Why? There are many reasons why children are attached to things, and the peak period is from 6 months to 3 years old. At this stage, the characteristics of children's psychological development are closely related to dependence. For example, a six-month-old baby is actively exploring the world he lives in. The interaction between the baby and the outside world has increased, and the emotional expression has also increased. In addition to playing simple games with adults, they will also show emotions such as happiness and sadness, or develop behaviors such as smiling and making noises to specific people. At this time, the reaction of adults after receiving the child's information will have a great impact on the baby.
A good way to get rid of the baby's attachment can't accept the attention of parents. When the baby can adapt to the surrounding environment more and more, the pace with the mother or the main caregiver will begin to be consistent, and there will be a special tacit understanding between parents and children. For example, children can get used to fixed feeding and sleeping time, and parents' anxiety about new mothers is not as strong as that of moms. Parents begin to know what their children's needs are, and gradually get used to changing diapers, breastfeeding and other parenting matters. However, the interaction between parents and children is familiar to some extent. When a child cries, parents don't pay attention as soon as they do to a newborn. Psychologist Hong Meizhen mentioned: "Many parents will reduce the intensity and immediacy of attention when their children grow up. On the one hand, it means that parents may already be familiar with their children. For example, when the baby is wet and crying, someone rings the doorbell at the door. These two things happen at the same time, and parents may choose. In the face of changes in parents' attitudes, children may not have enough ability to accept or understand. After all, when I was born, as soon as I cried, my novice parents would immediately rush to the bed, but now they can't get immediate attention, which may lead to "why didn't mom come and hug me first?" ","can't mom come and help at once? " And other contradictory doubts.
Accompany yourself and create a sense of security. The caregiver who has been taking care of himself suddenly changed his attitude, and the baby had to start practicing taking care of himself. They will achieve the soothing effect by sucking their fingers, soothing the pacifier and pulling the corner of the quilt. When the caregiver is not around, the child will practice the above behavior and wait for the caregiver to appear again. Psychologist Hong Meizhen emphasized: "Every separation from the main caregiver is a strong experience for the baby. Separation in different situations will also prompt the baby to have other different emotions, such as saying goodbye with joy and satisfaction, or occasionally feeling angry, jealous, anxious and worried. After repeated experiences, what will the baby think of to provide comfort instead of the main caregiver? At this time, blankets, toys, pacifiers and even fingers that are often accompanied by the baby become the source of the baby's sense of security.
Is infantile fetishism normal? The baby's fetish behavior is not equal to the fetish that will cause sexual impulse and excitement, and it is also different from the behavior that autistic children are particularly addicted to focusing on something. In fact, even adults will have the behavior of especially liking something and collecting things. For example, some adults are used to taking a small doll or a pillow when traveling, which is more like a concept of companionship. Similarly, children's behavior of relying on smelly quilts and toy cars is similar. Zombie fetishism is regarded as a natural development process.
Fetishism in the Zodiac period is considered to be a natural development process.
A good way to get rid of your baby's attachment 3. Say goodbye to the baby's attachment behavior Although the fetishism in infancy is not serious, many parents are still worried about their children's excessive attachment to things. For example, even if you just go to the clinic for vaccination, the baby still insists on taking a small blanket for sleeping; Or when traveling, I cried all the way because I forgot to take my beloved toy out of the door. In order to alleviate children's insistence on specific items, the following three situational questions help parents to accompany their children through emotional difficulties caused by insecurity in the right way.
Situation 1: The younger the baby sucks his fingers, the more likely he is to eat his hands. When children are always used to putting their fingers in their mouths, parents should first assess whether their children are in the oral period. Psychologist Hong Meizhen explained that it is very common for babies around 3 or 4 months to suck their fingers. At this time, the baby is learning to explore his body and feelings and try to control his muscles. For them, all parts of the body, including fingers, are the media for them to play. Therefore, when parents see their children put their fingers in their mouths, they usually don't have to worry too much, which can be regarded as a normal process of physical and mental development. Generally, the baby's finger sucking behavior will naturally disappear with age.
Check! How to quit If children still have the habit of eating their hands after they are 2-3 years old, parents can first observe the timing of their children's behavior. For example, if they find that their babies will unconsciously suck their fingers when they are nervous or afraid, they can try to divert their attention, or encourage them to express their feelings orally, and remind their children that there are bacteria on their fingers, and eating bacteria in their stomachs will make them sick.
A good way to get rid of baby's attachment. Case 2: 4-month-old baby, the swallowing development with nipple is slowly improving, and the sucking reflex will gradually weaken with the development of the brain. In the past, children's demand for pacifiers may be based on the physiological needs of being fed. However, when starting to contact non-staple food, the role of pacifier is more to appease and satisfy. Some parents worry that frequent use of pacifiers by their babies will cause abnormal oral development. In fact, unless the pacifier is used excessively, the adverse effects on gums and teeth are quite rare. As for the time when children should quit pacifiers varies from person to person, Hong Meizhen's psychologist suggested that after 1 year and a half, they can quit pacifiers in a gentle and firm way.
