Case study: teaching children to learn tolerance from an early age
Parenting experts suggest that parents should help their children get rid of prejudice and learn tolerance in their childhood.
Case: My mother took Dandan, who is under 4 years old, to participate in parent-child activities organized by the school. When the teacher arranged for the children to complete the building activities in pairs, Dandan refused to cooperate with the boy in old clothes beside her. She even frowned and said to her mother, "I'm not with him. I don't like the old clothes he wears. "
Dandan's mother is worried that these words will affect the boy's self-esteem. She hurriedly pulled her daughter out of the classroom and severely reprimanded her in the corridor: "How can you say such a thing?" At this point, Danny just looked at his mother blankly and was silent.
Expert analysis: It is not surprising that children of Dandan's age are so "heartless", because they have been able to notice other people's different characteristics from themselves. The study found that infants within 6 months can notice racial and gender differences; Children will classify people from the age of 3 and can judge which kind of people are better; By the age of 5, they will associate some good qualities with the kind of people they think are good; At the age of 8, children will notice the attitude of society towards different people; When they are older, they will know how to face social prejudice and start thinking rationally.
Because the world that children face when they grow up is diversified, parents should try their best to help their children change their prejudices and shape a tolerant character, and the best time is in infancy.
Here are some ways for parents to help their children accept the "different" places in others through the details of life and treat these differences correctly.
Methods 1: "lemon" training
In this activity, the teacher will give each child a lemon, and then let the children know. Children can roll the lemon on the ground and taste or smell it. Then put the lemons in a basket and let the children find the one they just played.
Although some lemons are dirty and wrinkled, and some have teeth marks on them, children still think theirs is the best.
Tip: peel off the lemon peel and let the children find the lemon themselves, so the children will not recognize it. This activity can make children realize that although people are different in appearance, they are all the same in heart.
Method 2: Analyze features
Help your child know how he is different from others, for example, other children may be shorter than him, slightly fatter, wear glasses and are not good at playing football, and then compare these characteristics.
Tip: Tell your child a fact that everyone has their own characteristics. Some people will think that others are not as good as themselves because they see the differences between them, but this is not the case and should not be thought so.
Method 3: give an example
Parents can discuss the harm of lack of tolerance with their children through an incident in the community or a scene described in a movie as an educational opportunity.
When children encounter prejudice,
1. Ensure that children's safety is not threatened, strengthen children's awareness, and let him know that such things are wrong and will be corrected;
2. Cultivate children to be psychologically prepared for anything that may happen in the future, and teach him to learn some words, such as "Don't call me that in the future, this is not my name".
When children slander others,
1, stop it immediately and tell the children that parents can't tolerate this kind of behavior and will take it seriously;
2. Help children analyze why this prejudice or prejudice is wrong, and help children put themselves in others' shoes;
3. Set an example for children in all aspects of life.
How to cultivate children's endurance
1, set an example for children
The main source of a child's tolerance is his mother. Children learn how to treat people from their mothers at first. If a mother is tolerant and generous, regardless of anything, and gets along well with neighbors and colleagues, children will learn to deal with the relationship between classmates like their mothers, and they will become tolerant and willing to get along with others. If a child accidentally makes a small mistake, such as breaking a cup, don't educate the child by punishment or blame. Tell the children that in fact, mothers sometimes make such unintentional mistakes, which can be avoided as long as they are careful next time. Starting from forgiving children's mistakes, we should guide them to understand their mistakes with tolerance, and let children know that the solution to the problem is tolerance except criticism and punishment.
2. Teach children to learn psychological transposition.
Psychological transposition means that when there is a contradiction between the two sides, they can think from the other side's point of view and why the other side acts and speaks like this. If we can really do this, we will reduce many unnecessary contradictions. Just like a chess player, at first, he only thought about how to get there, regardless of others. As the level gets higher and higher, he will think about how to go and how to deal with it. Many children are only used to thinking from their own point of view, not from others' point of view. The way to eliminate this phenomenon is "psychological transposition".
From the mother's point of view, you will understand her good intentions and nagging; If you think from the teacher's point of view, you will understand the teacher's hardships; If you think from the perspective of your classmates, you will find that most of your classmates are lovely, amiable and approachable. Therefore, it is necessary to teach primary school students to learn psychological transposition.
3. Teach children to understand others and understand that everyone has shortcomings.
Gold is not enough, people are not perfect, and human nature inevitably has shortcomings and deficiencies. When interacting with classmates and getting along with friends, there is absolutely no need to seek perfection and blame, and we can seek common ground while reserving differences, as long as the shortcomings of classmates and friends are not quality and antisocial. There is no need to care about the shortcomings and shortcomings of friends and what students say and do when they are in a bad mood. Everything needs to be fair and reasonable. One more time to forgive, one more time to tolerate and understand, at the same time, you will find yourself a good mood, and you will take another step forward on the road to perfecting your personality.
