Of course, experts strongly advise parents not to beat and scold their children. Moreover, many parents know that beating and cursing is not good for their children, but when dealing with their children's problems in practice, they just can't control their emotions, and anger naturally breaks out.
Even, in order to rationalize their own violence. Many parents will also find reasonable reasons for their actions and convince themselves or other parents that "children are sometimes really disobedient, that is, they have to beat and scold, otherwise they really can't control it." So many parents will resonate, because rationalizing their violent behavior will make them feel comfortable. It turns out that other parents educate their children in this way, and my violence is normal. Once this kind of thinking is strengthened, what will the child do?
You see, is this very common in real life? It is precisely because of its universality that I feel that there are serious problems in family education in modern society.
First of all, it must be stated that it is absolutely incorrect to beat and scold children. Then why do parents beat and scold their children? Is it because the children are really disobedient that their parents are angry? This explanation seems very pale. Because it doesn't solve the problem.
The root cause is parents' ignorance of their children's education. It is ignorance that leads to a person's anger. Although straightforward, it is undeniable that this is a fact.
Let me talk about some theoretical knowledge first. There is an ABC theory in psychology. A is the external environment or condition, C is the emotion generated, and B in the middle is your mental model. For the case that a is fixed. What kind of emotion C we want to produce depends on what our mental model B is.
Mental model B is the synthesis of all your perceptual and rational cognitive abilities. It determines your mood in a certain situation and the way you deal with the problem. The lower your rational cognition is, or the more ignorant you are, the more you will call the perceptual way of thinking. On the contrary, you will call a more rational way of thinking.
Perception, such as anger, is a thinking that we humans or animals in the jungle have gradually evolved to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. So it is deeply rooted in our brains. When making decisions, perceptual thinking often takes precedence over rational thinking. In modern society, perceptual thinking has largely become a shortcoming of human beings. You see, many marketing uses users' perceptual and impulsive thinking to sell products.
ABC theory can be used to explain people's psychological problems on many occasions. Here, let's go back to the issue of educating children. When a child makes a mistake or refuses to mend his ways, if there is no rational way to deal with this problem in his mind, parents will naturally call an emotional way, that is, anger, to stop the child's behavior.
Because there is no rational method, and the violent method has low cost and quick effect, it is favored by parents. But in the long run, violence has a negative impact on children's psychology and parent-child relationship. Experts have said a lot about these influences, so I won't repeat them in this article.
Actually, you can make an analogy. The anger and violence caused by parents' ignorance of their children's education are the same as the wrong behavior of children losing their temper and crying because of ignorance. It is a phenomenon that rational cognition is limited and perceptual thinking is mobilized. That is ignorance. Parents are as ignorant as children. Children will be treated violently because of ignorance and mistakes. Should parents be treated violently because of ignorance?
Obviously, none of them are right. Education is teaching and learning, not violence. We need virtuous and knowledgeable people to impart virtue and knowledge to others. If all the teachers are ignorant, how can we educate others well?
If parents don't have a rational way to educate their children, it will also lead children to deal with problems with emotional methods of losing their temper. When children grow up to be parents, they will also repeat their parents' irrational behavior to educate their children. Form a vicious circle effect. This obviously has a great influence on people's mental health in modern society.
Therefore, children need education because of ignorance, and in order to educate their children well, should parents also realize their ignorance and learn how to educate their children well? Only when parents learn how to deal with their children's various A problems and change their children's mental model B can they make emotion C rational and finally put an end to violence.
Finally, this paper emphasizes that learning how to educate children well is an important and long-term training course for parents. For the sake of children, you shouldn't just use money to enroll children in many cram schools and art classes. You also need to improve your knowledge of how to educate children. Correct and friendly interaction with children can cultivate excellent children with sound mind and both internal and external training. Although the cost of study and practice is high, when your children grow up, you will find that these efforts are not costs, but investments, which are valuable.
Dear parents, from today on, please don't let the violence continue to expand. You need to create a healthier growth environment for your children. Come on!