First, we call it strict discipline, that is, parents give their children many rules and requirements in the process of interacting with them. We believe that we must be strict with our children! Is this the right idea? Yes, it's good, too. However, strict parents often lack soft, friendly and interesting interaction at home, and you may rarely have fun with your children! I rarely talk to my children about particularly interesting things. Only when I pay attention to the rules can I keep a straight face and do it firmly. In this way, although children can cultivate some behavioral norms, they also learn your rigidity. You are not flexible enough in life, and children often get along with others in this state. Moreover, we will also notice that under the excessive control of strict parents, the child may be more likely to accept your control before he is six years old, but after he is six years old, she will resist more and more, and he will have such an idea in his heart: Why do you want me to do something?
Therefore, you will find that if children often say it, they will bring "why" and "why?" What he means is: I am actually an independent person, and I also need my own room for growth and my own ideas. You see, the older the child, the more tense the parent-child relationship between us and the child. Even if the child is a clever person, it may not be really happy, and so are you.
Another way to discipline children is to spoil them. What do you mean spoiled?
That is, parents really love their children and especially want to give them as much satisfaction as possible. We may not be able to bear the sudden crying of children, nor can we bear the softness and hardness of children. He will beg you for a while, coax you for a while, and sweet talk for a while. Spoiled parents can do nothing about their children. Children's tears and sweet words can easily crush you, so you give in. Maybe you just said that you can't buy this thing, you can't eat that thing, or you can't play with your mobile phone before going to bed at night. As a result, you were won by the child in the blink of an eye. In this case, what kind of child are we raising? Is an unruly child! The child himself is loved by you a lot in life, but he may not really feel your love, but he is more and more disgusted with his parents.
Then there is a situation called mixing, which means we swing back and forth between strictness and connivance. After a while, we will be too strict and feel that we must stop the children. At this time, we will be tough! We are unswerving about how children cry. A few days later, your mind changed again. The child coaxed you and cried twice. You gave up your principles for the same thing! Swinging back and forth like this, I feel in my child's heart: what kind of people are my parents? What is the bottom line of his principle? Children are completely confused about you, so they will be very anxious about you, constantly competing with you, and always want to test your bottom line. Because you can do it today and you can't do it tomorrow, so where is the bottom line? He tried again and again.
So in this case, you will have an endless tug-of-war with your child, and the child will become more and more difficult to manage.
In fact, what we are talking about is an intelligent discipline, that is, on the one hand, we can establish our own principle bottom line, on the other hand, we have a lot of loving interaction with children. We talk to him happily and play games happily, including when children are not doing well, and we also know how to interact with them more harmoniously. We know how to do it, so that we can not suppress children, but also adhere to principles. This is a wise parent. But this kind of discipline needs methods, emotional management methods, communication methods with children, and ways for us to set rules for children. Only when our parents give this series of methods to their children in the process of disciplining their children, then our disciplining methods are positive.
Regarding Positive Discipline, I think one book is particularly worth reading, that is, Positive Discipline written by American female psychologist jane nelsen. The contents of the book are different from ordinary chicken farm articles. The author's narrative is quite simple and frank, and many of his viewpoints are quite useful and have high practical significance.
1. Nelson does not advocate strict discipline, because this kind of discipline seems to be immediate, but it is only temporary, which may lead to resentment, revenge, rebellion and retreat of children.
2. She thinks that one of the most important concepts of positive discipline is that children are more willing to abide by the rules they participate in making. When children learn to be members who contribute to their families, classes and society, they will become efficient decision makers with a healthy self-concept.
She advocates being kind and firm when disciplining children and giving them full respect and encouragement. Teach children to evaluate themselves instead of relying on others' praise or opinions.
She stressed that parents' education should help children feel a sense of belonging and value.
5. Can you teach children valuable social skills and life skills and cultivate their good character? For example, do children respect others, care about others, be good at solving problems, dare to take responsibility, be willing to contribute and cooperate? This is what parents need to think about.
