First of all, teacher Mozi shared "being a smart parent"
1. Parents should remember one sentence: Growth is more important than success in children's education. The most important thing is that a child can continue to grow. We should not only pay attention to children's achievements, but also cultivate their perfect personality. (Video recording of lecture played by Teacher Yang before class)
2. Analyze the impact of the current dual health policy on parents. Teacher Mozi asked everyone to jump out of the ever-changing external environment and think: what is education? What is the goal of education? These two problems must be clarified first.
3. Why are some parents anxious and others not? In fact, what makes parents anxious is not the exam, nor the child's score, but the parents' own attitude. Life is impermanent and the times are changing rapidly. Parents should look away from their grades and think about what their children need, so as to better adapt to the changing environment in the future. Obviously, knowledge is not enough. The most important thing in school education is knowledge education, and children's personality education is the focus of family education. Now many parents ignore this and stare at their children's homework and grades all day. Not only do you not please yourself, but your children are getting worse and worse. )
4. Education has three levels: ① survival education (including knowledge education and skill education), ② life education (including emotional intelligence, emotional satisfaction, the ability to perceive happiness, etc. ), and ③ life education (living the meaning of life, education is the process of helping a person find his own destiny and live it). School education is at the first level-survival education, which pays attention to the training of knowledge and skills. Parents' material satisfaction with their children, reporting to remedial classes, is also in survival education. Life education and life education depend on internal family education, and life education and life education are the most important personality education.
5. the purpose of education: ① to cultivate children's sound personality? ② Stimulate children's spiritual potential. A sound personality includes self-acceptance, self-confidence, inner strength, self-management, self-motivation, self-responsibility, resilience, sense of responsibility and so on. Personality is formed in parent-child interaction, and can also be remolded through "relationship interaction". )
6. In modern society, materials are highly developed, and children have no worries about food and clothing. It should be said that they are much happier than before, but why are there more and more people suffering from mental illness? A large number of adults and children suffer from hollow disease, anxiety, depression and pain ... In fact, we don't need so much material satisfaction, what we need more is emotional nourishment. Our hearts are eager to feel beautiful, to be loved, to be seen and appreciated, and to have a sense of belonging and value. But the reality is that children have been seen and paid little attention to at the spiritual and emotional levels since childhood, and adults are more concerned about grades, rankings, good universities and good jobs. Because of children's study, the atmosphere in many families is tense, anxious and depressed.
7. The essence of education: educating children is a process for parents to find themselves lost, and it is also a journey for parents to grow up. Realize that "I am the root of everything", don't try to change children, but influence children by changing yourself.
8. Attitude determines behavior, (repetition) behavior forms habits, habits affect character, and character determines fate. Attitude is formed by the influence of environment. The environment in which children grow up at first is the family environment shaped by their parents. Therefore, the so-called fate is actually caused by your attitude, concept and mode of thinking, which can be changed the day after tomorrow, and you will "accept your fate" unconsciously.
9. Why do parents feel that their children have a lot of endless problems? Because many parents only have the impulse to discipline their children, but they don't understand their wishes. What we really want to ask is not how to solve this problem of children. Instead, you should ask: Why? Look for the reasons behind children's behavior. This is the most important thing (behavior comes from one's inner feelings and beliefs). What we should do is to listen to children first, understand them, and then help them improve their abilities.
10. Taking the problem as an opportunity is the greatest educational wisdom. Don't be afraid of questions. Every question is a good opportunity to understand children and help them grow up. Remember one sentence: the problem is not a problem, but how to face it. Tell yourself when there are problems: problems are the best learning opportunities.
1 1. Educating children is determined by the status of parents, not the method. Behind the effectiveness of the method is the state and ability of the person who uses the method. This is also the reason why many parents have learned many experts' parenting methods without any effect. The most important thing is that people who use methods are different. They only learn the surface, but their inner self has not changed.
12. Our internal (including beliefs, feelings and emotions) determines our external interaction mode. How is it formed inside? Influenced by the personality model formed by the past experience of the family, there may be many wounds, loads and potholes in our hearts, which will affect our inner nature. Growth is to see "trauma" and not be controlled by emotions.
13. The same sentence. Why do people say it's effective and you say it's invalid? In fact, only 7% of communication is influenced by language. Our pronunciation, intonation and volume account for 38%, and our eyes, expressions and movements account for 55%. Therefore, if you have a lot of emotions and dissatisfaction in your heart, even if what you say is right, the child will not listen. Because your heart can be conveyed by tone, eyes and expression, your anxiety and control can be felt by children. Therefore, what matters is not what we say, but what is in our hearts.
14. Four steps of education: ① cultivate internal strength (change one's state, stop interfering with children and improve one's ability) → ② observe and understand children → ③ enter children's hearts → ④ stimulate their potential. Many parents want to control their children when they see their problems, and they are controlled by their own emotions (anxiety, worry and fear), instead of seeing their needs and state. It's no big deal, but it interferes with their inner strength. The universal formula for cultivating excellent children: children's performance = potential-interference-internal friction (children's negative emotions). Therefore, if children want to behave well, parents should reduce the interference to their children and ease their internal friction.
15. How to cultivate children with strong inner strength? ① Accept children's emotions; 2 appreciate the child and find the child's shining point; ③ Help children gain more successful experiences.
