Children's lack of self-confidence is no exception. A child who lacks self-confidence transcends his own genetic inheritance and is defined by his childhood experience, which has not been well solved, understood and controlled.
What is confidence? Many parents say their children lack self-confidence. More importantly, they say their children are timid. In fact, this is not accurate. Andrew Giordan and Jerome Sardet defined self-confidence as follows in their book "Learning How to Learn": "Self-confidence is the trust in one's internal resources. Self-confidence is related to ability and is the result of our evaluation of our own abilities and personal resources. " They also suggested that judging a person's confidence level can be answered by the following two questions: 1. Can I handle the problem through internal resources? 2. Can I achieve my goal?
Children's lack of self-confidence seriously hinders their growth, because the slightest mistake or remark will destroy those who are not confident. A child with no self-confidence will make him lose most of the experience he needs for development. Therefore, he is afraid to try new activities for fear of failure, or he will tend to stay away from his peers. Lack of risky behavior will slow down his development, because he can't learn from his mistakes and adjust his behavior.
Children's self-confidence is the product of family, society and school, and parents are the first people to improve their self-confidence. Today we are going to discuss how parents should treat their children who lack self-confidence.
Reasons for Children's Lack of Self-confidence Pedro Salem, a psychoanalyst at the University of Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, pointed out in his academic paper "Children's Self-confidence-Development from Birth to Acquired" published in 2004 that the interaction with parents in infancy and the growth environment in childhood will affect children's self-confidence.
1.2-6-month-old infants' low-quality interaction.
Interaction in infancy is the source of children's self-confidence. About the second month after the baby was born, the baby's behavior showed a qualitative leap. Among the various changes in his behavior, the appearance of children's social smile is particularly important: it marks the beginning of his social relationship, and this smile also invites his parents to interact with him.
This mechanism encourages the baby to have an emotional "original dialogue" with others, thus forming a round of interaction. Babies begin to imitate adult gestures, and adults participate in emotional conversations by imitating babies and exaggerating their facial expressions. When the mother actively adapts to the baby's physical and emotional needs, she participates in communication games, which brings the child a sense of security, comfort and satisfaction.
However, if parents are sad or avoid the baby's eyes, these performances will often be observed by children, and at the same time, the harmony of interaction between children and parents will be broken. Babies feel out of control of their emotions and lack confidence in themselves and their ability to actively intervene in the environment.
From the fourth month to the sixth month, the baby began to show different reactions according to different situations, and showed obvious preference for those who gave him positive feedback. So in two to six months, poor interpersonal communication will lead to children's lack of self-confidence.
2. Traumatic events can make children lack self-confidence.
Lin Qingxuan, a famous writer, recalled in the article "Race against Time" that when he was in primary school, he suddenly learned that his grandmother, who loved him most, had passed away, and he couldn't get rid of his sadness, so he ran every day until he was so tired that he cried on the lawn. This sadness lasted for a long time, and his self-confidence disappeared with it.
The different situations experienced by the child may be the reason why he is not confident. These experiences may be traumatic events, such as the death of pets, the departure of relatives, school or family experiences. We can never forget that regular daily life is the source of children's safety and the foundation of self-confidence.
Agatha christie, a famous British novelist, said, "One of the greatest wealth in life is to have a happy childhood."
It is necessary for children to be stable in their early life, which can enable children to train and educate themselves in an appropriate environment. In this case, parents and guardians must understand and sympathize with their children very much and give them this stability.
Parents find that their children lack self-confidence, and one way to avoid raising a child with lack of self-confidence is to find out quickly. The sooner you find a problem, the easier it is to study it, master it and even solve it. To this end, we must observe the child carefully. If the child often has the following symptoms, it may be a lack of self-confidence.
1, emotional imbalance
If you observe that your child is emotionally unstable, aggressive, and even has excessive demand for emotion and attention, this may be a symptom of lack of self-confidence.
2. Health and sleep are disturbed.
Malnutrition and sleep disorders indicate that children are not adapted to the growing environment. If the child has sleep problems, often has nightmares, has no appetite, even vomits, or is unwilling to use tableware by himself, this may also be a sign of the child's lack of self-confidence.
