Mom, you don't know that the competition in society is fierce now, and you can't stand on the society without learning an art. I did it for the sake of blossoming. Mom, can I have a rest this afternoon ... no! ? The blossoming words were brought back by her mother before she finished. Tears immediately fell down after hearing it. ? I'm not doing this for your own good. Stop crying! ? While teaching blossoming, Xiao Chen dragged her downstairs to class.
In the 1960s, Diana, a famous American psychologist? Baumland studied the influence of parents' different educational methods on their children. In her later works, she explained three different types of education, namely laissez-faire, arbitrariness and authority. In the following ten years, her classification has been regarded as lofty.
In 1983, two psychologists modified this classification. Indulge? Replace? Let it go, and increase it? Neglect type? .
The blossoming mother in the above article is a typical arbitrary style. They are extremely demanding of their children, believing that children are born to obey their orders and are not allowed to violate them. Next, let's take a look at these styles.
Four common parenting styles
1? Any type
This kind of parents are very strict with their children and attach great importance to the cultivation of their habits of self-discipline, responsibility and discipline. They often don't accept any refutation, which is somewhat similar to the militarized management of children. As long as they think it is right, they will not hesitate to impose it on their children and will not ask their opinions.
There is a book in America, Battle Hymn of Tiger Mother, which introduces this kind of parents.
The author Chua Meier mentioned her requirements for her daughter in the book. For example, you are not allowed to spend the night at your classmate's house, and you can't go to the toilet while practicing the piano in order to gain some understanding.
2? Indulgence type
As the name implies, such parents want to please their children. They will try their best to meet their children's demands. In front of children, they are more like friends than parents. Such parents' love for their children can be said to be spoiled, and everything is considered for their children.
3? Neglect type
This kind of parents' attitude towards their children is completely free-range, and you can do whatever you want. There is no tall requirement for children, and there is no emotional response to children. A complete pair? Don't you care? The way it looks. Most of these parents are not around their children, and they are very unreliable in providing basic living needs. This kind of family is generally poor, and parents have to go out to work to make a living, neglecting the education of their children.
4? Authoritative type
Parents who belong to this type often have great expectations for their children, and they hope that their children can become useful people to society. At the same time, they will also respond to their children's demands, gently teach them and accompany them to grow up.
Four different educational styles correspond to different types of parents, and the children educated under different types are definitely different. Next, let's take a look at what most children are educated by different types of parents.
Children's personalities grow up in different styles.
1? Accustomed to being arranged by others, lacking opinions.
Children who grow up in an arbitrary style are used to being arranged by others. They often listen to what others say and are simple-minded. And this kind of child is not very good at interpersonal communication. They are introverted and do not like to talk much. They just want to bury their heads in something, similar to what we said? Nerd? .
2? Everyone else should obey themselves.
3? Sophisticated and smooth, can handle things.
Under the education of neglected parents, children generally learn a set of skills to read words and observe emotions from an early age in order to survive. They can better understand the difficulty of life and the importance of living. They know the world and are good at dealing with interpersonal relationships.
4? Have lofty ideals
Children educated by authoritative parents tend to be ambitious. They know exactly what they want and are willing to take action to realize it. This kind of child is compassionate and has rich inner feelings. I have always been optimistic about life.
I believe that after reading these studies, we have a little judgment on our educational style. So, what kind of parents should we be? In fact, the situation of each family is different, and we should also consider what kind of parents we want to be from reality.
What kind of education is the best?
1? Authoritative style is the most popular.
Ripley, the author of The New York Times's best-selling book The Smartest Child in the World, believes that the authoritative educational style is the best among the four different educational styles.
Combining kindness with kindness can not only make children feel the majesty of their parents, but also make them feel the warmth of their parents. Such parents are often the most able to communicate with their children and get their respect and understanding.
Meanwhile, Gerani of Northwestern University? Datura's research also shows that children raised by authoritative parents have the highest achievements and the least social problems.
There is no doubt that this style should be our parents' first choice, but it must be difficult to implement. Even so, we should have the courage to try.
2? Suitable for yourself and your children.
In fact, no matter what style, it should be in line with our family situation. Starting from reality, we should first consider what kind of situation we are, and then choose the education method suitable for ourselves and our children.
3 will be flexible? style
Every style has its two sides, so we might as well make clever use of it in our life. When children make mistakes, we can sternly tell them not to do so; When children play games, we can be a doting mother and let them play as they want. When we establish correct values for our children, we can become authoritative mothers again. By learning to be flexible, we can skillfully deal with all kinds of things that happen to children.
Children's education is the last thing we can ignore. No matter what style, our starting point and foothold should be on children. It is our greatest wish that children can grow up smoothly.