Extended reading: disobedience, disobedience, will be punished?
The Importance of Character Education 1992 The International Character Education Alliance has determined six pillars of character, including respect, responsibility, fairness, care, trust and citizenship, as the basic characteristics that modern citizens should cultivate, and stressed that if people want to have real democracy, Lin Shuzhuo, director of the clinical department of the Friendship Social Welfare Foundation, a consortium legal person, pointed out that people live in a group society, and everyone wants to get along better with each other, even making the country and the world in the same place. The six indicators listed by the International Character Education Union expect individuals to start from knowing themselves, respecting themselves and developing themselves, and then care about others and make contributions to society and the world.
It is very important to take root in character education from pregnancy, and parents have the obligation to educate their children to develop well. Pan Lihua, CEO, added that character education should start when mom is pregnant. In other words, during mommy's pregnancy, both parents should keep a healthy and cheerful mood, and do more prenatal education, including talking to the fetus, listening to light music and not losing their temper. After the child is born, he will naturally have a sense of familiarity with these beautiful people, things and things, and he can also have a relatively stable mood.
In the process of children's growth, parents should give their children a warm and caring environment and talk and interact with them more. Even if babies can't express themselves, they can still know that their parents care about them through their eyes, ears and body. Director Lin Shubang further explained that parents might as well take the age of 3 as the watershed. Most children before the age of 3 are in the stage of babbling, learning and living, and have no basic life skills. At this time, parents mainly demonstrate the correct personality behavior, and set an example in everything, so that children can know and contact the correct behavior from an early age. Children can gradually carry out character education from the age of 3, because they already have basic language skills and understand most daily life behaviors. However, before educating children, parents should have a basic understanding, that is, "no child wants to do bad things and no child wants to hurt their parents' hearts." "When children do something wrong, don't scold them in ignorance first, understand the reasons behind them first, and then guide them correctly.
In addition, parents should first understand the child's development process, including physical development, intellectual development, language development and so on. And then give corresponding education according to your own understanding. If parents judge their behavior according to the moral and personality standards of overage or even adults, it will not only lead to self-denial, but also stifle the opportunity of learning and growth.
Director Lin Shuzhuo emphasized that people have three functions: ID, superego and ego. When children can moderately meet the needs of the id and match the requirements of the superego, they can develop good self-function.
I have had the need of "ID" all my life. Children before the age of 3 are in the stage of developing sensory movements and are almost influenced by the "id" impulse. They know their environment and world through five senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch), and many behaviors are harmless. For example, a 2-and-a-half-year-old child threw the ball around and happened to miss someone else. They may just be out of curiosity. Parents can first care about whether the thrown person is scared or injured, and then understand why the child throws the ball and whether it is difficult. If the child hurts others, you can say, "Although you are not malicious, the other person will hurt. Let the child learn to care about others and express his apologies. At the same time, he can also teach children how to throw the ball correctly without hurting others, so that children can feel that they are valued and cared for by their parents, and they can also feel that they are cared for by their parents.
The superego "superego" begins to develop around the age of 3, which means that you can gradually control yourself, accept the guidance of others and abide by social norms. Parents can gradually teach their children character education that requires mutual respect, such as waiting and taking turns, and guide the healthy development of their psychology.
During this period, although children have developed the potential of "superego", they tend to be "egocentric". They are not selfish or ignore others, but think that everyone thinks the same as themselves, so it is difficult to understand that others think differently from themselves. To help children get rid of "egoism", parents need to be child-centered, understand their children's world and ideas, and then share their parents' ideas and correct practices with their children, so that children can understand that there are different ideas in the original world, so that children can easily get rid of the "egoism" stage.
In the process of developing "superego", there is a kind of "altruistic" behavior, starting from about 4 years old. The so-called altruism means caring for others, understanding their feelings and helping others with practical actions. At this time, it is not only a sensible behavior, but also a gradual cultivation of character. CEO Pan Lihua emphasized that the concept of "altruism" is the spirit that ordinary people should have, and children need to be cultivated from empathy. Now there are many public kindergartens with good teachers and equipment. Children have been living in groups since they were three years old, and they have developed good habits of being good at communication, obeying order, helping each other, respecting and sharing, thus developing "self-discipline" and then generating the concept of "altruism".
