As the saying goes, "it's better to listen than to talk." Whether a person is good at listening in a conversation is the decisive factor for the success of the conversation.

Let's take a look at how the spiritual instructors of the Three Winter Warm Psychological Counseling Platform use listening skills to guide the psychological counselors who are out of control:

Why are you so excited?

(The counselor's answer: Everything a person does may not have a motive, but there must be a reason. Only by understanding the reasons can we find the needs of patients and solve the problems better. )

Can you tell me about your mood now?

(Psychological interpretation: After the visitor tells the reason of the incident, we should give the visitor some feedback to let ta know that ta is being paid attention to, and we have also made efforts to understand ta's current mood. This is "feedback", that is, to feel the visitor's mood through "reaction-question-confirmation". The visitors here are the object of your comfort)

Now, do you think I can understand you?

(Psychological counselor's explanation: confirm thoughts through "brain", that is, "thought-reason-cognition" to further confirm whether visitors feel understood, so as to achieve a high degree of empathy)

In fact, what you did was right, not wrong.

Interpretation of psychological counselors: You should "schema" the views or behaviors of visitors, accept them unconditionally, and don't make subjective comments in your heart, so that you can better understand the object of comfort and make him trust himself more.

Extended reading:

How to settle people who are sad and out of control?

When you are with a sad person, the most important thing is to be with her. The following seven sentences are very effective for people in grief and worth a try.

"What should I say? What should I do if I am wrong? " ?

It's really not your fault that our society is so afraid of death and sadness, because no one has ever taught us how to get along with others in sadness.

Here are seven things you shouldn't say, and better ways to express them. ?

1. Don't say "He went to a better place" or "You should be glad that he is no longer suffering from illness." ?

She hopes that the place where he is is by her side, no matter whether he is sick or not, no matter how difficult it is to take care of him. ?

A better expression: "You must miss him very much." ?

2. Don't say "You will find a better partner soon" or "You can have another one at any time" or "At least you have other children." ?

But the man who is full of grief and wants to get him back is not with him, and he can never be replaced by others. Respect the dead. ?

A better expression: "I know how special she is to you and how much you love her."

3. Don't say "It's time to cheer yourself up." ?

Everyone's grief process is different from others. Maybe now is not the time for her to "cheer up". Even if she can't get back to normal and take care of herself or her family, the best solution is to ask friends or close people to help take care of her family for a while, instead of making her feel ashamed that she "didn't handle this matter better".

A better expression: "You must have a bad day. How about I bring you some dinner around six o'clock? " ?

Don't say, "I believe everything will be fine soon." ?

Shit! It's really hard to watch friends or family members suffer grief ... we often want to make them feel better, so that we can feel better ourselves! Remember, he may be thinking that he will never be happy, so your boss's assumptions about his future feelings may annoy him. ?

A better expression: "As long as you need me, I will always be by your side." ?

5. Don't say, "God always has the best arrangement. This must be his will. " ?

This may make mourners angry with God or other gods. In addition, before mentioning God or any other God, it is also important to know each other's belief system. Don't assume that he shares your beliefs. ?

A better expression: "I feel very sad." ?

6. Don't say "Don't cry in front of the children." ?

For children, what makes them feel more uneasy is hiding the truth, not telling the truth. Therefore, there is no need for children to feel normal grief. ?

A better expression: "Are the children all right now?" ?

7. Don't say anything. ?

In fact, for a sad person, this is the worst situation: people take a neglected attitude towards his pain. If you are not sure what to say, or the other person is willing to say it, you can just say:?

A better expression: "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know that I will always be with you." And/or "Do you want to talk about her death now?" ?

Remember, when you are with someone who can't control his sadness, the most important thing is to be with her. Sometimes you don't even need to talk. She just needs to know that you are willing to sit with her for a while when she is sad. ?

If you are worried that you don't know what to say during your stay in the company, I hope the above suggestions will help you. ?

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