So the last lesson in this series is called the principle of making love and happiness, and it is also the last principle of the ten principles. This principle is also called structural principle and introspection principle.
In fact, this principle is also the framework of our knowledge theory system of love and happiness. This framework is all-encompassing, actually including eight aspects, including eight aspects. It is also one of our series of courses, and eight sets of courses are all in this principle of love and happiness.
So there is a lot of knowledge in this course that we may not talk about. You need to go to other courses to find more detailed content. I'll give you a detailed introduction in this respect. First, I drew a new shape. Let's look at the shape of a colored heart. Does the heart shape represent love? I call it home, representing our home. Home is a place full of love. This heart represents your home. Excuse me. Parents are present, parents are in class, what is home?
Many people have been asked this question, and almost no one has answered it. I often say, hey, there are many villas where doctors live. This is a sentence I heard on the Internet. I think it makes sense, but it is not absolute. Why is this happening? A good house does not mean a good family. Home is a place full of love and happiness. So what is home?
I spent about an hour explaining what home is in the couple class, so I won't talk about it here, but please think about it. Why did we become home? Few people answer the right answer. You see, my heart has an entrance, and I wrote a word called love. We're not here for love, are we?
We are the home of love. Look at the current marriage, including the marriage of the only child. Many of our marriage materials are based on love. Utilitarian marriages abound. Do you have a car? Do you have a room? Do you have money with you? Do you have an identity? Is that so? Then add another sentence, right? Is there love?
Love comes to an end. I call this kind of marriage a commonweal marriage. You will find that utilitarian marriage usually doesn't come to the end, because there is no foundation, no foundation for love.
I've always stressed that women are not easy. When it comes to utility, you are the youngest, the most beautiful and the most capital. You have exchanged your youth, beauty and capital for a lot of material things and love. What about in ten years, 15?
You live together, and your capital is gone? You might be in trouble when it's gone. So please remember that we are a family of love. Only one home is made of love, and then it has been based on love in the business process. This family will stick to it and find happiness. So first of all, remember that we are born to love's family. What is the purpose of our family?
Many people can't say it either. Please remember that the purpose of our family is not to pursue money or status, but to pursue love and happiness. Look at this heart, love is the entrance, happiness is the exit, and only a family surrounded by love and happiness will eventually be a successful and warm family. So what is love? I'll talk about it in detail in couples class. what is love ?
I want to remind you of three words again. what is love ? In the first sentence, the love that others can feel is true love. Now that we are in the family, each of us loves our lover and children, but you will find that our lover and children often don't feel your love. I always say that I wait on you to eat and dress for your own good. Is it love to get such a result in the exam?
This is called injury, because others can't feel it, right? Another is that I hit you and scold you, all for your own good. They all love you. Do you think it's possible? People are beaten, scolded and hurt, but they still think you love them. Is this love? So please remember that the love that others can feel is love. The second sentence, true love is unrequited, but unconditional and conditional love is not love.
We love children because they are your children and there are no other conditions attached. We love our lover, because he is your lover, without any conditions. Remember, if you love others unconditionally, others will try to repay you. If you love others conditionally, others don't want to repay you at all. The third sentence, love is true love, and true love needs to be learned. What is true love?
You must study first. We in China can't love. I always say that even if we can't love, love is a kind of harm. Knowledge in this field. Everyone will have a more detailed introduction about the content of husband and wife, about 30 minutes to an hour.
So what is happiness? I also told you that in the process of changing from natural parents to intelligent parents, I told you that the purpose of raising children is to be happy. Happiness is to enjoy the present life and pursue the future goals. This state of life is happiness. In contrast, people who regard success as happiness are full of stress and anxiety, which is the mainstream value. Think of liberation as happiness.
Is an empty person, is a boring person, I regard him as a jumping mode. Another is to regard pleasure as happiness. He talks about enjoyment rather than pursuit. This kind of person is boring and empty. I said that the person in the second quadrant is in drowning mode, just like a person falling into the water and constantly asking for help.