Director Lin Shubang explained that the "self" referred to here is not the same as "self-centered". Ego refers to regulating the functions of id and superego, so as to achieve the balance of one's behavior. If the consciousness of "id" is stronger than "superego", the behavior will be more self-centered. On the other hand, if the consciousness of "superego" is stronger than that of "ego", it is easy to show the situation of trying to meet the requirements of others or being harsh on yourself. Pan Lihua added further explanation. Erik Erikson, a great psychologist in the 20th century, divided the formation of personality into eight stages. Before the age of 6, there are three very important growth stages, which are also the stages of baby's self-growth, and each stage has different "crises". If children can overcome them, they can establish "self". Therefore, Eriksson believes that babies will build "hope" and "confidence" through the satisfaction of maternal love, thus affecting trust in others.
Director Lin Shubang said that parents should try their best to understand their children's behaviors and feelings while educating their children's character, so that they can not only better understand their emotional and behavioral development, but also enhance the feelings between parents and children. It is also a very good character demonstration. When children are more and more aware of their emotions, it will be easier for them to understand the emotions of their peers after the age of 4.
Parents lead by example, CEO Pan Lihua pointed out that personality education is a critical period in infancy, so parents should understand and care for their children, cultivate their trust and security from an early age, and cultivate a good relationship with their children. When children have a good relationship and basic language and understanding skills, parents can start character education, but before asking children to pay attention to character, parents must set an example. The so-called "teaching by example is more important than teaching by words" means that children do what their parents do. Children are like parents' mirrors, reflecting their parents' actions. Parents should always be cautious and don't make bad demonstrations in front of their children. In normal times, they should also carry out these six characteristics in their lives. If your living habits are not good, you must correct your bad habits before raising children, otherwise you should immediately reflect on your mistakes.
Extended reading: introverted-extroverted parenting method
For some parents, when raising children, they occasionally lose control of their emotions. Director Lin Shubang believes that this is a normal situation, especially when parents face young children, because children can't discuss with themselves rationally and get angry easily. However, when parents find themselves losing their temper, they should first express their emotions through other channels, instead of getting angry with their children, such as leaving the scene temporarily and chatting with others. In addition to setting an example, parents should also educate their children in a loving way and let them grow up in a loving environment. Even so, you can't indulge your child and let him develop willfully, although it will be difficult to implement. After all, there is a fine line between love and indulgence. It is suggested that parents can make an agreement with their children first and tell them that their actions cannot affect themselves and others. In other words, children will not harm themselves and others' body and mind before doing anything, nor will they affect the rights of others. Under this premise, parents can let their children try what they want to do.
In addition, parents should also let their children try all kinds of new things to understand life. It doesn't matter if they make a mistake. After all, this is the result of my own experience, which is not only impressive, but also can be corrected from my last experience. For example, let your child gently touch hot water to let him know that it is hot and dangerous. Usually, children can understand it and will not touch it on purpose. If parents only use oral education and have no personal experience, it is difficult for children to imagine what their parents want to express, and the probability of making mistakes will increase relatively.
Parents care about their children. Parental care will affect children's personality and physical and mental development. CEO Pan Lihua provides the following parenting lessons for your reference.
1. You can never love your children too much, but you must find a way to encourage them without love instead of scolding them. 2. Habits are accompanied by life, good habits will cultivate good character, and good character will make good talents. 3. Make good use of games and stories, establish good living habits and cultivate children's correct values. 4. Protect children and help them grow up healthily and safely. 5. School and society have great responsibility for children's education and personality development, so parents need to observe at any time.
Six indicators of character education development plan When a baby is born, parents should not only take care of the child's physiological needs, but also establish a healthy personality. CEO Pan Lihua said that parents should give their children a good learning environment, set an example, and let their children live in a suitable and safe parenting environment anytime and anywhere. Even if they encounter setbacks, parents will guide, enlighten and analyze them and encourage their children to face the problems bravely. In addition, because children don't learn it at once, it often takes 20 to 30 times to develop a behavior and form a habit. Parents should be patient in educating their children. When children make mistakes, don't blame them, just ask them to do the right thing again. The following is a description of the cultivation methods of the six major indicators of personality.
Indicator 1: Respect means that people enjoy the same rights regardless of age, nationality, race, gender, etc. No matter which country you are in or what race you belong to, you should respect each other. Parents can be cultivated from various behaviors in daily life, and can also be inspired from picture books.
Establish ownership when children are young, they think everything belongs to them. Therefore, parents must help their children to construct the concept of ownership, including children must know what belongs to them, what belongs to others, and what belongs to each other or everyone. It is suggested that children's sense of ownership can be established from the family, for example, give them their own toy boxes, let them put toys in them, and tell them that these things belong to them and should be taken good care of and kept; Then take the children to know other people's things, such as dad's clothes and mommy's cosmetics, and tell them that if they want to borrow other people's things, they must first ask the other party's permission. If the other party disagrees, it is also the right of others.
