Feng Wan's Classic Quotations
Audience: Mr. Wan, I know a man who has prostatitis. In fact, I also know that it is not difficult to treat ... (Interrupt)
Feng Wan: Who said that? I'm telling you, prostatitis is difficult to treat. All right, go ahead.
Audience: Mr. Wan, I divorced my ex-husband because he is a playboy. Later, for the sake of children, I married an honest man, but we have never lived as husband and wife for twenty years. Now my ex-husband comes back to me and wants to get back together with me. What should I do?
Feng Wan: This woman, your mind is alive again, isn't it?
Audience: Yes. But I think it's better to be with my ex-husband now, and I'm sorry for my current husband.
Feng Wan: Then I'll give you a bad idea. Just tell your ex-husband that it is impossible to remarry with you. That's good. Remember, be quiet and don't let others know. Go ahead.
Audience: Teacher Wan, what I want to discuss with you today is the sex education of children.
Feng Wan: Good. I'm glad you have this awareness. How old is your child?
Audience: My daughter is 8 years old.
Feng Wan: ...
Audience: Today she asked me how she came.
Feng Wan: Then tell her that Mom and Dad love each other and then you will be born.
Audience: ... I didn't say that. Now I regret that I said it too clearly.
Feng Wan: What did you say? It doesn't matter. You said, I'm curious. What did you say, lady?
Audience: I tell you, your parents met at the place where they urinated, and then there was you.
Feng Wan: (angrily) Why do you say that? ! Children don't like to hear it!
Audience: I talked about a friend recently, but I was afraid to take it home and introduce it to my parents. .
Feng Wan: What's wrong! Generous to bring your girlfriend home, what age is this?
Audience: But my friend is a man -_-b
Feng Wan: Huh? ! So you're a man and a woman?
Audience:. . . . I am a man.
Feng Wan: You are gay. Homosexuality is generally accepted now, and maybe parents will be biased. Be brave and show them.
Audience: But I'm afraid they will. .
Feng Wan: We are in the first stage of advertising!
Audience: don't advertise yet
Feng Wan: Huh? ! No ads, no ads, I hang up. . . . .
Audience: My girlfriend is pregnant. ...
Feng Wan: Another girlfriend is pregnant. Young people nowadays are so irresponsible! Don't you take precautions?
Audience: I was in such a hurry that I forgot.
Feng Wan: What's the hurry? There is always time.
Audience: This is the first time. I have no experience.
Feng Wan: First time? It is not the first time in my heart. You must have been preparing for a long time, thinking about what to do with your girlfriend, haven't you?
Audience: ...
Feng Wan: What if something goes wrong now? Huh? Too young to eat, always thinking about these things. ...
Audience: You son of a bitch ... (cut off)
Feng Wan: This listener ... (swearing)
Audience: Teacher Wan, I broke up with my first boyfriend because he refused to get married. The second boyfriend broke up last March because he refused to get married. After breaking up, my parents introduced me to a man, and I married him in June+February, 5438.
Feng Wan: It sounds like you really want to get married. How old are you?
Audience: I am 28 years old.
Feng Wan: Is there any problem now?
Audience: Three days after I got married, my second boyfriend came to me and said that he didn't really break up with me at first, but he just wanted to continue to strive for being worthy of me in his career. He is going to propose to me in 65438+February.
Feng Wan: So what? You are married.
Audience: I know. But he told me to leave the Huns.
Feng Wan: Girl, you bothered me on purpose today, didn't you?
Audience: Mr. Wan, you will be more angry in the future. Because I left the Huns.
Feng Wan: (suppressing anger) Well, are you going to marry him?
Audience: But just after New Year's Day, he told me that he had thought it over carefully and felt that he couldn't stand my being married once and wanted to think about it for another year.
Feng Wan: (Collapse) Did your boyfriend grow up eating food? !
Audience: Miss Wan, my daughter is getting married. The other party is older than her. I really can't accept it. Now my daughter doesn't listen to me. What should I do?
Feng Wan: How does your daughter know her family? Now that the marriage is independent, what do you care about her!
Audience: No, my daughter is too simple. She was fractured some time ago, so I couldn't carry her upstairs. I went to see her uncle, and she said no, saying that some colleagues were cheating on her, and maybe they had feelings behind her back. . .
Feng Wan: Now that your daughter likes others, your parents have to remind her, ah, don't you think so? It's no use worrying.
Audience: I just won't marry them. I'll hide the account book, Conte. . .
Feng Wan: No, no, you are wrong. The child's marriage is her own will, and parents have no right to control it. . (Interrupt)
Audience: (sobbing) Then my daughter will definitely suffer after marrying him. Of course my daughter doesn't want to. She is Huang Hua's eldest daughter, and this old man spent her money. . .