3. Unstable behavior and low efficiency
Unstable behavior, such as a fundamental change in attitude or a decline in psychological performance, may highlight the symptoms of lack of confidence. Children who lack self-confidence are usually inefficient, such as doing homework. They are inefficient because they lack confidence in their ability to complete the task correctly, think that they have no ability to complete the goal, and then they will retreat. This is procrastination and inefficient behavior.
4, withdrawn social behavior
This symptom is also a standard that most parents use to measure their children's lack of confidence. Children who lack self-confidence don't like to deal with people and have too many delays in communication skills. Some children show that they don't like talking to people, and some children will be afraid and even cry when they see strangers. These are all manifestations of children's lack of confidence.
Parents understand children who lack self-confidence. Once we make a diagnosis and find that the child lacks self-confidence, our parents must know him before they can change his behavior.
1, stay calm.
The first thing to know about children is to keep calm. Children will be stimulated a lot in childhood. They may be full of self-confidence or lack of self-confidence. Parents should not forget that children's physical and psychological abilities have not yet been fully formed. Therefore, this phenomenon can't last long, and it shouldn't be a reason for too much panic. In the face of unconfident children, keeping calm is the most important thing parents should do.
Step 2 show sympathy
Empathy is an important tool for us to understand a child who lacks confidence. Try to recall what you were like when you were his age, what scared you, what you liked and disliked, and what you thought of the world. If we are the child who lacks confidence, what do we need? If the answer is that we need more understanding and sympathy, then we should treat our children in the same way.
3. Observe the children carefully
In the face of unconfident children, it is important for parents to find out what will cause their children to feel insecure. Only in this way can we change this situation and let children find a lifestyle that is more suitable for their personality. We already know that insecurity is a factor that causes children to be insecure, so only by careful observation can we find out the hidden dangers that increase children's insecurity.
4. Give enough affection.
Affection is very important for children who lack self-confidence. A child needs the love of people around him, needs others to care about him, understand him and give him a quiet daily environment.
Six methods can help children gain confidence 1 and empower them.
A child who lacks self-confidence does not need too much protection from his parents. Parents should trust him and pay close attention to his safety. Children must fall down many times before they can learn to walk. If parents avoid their children falling at all costs, he can't practice successfully. Parents should learn to delegate power to their children, give them more rights, hold them responsible and assign tasks to them, including housework, picking fruits in the supermarket, setting the table and sweeping the floor.
2. Don't set too high expectations.
Parents' expectations play an important role in children's behavior, because we send him many unconscious verbal and non-verbal signals, which will have an impact on children. Respect children's own goals, don't interfere with children's goals, but make sure the goals are positive. The role of parents is to break down the overall goal into mini-goals to adapt to the process of children's growth curve. If the goal is too high, children will be discouraged and question their abilities.
Express your love to him unconditionally.
Provide children with proof of love, and let him understand that this kind of love is not conditional on his failure or success. Tell him that your love will protect him: no matter what application, you will always love him and not let him get hurt. You will respect your child's choice and growth rhythm and make him feel safe. Communication and socialization contribute to the development of children's brains and the establishment of self-confidence.
4. Learn to encourage children.
Encourage children and avoid general praise. Parents should carefully observe what the child has done well and briefly describe what you have seen, which will encourage the child to continue to work hard and remember his successful experience this time. For example, after the child fell, he didn't cry and stood up by himself. Parents should not say "Great!" Instead, I want to say, "You stood up after you fell, so brave!" Encourage children's specific behaviors, not Fan Fan's praise.
5. Teach your children to accept and express their feelings.
Help children learn to express their emotions in words and describe their happiness and sadness in appropriate language, so that children can output both positive and negative emotions. Parents should not use anti-emotional phrases, such as "You can't be unhappy", but teach their children to say "I am unhappy because …". Parents should always ask their children, "How do you feel?" Give children the opportunity to express their feelings and emotions.
6. Help children disassemble big goals
Big goals will increase the difficulty of children's completion and weaken their self-confidence. Help children disassemble big goals and let them follow small goals. Or better yet, teach them to set small goals! Break down complex tasks or unattainable goals into more achievable levels. Through this method of taking small steps, under the premise of keeping the ultimate goal unchanged, children can achieve big goals with small actions by reducing the time and energy needed, thus increasing their self-confidence.
Increasing children's self-confidence requires parents' persistence. Parents insist on helping their children improve their self-confidence, and their children will have obvious changes.