Comparing liberation to the happiness of jumping off a building, and comparing pleasure to the happiness suitable for the model are not happiness. Not mainstream values. The true values should be to enjoy life and pursue goals. This is love and happiness. Let's look at this heart again. We formed this family because of love and happiness.
This is the root of many problems in our family. For example, many of our families have this ordinate and this blood relationship, and they rarely make a fuss about karma, so this family is slowly moving towards unhappiness. If you want to run this family, the relationship between the two people is good, and this family can be good. This family should be happy and the relationship between the two sides should be good.
So in this process, if you look at this ordinate, I chose two words. Because we have become a family, because love and happiness have become a family, we may have a child, right?
After having children, we will be parents. We want the baby to be good, so first of all, parents should be good. Recently, there are two concepts, the standard of good parents and the standard of good children. I told you about the standard of being a good boy. Did you elaborate on it at the beginning of this program? Good children have internal standards, external standards and operational standards.
If you look at your previous notes, you may have a deep understanding of the standards of a good child, because when we train a child, we hope that he has a standard. Internal standards are based on values, responsibility, love, virtue and talent. External standards, copper head, iron mouth, rubber belly, scud, concave and convex figure. Operating standards, concave-convex principle, as long as your parents do well, children can be concave and convex.
So what are good parents? Parents, are you good parents? Should we have a standard of being a good parent? Look at this picture, the standard of good parents. I drew a red ball, which means that the core of the standard of good parents is wisdom, which is also the principle of wisdom in our program. The core of good parents is wisdom, and wisdom is equal to finding reasons and methods.
If you want to be a good parent, you must first be wise and make yourself smart. Wisdom is extremely simple. Wisdom is to find reasons, find ways, meet anything, keep your mouth shut, use your head to find reasons, take action, care for your lover and help your children. Then how can you be wise?
Look, I drew an arrow. This arrow faces the abscissa and the society. I want to be a good parent first. Should I study first? First of all, you should study and learn the correct teaching methods. Only with the correct teaching methods in mind can we educate children well and be so-called good. This is the only way, so you must learn first.
Our parents in China now, because they don't study, have caused so many children to have problems. The abscissa is learning. What are you studying?
Learn parental education and learn to teach abroad. After learning so much, you should teach your children with wisdom. The child is a child, he is younger than you, you are an old driver and he is a new driver. You should tell your child all the experience you know, let him figure it out, give him back the responsibility and let him master the skills of driving the car of life. This is called teaching. Teaching is taught with wisdom, right?
Teaching is the method, how can there be a method? Changing ideas, establishing ideas, learning principles, mastering methods, using tools and forming habits are the process of teaching. What is the basis of wisdom?
The foundation of good parents, the intellectual foundation of the bottom support is equality and respect. Equal respect for children is the foundation of good parents and the principle of equal respect we talk about. Right? To set an example for foreign children, parenting is simply to teach children to be good people and let them be human. Then as a parent, you should do these two things well. The first thing is that you can do it, yes, father and son are filial. Parents must remember that the father's kindness comes first, and the son's filial piety comes last. How can a father be filial if he is not kind? Up and down, up and down first, up and down how to get the effect. And the root of all role models is to be a good person. Parents should be good and behave themselves. Children can be human beings, and being human beings has virtue. If you have virtue, you will be talented, because if you have virtue, you will be talented. That's what I said.
Just now, some parents talked about disciple rules. Nowadays, many parents ask their children to read Disciples Rules and recite them. I have told many parents that if your parents don't study, don't let their children study.
Because "Disciple Rules" is the basic way of life, the basic rules and the most basic rules. This rule is not what you ask your child to do. If you can't do it, it's no use asking your child to recite Disciples Rules. Therefore, as parents, we must first recite the Disciples Rules, and children don't have to recite the Disciples Rules.
This is the power of example, this is the standard of good parents, the core is wisdom, we must learn before teaching, and the foundation is equality and respect. Externally, it is to set an example for children. The example comes from two aspects, and you can do your own thing.
