Educational psychology has been popular in the west for some years, so now American educators, from educational research experts, teachers and staff in primary and secondary schools, to employees of children's organizations outside school, and even volunteers, have to take different levels of educational psychology courses or receive relevant vocational training. The macro-educational policies and specific educational methods formulated and implemented by them are also subtly guided by psychology. In the United States, many ordinary parents learn more professional educational rules by consulting school teachers and counselors or participating in voluntary services organized by children, and apply them to family education. Therefore, these laws run through the education of American children from society, schools and families.
Looking at these laws, in fact, many of them are not contradictory to the way children are educated in China, but we need to know how to adapt to the social environment when implementing them. And some of them are lacking in China, and need to make up lessons or overcorrect to improve. Let's analyze these rules one by one.
1. The Law of Ownership: Ensure that children grow up in a healthy family environment.
This seems to be self-evident. Which parent doesn't want to create a healthy environment for their children?
But in fact, it's not entirely true. Some parents have a heart but don't know how to do it. For example, excessive love and obedience to children make children blindly eat, drink and be merry, and do not exercise or work, thus forming unhealthy living habits. Children become lazy or addicted to a hobby (such as video games), and the main culprit is the encouragement of parents.
There are contradictions and frequent quarrels between parents, which is also a very abnormal and unhealthy environment. If parents beat and scold their children, it is even more abuse, which is extremely unfavorable to their physical and mental health. Broken families and long-term separated families make children lack a sense of belonging. If family changes are inevitable, parents should comfort and guide their children in a positive and healthy way, instead of taking extreme measures such as neglect of discipline, doting or being too strict, and they should not take it out on their children because of family breakdown.
2, the law of hope: always let children see hope.
Parents pin their hopes on their children, but do they always use positive encouraging words to let their children see hope and think that they really have hope? If you are a parent, you like to shout "How can you be so stupid", "So hopeless" and "You are hopeless" to your children. If you think from the standpoint of children, will you see hope?
Everyone knows that Americans are good at saying good things, especially to children. No matter what they do, they often praise them, such as "well done", "great" and "you are a genius" This is to motivate children positively with the law of hope.
China's parents have high expectations for their children, but they are not good at using the law of hope. They are fond of finding gaps and finding faults. When the child gets 95 points in the exam, it is necessary to investigate why he dropped 5 points. Such high standards and strict requirements may backfire, killing the hopes of many children and frustrating them.
3, the law of strength: never fight with children.
Adults are always better than children, whether it is physical strength, intelligence or experience, otherwise it is not free to eat dry food for so many years. Therefore, it is unfair for adults to compete with children, and it is disgraceful to win.
Of course, adults can compete with their children in some specific events that they are good at, such as playing chess, but don't aim at winning or losing. Parents, teachers and adults who are closely related to their children should not use anger or hard competition with their children to stimulate them. For children whose psychological feelings are immature, "provocation" is not appropriate. If children quarrel with adults in anger, no matter who is right or wrong, adults should take the initiative to reconcile with them. Adults should also have the courage to admit their mistakes, especially for children, and apologize in time. If parents don't correct and admit their mistakes and think it is shameful to admit mistakes in front of their children, they will also let their children learn to be opinionated.
4, management rules: before the child is underage, control is the responsibility of parents.
"If the son doesn't teach, the father makes mistakes" can be seen everywhere. The self-restraint ability of underage children is not yet mature, and parents must take responsibility to control it. But this kind of control should be affectionate, humane, scientific and rational, and children should not be treated as private property to be repaired and manipulated at will. You can't take simple and rude orders, and you don't consider and respect your child's thoughts and personality.
On the other hand, underage children regard their parents as their backers. Reasonable discipline and care will make them feel safe and supportive, and they will turn to their parents for help when they encounter difficulties. If parents usually let their children do everything (school, grades, hobbies, etc. ) too much seems to give them more freedom, but children will feel that their parents "don't care" about themselves and become alienated.
5. Voice Rule: Listen to their voices.
Treat children equally, give them the right to speak, listen to their voices, and they will say what they really think. If adults don't respect children's ideas and ignore their voices, over time, children will be afraid to tell the truth to their parents and don't like to communicate with them. Moreover, parents are children's teachers and role models. If parents are impatient to listen to children, children will follow suit and refuse to listen to adults, so they don't know how to respect others.
For young children, even if they don't express their ideas, adults should talk to them patiently. Any rude interruption or ridicule of their speech will do harm to children, which may affect their expressive ability and make them ashamed to speak in front of others, or on the contrary, let children interrupt at an inappropriate time to attract the attention of adults.
The role of role models: Words and deeds have a great effect on children. "Lead by example, teach by example." Parents' behavior is extremely important. Children's upbringing, interests, hobbies, etc. Mostly from the growing environment. Parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, teachers and social relations all have an influence on children. Mothers have an important influence on girls and fathers have an important influence on boys. Incomplete parents or long-term separation between parents and children is obviously unfavorable to the growth of children. More than a dozen rules here can actually be instilled in future generations through words and deeds.
Children need friendship and are afraid of loneliness. Some children associate with some "marginal children" because they have no friends when they move to a new environment, or because China children are discriminated against by whites. Parents should still thank these "friends" for helping their children solve their loneliness, but it is more important to let their children realize their own advantages and disadvantages and try to influence them positively. In addition, we should find and expand new healthy friendship circles for children. Parents should try their best to get to know their teachers and classmates and encourage their children to participate in healthy activities inside and outside the school.
7. Seek common ground while reserving differences: respect children's views on the world and try to understand them. Many times, naive children have objective views and dare to tell the truth. Children's words are boundless. It is necessary to combine the "sound method" to encourage children to dare to express and actively affirm their own ideas.
Parents should try to understand their children's thinking characteristics, and can take the method of decomposing and simplifying complex things, explaining them in stages or asking for their opinions.
8, the law of punishment: easy to make children have rebellious psychology and revenge psychology, use with caution.
Simple punishment, especially corporal punishment, is a very negative and clumsy way of education, and it is also uncivilized. Many children who have been punished by violence since childhood will tend to make huge profits when they grow up. Therefore, the use of punishment law is not advocated. But it is not impossible to criticize children, and some punishment can be done in an appropriate way. But the premise is that children must realize that they have done something wrong and are willing to accept punishment, so that they will not commit it again. The punishment should also be reasonable, which can prevent them from doing what they like, for example, they can be punished for not watching TV or playing games online for a few days; But children must never be allowed to eat or stand for hours, and it is even more illegal to beat and scold. In addition, because even children know that punishment is negative, so never take some positive things that should be done as punishment.
To convince children, parents, teachers and other adults should first think carefully about the cause and effect of everything, and then have a good talk with their children. They can start with the good or bad consequences and explain in turn whether they should do so, so that children will understand.
9. structural rules: teach children to understand the boundaries between morality and law from an early age.
Ten, the rules of the code: respect the child's independent tendency, and keep at least twenty yards away. Leave psychological space.
Parents should pay attention to the overall aspects of the management and discipline of their children, especially according to their age. Children may need more specific and detailed guidance in their life and study, but they should also be given opportunities to exercise their independence. Children who enter adolescence are most annoyed by their parents' meticulous questions and nagging. Children of this age don't like talking to people, but that doesn't mean they can't hear their parents.
Therefore, parents should not repeat this sentence endlessly until they react, which will cause children's disgust.
Four w rules:
Always know who your child is with (WHO)
In what place (where)
what to do
When to go home (when)
Moreover, parents themselves should set an example. When going out for business or personal reasons, they should inform their families of these W in time, which will also make children feel that it is their unshirkable responsibility to tell their families about these W.