16. A person's real strength is to accept himself (accept his imperfections), recognize himself, believe in himself, dare to show his vulnerability and dare to express his needs. Children's self-confidence originally comes from adults' views and comments on children. Children who are appreciated, respected and trusted from an early age are more likely to build self-confidence.
17. Life is like climbing a mountain. The most important thing is not to climb to the top, but to enjoy the climbing process. Education is a process on the road. Educate children to be diligent in their careers and follow the results. We can't plan the future for our children. What we can do is to cultivate children's sound personality. No matter how the environment changes, people with sound personality can adapt.
18. Education is life affecting life, not preaching and reasoning. Live a good life and you will become a sample of education. You don't need to say anything, and you don't need to teach anything. Your children will naturally be well influenced. Why do some rural parents give birth to excellent children, while some knowledgeable families leave problem children? Because the most important thing in educating children is heart, not knowledge and reason. Some rural parents know how to love their children, although they haven't read any books or learned parenting knowledge. They have their own principles of being a man and doing things, and their good characters such as kindness, diligence, honesty and integrity have influenced their children invisibly. The influence of the realm of life is to teach without words and to govern without doing anything. )
Second, the question and answer session.
19. What should I do if my child can't do his homework well and keeps playing with his mobile phone? A: What parents really want to pay attention to is not the problem of doing homework, but the problem of children's learning motivation. Homework is just a learning tool, not the whole thing. Look at the essence through the phenomenon and ask: Why don't children want to do their homework? What is his motivation for learning?
20. How to cultivate children's concentration? A: concentration doesn't need to be cultivated. Peace of mind can make you feel better. 1 When children are young, they are doing things and playing games, and parents should try not to interfere; 2 Don't label your children casually; ③ Parents should reduce their criticism, guidance and demands on their children. Many times, children's inattention comes from internal friction and confrontation caused by parents' criticism and nagging.
2 1. Children get annoyed when they cry. What if two children always quarrel? A: Our biggest problem is that we can't accept children's negative emotions. Crying is an emotional catharsis, and quarreling is also a process of learning to communicate. To accept children's negative emotions, sometimes it is good to cry and vent. Only by being reasonable can you be reasonable. Listen to the children first, and don't always try to discipline them. (Note: Let both children feel the love of their parents. Don't compare them together. Let each child feel his uniqueness and importance. No children need education, what they really need is "self-education".
22. Why do some parents have a strong desire for control and always pursue perfection? A: Behind the pursuit of perfection is the inability to accept oneself, less self-affirmation and low sense of self-worth. It seems to be someone else's problem. If others don't do well, they can't accept their own imperfections, and they can't accept the imperfections of their partners and children. They always find fault with themselves and others. We should take ourselves as the center, accept ourselves, love ourselves and make ourselves happy. Needless to say, the wonderful life in live high can naturally affect people around you.
23. Why do children change a lot after junior high school? Parents' preaching is useless, and it is easy to have conflicts with children? A: The biggest feature of adolescent children is their physical and psychological changes. He felt that he had grown up and longed for respect, understanding and more autonomy. At this time, parents' nagging and supervision changed from initial love to bondage. He wants to get rid of it, but he is helpless, so he will show it by rebelling (against his parents, knowing that he will not do it). Therefore, at this time, parents should learn to shut up, listen to their children more, understand their children, trust them, give them proper autonomy and choice, and affirm and encourage them more. The best time to educate a child is to give him positive feedback when he does something right, not to criticize him when he does something wrong.
24. What about children falling in love? A: It is normal for adolescent children to fall in love. Some people like themselves and have a good impression on the opposite sex. Parents should not label their children as puppy love first. Many times, it is often the excessive interference of parents that makes the problem serious. When you find a child in puppy love, first check if there is any problem in your family. Is there a problem with the relationship between husband and wife, divorce, or insufficient care for the children, and the children lack love and security? If it is a family problem and the child wants to get love and warmth from the opposite sex, then parents should pay more attention to the child and give him more acceptance and warmth. If there is no problem with the family, what about the parent-child relationship? If the parent-child relationship is good, then you don't have to worry about anything. Communicate honestly with your child. Don't be too deliberate, but explain the principles of communication with the opposite sex to your child so that your child has an appropriate limit. Sometimes children don't like it after a while, which is just a normal stage.
25. How to improve children's problem-solving ability? A: Talk less and ask more, let children think; Give children autonomy (everyone is willing to be responsible for their own choices); Give children a chance to make mistakes. (Take mistakes as the best learning opportunity)
26. What is learning? Learning+learning. Learning is learning knowledge and skills, and learning is practice. The process of parenting is also a learning and learning process. The distance between knowing and doing is practice. Wise parents should not learn a lot of parenting knowledge, but apply it in practice, constantly reflect and adjust. Find an educational method suitable for children and themselves. The underlying logic of parenting is correct, parents' own living conditions are correct, and the methods are intelligent. With attitude and ability, you can create all kinds of "methods" by yourself, which is called method uncertainty.
Conclusion:
? The standard for wise parents to cultivate their children is not to be excellent in the eyes of others, but to let their children become themselves.
? The purpose of education: ① to cultivate children's sound personality; ② Stimulate children's spiritual potential.
? There are no bad children in this world, only children who have not been loved well, only children who have been hurt.
? Education means that life affects life. Parents should first be positive, optimistic and happy, emotionally stable, kind and firm, and willing to grow up with their children.
? Believe in the uniqueness and unlimited potential of each child.