Feng Wan: Do you want to spend this money? . She will know after suffering! If people love to tie the knot, it's none of your business! (cut off)
Audience: "Mr Feng Wan, my little brother is not heterosexual. What should I do? "
Feng Wan: "Why are you so straight? It's not used as a ruler. "
Audience: I accompanied her to the shop to get her hair done.
Feng Wan: Which one is she? Make it clear.
Audience: That's my colleague.
Feng Wan: Oh, that's when you do your lover's hair. All right, go on.
Audience: Later, I didn't expect my wife to come in. My wife broke the window when she came home.
Feng Wan: Whose window did your wife break?
Audience: Our own family.
Feng Wan: Then your wife is really stupid.
Audience: Miss Wan, I was married, but I fell in love with another woman outside. I don't want her now, but I can't get rid of her.
Feng Wan: This sentence sounds familiar, just like a phone call three weeks ago. Last time, it was you, asshole.
Audience: ...
Audience: Feng Wan, right?
Feng Wan: I am. What did you say?/Sorry?
Audience: Feng Wan, I'm calling today to say that your way of speaking is disrespectful. (cut off)
Feng Wan: (dry) You think I don't respect you. Why did you call in? Huh? Lie to us to direct the broadcast!
Feng Wan's Classic Quotations
Once, a man called in and asked, Is that Mr. Feng Wan? A: Yes! ! Q: I have a relationship with my female brother and sister. As a result, she hasn't menstruated yet, and we are all worried at the moment! ! ! A: There are two possibilities in this situation. One is that you are really pregnant, and the other is that you are scared by yourself when you come to menstruation, so scared! ! Asking ... this can scare people into going in.
Two: this fellow doesn't know how to get into the radio station, dizzy. Remember a joke in junior high school: listen: crazy old lice? Wan: Really? Listen: I think my self-esteem is very strong ... How did you know? Listen: I don't have an erection, just ... cm ... Wan: Then how do you know that my ego is shorter than others? Listen: ... Wan: Ah! How many times have I said that it is not easy to say that I am short. Only those who are diagnosed by doctors are sick and can learn to operate. Ah, I read a report that scientists discovered a primitive tribe in Africa. When a man doesn't have an erection, he has a centimeter. When he works, he usually ties a rope around his waist ... Ah, you said it's not appropriate for you to bring such a big guy ... where did it grow so big? It is estimated that only this fellow has it!
Three: In fact, many times, this person is really annoying. It is precisely because he is too feudal that he thinks he should blush at the mention of sex. Anyone with related problems is either screwing around or trying to fuck around. But he left a happy note in my college days. At that time, Feng Wan came to the Medical University to give a lecture. This is really a crowded street. Everyone wants to see what this ignorant sexologist looks like. He said: "In Xinjiang, I stayed in an empty house with an old girl for three days and three nights, and nothing happened. Students, someone wants to ask, can you stand it? I said, young people nowadays are so bad. At that time, I was too strong-willed to hold back anything. What can't be done? I feel that I have personality. "
Four: Another time, the audience asked Feng Wan, is it sanitary? Feng Wan replied, Do you think about it? Can the place where the stool and urine come out not be dirty? I'm a medical student, and I think anyone who doesn't study medicine knows that whether it's male or female, it seems that stool and urine don't come out together. Of course, individuals with physical or pathological deformities are not included. )
Five: One day in the program, a listener called the hotline to ask about crabs. The following is a transcript of the conversation ("ten thousand" means "listening" means the audience) Listen: Sir, I have a question to ask. Wan: (impatiently) Go ahead. Listen: I have crabs. What should I do? Wan: What should I do? How dare you ask me? Have you ever had unclean sex? Listen: No ... No Wan: No (sharp tone)! Your lover, your wife? Listen: No. Wan: No? That's bullshit！ Your wife didn't fuck around, and neither did you. Is that dishonest? Where did you say your crab came from? Airborne troops!
Listen: Miss Feng Wan, I'm getting married tomorrow! Wan (excitedly): This young man, why did you call when you got married? Listen: my female brothers and sisters and I haven't done that yet. Miss Feng Wan, I want to ask you, what should I do for the first time? I am very nervous at the moment. Wan: Really! This young man should be praised! There are not many young people like you now! Perseverance! I want to praise you! Listen: Thank you! What do you suggest I do? I'm nervous, so are my female brothers and sisters. Wan: Well, don't you understand at all? Can I go to the bookstore and look through books? Can I buy CDs to understand? Not nervous. It seems inappropriate to talk about this there. There are many people listening. Let's not talk about this today, shall we? Listen: where can I ... Wan: Actually, all you have to do is wait for an erection ... and then he kept telling the whole process on the radio.