There are quite a few practical skills in this book, which have benefited me a lot and caused a lot of thinking. It is suggested that parents who are interested in positive discipline can take a look.
Family education methods are very important
In China, 90% of children in ordinary families change their fate by knowledge, step by step, through kindergarten, junior high school, junior high school and then through the college entrance examination. Therefore, we children who develop on the conventional education route, especially in front of the senior high school entrance examination and college entrance examination, have no other entertainment except heavy study life.
Improper educational methods have become the chief culprit, and some parents are even at a loss, which has gradually made many lively, lovely and intelligent children dull and boring, and has also broken countless parents' hearts.
Practice has proved that the foundation and key of many children's success is excellent family education. Educating children is the responsibility and obligation of parents. In order to cultivate and educate children and make family education an inexhaustible source of nourishing the soul, parents need to understand the mystery of education, find educational methods suitable for children, seize the opportunity of education at all times and tap the potential of education.
three
0 1
Knowledge changes fate, and family changes children. Many parents don't lead by example, they are not natural parents. How to be a good parent is also a compulsory course for every parent.
02
moral cultivation
The process of human learning and success is the interaction between intelligence and non-intelligence, but non-intelligence factors are more important than intelligence factors. At present, in family education, the biggest misunderstanding of parents is that they only pay attention to the cultivation and learning of intelligence, while ignoring the cultivation of non-intelligence factors. Although the emphasis on academic performance has its social roots, the success of children after entering society does not depend on academic performance.
There are two levels of children's success: one is to be a man, and the other is to be a man. Being a man is the foundation of success. Moral education for family children is an important part of moral education. Only by maintaining the consistency of family, school and social education can children form good ideological and moral character.
03
Guide children to learn to read, learn to learn, learn to be independent, and even contact and integrate into society. Guiding children to grow up healthily is the core task of parents. Parents should "teach them to fish" instead of "collect them to fish". It is very important to cultivate children's personality of "self-improvement, self-reliance, self-esteem and self-love", rather than their growth.
It is worth noting that children's growth will not be smooth sailing, and the road to growth will be very broad. However, children still need free space for their growth. The future of children is a question of knowledge. Our parents should care and guide them, but they can't shape and bind them according to their own wishes. He should be given a relaxed learning and growing environment.
04
The educational concept advocated is kind and firm. This is a way to discipline children without punishment or arrogance. In this atmosphere, we can cultivate self-discipline awareness, sense of responsibility, spirit of cooperation and our ability to solve problems, learn social skills and life skills that will benefit us for life, and achieve good academic results.
Hello everyone, there are no parents who don't go all out for their children, but good wishes don't necessarily bring the best results.
We must respect our children, solve problems on the basis of cooperation with them and cultivate their self-confidence. In a word, we need to know his problem before we can prescribe the right medicine.
Hello, I'm Xiaochengzi's mother. I'm glad to answer your question! How to do positive discipline? This is a concern of every parent!
First: In family education, parents must set an example. Parents should also discipline themselves while disciplining their children, and don't indulge themselves while taking care of their children. For example, parents like to play mobile phones themselves, and children are also forbidden to play mobile phones. Parents like to lose their temper and ask their children not to lose their temper. This is very contradictory. It is said that parents are the best teachers for children. If all parents show their children this negative energy, how can they ask their children? Therefore, when disciplining children, parents should set an example. With a good example around, children will be infected and become better and better!
Second: In family education, family atmosphere is very important, and parents need to create a good family atmosphere for their children, which is very important for the establishment of children's self-confidence and security. First of all, the relationship between parents should be harmonious, respect each other, care for each other and love each other, so that children can feel at ease around their parents and live comfortably in this family. With a harmonious and happy family, children will be particularly open-minded and have enough self-confidence and security! On the contrary, parents often quarrel, and children will live in fear. They don't know when their parents will quarrel again. Life becomes unstable and insecure. They always feel that they are not as good as others, living in inferiority, and inexplicably agitated. Therefore, parents should let their children grow up in a healthy family, and their children will be healthy!
