Suggestions on educating children's parents to intervene.
1. Communicate with the elderly and clarify the interest relationship.
Young parents should communicate with the elderly at home, learn from each other, learn from each other's strengths, resolve the differences and contradictions between the two generations in parenting, and make some compromises and concessions to each other. Although the baby is still young, it is an important period for the development of habits and personality. Young parents should let the old people distinguish the difference between love and doting, and should not be too indulgent and doting. You know, being naked will only make children more and more unruly, and at the same time, it will also make parents lose their dignity in proper discipline, which will eventually delay the healthy growth of children. If the mother's communication is ineffective, in order to avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is necessary to give full play to the role of husband at this time.
2. Establish a United front for the whole family.
On the issue of educating children, all family members should reach a United front, and parents must not be busy with discipline, and the elderly should follow suit. Parents and the elderly should reach an agreement through consultation. When disciplining children, it is best for the elderly to stay out of it and try to safeguard their parents' dignity in front of them, so that children will not be xenophobic and know how to respect their parents. Secondly, even if there are differences between the two sides, don't expose them in front of the children. This will only make the children feel a little lucky when they make mistakes.
Be brave and stick to your point of view
On the issue of educating children, we will never compromise on principles. Although this is too selfless, you must establish your majesty in your child's heart and let him know not to violate the bottom line. Some parents spit, and whenever they educate their children, the elderly always come out to interfere. I want to say that even if the old people get involved, they should bravely stick to their own views. Don't interrupt normal education just because the other person is an old man. This will only make children feel that no matter what mistakes they make, they have a backer. Of course, in order to avoid aggravating family conflicts, parents can avoid their children, actively communicate with the elderly afterwards, accept the advice of the elderly with an open mind, and minimize positive conflicts.
4. Distance produces beauty
The beauty in the distance does not mean that the elderly are not allowed to look after the children, but that the beauty in the distance can make the children feel that they have no backing after making mistakes and complete what they can.
5. Don't discipline children in front of old people.
You can skillfully choose the time to educate your children. Try not to discipline children in front of the old people, and avoid them when you reason with them. But remember, when educating children, don't completely deny the practice of the elderly, which will only make children rebellious.
6. Take time to communicate with children
Nowadays, many young parents are busy at work, leaving the problem of raising children to the elderly at home. You know, no matter how busy parents are, they should also have a correct attitude, spend more time with their children and educate them. It is extremely irresponsible for children to blindly hand over the right to education and custody to the elderly, which also increases the burden on the elderly.
Matters needing attention in educating children
(A) praise too much
Too much praise will cause a lot of constraints and burdens to children. When parents' expectations are not met, children are prone to setbacks and guilt. What if parents always praise their children? Too smart? When the test results are not ideal, children will have deep remorse and depression, and their self-esteem and self-confidence will be dealt a heavy blow.
Therefore, it is best for parents to praise their children for something specific, such as? Your homework today is very good! ?
(b) asking too many questions
Because they are eager to know more about their children, many parents often ask questions as soon as their children leave school. Did the teacher ask you any questions today? How was the math exam? Who have you played with? Too many problems can only cause children's disgust and conflict. A reputation as a nuisance.
The effective way is to walk into the children's world, play with them more and chat with them more, and you will inadvertently discover many children's secrets.
(3) Too many orders
? Do your homework! Turn off the TV! ? Ordering food too often is easy for children? Turn a deaf ear? When children are often indifferent to such orders, parents should consider their credibility in the eyes of children.
Deny feelings
This is a mistake that many parents easily make. When children say. Mom, I'm afraid the injection will hurt, okay? Sometimes, parents often comfort and say: Baby, it's okay. No pain. ? This will only make children feel wronged and afraid. It would be wiser to: Baby, mom knows that an injection hurts, but it can only be cured after the injection. ? Children will feel better when they realize that they are understood.
(5) Scold and ridicule
Some parents [Weibo] will yell at their children when their exam results are not satisfactory. Idiot! Wooden head! ? This practice will seriously hurt children's self-esteem. The correct way is to criticize people on the basis of facts.
The misunderstanding of educating children
Taboo 1: You shouldn't act rashly, but the pain in your skin hurts your child's self-esteem.
When Genie Chen plays the piano, he shows great randomness. The correct fingering, hand shape and requirements mentioned by the teacher did not leave any impression on her mind, as if she had never learned them. Mom was anxious when she saw it in her eyes. She repeatedly reminded her to demonstrate herself, but Genie Chen assumed an uncooperative attitude, wriggling on the piano stool, drinking water for a while, going to the toilet for a while, and clamoring for a rest two minutes later.
Wrong criticism:
Inner anger finally broke through the bottom line of patience. Mother slapped her in the past, and Genie Chen's hand suddenly turned red, persuading education to upgrade to compulsory punishment.