Seven: Once, a phone call came in and said, Is that Mr. Feng Wan? Then he said: Yes! ! One said, oh, you are! Feng Wan, this is Big B Wan (plugging in the phone): What! What! ! If I'm not mistaken. Ah! ! Then play the recording: Mom, where am I from? ! Experts call for sex education from the age of zero! !
Audience: Mr. Feng Wan, I went to a hotel at eight o'clock in the evening, but I was locked up for questioning by security guards and beaten by them. Wan: Oh, it happens every day. It's nothing. Audience: But they are unreasonable, which is illegal. Wan: You can't talk to me about such things. If you really want to talk, go to the public security bureau. We can't control it there. Audience: But I feel very wronged. Wan: OK, OK, then what are you doing out so late? Can't you stay at home at night?
Nine: Listen: My female brother and sister are pregnant ... Wan: Another female brother and sister is pregnant. Young people nowadays are so irresponsible! Don't you take precautions? Listen: I was in a hurry and forgot. Wan: What's the hurry? It always happens. Listen: First time, no experience. Wan: First time? It is not the first time in my heart. You must have been preparing for a long time, thinking about what to do with your female brothers and sisters, haven't you? Listen: ... Wan: What should I do if something goes wrong now? Huh? It's really a puppy who can't change his mind and keeps thinking about these things ... Listen: you sell more than your son ... (cut off) Wan: This listener ... (curse)
Ten: Classic old joke: Audience: Teacher Wan, listening to your program all the time is really an increase in knowledge. It's awkward to listen to the old name of your show. Can you ... (Interrupting) Wan: What's that not called? Do you want me to call Batumi, Ma Er Qiao? ...
Eleven: Boy: "Oh, my female brothers and sisters and I are getting married tomorrow. I don't know how to spend our wedding night. I'm sorry ... "Madman:" Oh, you ask me such a thing? Ask your parents ... aren't they very experienced, huh? "
Twelve: I haven't heard of it several times, but I was deeply impressed: Audience: Mr. Feng Wan, there is nothing I can do! Wan: Nothing can be done? ! How far do you want to shoot? There is a fish in Africa that can shoot down bugs in trees ... and then I derived one: Audience: Teacher Feng Wan, I am rare! Wan: Less? How many gorillas do you think there are in Africa ...
Thirteen: I took a taxi late one night, and this guy's program was playing on the radio ... Audience: ... I ... My female brothers and sisters all said that I ... The one below ... was a little big (my voice was interrupted) ... Ten thousand: big? Do you think you are great when you are old? Are there any donkeys as big as horses? ..... Audience: ... (speechless) ... (hangs up)
Fourteen: Female: Miss Feng Wan ... Wan: Ah ... Hello. It's hard to call me teacher. Woman: Me and my brothers and sisters ... (not finished) Wan: Oh, let's talk about ... You can't learn well at an early age ... What's the hurry ... Woman: No, no ... We don't ... We have some emotional problems ... but I still love him ... What do you suggest? Wan: Huh? ..... this matter is solved by yourself, ok? The key is you. What's the use of asking me It seems that our time is almost up ... Welcome to Eden mailbox. ...
When I was fifteen, a woman called in and asked, "Mr. Feng Wan, I saw a suspicious girl. I am so scared. " How "A:" If you are afraid, what are you afraid of? All you have to do is shout-
Sixteen: Anonymous: "Hee hee ..." Wan: "What are you happy about? What's there to be happy about? "Anonymous:" Is that Mr. Feng Wan? " Wan: "I am!" Anonymous: "Well ... my husband doesn't get an erection when he wakes up in the morning ..." Wan: "Why do you want an erection? Why is it always hard? "Anonymous:" They say they want to get rich in the morning ... "Wan:" Who told you that an erection is nothing but old and stiff? That's a disease! ! It's okay. I have to check it and cut it off soon ... "Anonymous:" Ah ... they say it's fine ... "Wan:" Not good. They said it was good! ! Chen Bo does, but not everyone is the same. You can hold your urine in the morning, whether you want to be hard or not! ! Hey! OK or not? ..... Let's say ... "
Seventeen: I just heard about it two days ago. W: I broke up with my brother and sister, but I still love him very much. What should I do? Wan: Break up and break up. W: But I still love him very much. Wan: You are a frog in the well now. You only see this toad by your side. One day when you climb up and see a better toad, you won't think about it. There are many toads outside. Why do you always haunt a toad? Everyone in our dormitory fainted with laughter. How to compare a toad with a MM? At least it is a frog.