Comparing one's heart with others' is to measure others' position from one's own position, understand others' thoughts and think for them in many ways. Parents should first set an example and let their children know how to care, including understanding their needs for fun, playing with toys and engaging in outdoor activities. Let the children know that their parents are accompanying them to do what they like. If you want to ask your child for help in the future, you can tell your child your own needs and the location where you are being helped, so that your child can have empathy and help.
Learn manners Parents should teach their children good manners, including asking others for help and saying "please". When accepting help or gifts from others, say "thank you"; If you do something wrong or hurt others, you should say "I'm sorry" and show your respect for others through courtesy.
Listening carefully is not only a sign of respecting others, but also one of the ways to understand others. Parents should tell their children that when others are talking to themselves, they must listen carefully. No matter what parents, grandfathers and grandmothers say, they should not run away or be absent-minded in the middle of listening, so that others can feel that they are respected.
Do not insult or laugh at others. For children, if they swear or insult or laugh at others, sometimes it is not out of malice, but maybe they just feel interesting or want to attract others' attention. At this time, parents should tell their children that this is a wrong behavior and let them know how they feel if they encounter the same experience, so as to avoid committing it again.
Don't bully others and don't make trouble with others. Don't bully people, don't make trouble with others, it is an advanced version that doesn't insult people and doesn't laugh at people. If parents see it, they should stop it first, tell their children that it is a wrong behavior, and apologize to each other to avoid similar situations.
Don't jump to conclusions Don't jump to conclusions, which means that you can't judge a person easily before you know him, for example, you can't judge him by his appearance and stereotype him. If this happens to your child, parents should tell him to give yourself and others some opportunities and time, and then make an objective evaluation after getting along and understanding for a long time.
Indicator 2: Responsibility means that people should face up to what they should do or do seriously, and form a good habit of self-discipline and being responsible for themselves. For children, their responsibility is to know life and study life, including eating, sleeping and playing games on time. However, because children are still young, parents may have to remind them of the same thing dozens of times before they can really form a habit.
Many parents always complain that "children's toys are always badly packed and they all want me to help them collect them", or "children always talk but don't listen when they are told to sleep at night". CEO Pan Lihua reminded parents to create a responsible environment for their children, pay enough patience and effective methods, and avoid children taking over what they should do and forming a habit of dependence and irresponsibility.
When you say what you do, that is to say, people should be reliable and keep their words. Parents can make arrangements with their children to do things every day, including eating on time, sleeping, putting away toys after playing, and asking their children if they have done all the things agreed with their parents before going to bed at night, thus virtually making them aware of their responsibilities.
Be responsible for your own behavior. When a child does something wrong, such as bullying his brother or sister and clamoring for watching TV, parents should correct his behavior and tell him why it is wrong and can't do it again. Director Lin Shuzhuo said that when children deliberately do something wrong, parents should not be too soft-hearted and not give counseling, because children will not understand what responsibility is unless they feel painful.
Cultivate "self-discipline" in the family. The Action Alliance once pointed out that self-discipline should be cultivated in the family and established in the school, which means "self-management or self-restraint", but "self-management" covers many levels of ability, including spontaneous ability; Ability to manage one's emotions; Ability to maintain moderate advance and retreat; Be able to control your own time and arrange your own life; Can overcome their laziness and develop diligence; Can overcome their own weaknesses and learn from others' strengths. Pan Lihua, the chief executive, reminded that before cultivating children to acquire these abilities, parents should first maintain a good close relationship with their children, and adjust their words and deeds before educating their children to reach the standard of being a teacher, because they are the objects that children imitate, and if their behavior is not good, children will naturally have bad behavior.
Mutual responsibility is not only responsible for one's own actions, but also "mutual responsibility". The so-called mutual responsibility means that when people get along with each other, they need to let each other know their feelings, learn from each other and be responsible for each other. Xiao Ming, for example, has the right and responsibility to let Xiao Ming know that he doesn't like people touching his things casually. If Xiaoming is curious, he can borrow it from Xiao Zhi. In this way, Xiao Zhi not only learned to protect his own things, but also taught Xiaoming to respect others' things. Mutual responsibility is not only a matter for one party, but also needs to be shared by both parties, so as to avoid blaming others' behavior when children have conflicts.