Third, in family education, family rules and regulations should be formulated. In this family, nothing can be done and nothing can be said. Everyone in the family must strictly abide by it. Anyone who breaks the rules will be punished, and parents are no exception. Everyone is equal before the system! After a long time, children will consciously respect! This is my experience sharing, I hope I can help you!
In family education, parents should adopt the education method of combining leniency with severity in order to achieve the purpose of active discipline. (1) Reasons for combining leniency with severity in family education: (2) Suggestions: First of all, we should spread positive energy in front of children, and parents should set an example as parents, and do not spread negative words and behaviors in front of children.
Secondly, parents should be "strict father's loving mother" in the form of family discipline, not both of them are strict, otherwise, children will be unbearable. On the contrary, if both of them neglect education, the child will soon become a very headstrong and selfish little emperor or princess.
The most important point is that parents' roles in family education should be well coordinated, with one person playing a "strict" role and one playing a "lenient" role. "Strict" will make children feel awe, while "lenient" will encourage children. The organic combination of the two will give them positive motivation and positive energy.
(3) Finally, the influence of family education on a person's life is very important, which can be said to play a key and decisive role. On the other hand, children who attach importance to family education and how to attach importance to it have taken the lead in standing at the starting line.
Hello!
I am a front-line teacher, a gardener waiting for flowers to bloom, and I like to talk about education and teaching, school students and exams.
Huahua looks forward to communicating with you.
Many parents have questions? How to discipline children positively? I think family environment is particularly important for children's character growth. Parents are the children's first teachers, and the role model effect is the qualified parents.
The role model effect has a very positive role in promoting children's growth. The child is still young, and his self-awareness has not yet formed a mindset. They don't know what kind of person they want to be, so they lack the motivation and direction to change their image.
At this time, if you want your child to establish a confident, optimistic and brave image, the best way is to find a suitable method according to his personality characteristics.
In family education, if parents want to do positive discipline, they must first understand the meaning of "positive discipline".
Active discipline is a method of disciplining children without punishment or connivance, which can also be called family education system. Based on respect and cooperation, it advocates parents to cultivate children's self-confidence, self-discipline, cooperation, sense of responsibility, self-determination and their ability to solve problems by creating a cordial and firm communication atmosphere, and helps children gain a sense of belonging and value in this process.
All tools of positive discipline are not used to change children's behavior, but to support their growth by creating a continuous encouraging environment for children. This encouraging environment has brought an additional gain, that is, children's behavior has changed.
Children need encouragement just as plants need water, and encouragement will bring changes to children. Only when they often feel care, support and help can they change their beliefs about how to gain a sense of belonging and value. Encouragement will enable children to acquire two important life skills, one is the power to dominate their own lives, and the other is to enjoy the fun of contributing to others.
Positive discipline can help children develop two beliefs: "I am loved, I am popular" and "I am capable and I can contribute", which are the essence and significance of a sense of belonging and value. This is why all positive discipline tools emphasize the importance of encouragement.
By encouraging children, we also need to avoid a wrong cognition: encouragement can water roses into tulips. The goal of active discipline is not to help parents turn their children into other people, but to help children become better themselves.
First, help children feel connected.
The greatest desire in a child's heart is a sense of belonging to his parents, even exceeding the desire for everything else. When the child asks you to do something together, it has already sent you a signal to seek "contact", and the child at this time hopes to get your attention. If you establish contact with your child, the feedback the child gets is "I belong"; But if you use busyness as an excuse to prevaricate your child, or complain that he can't play by himself, the child will feel depressed and sad. Because I can't express my feelings in better language, I choose bad ways to attract my parents' attention, such as disturbing and making trouble.
Second, mutual respect and encouragement.
Adhere to the parallel of kindness and firmness. If parents want to re-establish contact with their children, they should respect their children, bend or squat down to look directly at their position, communicate with their children and listen to their thoughts.
Third, adhere to long-term effectiveness.