Of course, tolerance is not afraid of people, cowardice, blind obedience and conformity. This must be made clear to children. Mothers must let their children know that tolerance is a concession to classmates and friends after distinguishing right from wrong, not a compromise to bad people. There is no need to be tolerant of bad people and people who push their luck.
4. Let children communicate with their peers more.
Tolerance is cultivated in communication activities. Only when children associate with others will they find that everyone has shortcomings of one kind or another and will make big or small mistakes. Only when they learn to tolerate the shortcomings and mistakes of others can they communicate with others normally and get along well. Only through communication can children realize the meaning of tolerance and the happiness brought by tolerance. For example, praise the shortcomings of others, celebrate the success of peers, help children in trouble, and adopt reasonable suggestions from others. All these can make children get friendship, share the success of others and make themselves progress.
In the process of children's communication with peers, mothers should pay special attention to guiding children to tolerate peers who are stronger than themselves, peers who are "worse" than themselves and competitors. Let children not envy their peers who are stronger than themselves, laugh at their peers who are "worse" than themselves, and deliberately embarrass competitors. Let children learn from good companions, help "poor" companions and learn to cooperate with competitors.
5. Encourage children to be "new" and change.
Tolerance is not only reflected in the attitude towards "people", but also in the attitude towards "things" and "things". Parents should guide their children to see all kinds of new things, make them like and be willing to accept new things, endure unexpected changes in things, and be good at changing and adapting. Allow children to solve problems in a unique way. Once children get used to "innovation" and "adaptation", they will have a tolerant heart for everything in the world.
Recommended: Some tolerant stories.
The Story of Tolerance: Zen Buddhism
According to legend, one night, an old Zen master was walking in a temple when he suddenly saw a chair near the corner. At first glance, he knew that a monk had violated the temple rules and went out for a walk. The old Zen master didn't say a word, went to the wall, moved the chair and squatted down on the spot. After a while, a young monk climbed over the wall and jumped into the yard on the back of the old Zen master in the dark.
When his foot touched the ground, he realized that he had just stepped on the master instead of the chair. The young monk suddenly panicked and was tongue-tied. But to the little monk's surprise, the master didn't scold him sharply, but said in a calm tone, "It's cold at night, so you should put on more clothes." "
We can imagine how the disciples of the old Zen master felt after hearing this. In this tolerant and silent education, his disciples were not punished for his mistakes, but were educated.
Story of Tolerance 2: Liuchi Lane
Zhang, the prime minister of Qing Dynasty, and Ye, the assistant minister, were both from Tongcheng, Anhui. The two families live next door, both want to build a house, and they have a dispute over the land. Mrs. Zhang wrote in Beijing, asking Prime Minister Zhang to intervene. After all, the Prime Minister has extraordinary knowledge. After reading the letter, he immediately wrote a poem to persuade the old lady: "A letter of a thousand miles is just a wall, why not let it go three feet?" The Great Wall of Wan Li is still there today, but I haven't seen Qin Shihuang. "When Zhang Mu saw that the book made sense, she immediately took the initiative to step back three feet. Ye Jia was deeply ashamed to see this scene, and immediately gave way to the wall three feet behind him. In this way, a six-foot-wide roadway was formed between the courtyard walls of Zhangye's house, which became the famous "six-foot alley". What Zhang lost was the ancestral homestead, and it was indeed a good reputation of harmonious neighborhood and immortality.
Story of Tolerance III: Anecdotes of the Prime Minister
Once, when the barber was shaving Premier Zhou, the Premier suddenly coughed and the knife immediately scratched his face. The barber was very nervous and at a loss, but to his surprise, Premier Zhou didn't blame him, but kindly said to him, "It's not your fault. I didn't say hello to you before coughing. How did you know I was moving? " Although this is a trivial matter, it shows us the virtue of Premier Zhou-tolerance.
Tolerance Story 4: Marriage Past Events
On the 50th anniversary of his golden wedding, an old mother told her guests the secret of keeping their marriage happy. She said: "From the day I got married, I was going to list my husband's 10 shortcomings. For the happiness of our marriage, I promised myself that whenever he made these 65,438+00 mistakes, I would forgive him. " Someone asked, what are the disadvantages of 10? She replied: "To tell the truth, for 50 years, I have never listed the shortcomings of this 10 in detail. Whenever my husband does something wrong and makes me jump, I immediately remind myself that he is lucky. He made one of 10 mistakes that I can forgive. "
This story tells us that in the long journey of marriage, it is not always sunny and flowers are in full bloom, but there are also summer, summer and winter, with wind, frost, snow and rain. In the face of some small contradictions in life, if you can learn to be tolerant and patient like that old mother, you will find that happiness is actually around you.