When parents educate their children, they should tell them to consider the consequences of their actions before doing anything. For example, if they don't finish their meal at noon, they will be hungry in the afternoon. Toys are not properly arranged, and some toys may disappear. Let children have a sense of responsibility through education in possible situations.
Indicator 3: Fairness means not favoritism, that is to say, people will not have a selfish and unfair mentality because of egoism. In addition, fairness and respect also have a considerable relationship. When people respect others and themselves, they will naturally have a fair mind, that is, people will not want to enjoy better rights because of their different status, gender and status.
Caring for one's own heart is slightly different from respecting one's own heart, which means that parents should teach their children to put themselves in others' shoes and then understand that life is fair. Everyone has the same rights and obligations and will not be treated differently because of different personal status.
Give others a chance. When children know that they have the same rights as others, they will naturally give others a chance. For example, if a younger sister doesn't think she is more beautiful, she can choose toys first, but choose toys together. My brother will not think that he is older than my brother and can eat more snacks, but eat the same amount of snacks and so on. Parents should establish the concept that everyone has equal opportunities from childhood, so as not to be biased.
To tell the truth, parents should educate their children to be honest and relative about everything, and not to cheat or hide, so that they can produce fair and correct results on the same basis. If children don't tell the truth, the result will be unfair and parents will misjudge. For example, in order to watch TV quickly, children should tell their parents that they have packed the toys in the room. When parents find out, they should ask their children why they lied, and tell them the consequences of lying, including not being trusted and losing a watch.
Abide by the rules of the game Parents must tell their children to abide by the relevant rules and follow the instructions before doing anything. The rules of the game referred to here are not only rules for children to play, but also family rules, school rules and environmental rules, all of which are aimed at stabilizing life and helping people grow up healthily.
I think that my behavior will affect others. Director Lin Shuzhuo explained that the most important thing in early childhood is to develop myself, including understanding my emotions, getting along with my peers and developing cooperative relationships. Therefore, it is particularly important to cultivate cooperation ability, such as being willing to wait, coordinate, cooperate and take turns when playing with others, so that children can know how to cooperate with others and how to coordinate a consensus when they disagree with others. Because in a group society, everyone's behavior may affect others, and children are no exception. When teaching, parents need to tell their children to think about whether their actions will affect others before making any decision. For example, my brother and younger sister play games, which obviously favors my brother and makes my sister unhappy; Or make an appointment with neighbors to take turns riding bicycles, and they have been occupying bicycles. If there is such unfair treatment to others, parents can ask their children why they do it and discuss more appropriate practices.
If children have a fair foundation and good cooperation with others in early childhood, they will grow up smoothly in the future, otherwise they will easily have interpersonal conflicts with others or be self-centered in the future growth.
Listening to others with an open mind is a big step in building good interpersonal relationships. Children should listen to others' opinions with an open mind and understand others in order to treat others fairly.
Don't blame others for your mistakes. Modern people lack self-reflection. If you have an argument with others, the first thing is usually to find out the other person's mistakes, not to reflect on yourself. This will not only cause more misunderstandings, but also cause others to be treated unfairly. It is also a symbol of lack of responsibility. Parents should educate their children that when they do something wrong, they should first reflect on whether they have done something wrong, and if so, they should apologize and correct it. By dealing with problems rationally, they can not only train their ability to solve problems, but also show their sense of responsibility.
You must get permission before taking other people's things. Parents should help their children to establish the concept of the owner of the goods, that is, the ownership mentioned in the previous article, so that children can understand that as long as they don't belong to themselves, they can't take them away at will, and they must get the consent of others.
Six indicators of character education 4: The purpose of caring is to be a caring person. Director Lin Shubang pointed out that caring is the expression of empathy, which means that people can stand in the position of the parties, put themselves in their shoes, and then take action to care for, accompany and even help each other.
Be generous and be kind to others. Parents should teach their children to be generous and share their interests with others. For example, when they get a fun toy in kindergarten, they are willing to take it home and share it with their younger brothers and sisters, or when they see Mommy busy cleaning the house, they ask if they need help.
Never be mean or hurt others. Parents should educate their children not to be unreasonable and not to hurt others. If your child has such behavior, you should not only ask the reasons behind it, but also ask how the child might feel if he is treated like this, so that he can put himself in other people's shoes and stop hurting others.
