damage each other's authority. Even if parents have different views and ideas, they should communicate well in private instead of arguing in front of their children.
Parents can have different educational styles, but they must reach a high degree of agreement on some fundamental principles, otherwise it will cause great pressure and confusion to children and make them feel at a loss. Moreover, once parents disagree, the effect of education will be greatly reduced or even offset each other!
Principle 2: the principle of "acceptance and appreciation".
Children always have many advantages and disadvantages. Children always give their parents all kinds of surprises and make all kinds of unexpected mistakes. As parents, we should have a growing mind instead of a fixed mind. We believe that children are always growing and progressing, and don't treat children as immutable.
We should try our best to discover, cultivate and strengthen our children's advantages, and help them discover, appreciate and be their best! Children who grow up with the acceptance and appreciation of their parents can build up a high degree of self-esteem and self-confidence, which is the most important prerequisite for children to do anything in the future!
Principle 3: the principle of "independence".
Whatever children can do by themselves, we must resolutely encourage them to do it by themselves. We adults often help children do many things out of kindness. We are afraid that our children will not do well and be wronged, but in fact, every time we help our children do something they can, we are depriving them of a chance to grow up! As parents, we must realize that the love between parents and children is for separation. Therefore, it is the right way to love children and let them realize their independence as soon as possible and help them exercise their basic life skills earlier!
Principle 4: The principle of "reasonable satisfaction".
Children always make various demands on their parents, some reasonable and some unreasonable. As parents, we should always keep a clear head and always be able to identify which requirements are reasonable and which are unreasonable. For reasonable requirements, we can meet them appropriately; We must resolutely reject unreasonable demands. Once a child's request is rejected by his parents, they will use the killer weapon of "crying and cheating". At this time, parents tend to be soft-hearted and finally make unprincipled compromises. Once compromise becomes a habit, it will constantly develop children's waywardness, thus developing bad temper and character!
Principle 5: The principle of "facing difficulties".
In life, when children face some difficulties, as parents, we must encourage them to face them, instead of making excuses to make them back down.
For example, every time Xinyi goes out for a walk with us, she will shout that she is tired and then let us hug her. Every time this happens, I will encourage her to stick to it. I always say to him: Dad believes that you are the best, and you can definitely go further. Every time with my encouragement, she basically insists on walking home by herself.
In fact, the human body is an anti-fragile system. As long as the difficulty and pressure of completing the task do not exceed a certain limit, in fact, children can do it themselves. And when these challenging goals are achieved, their abilities can be truly and comprehensively improved!
Principle 6: The principle of "opportunity education".
As parents, we should try our best to teach our children the truth and methods of doing things. As long as you are a conscientious person, there are always opportunities for education in your life, and there are educational materials everywhere. For example, last night, because Xinyi couldn't be a "little master", I taught him how to be a "little master" in time. I taught her to greet the guests warmly first, then show the children around the house, then share her toys with them, play games with them and become friends. "People who are not born to know" are "people who learn and know". As long as we make good use of every opportunity in life and give our children correct guidance and education, our children will continue to grow and progress!
Principle 7: "Consistency" principle.
Parents must take the lead in implementing the rules set by parents for their children, and no matter what happens, they must run through them. The most taboo in education is "to change with the constant", which can't be consistent before and after, and also taboo "fishing for three days and drying the net for two days", which can't be adhered to.
For example, we made a rule for Xinyi that she must brush her teeth before going to bed at night. But one night the other day, because I was a little tired after playing outside, Yang Lan told Xinyi that she didn't brush her teeth that night. In fact, this statement by parents is absolutely wrong and will give children a bad demonstration. In the future, children can casually find an excuse and reason not to implement the previous regulations. Therefore, parents must urge their children to restrain their behavior and maintain the authority of the rules!
Principle 8: The principle of "going out".
Children's growth needs rich stimulation from the environment, and their courage and adaptability can only be exercised through different environments. Therefore, we should try our best to create a rich environment, take children out to participate in activities as much as possible, and bring them close to nature as much as possible. Only in rich activities can children constantly exercise their ability to communicate with others and exercise their courage and self-confidence. Only by letting children get close to nature can they feel the beauty and harmony of nature and inspire their love and yearning for a better life!