First, the principle of "love without drowning, be strict and tireless"
Educating children to "love but not drown, be strict but not strict", many spoiled children are unsuccessful, and some parents don't want to see the result, which is the inevitable result of a long-term accumulation of doting behavior.
Parents should pay attention to the following points in order to love their children from drowning:
First, parents should correctly treat their children's requirements. Everyone has needs, which are manifold and often endless. Children's needs should be analyzed in detail, based on the actual economic situation of the family and the physical and mental health of the children, and they should not be obedient and responsive. Excessive satisfaction of children's needs can easily lead to children's excessive desires and develop insatiable habits. Once parents can't meet their children's needs, they will inevitably cause their children's dissatisfaction and be difficult to discipline. When their strong desires are not satisfied, they are easy to go astray, which is what every parent needs to pay attention to.
Second, in the case of family, try to meet the reasonable requirements of children. If a child asks to buy some necessary articles for children's painting, calligraphy and entertainment that are conducive to increasing knowledge, developing intelligence and enriching spiritual life, it should generally be met. If it is difficult for parents to do it at the moment, they should explain the reasons to their children. When educating their children, parents should not only actively create conditions to promote their physical and mental health, but also educate their children to pay attention to thrift and prevent them from developing the bad habit of extravagance and waste.
Parents can't spoil their children. It's not that they should be particularly strict with their children. It's wrong to be too strict. The strict requirements we are talking about are based on children's development level and age characteristics, and the premise is to achieve good educational results. If "strictness" is qualified, it will go to the opposite side. To this end, parents must follow the following points:
First of all, the requirements put forward by parents are reasonable, in line with the actual situation of children and conducive to their physical and mental health. It is ok to ask a four-year-old child to follow his parents as far as possible, but it is unreasonable to ask him to walk as fast and as far as his parents.
Secondly, the requirements put forward by parents must be appropriate and can be achieved by children through hard work. If the requirements are too high, children can't achieve it even if they work hard, which will make them lose confidence and fail to achieve educational results.
Finally, once parents make demands on their children, they should urge them to do it seriously. We shouldn't say that they don't keep their word, or they don't do it, but we must let them do it, otherwise the educational effect will not be achieved.
Second, the management principle of combining leniency with severity.
Educating children should be "tempering justice with mercy". Remember: criticism is stepping on the brakes, appreciation is stepping on the accelerator. Criticizing children is to prevent making the same mistake again, not to make their mood worse. When criticizing, our parents often like to force their children to say how many places and points you will give me next time, or what. Parents should know that coercion can achieve your goal at most, and it is impossible to surpass it, and sometimes it will go to the opposite side of the goal. Criticizing children blindly will only reduce learning efficiency, and proper praise will make children full of confidence in learning, so criticism should be combined with appreciation to get twice the result with half the effort. Many parents think that criticism is education and appreciation is not education, which is a misunderstanding.
Third, appreciate the principle of hard work rather than cleverness.
Appreciate children's efforts rather than cleverness, because cleverness and beauty are innate advantages, not capital and skills worth showing off, but efforts are not. It was learned by children, which should be affirmed. Efforts may not necessarily succeed, but success always requires efforts. Therefore, if parents want to motivate their children to achieve better results in their studies, the best way is not to praise their children for being smart, but to encourage them to study hard. Being smart without hard work can accomplish nothing, and hard work plus normal intelligence can also succeed. For ordinary parents, parents should appreciate their children's every progress, their efforts to finish their homework independently and their efforts to improve their learning methods. Our parents in China like to praise other people's children for their cleverness and beauty, which is a misunderstanding.
Fourth, don't destructively criticize the principle.
Don't make destructive criticism when criticizing children. Some parents often do not pay attention to these, criticize their children with excessive words, and even beat and scold them. For example, calling a child "stupid as a pig" and "judging people" hurts his self-esteem and easily leads to his rebellion. There are not a few such parents in China. When criticizing children, there is no constructive opinion, just blame. Repeated criticism of mistakes; Rude attitude, harsh words, cynicism, hurting children's self-esteem, criticizing children for correcting mistakes. This destructive criticism is extremely harmful to children's growth. The child's psychology is relatively simple and open, and there is not enough experience to make him confident in his judgment. Parents' destructive criticism often completely destroys children's self-confidence; The child's mind is pure and immature. When parents treat their children who have made mistakes with destructive criticism, sarcasm and ridicule, it will seriously damage their self-esteem. Destructive criticism is directed at people, which will cause emotional conflicts and contradictions between parents and children and completely destroy the parent-child relationship.
Five, step by step, according to the principle of.
The basic meaning of step by step and according to one's ability means that in family education, children must follow the order of gradual improvement from easy to difficult according to their actual physical and mental development level. To implement this principle well, we need to pay attention to the following points:
First, fully understand the actual level of children's physical and mental development and do what you can. The so-called "one jump" is the truth. Encourage children to learn some knowledge. When the knowledge is not much different from the child's existing knowledge level, he is not only willing to learn, but also has the ability to learn, which will easily arouse children's interest in learning. If there is a big difference, even exceeding the actual development level of the child, he is unwilling to learn, and he does not understand. Of course, he is not interested, even bored or contradicted.
Second, when setting goals for children, we should combine long-term goals with short-term goals. When setting short-term goals, we should do what we can and let the children "reach out and jump to the end." The child got 30 this time, the next goal is 28, and the next one is 25 ... Only by gradually achieving the goal can the child's self-confidence be continuously enhanced. If the goal is set too high and the child thinks it can't be achieved, it will dampen the child's self-confidence and enthusiasm. Children's short-term goals have been achieved one after another, and they are getting closer and closer to their long-term goals. Some parents often confuse long-term goals with short-term goals, which will lead to children's rebellion.
Six, the principle of the unity of example and teaching.
In the process of educating their children, parents should not only be good at reasoning, but also set an example for their children with their own actions. In other words, we should not only set an example, but also pay attention to teaching by example, so as to unify the two and make education achieve good results. Parents' ideological morality and behavior habits play a subtle role in children. In family education, children should not only listen to their parents' reasonable education, but also pay attention to their parents' words and deeds and every move. If parents are virtuous, humble and caring for children, children will be thoroughly remoulded, respected and follow their parents' example. If parents tell their children clearly, the actual action is another matter. Naturally, children will not be convinced and it will be difficult to achieve the purpose of education. For example, some parents teach their children not to lie, but they lie to others in life, so it is hard to believe what children teach their parents. Children often like to imitate adults. Parents have the longest contact with children, the greatest influence and the most imitation. In children's minds, parents are the most reliable people. Parents' words and deeds, manners and manners are often the code of conduct and role models for children, so parents' ideological morality and behavior habits have a great influence on children's development and growth.
Some people say that family is the first vat, school is the second vat, and society is the third vat. The first dye vat is the first coloring in life, which is based on the background color. Therefore, the coloring of family has a very important influence on the formation of a person's ideological and moral character and behavior habits, and even affects a person's life. Therefore, parents should pay special attention to combining their children's early education with the practice of family life, so as to create a good family education environment for their children and let them receive education and grow up healthily in a harmonious and civilized family environment.