Check! Many people spread the method of abstinence. You can put pepper or Huang Lian on the nipple, so that the child can't stand the sexual smell and give up sucking the nipple. Hong Meizhen's psychologist thinks that this method can cure the symptoms rather than the root cause. Parents should first observe the reasons why children can't live without pacifiers in order to really prescribe the right medicine. Dad can try many more methods than mommy, including actively guiding children to use straws, diverting attention, or rationally communicating with children and telling them: "Nipples are for babies, and you have grown up. Try to say goodbye to the nipple. 」
Situation 3: attachment to specific dolls and blankets If preschool children carry their favorite dolls or blankets with them, it looks quite cute and distressing. However, when the children start to enter the school, parents discover that the baby will secretly hide the attached items in the schoolbag and insist on not being separated from the beloved items during class, snack and nap. Psychologist Hong Meizhen reminded: "Although the general fetishism is harmless, if fetishism affects the baby's life and even interferes with the child's interpersonal development, parents should stand firm and give up fetishism for their children. 」
Check! Abstinence method: Single-focus items can easily lead to children's attachment behavior, so early prevention is a very important preparatory action. In order to reduce the baby's special dependence on something in the future, parents can take turns to change the quilt or the doll to sleep with him in advance. If the child has a little attachment behavior, parents can adopt the practice of delaying satisfaction to extend the time for the child to meet the demand for things. For example, if a child asks his mother to help him with the doll before going to bed, his mother can answer "But the doll says he wants to sleep by himself today" and "Mommy won't take it until your eyes are closed and you lie down", so that he can be allowed.
A good way to get rid of baby's attachment. Parents' attitude is helpful to the baby's growth. Most babies cry when facing their primary caregivers. For them, attachment plays the same important role as parents in life. Therefore, when it is necessary to keep a distance from certain items, children will inevitably have emotional contradictions. It takes different time for each child to digest these feelings. Some children are easily appeased, while others may be troubled for hours. At this time, the intervention and guidance of parents is a reassurance for them.
The quality of providing high-quality companionship is not determined by the length of time. Many parents are immersed in their work and slide their mobile phones around their children, ignoring the need for children to interact with caregivers. Only by understanding and accepting their emotions can they understand that "someone understands my feelings and needs, and I am not alone".
Expanding other interest games is a very important life experience for babies. Through the game process, children can observe, learn and understand their own and others' experiences, thus enhancing their ability to build the world. In addition to allowing children to try to accept new experiences and divert their attention from attached objects, game activities also provide opportunities to practice dealing with setbacks and emotions. Psychologist Hong Meizhen mentioned that hide-and-seek is a good game experience to practice separation. If the object is a younger baby, the parents may just hide behind the pillow and show their faces from time to time to make the baby laugh. When the children are older, dad can try to play hide-and-seek more advanced than mommy.
A good way to get rid of the baby's attachment is to keep a positive attitude and not to tease, punish and deprive, which is an important indicator for parents to help their children get rid of fetishism. Some parents will say sarcastic words to their children, such as cowardice and shame. Psychologist Hong Meizhen said: "It takes time and practice to practice saying goodbye to what they depend on. Parents should understand that pedophilia is a normal development process, and children will inevitably become independent. Understanding the causes of children's fetishism and maintaining a positive support attitude will help children's development experience become beautiful.
Let the baby have enough time to grow up. From about 6 months, the baby will establish a deep relationship with parents, grandmothers, nannies and other people who take care of themselves. When they are separated from each other, they will have an emotional reaction. In fact, the baby's resistance is that he regards the caregiver as an important role, and parents don't need to worry too much. Separation anxiety only reflects the development process of emotional expression and trust. If adults can warn the baby in advance of the upcoming separation and when to meet again, it can help the baby practice patience with the emotions caused by separation, and at the same time let the baby learn that mom and dad will definitely appear again.
Psychologist Hong reminded: "A good separation experience can help your baby build a high-quality attachment relationship. Although it takes some time to build trust and security, children will face emotions and setbacks in this process. Parents should learn to accept the bottleneck of accompanying their children to grow up. Maybe one day, you will suddenly find out, hey! Why don't you suck the pacifier anymore? How can you not need it? Giving children moderate room for growth will help them confidently move towards another stage of development.
No teasing, no punishment and no deprivation are important indicators for parents to help their children get rid of fetishes.
Hong Meizhen Education: Institute of Clinical Psychology, Fu Jen Catholic University Master's experience: special clinical psychologist in Penghu County Special Education Resource Center, clinical psychologist in Taoyuan County Special Education Team and clinical psychologist in Peiling Kansai Hospital. Current position: Clinical Psychologist, Department of Psychiatry, Zhongxing Hospital, Taipei United Hospital. Specialty: Early education, parental consultation, psychological evaluation and treatment for children, adolescents and adults.