Scar left:
Fundamentally speaking, military punishment can't solve any problems, but will only intensify the contradictions between the two sides and make the study that might have continued run aground halfway; Under the fist of parents, the child's self-esteem is also shattered, which is easy to form the psychology of breaking the jar and breaking the fall, and even invulnerability to all criticisms. It is really a lose-lose situation.
There is also a direct consequence: in what way you treat your child, the child will treat you and the people around him in what way. It is easy to imitate violence. Because of the bad example of parents, what is the first reaction in the mind when children face the conflict between themselves and their children independently? Or is it better to strike first? .
Expert advice:
Escalate the criticism to? War? That's the parents' fault. Children have not yet formed a self-evaluation system, and they look at themselves through the evaluation of adults, especially parents. Moreover, the fragile heart especially hopes to be affirmed by parents, which can give children confidence and let them accept criticism happily. The art of criticism lies in positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement. Instead of strengthening children's weaknesses, or denying them completely, it is better to look at their small achievements and good signs, keep them in mind, strengthen their good side, give necessary guidance, let children see their potential and enhance their self-confidence.
So, why doesn't mom use it at this time? Praise and criticize? Methods: Find the small advantages of children, praise them first and then recognize them: your left hand is more beautiful than your right hand, and your left hand is more beautiful with three fingers than two fingers. Do you have a good sense of strength this time? Then ask:? Can the right hand be as beautiful as the left hand, and can the two fingers hook back a little? It would be better to slow down. Come on, let's have a try. I think Genie Chen will be very good! ? Children need to find their own gap in comparison and real praise. If parents affirm their children's achievements, she will have the confidence to correct her other mistakes. On the contrary, parents take a rude approach to their children's mistakes, and she is probably not in the mood to defend her other advantages.
Taboo 2: If the child is out of control and makes a hullabaloo about, it is difficult to guide correctly.
Every day, Tao Tao makes a mess at home: toys are scattered all over the floor, brushes and paper are scattered all over the table, and the bed is full of his gadgets. Nine times out of ten, all his favorite books are in a mess, and he doesn't know where he went when he wanted to read them. Repeated reminders still have no effect in Tao Tao.
Wrong criticism:
The mess at home ignited the anger in my mother's heart: how many times have I told you, where did it come from? Where should I put it back when I'm finished? You just have a bad memory. If you don't accept it, I'll throw it all away! ? He pretended to throw away the child's favorite toy, followed by a storm of shouting.
Scar left:
It doesn't mean that the higher your voice, the more immediate the effect, and the tone is often inversely proportional to the result; And yelling makes children feel the existence of dignity at all, and also makes your literacy roar without a trace. If adults and children lose their temper, criticism is likely to escalate into crying and beating, and the effect of education will be offset to zero. Mom said, the child will know soon? Throw it away? But no real hands? Throw it away? Mother's prestige has also lost.
Expert advice:
Never think that your attitude, including expression, tone and eyes, is insignificant, only kindness is enough; If children refuse to pay attention to their own expression, it is difficult to accept criticism convincingly. Because sometimes what they refuse is not the criticism itself, but the attitude of their parents.
Criticizing children calmly helps to maintain a good parent-child relationship and achieve the purpose of criticism. Therefore, it is best to control your temper and calm yourself down.
It is difficult for children to get rid of their own things. Parents should be patient with their children. Clean up with the children first, and encourage them if you can clean up one thing. With the positive encouragement of parents, children will gradually learn to organize their belongings independently.
Taboo 3: Repeated criticism leads to rebellion.
Meimei has a big box of small beads of various shapes, and the necklace is very beautiful; But when she saw other children holding several transparent Go pieces. Night pearl? Sometimes, she cries for it, and if the other party doesn't give it, she will decorate people? Night pearl? The little bottle was thrown on the ground.
Wrong criticism:
Sister-in-law's behavior embarrassed her mother: how many times have I told you, why don't you understand? You can't always look after other people's things. Are there any toys at home? I threw my things aside and stopped playing. I look like a baby when I see someone taking something. It's really useless to do this again. I will never buy you a toy again! ?
Scar left:
Such rambling and lack of freshness criticism obviously can't stimulate children's brains. The more they talk, the more deaf they will be to these words. And although the child is young, his understanding of the language is not bad at all. Useless? 、? Possession? If you don't respect your child's personality, it will easily cause your child's inner resentment. If you openly or secretly oppose you, your problems are likely to increase.
Expert advice:
Beautiful and fresh things are a temptation for children, and it is not easy to resist the temptation. Therefore, parents need to set the necessary rules and boundaries. Parents might as well tell their children that there is nothing wrong with her liking what she doesn't have, but we can't ask for it, let alone rob or destroy other people's things. Then tell the children clearly: there are so many beautiful things in the world that we can't have them all; If you really want it, you have to fight for it by your own efforts. For example, if the other person wants, you can exchange your beautiful beads with your children.
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