In a psychological sense, this is emotional management.
As we know, the most important concept of social psychology is attitude.
Attitude consists of cognition, emotion, will and behavioral tendency, which are generally consistent. If not, which one shall prevail?
For example, children don't do homework on weekends, but play games and tell them to finish their homework before playing, but the children promise not to act. As parents, they know that they shouldn't be angry, they should guide them well, and the relationship is greater than education. They will stop rubbing their hands and unplugging the power, but they can't help being angry emotionally.
At this time, attitude is determined by emotions. Generally speaking, parents will get angry and act as if they are bulging. Although still very patient and persuasive, outsiders can tell at a glance that they are angry and suppress their emotions.
So, you don't think the children will notice?
This is an emotional expression in the relationship.
For another example, this year's college entrance examination has been postponed for one month, and the exam is coming soon. At this time of the college entrance examination, many parents have to pretend to be indifferent and say to their children, "Don't be nervous, don't be nervous, anything will do."
At this time, the attitude seems to be relaxed in cognition and steady in behavior, but the intangible psychological feeling of emotion is very easy to feel.
So, do you think children will not feel it?
I want to tell my parents and friends that when we try to restrain negative emotions, we should not think that it is really covered up and others will not see it. The truth is completely different.
It is easy for others to feel depressed.
If you don't believe me, when you answer the phone in the future, pay attention to whether the other party is in a good mood, and you will notice it from the tone after a little experience.
This also reminds us that when calling others, don't be impatient or rude just because others can't see it. People can really feel it.
Listen to what he says and observe what he does. In the final analysis, we should be aware of emotions.
Emotional management is a very important lesson, especially in family education.
It is obvious that bad emotional management will directly affect the relationship. In addition, there is a great harm, that is, self-confusion, excessive sensibility, irrationality, and abnormality from normal mental state.
Being mentally abnormal means that you can't continue to do normal things, and the whole person is not calm.
It seems that the appearance is still the same, but the heart is ups and downs, emotional and upset. Without stability and peace, nothing can be done.
We all have this experience, but it is easy to disagree without careful tasting or recording. In fact, we are really not as good as we think.
Of course, some people with different personalities are naturally calm when they encounter chaos, and they are really well controlled. It is difficult to achieve "Taishan collapses in the front and the color remains the same, and the elk thrives on the left without blinking".
For example.
When Li Ao gave a speech at Peking University, he told a story at the beginning, which was his self-mockery. Of course he made it up himself.
He said that before the speech began, he prepared the logical thinking of the speech, and his mouth was full of words, and he went into the toilet unconsciously.
At this moment, a girl came out and asked, "Are you nervous?" He replied that he was not nervous at all.
Then someone added, "Then why did you walk into the ladies' room? "
It can be seen that I thought I was not nervous and emotionally stable, but my behavior really betrayed me.
This is the decisive role of emotions.
Give another example.
When learning to drive, the theoretical knowledge is fine, and the clutch, gear and throttle are also very skilled, but driving on the road will make you nervous, at a loss and disorganized.
The coach saw it clearly, helped him turn around and reminded him to refuel, but these instructions all went in one ear and out the other. Why? It's caused by tension.
This is an excellent example, and friends who have experienced it will resonate.
We want to say that when children are nervous and their parents are emotionally infected, whether it is anxiety or fear, do you think you will not listen to what you say, just like you are learning to drive?
Professor Li told a story in the psychological live broadcast program.
There is a first-grade child who came last in the exam. After returning home, he was too timid to tell his mother.
The child's mother told the child that all this was expected. The reason why the exam came last is because other children have already studied in advance. They deliberately don't teach this child, just to let this child study hard at school.
I also told my children that as long as they study hard, they will certainly catch up with and surpass their classmates in the future.
The story shared by the host is true and detailed, aiming to prove that mothers understand the importance of effective communication with their children in family education.
Professor Li immediately pointed out that the value of this educational case, or the real reason why children benefit, may not lie in the mother's cognitive statement, but in her stable and calm mood.
The child is so young that he can't understand what his mother said, and he doesn't listen when he is nervous, but because his mother is emotionally stable, this leads to his emotional stability.
It is emotion, not cognition, that solves children's problems!
This explanation is profound. In this sentence, it is "the emotional stability of parents is the basis for determining the mental health of children".
It can also be said that in family education, parents, especially mothers, are emotionally stable and are the best gifts for their children!