Help people in need Parents can lead their children to help people in need, such as helping people with mental and physical disabilities to take the bus, and helping others to call for help when something happens carelessly. Through these daily behaviors, children can personally experience the feeling of helping others. In addition, if there are brothers and sisters at home, parents can also ask Dabao to help take care of Bauer, so that Dabao can observe what help the brothers and sisters need and provide corresponding help. CEO Pan Lihua believes that children can naturally learn how to care for others through regular caring practice. If parents just talk verbally and don't let their children practice repeatedly and experience it personally, it will be more difficult for children to imagine the meaning of care and not understand how to do it.
Sensitive to other people's feelings, parents should teach their children how to read words and observe emotions, including observing people, things and things around them, such as: What did Mommy cook today? What is my sister wearing today? When children are sensitive to the people and things around them, they should be trained to observe the feelings of others. For example, if a sister cries because she hit her head, she should come forward to comfort her and gradually cultivate her to be a caring and helpful person.
How will your actions affect others? A person's behavior will affect himself and others, both positive and negative. Parents can tell their children to do more good deeds, exert a positive influence, help others, tell them that "we can change from doing good deeds to being better people" and help them pay generous love and care. In addition, when children receive help from others, for example, when they go to the dentist, the dentist sticks stickers to help them calm down their emotions. Parents can try to ask their children what it feels like to receive help from others and help them establish a caring concept.
Indicator 5: Trustworthy Trustworthy means that you have the ability to be trusted by others and make others feel safe. Before parents want their children to be trustworthy, they should first create a loving family, give them enough sense of security, promise their children to do what they promised, and then start asking them.
Honest, not lying. Before cultivating children's trustworthiness, we must first ask them to be honest. CEO Pan Lihua emphasized that honesty is the basis of communicating with people, maintaining family and promoting social harmony. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate children to tell the truth in everything, not to lie and deceive people, and to avoid reducing others' trust in themselves in the future. Director Lin Shubang added that most children don't deliberately lie and cheat, because no children want to be accused or upset their parents. The reason why children lie is mostly because they want to cover up some facts and avoid being scolded. When parents find out that their children are lying, they should first ask their children why they are lying and discuss more appropriate solutions. For example, when a child steals candy, parents can ask the child first, "Do you want to eat?" If the child says yes, parents can tell the child that it doesn't matter to eat sugar, but remember to brush your teeth to avoid tooth decay, so that the child can realize his desire to eat sugar and avoid the trouble of tooth decay.
Reliability means that others can trust themselves and they can handle things safely. Parents can let their children do some simple things by themselves, such as helping mommy remember the ingredients for dinner and the time to see a doctor. When the child has done it, he should be given appropriate praise and encouragement to help the child build up his self-confidence and make him a trustworthy person.
Courage means doing something when you think it is right, even if it is difficult. CEO Pan Lihua explained that when children bravely perform some meaningful things, they can not only improve their ability to perform things and train their ability to solve problems, but also make others sit up and take notice of their performance and think that children are trustworthy.
To be good friends, parents should tell their children that when they get along with others, they must be honest and not betray their friends, otherwise it will not only affect interpersonal relationships, but also reduce others' trust in themselves.
Indicator 6: Civic Responsibility Civic responsibility means being a good citizen. Before educating children on civic responsibility, we should first let them develop the first five basic characters, and then we can teach them what civic responsibility is. For young children, being a good boy at home and at school is a manifestation of civic responsibility.
Before doing their part to cultivate civic responsibility, children must be responsible for their due responsibilities, including eating on time and cleaning up toys. Parents should first cultivate their children's abilities, and then gradually ask for help to complete other things.
Parents can lead their children to do housework together, such as cooking, cleaning and watering flowers. Maybe the child didn't do well at first because of his inexperience, but parents should encourage him to make persistent efforts and praise him, indicating that the child's willingness to help is a sign of civic responsibility.
Participate in community service and help protect the environment. A good learning environment can help children develop their independence. Parents can take their children to participate in community services, such as caring for vulnerable groups in the community and organizing community parks. Starting from the living environment around children, let them get in touch with people and things related to them, guide them to know the surrounding environment and other people's lives, and then generate love and civic responsibility to help the world become better.
To be a good neighbor, children must become a good person, make people around them willing to get along with themselves and create a good and harmonious neighborhood environment.
Respect for others Parents should teach their children to respect others and treat others fairly in order to effectively play their civic responsibilities.
Abide by the regulations of family, school and society. The environment in which babies grow up includes family, school and society. Everyone should abide by the regulations of this environment, including children, because only with certain norms can people enjoy the same civil rights and create a more peaceful world.