Second, you should be a good person. This is that standard of a good parent and a good child. Let's look at this heart-shaped picture again, because love and happiness make us a family. If you want to have love and happiness in this family, you must do three things well. These three things are indispensable. These are three things that our parents do every day. The first one is called life, right Life depends on wisdom.
The second thing is to help children learn. You will find that in China, if children don't study well, there will be many problems, so learning depends on strategies. The core of family problems is that we think there is something wrong with communication, and the core of a large number of families, whether parents, couples or mother-in-law, is communication. Let's look at the third point, which is also the core point. Communication is the key. If a family can do these three things well, it may be full of love and happiness. Life depends on wisdom. What is wisdom? I have been emphasizing that every class will emphasize that the core of life is wisdom, whether parents or children, find reasons and find ways. Ten principles are the foundation of wisdom.
It can also be said that the core of our program and the ten principles of educating children are the wisdom of life.
Learning depends on strategy. In "Strategies and Methods for Parents to Scientifically and Effectively Guide Children's Learning", we have introduced the lesson that lasted for about four hours in detail, and we have the opportunity to watch it. What is strategy? Learn to walk before you can run. Parents should teach their children how to walk first. Let children learn three things.
Three things, love to learn, be able to learn and learn, are all good. This child can learn well, and it is indispensable. Without any child, it will not be good, and any two will promote another positive progress.
I won't say much about this. The core is communication and communication is the key. In this communication class, we have a whole set of contents about how parents can communicate effectively with their children. What is our communication in China now? What is communication? The willingness to communicate is to dig a ditch between the two places and let the water pass. It is the will to communicate, and it is the will introduced in Zuo Zhuan.
Now that our home is in China, the way of communication has changed. Each of us is digging a ditch, each of us is digging a ditch, and then we hope others will fall into their own ditch. We call this kind of communication just arguing for right and wrong, not looking for problems. Do you think it is right or wrong for our family to communicate now? Are you right or am I wrong?
By the way, it's the same between you and your children and your lover. What's the problem? No matter whether we argue first, we must discuss right and wrong. After arguing about right and wrong, you are wrong and I am right. Forget this good question. Next time, he was angry. I must call next time. I'm right, he's wrong, and a family dispute over right and wrong can't solve the problem.
This is the core of our family communication. There are six steps to communication. Again, I won't say much, but we should remember that these three things are the core, and the core of the core is communication. As long as these three things can be done well, the family will have love and happiness. On this basis, we can see that there are two paths, love and happiness.
Look at these three key things. There are two paths up and down, one is to change ideas, and the other is to integrate knowledge with practice. Changing ideas and integrating knowledge with practice are two cores. I changed the unity of knowing and doing into the unity of doing, which is the principle of doing. Change your concept I remember telling you that cognition determines behavior, and you must change your wrong cognition to have correct behavior.
Of course, when we listen to this class, there are many ideas that need to be changed, right? For example, if we change our principles, we will change first, and others will change, will we change our ideas?
In our theory, there are big concepts, middle concepts, small concepts and small concepts. Mistakes are wealth. If you make a mistake, you should be happy. If you change them, you will make progress. This changes people's ideas, small ideas, right? What is learning? Should we study, make a fuss about learning, or love learning? This is called the China concept.
Third, I tell you, the big concept has changed the big concept. Please write down these three concepts. Under the guidance of these three concepts, your family education can be upgraded and your children can be better. One of the three concepts of changing ideas. I don't know if you remember. The problem of children is essentially a problem of parents, and this key must be changed.
As long as the child has a problem, our parents all think that the child has a problem. Will there be a problem with the child? Do you agree that children are children? Because it is a child, something should happen. In the process of socialization, can he have no problems? How to correct the problem is what our parents have to do. It is normal for this child to have problems, and how to correct them if there are problems.
But before how to change, please remember that many children's problems are caused by their families. After listening to the ten principles, parents may feel more, and most of the problems are caused by parents. So the first concept, as long as the child has a problem, he thinks he has a problem. What is his problem?
Two aspects. First, where did I go wrong? Parents should keep asking themselves. When the child is wrong, you should first ask yourself if I am wrong. What the hell happened to me, causing the child to become like this?