From birth, children are making decisions, which can form their personality and life goals, and how to deal with the insecurity and pressure they feel. In this process, parents should stick to it with their children for a long time and can't give up halfway.
Fourth, teach children good social character and life skills.
Parents should let their children know how to respect others, contact others to solve problems, improve their cooperation ability and make contributions to family, school and society.
Help children discover their potential.
Encourage children to constructively control and use their personal abilities and autonomy to explore their potential as much as possible.
After years of social research and practice, the active discipline has developed a series of mature training books, audio-visual and tool cards for parents and lecturers. , and has been refined into books for children of different ages and special groups such as zero to three years old, three to six years old, teenagers, single-parent families, step-parent families, special children's families, pets, etc. If parents want to find more effective teaching methods, they can study and apply active discipline through online communities or online courses.
Positive discipline refers to an effective management method, which is neither punishment nor arrogance. It is a kind, firm, equal and respectful parenting attitude.
Active discipline system originated in the United States, based on Adler and Drake's individual psychology theory, developed by jane nelsen and Lynn Lott, and has benefited families and schools in more than 60 countries around the world.
The core idea of positive discipline is: five standards of positive discipline.
How do parents use positive discipline in practice? 1, the sentence "Don't litter" can be replaced by "Throw the garbage in the trash can".
Although they mean the same thing, the latter can only be more specific and clear.
The sentence "Stop watching TV" can be changed to "You can watch TV for another five minutes".
Such hints and reminders will not be too abrupt and can give children a psychological buffer.
The sentence "Don't speak loudly" can be changed to "If it is too loud, it will wake up the baby next door".
Explain the situation clearly and let the children know the seriousness of the problem, and the children will be more willing to adopt it.
In the process of educating children, parents should treat people with things, not people-oriented. For example, children throw toys everywhere. We should tell them: "Toys are for playing, not for throwing, and now they need to be cleaned up." Instead of saying, "You child, why are you so disobedient and always throwing toys around?"
Critical language such as "naughty", "disobedient" and "rude" will not only make children really become that kind of person, but also send them a wrong message: it is different from my standard, so I don't like it, so it is wrong.
Family education is the earliest, longest and most influential education for a person. Only when parents keep learning and improving and set a good example for their children will their children grow better.
Every parent on the road of education will be confused, and every Xiong Haizi will make mistakes on the road of growth, which will lead to the parent-child relationship becoming an eternal problem. My daughter has been playing a game called little belly. I heard there are many questions to answer all kinds of questions. First-class students can go to school, and it doesn't hurt to think about entertainment after studying. She doesn't care much. Children like reading books and newspapers on weekdays. She also told us that I wouldn't do what children play games to make money. I feel that she is still more sensible, so she doesn't care too much. One day, his father's WeChat was transferred from a 50-yuan WeChat and gave me another WeChat. That WeChat doesn't have an account, and my daughter occasionally uses it because she is asleep. I quickly logged in and looked at the bill. It turns out that I spent money to buy skin for others. I was very annoyed at that time, and the act of secretly transferring money made me very angry. However, considering that I got up early in school the next day, I didn't wake her up. The next day, she got up and her father mentioned it, and the child realized the problem. I didn't say a word, so I ran over to apologize and said I would uninstall the game and never play again. Seeing his determination, I said by the way that it's okay to play small games, but it's illegal to make money secretly. I think positive discipline means that the child made a mistake, and it is useless to beat and scold. Making children aware of problems and finding solutions to them is a positive way of discipline. A few days ago, it was reported that a 9-year-old girl made her child "surrender" because of the recharge of the game and was taken to the police station by her father. I think this father is also very smart and has a good deterrent effect on children. I also showed the news to my daughter. I said that if the amount is huge, it constitutes theft. The child really realized the problem and promised not to make it again.
The core of positive discipline, first of all, should be that parents must be firm and friendly when talking to their children, and can't get angry. Second, help children analyze and find the cause of the problem. Second, let the children realize the problems themselves and propose solutions to them.