Second, I am his father and I am his mother. How can I help my child solve this problem? If you caused your problems, you didn't. If you don't provide solutions and help children, is that still your problem? He was not raised in other people's parents, but in your home. You are his guardian.
The first concept and the second concept must be changed. Do you want to add this coordinate? Only when both sides have a good relationship can this family be good. The abscissa represents marriage relationship, and the ordinate represents blood relationship.
The second concept is that the relationship between husband and wife is more important than the parent-child relationship. Everyone must change this concept. We should pay more attention to our lover, and children may be more relaxed. Children may have more time and energy to take on their responsibilities. More importantly, whether the relationship between husband and wife is the core of the family, do you think the family has a warm environment, and whether the relationship between husband and wife is the foundation of this environment?
Husband and wife are the foundation of creating a harmonious and happy family environment. Once there is a problem between husband and wife, there is no love in this family. Maybe it's lovelorn.
How can a child develop normally if he lives in such an environment? I often joke and tell many women to raise their husbands as children and their children as husbands. Many people don't understand what this means. Women, what do you think of us now? What you want most is a man to take responsibility and push him out to take responsibility.
Because men have to take responsibility, they are under great pressure. What he needs more is care at home. You treat your husband with that kind of relationship and meticulous care at home. Alas, that husband's sense of responsibility will become stronger and stronger outside, so this is called raising her husband as a child. Treat your husband like a child.
What do you mean by raising a child as a husband? Husbands should take responsibility, right? You treat your child as your husband, you take responsibility and do everything yourself. Right? You can do it yourself.
As long as the child has responsibility and good virtue, the child will not be bad. In all our classes, we emphasize the importance of responsibility, that is, the relationship between husband and wife is more important than the relationship between parents and children. In this course, I am changing from a natural parent to a smart family, and the core of our course is to change these three concepts.
The third concept, as I just said in Love, is that love is true love, and love needs to be learned. I have been telling all the members that we must come back and go back to class to learn what love is. Love is true love, and true love needs learning. Not love, still love. That hurts.
China's parents love children too much, but they can't love them too much. It is this unconditional love for children that has caused so many children's problems. Many of our children live in an environment without love. This sentence should be written down. Many parents don't agree with me at all. How can there be no love?
I have always loved him, but you know, people can't feel it. If people can't feel it, it's not love. Can love that you can't feel be love? Ask your child if he has felt your love since he was a child. He may feel more demands and more communication.
These are three concepts that must be changed. The second only way behind is the unity of knowledge and action. You can see that there is no wisdom in life, no learning strategies and no communication. The key is to have good children and be happy. There is a saying in the middle that knowledge and action are one. Learn and do. All you know is knowledge. Knowledge is useless, but using it is power. The persistent use of knowledge is power, which is called the unity of knowledge and action.
Only when knowledge and practice are integrated, and only when we persist in doing it, can we have good children and happiness. This is the structure of the principle of love and happiness.
First, is it a structure? Everyone can study and live according to this structure. Look at this picture. We have eight classes. The first lesson is about the transformation from natural parents to intelligent parents. In the second class, parents help their children learn strategies and methods scientifically and effectively, which is about learning strategies.
Review the compulsory course for the third time, family happiness and marriage relationship debugging, husband-wife relationship is more important than parent-child relationship.
The fourth is the wisdom of life and the ten principles of educating children. This is our series of courses. The fifth sf strategy, an education that affects children's life, how to help children. In some ways, let him learn all the contents of love and happiness and change them. The sixth picture of thinking, let children learn the way of thinking.
Lesson 7 "Family Convention" is a way to make children obey within 30 days. Children who are obedient and quoted are disobedient because their parents can't speak. In fact, this is a course to solve family relations.
Lesson 8: Communication is the key strategy and method for parents to communicate effectively. For example, our series is over, which is the fourth lesson of these eight lessons, the wisdom of life and the principle of educating children. These eight experiences constitute the principles of love and happiness. Love and happiness are over, please remember our slogan, spread love and bring happiness home.